CHAPTER 11

HELLO GOODBYE

The prodigal son, Jacob Black, arrived back in La Push, stopped at home long enough to clean up, chop off his straggly hair, get dressed then rush off to watch the girl he loved marry a fucking bloodsucker. Living in the woods as a wolf did nothing for him as far as Paul was concerned. What a fucking idiot.

Paul was working his shift at the store when Jared stopped in to tell him. "Seth actually went to the wedding as a human! I couldn't believe it. What a stupid ass. I hope he comes home with all of his blood." Paul snorted at that as he put the milk in the cooler then Jared asked, "So, you think Jake will kick your ass for imprinting on his sister?"

Paul looked up to reply, "I hope he tries. I'm itching for a fight."

Jared didn't doubt it. Everyone else he knew who had imprinted fell head over heels right away. Not Paul. Never known for doing anything the conventional way, he was fighting it with everything he had, and it was making himself and everyone around him completely miserable.

"Paul, why don't you just stop this and spend time with her. Please. I know it's not what you want, but . . ."

"Jared, we are NOT having this conversation again. I swear if you try I will rip out your tongue and shove it down your fucking throat."

"OK, bro, I got it. No Rachel talk." Paul picked up the empty milk crates and carried them to the back room of the store as Jared followed him and asked, "So, when are you done with work? Wanna hang out tonight or something? Kim had to go visit her grandma with her folks."

"I don't think I'd make very good company."

"Well, yeah, I know that, but I'm willing to give you some charity," Jared told him with a grin.

Paul just glared at him.

"Paul, man, come on," Jared whined.

This guy just won't give up! "Look, Jared, I'm sorry I'm being such a dick. It's just . . . it's getting harder and harder for me to fight this fucking thing and it's driving me crazy! I think about Rachel all the time, I dream about her, and I find myself walking toward her house only to turn back at the last minute. I keep trying to bring Leah to my mind . . . to remember her laugh and how good her hair smells, and how it feels to kiss her . . . but it's getting harder and harder."

Jared put his hand on Paul's shoulder. "I'm sorry, dude, I really am, and I hate to keep sounding like a broken record, but . . . you need to just spend time with Rachel. I really don't think this is going to just go away. Go over there tonight. Just give it one shot."

Paul nodded then mumbled, "Yeah, maybe," just to get Jared off his back.

A smile broke out on Jared's face. "Good. I'll go bug Embry or something. Call me later and let me know how it goes. See ya."

"See ya." Paul shook his head and went back to work as he still had another half hour before he clocked out. As he worked, he thought about going to see Rachel then he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to push away the rush of emotion caused by just thinking about her. He was jolted out of his thoughts by someone tapping him on the shoulder. Turning, he was shocked to see Rachel standing there with a radiant smile on her face. "Hi."

Paul lost his ability to speak for a moment. He finally cleared his throat then returned, "Hi."

"I'm looking for a particular brand of toothpaste that my dad asked me to buy and I don't remember if he said it was here or at the drug store. He wrote it down, can you help?"

"Sure. Toothpaste, Aisle 4," Paul answered as he led her to the aisle and walked down to where the toothpaste was all lined up perfectly. Paul took pride in his shelves. "Let me see what we're looking for," he suggested.

Their hands touched as Paul reached to take the note and his fingers tingled where she had touched them and he jumped. "Oh, sorry," she mumbled.

Taking the note quickly, Paul tried to decipher Billy's horrible handwriting. "What is this? Is this an R or a P?" He held the note so Rachel could see it. Their heads were close enough for Paul to smell her hair . . . it smelled like coconut.

"Um, it looks like a P to me," Rachel answered softly, before looking over at him curiously and taking a step back. Why was she feeling so unsettled by this young guy?

Paul immediately turned to the shelf in front of them, found the toothpaste and held it out to her. "Here you go."

Rachel took it from him with a smile. "Thanks."

Not wanting to let her go just yet, Paul said, "So, I hear Jake finally found his way home."

Rachel shrugged, "Yeah. I didn't see much of him. He flew into the house, and was only there long enough to clean up, chop at his hair with the scissors then dress and leave again. You know Dad's best friend, Charlie Swan?" Paul nodded. "His daughter, Bella, is getting married today, and Jacob was in a hurry to get there."

