23. Time and Space

A/N: Sorry this has been on such a long hiatus- life happens. Hopefully you all will like this.

Bella's POV

I never thought a shiny, sparkling piece of jewelry would ever catch my attention this way. It was only a simple combination of metal and stones, easily turned to a pile of dust with the pinch of my fingers. Yet I was completely enraptured by the small ring on my left hand. Nothing else existed as I continually angled it in the faint glow of the surrounding twinkle lights, studying it carefully. The tiny beams of light hit the platinum-set diamonds from above, splintering into rainbows as they fractured off in every direction. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

And it had nothing to do with karats, quality or luster.

The engagement ring was breathtaking for one simple reason- it meant Edward wanted me for eternity.

It wasn't that I hadn't known he cared for me before. I knew Edward loved me, and I wasn't one of those people who needed a ring as proof. I had never even wanted marriage before this moment.

The point was that Edward apparently wanted it, and it was his way of concretely and irrevocably linking himself to me. I'd be damned if I wasn't going to give him exactly what he asked for.

After all, I saw it as the least I could do. Though Edward had said he was giving himself to me as repayment for my immortality, I knew that was illogical. It took every bit of my exceptional self-control to bite back the absolutely true retort that he owed me nothing. This life did not put him in debt to me. I had never been happier than in these past six months and I didn't regret one thing that had happened in the past year. It was that sequence of events that had given me this indescribable joy and brought me to Edward. For that and his contrition, Edward had more than atoned for his actions, no matter how abhorrent they had been.

All of this played out in my head in a matter of seconds, but I didn't voice my thoughts. The discussion it would lead to was old and tired. There was no need for repetition. Edward knew exactly what I thought on the subject. And I knew that, deep inside, he disagreed vehemently with me despite the evidence that he was slowly moving past the guilt and shame. Yet each day, his kiss became less burdened, his touch less hesitant, and his lopsided smile more genuine. Above all, I knew that I was the one coming out on top of this entire scenario- agreeing to marry Edward was nothing in comparison to the promise of eternity with him.

I smiled to myself as my mind transported me to our future wedding. I had no doubt that Alice was squealing wherever the others were this evening, but I didn't dwell on the details she was probably considering. Colors, themes and wedding gown styles were the farthest things from my thoughts. Instead, I could only imagine committing myself to Edward for forever. I visualized his crooked grin and shining topaz eyes. I conjured up images of his strong jaw and our traded glances of unbridled pure love as we stood at an altar. I thought of our family looking on with adoration and excitement, rounding out and completing our lives.

Our family. I had never used the possessive in reference to the Cullens before, either out loud or in my thoughts. Previously, it had always been 'the' or 'Edward's.' No longer. The Cullens truly were my family now, though I had no idea when their role had switched over.

In the early months, I hadn't truly believed everyone's affirmations that I was one of them. The closest I had come were infrequent instances of noting their care and acceptance without taking the implications to heart. Now I couldn't imagine my life without meeting them. As much as I was meant to be with Edward, I was meant to be with them as well. I was whole with them by my side, supporting me.

Despite the annoyance, I cherished Alice's time spent listening to me and forcing fashion and girl talk on me. Emmett's references to me as 'little sister' and matching teasing took on new meaning. I was exceedingly grateful that Rosalie had come around, forgiving me for being part of the reason we had to move and accepting me as her sister. My heart warmed at the thought of Jasper's quiet but constant support, whether through words or a simple brush of his power. I appreciated Carlisle's and Esme's parental concern and care with new fervor.

Finally, I was going to truly be a Cullen. I would have a family, in a way I never had before.

The thoughts of family took me back to my personally created visions of the wedding, to the ceremony that would make my place as Edward's mate and the youngest member of the Cullen clan official. Images spun through my mind's eye again, rapidly firing with abandon. I retraced the lines of Edward's face, envisioned the small assembly looking on, relished the idea of walking down the aisle with Charlie…

Oh. Charlie. The thought came into my head unbidden, bursting furiously through my subconscious. I nearly gasped at the shockwaves the image sent rippling through my chest. The single name felt like a punch to the gut, coming from some dark abyss in my subconscious that I had forgotten about.

Suddenly, I was crippled by feelings I hadn't allowed myself to fully experience since the first night after my awakening. I hadn't truly thought about my human life or family in ages, though Charlie, Renee and what-ifs constantly lurked around the fuzziest recesses of my mind.

That wasn't the case now. Everything ripped through me in crystal clear clarity, and remorse and sadness eclipsed the bliss of the previous moment. I now stared at the sparkling object on my finger with desperation, clawing to regain control and revert back to my initial reaction. This wasn't right. I should be ecstatic. I had already dealt with everything I had left behind- hadn't I?

It wasn't until I felt Edward's soft touch on my chin that I snapped out of my haze. He used his thumb to gently pull my lip out from in between my teeth, and I registered that he was speaking to me. I hadn't even noticed I had reverted to my nervous habit.

"What is it Bella? Is something wrong?" For the first time, Edward's exquisite voice broke through my stress-induced cloak of silence. I forced myself to meet his eyes with my own. His hand still lingered beneath my chin, and his face was etched with concern, worry, and pain. My stomach clenched and coiled tight as I took in a shaky, labored breath. If I was unsure about whether or not I had dealt with being abruptly ripped from my humanity, I was undeniably positive that I held no resentments toward Edward. I didn't want to hurt him, and I knew my unexplained reaction was doing exactly that.

"No Edward." I was usually a terrible liar, and even I knew that I gave a pathetically unconvincing answer. Edward's face showed that he saw the untruth written all over me. I squirmed, moving my face out of his grip and looking over his shoulder to gather myself.

I wasn't being completely dishonest- despite the negative emotions clouding my heart at the moment, I was almost unbearably delighted that Edward wanted me. That had not changed- I wanted to make sure he knew that.

"Really. This is perfect. It's just- there is one thing."

Edward's response was immediate and emphatic. "Anything."

"I…I love you with my whole heart. I do- and nothing is going to make me happier than being your wife and spending eternity with you."

I meant every word I said, but I was stalling. We both knew it.

"But?" he questioned tentatively, the tiniest bit of fear and uncertainty worming its way into his question.

I averted my eyes and focused on the carpet, unable to look at him. I knew my imminent request was utterly ridiculous. But I needed it- there was no question about it. I took a deep breath before locking my gaze with his, hoping he had truly meant his earlier promise of 'anything'.

"I need to see my father."

Shock settled over his face, and his features almost immediately hardened. A tense silence filled the room.

"Bella," he began, tone careful. It reminded me of the voice he had used at times when the newborn inside me had peeked through my civilized and reasonable exterior. For some reason, it stoked a small fire of anger inside me. It felt patronizing. "You know that isn't…prudent."

I bit my lip. I knew he was right, but I couldn't give this up. Suddenly, something about this huge step forward into my immortal future was forcing me to consider the loose ends of my human past. Edward's reproving words only fueled my hostile determination.

"I understand that Edward," I replied, my voice obviously exasperated and petulant, even to my own ears. "But I…I can't really explain it. I need to see Charlie." Now I was habitually repeating myself. What an excellent way to make an intelligent, reasonable point.

Edward's eyes narrowed, appraising my face. We were still seated in exactly the same places on the piano bench, except we were no longer touching. My hands sat folded in my lap while one of his clenched the wooden box in one palm and the other balled into a fist on his other knee. He sat still for a long time, and I felt my own muscles tensing, worrying about what his next reaction would be. My teeth sunk further into my lip's flesh, causing the slightest of pain before Edward suddenly relaxed. His posture immediately changed and one leg swung around so that he sat straddling the shiny black bench, facing me.

He took my hand, gently pulling me closer. I let him, still amazed at his change in demeanor. I pulled one of my own legs up to bend it, positioning myself to look straight into his eyes.

His expression was softer as he rubbed small soothing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb.

"Can you try to explain?"

I let my eyelids drift shut for a second, focusing on the feeling his thumb on my skin and his smooth, velvety voice. I didn't want to explain. I didn't want to hurt Edward, and the only explanations I had would do just that. I felt prickling in my eyes, and I imagined the tears that should have been falling as I considered my dilemma. Before I could think of what to say, Edward's hand was under my chin again, pulling my face up.

"Bella, love, look at me." I grudgingly did as he said. All I saw was curiosity and love swirling in his irises, not the anger or frustration I expected. "You can tell me anything- don't hold back."

I blinked once before nodding. Of course I could. This was Edward. There was nothing else we hadn't talked about, and none of it was no more difficult than this was. It was just that I was as caught off guard as Edward was- I'd had no idea I still had these issues and was hardly prepared to fully explain something I didn't understand.

"Ok," I simply agreed despite myself, offering the smallest of smiles before beginning my attempt. Edward knew exactly how to talk me into anything.