"Yeah I heard. Kind of surprised me that he would have the guts to go considering he lost her to that blo, uh, other guy," Paul said.

"Oh, I didn't know it had gotten that serious for Jake. Poor guy. He always had a thing for her, even when we were kids. Our dads would throw us all together when they would go fishing, or whatever. I always found Bella a little weird, myself, but Jake would follow her around like a little puppy."

Paul snickered at that. Rachel had no idea how funny that really was with Jake being a wolf and all. They had slowly walked toward the front of the store while they were talking and now that they had stopped, Paul asked, "Why didn't you go to the wedding with your dad?"

"I don't know," Rachel shrugged. "He wanted me to, but . . . like I said, I was never close to Bella and I just didn't feel like going." Their conversation stalled, so Rachel said, "Well, thanks for the help. See you around."

Paul nodded and watched her walk to the check out lane as he automatically reached out to straighten some cans on a shelf. He was admiring her ass as she left the store when Pete came up behind him. "Friend of yours?" Paul jumped and Pete laughed. "Sorry. I see you were enjoying the view there."

Paul turned around and smiled at Pete. "She's Billy Black's daughter."

"Oh yeah. The one from college or the one that moved to Hawaii?"

"College."

"Huh. Never could tell them two apart. Well, anyway, you got time to help me move some boxes before you clock out?"

"Yeah, sure." Paul followed Pete to the back room and tried hard to push Rachel far from his mind.

"He almost killed Edward! I swear, I had to pull Jake off of him." Leah was patrolling with Seth, Quil and Collin, and Seth was sharing with them what had happened the night before at Bella's wedding.

"I can't figure out why he went in the first place, the fucking idiot. He left for all those weeks and then first thing runs back to her. I just talked to him and he sounded like he had smartened up, but I guess not." Leah really thought Jake would come back stronger and wiser, but . . . love makes you do stupid things.

"What pissed him off so much?" Collin asked.

"Bella told him that Edward wasn't going to change her until AFTER the honeymoon," Seth explained.

"So?" It was times like these that Collin showed how young 13 really was.

"What do people usually do on a honeymoon, dipshit?"

"Seth! Come on, Collin is a little young for this conversation, don't you think?" Leah scolded.

"I may be young, but I know that people have sex on their honeymoon, Leah," Collin insisted.

"Well . . . you shouldn't! You should still be playing with Legos and stuff like Seth did when he was 13. Or was that yesterday?"

"Very funny," Seth interjected.

"So they have sex. They're married now, shouldn't Jake expect that?" Collin asked.

"It's just . . . oh I can't." Now Seth got squeamish.

So Leah explained, "It's just that Edward is super strong as a vampire, and Bella is so fragile as we all know, having to save her ass all the time. Jake is afraid that when they have sex, the bastard will hurt her or worse, kill her."

"Oh. Gross."

"Yeah, I agree. Can we pick a different topic?" Leah was so sick of Bella. Ever since she moved here, Leah's life had gone into the toilet. She could care less about Bella's honeymoon. It may be with a fucking leech, but at least she was getting one. Something Leah was pretty sure she'd never see.

"Geez, Leah. Anything's better than listening to your moping. 'I'll never have kids. I'll never have a honeymoon.' Get over it already."

Leah snarled at Seth, "It's a good thing you're my brother, and that Mom still scares me or I'd rip out your tongue right now and shove it up your ass."

Quil jumped in with, "OK, kids. Enough fighting for today. Let's break it up."

Not listening to Quil, Seth had to add, "I hate that the bitchy Leah is back. There for awhile you were starting to be more like the sister I remember. Do us all a favor and don't fuck around with any of the other members of this pack, OK?"

Leah leapt at him with her teeth showing and Quil nipped at her back to stop her. "For God's sake, Seth, just shut your mouth, will ya? Don't you think she's suffered enough? Just go. You and Collin run the line again. Now!"

"Whatever." Seth turned around and ran into the trees with Collin on his tail.

"Calm down, Leah. If you want to kill him, do it at home, OK? Then I don't have to answer to Sam."

Leah sat down and tried to control her anger. Seth was her kid brother and she loved him, but right now she hated every thought he had shared. Mostly because they were true.