"Edward, I love you. More than I will ever be able to express. And I am going to marry you, and it will make me the happiest woman in the world. But I just feel like there are things I need to deal with first," I gushed, flustered and desperate to let him no he was all I really needed.

Edward's expression remained the same, serene and open. I assumed being around Carlisle for a hundred years had taught him well.

"Like seeing Charlie," he offered, his tone neutral.

"Yes. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I was just thinking about the wedding and I was so happy but then I started thinking about family and then I thought of Charlie and I just…I have to see him."

I knew I sounded like a broken record, but I couldn't help it. It was all I could think to say- I had no better explanation to give. I slumped in my seat.

Edward's hands immediately moved up to rest on each of my cheeks as he leaned his forehead against mine, a sigh of defeat brushing against my face. I breathed in the sweet smell, momentarily distracted.

His eyes were closed, and mine fluttered shut as well.

"You're determined?"

I nodded silently. He sighed again, then pulled back. His hand returned to making patterns on the back of mine. I fidgeted with the engagement ring on my left, using my thumb to rub the band.

"Ok. What do you mean by 'see?'"

I gaped at him in shock, surprised by how easily he accepted my insane demand.

"Just like that?"

He shook his head in amusement, a smile gracing his face for the first time since he had placed the ring on my finger.

"Well, I did ask you a question. But I also promised you anything."

I nodded my understanding. I couldn't believe this- I had braced myself for a shouting match, though the feel of the cool metal under my left thumb reminded me that I didn't want one.

I scrambled, trying to think of an answer. What did I really want? I knew I needed to reconnect with the past I had so violently been separated from. But what did that mean?

"Ummm…" I began, uncharacteristically speechless. "I don't really know. I need closure."

He winced at my words, guilt flooding his expression. I quickly continued, wanting to assure him.

"I just mean, I never really got a chance to say goodbye to Charlie. I miss Renee too, but at least I had sort of said my goodbyes when I came to Forks."

He nodded grimly. My previous humanity was one of the few things we had never talked about in all of our discussions over the past few months. We had focused on everything from my transformation forward, untangling the knotted mess we had both made. It just hadn't seemed productive to talk about something we couldn't change and that was so painful for both of us- until now.

Now I realized I had locked up all my regrets, believing there was nothing that could be done. Yet, now I was beginning to believe that there might be something I could to do to fix a fraction of it.

"Would just seeing him be enough?" Edward questioned.

"Like just checking in on him?" He nodded, bronze hair flapping down over his forehead.

I considered that. Mostly, I did just want to see that Charlie was okay and still living his life. I wanted him to have moved on from losing me. But my stomach clenched, and something said that just seeing my father wouldn't be enough reassurance.

"I don't know…."

He studied my face, reading it like an open book as he always did. He sat staring over my head for a long few minutes, stumped. I saw a war of reason and determination wage in his eyes- he was willing to do anything for me.

"Ok. You could write some sort of journal- something that says how much he meant to you and conveys how you feel, dated before you disappeared. We could go see how he is, then plant it somewhere without being noticed."

I considered his tactic. It would allow me to say what I needed to without risking Charlie's life by allowing him to know too much.

"Maybe that could work," I said tentative and unsure. But what else could I do? This was already an outrageous plan.

"Alright. I'll tell Carlisle when everyone returns. We can leave on the first flight out after that."

I nodded, genuinely grateful but also worried about whether it would be enough or not. Something irrational inside of me was dying to talk to Charlie face to face- to tell him I wasn't dead, and hear his gruff voice again. I stifled the thought, knowing it was entirely unreasonable and that Edward's plan was a good alternative.

Edward saw the grief on my face, and pulled me into his chest. His arms wrapped tight around me, one hand running calmly through my hair. His fingertips soothingly ran from scalp down to the middle of my back, and I relaxed against him.

I felt him bury his nose into the top of my head. "I'm so sorry Bella." He breathed.

For once, I let him apologize.

We sat like that for a long time. My mind drifted, flitting between thoughts of Charlie and marrying Edward. I never came closer to sleep than in Edward's arms.

A couple of hours later, as the tell-tale grey of a cloud-covered dawn invaded the house through the expansive windows, and the distinct sound of six approaching vampires broke my reverie.

I pulled back slightly so that I could look at Edward.

"Looks like we're not alone anymore."

"Mmm…and I didn't even use my time the way I wanted to."

I cocked my head to the side, feigning confusion. "How would that be?"

He grinned before leaning in, pressing his lips to mine. His mouth was gentle at first, and his hands drifted downward to my hips. His grip tightened slightly as his tongue ran along my bottom lip, requesting entrance.

I opened my mouth slightly and got lost in the kiss, emitting a small purr-like sound and pressing my body closer to his. My hand clutched at one his shoulders while the other played with the hair at the base of his neck. He pulled back slightly a moment later, grinning against my mouth just as the door swung open.

It banged against the wall, and Emmett's voice reverberated throughout the room.

"You two should get a room."

I took in a deep breath, smiling back at Edward before prying myself away from him. Every nerve cell in my body revolted against the direction of my movements, but I ignored the sense of loss as Edward pulled me to my feet by my hand.

My desire to keep kissing Edward was soon replace by embarrassment as I saw Carlisle and Esme were right behind Emmett. I fought the urge to hide behind my hair- I mean, it wasn't like they weren't all over each other all the time. But still…those were effectively Edward's parents…

"Shut up Emmett. Like you have room to talk," Edward defended.

Emmett grinned cockily, but raised his hands in a show of surrender. "Touché, little brother."

Carlisle cleared his throat. "I apologize for interrupting…"

"Don't worry about it," Edward quickly responded, grinning. "I just got a little caught up in Bella's acceptance of my proposal." He smiled down at me, and all the distress of a couple of hours before and the upcoming days melted away.

Rosalie, Alice and Jasper came through the front door just then, while Carlisle smiled.

"Congratulations- I'm glad to hear it."

Esme rushed forward, her arms tightening around my neck fiercely. I reached up with my free arm, returning the gesture. "Welcome to the family dear," she whispered into my ear. I smiled at her as she pulled away, matching her own content grin.

"Thank you." Sincerity dripped from my words, and Alice squealed and jumped up and down beside Jasper.

"Yes!" she cried. "Bella you have to let me start planning now- we have so much to do-"

I laughed at her enthusiasm, but Edward interrupted her. He was still smiling, but I noticed the seriousness of his voice.

"I'm sure it can wait a bit. Bella and I have something we need to discuss with Carlisle first."

Carlisle's expression became curious, but he didn't ask any questions though it was hard to ignore his short, silent exchange with Edward. Carlisle didn't miss a beat.

"My office?"

"Yes, please."

"Alright, come on up," he said, turning for the stairs after kissing Esme's temple. The others looked at use quizzically, but Emmett and Jasper were already wandering over to the entertainment center and picking up the controllers to the game console. Rosalie wandered off in the direction of the garage. Alice looked the most confused, and I saw her concentrate as she looked to her visions of the future for answers. She had obviously been distracted by wedding planning or she would have most certainly have seen what was coming.

Edward's arm slipped around my waist and we made our way up to the third floor and took our seats in Carlisle's study on his couch. He sat in the wingback chair across from us, and waited patiently for us to begin. He didn't even have to bother asking why we were there- Edward immediately launched into explanations.

"Bella and I are going to be leaving for a couple of days, and we thought we should let you know our plans."

A hint of surprise touched Carlisle's golden eyes, but he kept the rest of his face and words calm. "Go on."

Edward took a deep breath, but I chose to speak for him. This was my idea.

"I want to go back to Forks."

Carlisle raised an eyebrow, but waited silently for me to continue. Edward squeezed my hand.

"I feel like I need some closure. I just want to go back and check in on Charlie- make sure he's okay."

Carlisle nodded, as if my crazy request made sense. "If that's what you need, then of course you should go. You know you have always been free here- I trust you to take all necessary precautions of course."

He gave pointed look at Edward, and I wondered what he was telling him. Before I could ask, Carlisle spoke again.

"I suggest you take a chartered flight. I know you have exceptional self-control Bella, but even your will may be tried on a plane full of humans in such a cramped space for several hours."

I nodded, taking Carlisle's gentle advice. Personally, I thought I would be fine if we hunted, but I was already pushing at some limits here.

"Ok. I'll call the airport- you two can go pack."

"Thank you Carlisle." Edward offered for both of us.

And like that, I was barreling back through time and space to what remained of my humanity.

A/N: So, yeah…I think this makes sense. From Eclipse and BD, we know Bella was strongly tied to her family and would have regretted not getting a chance to say goodbye, no matter how much she was willing to sacrifice for Edward. This is how I think it would play out in my AU, given the unexpected nature of her change. I ask that you have faith- I really don't think I'm jumping the shark here…