"Why don't you phase out and go home. We can handle it. We're almost off the clock anyway," Quil suggested.

"Thanks, Quil. Sorry I made fun of you for wearing a tiara at Claire's birthday party. You actually looked pretty cute."

"Ha, ha. See you later." Quil then turned and ran in the same direction as Seth and Collin. Leah stood there for a few minutes making sure she was alone then she phased back into her human body. She shook for a few seconds as the phasing wore off then kneeled down to untie her clothes. As she dressed, she thought about Jake. It wasn't only that Edward could hurt Bella . . . Leah was sure Jake didn't want to think about him touching Bella in a way he never could.

At least Leah had experienced that with Paul and now she hated the thought that someone else would be running their hands over that body she loved. She would know what she was missing for the rest of her life. Paul had made her feel things Sam never did. Paul was so strong and then he would surprise her by being so loving . . . stop it, Leah. It's over. It's gone.

Leah hadn't seen Jacob yet since he'd been home. For some reason, she felt a pull to go and see him now. Maybe they could wallow in their self-pity together. Letting out a sigh, Leah began jogging toward the Black's house.

As hard as he tried, Paul couldn't push Rachel from his mind. Talking to her at the store close enough to catch the sweet scent wafting from her hair, and hearing her voice and seeing her bright smile . . . it was driving him crazy. So, here he was, standing in front of her door, trying to get up the nerve to knock.

"Damnit! You fucking piece of shit!" Paul smiled as he heard Rachel swear from inside. For some reason, that surprised him. He quickly opened the door and walked inside to find Rachel in the kitchen standing in front of the sink under a spray of water coming up from where the faucet used to be.

"Need some help?" Paul asked with a grin.

Rachel jumped and whipped around and said quickly, "Yes! Help!"

Paul squatted down and stuck his head into the cupboard under the sink and turned the knob to shut off the water then he stood up and smiled.

"God, why didn't I think of that?" Rachel asked as she dropped the huge wrench she had in her hand and picked up a towel to wipe her face.

"So, um, what happened here?"

Rachel smiled and shook her head. "This stupid faucet has been dripping ever since I got here and apparently it doesn't bother anyone else but me. So, I decided I was going to fix it. But, as you can see, my college degree in communications taught me nothing about plumbing."

Paul laughed at that and said, "Hand me that wrench." Rachel smiled at him and he felt that rush of warmth go all through his body as she handed him the wrench and he went to work. He didn't know a lot about plumbing, but working at the store, Pete had taught him to fix a lot of things. It took him a little while, but he figured it out and actually put it all back together. "OK, try it now," Paul called from under the sink.

Rachel turned on the water and smiled. "It works," she called back as Paul crawled out from under the sink. He stood up and Rachel held out a towel for him to wipe his hands and as he took it, he squeaked out, "Thanks." The sight of Rachel standing there in front of him, the outline of her bra showing through the wet t-shirt that clung to her body, unsettled Paul more than he wanted it to. "I'm glad I showed up before you drown in here."

Rachel rolled her eyes then flicked a towel at him. "Yeah, now all I have to do is clean up this mess and Dad will never know."

"Where is your dad? And Jake?"

"Dad went fishing with Charlie, and I have no idea where Jake is. He doesn't talk much these days."

Paul nodded. He could understand that. He hadn't felt much like talking either lately. "Where's your mop? I'll help you get this cleaned up."

"In the closet around the corner."

Paul nodded and found the mop and the bucket and walked back to the kitchen. "I guess I should put some dry clothes on," Rachel observed.

"Go ahead. I'll finish up here," Paul offered, knowing he would be a lot more comfortable with her covered up.

Rachel finally gave in and disappeared down the hall as Paul mopped up the water. He was just emptying the last bucket full as she walked back into the kitchen, looking fresh in a pair of jean shorts and a red Nike t-shirt that probably had belonged to Jacob in his pre-wolf days.

"Wow, thanks. That didn't take long," Rachel commented as she gathered up all the towels.

"Oh yeah . . . I'm a pro. I mop at the store all the time." As soon as that came out of his mouth, Paul felt like an idiot. Why did I say that? A mop pro? Oh my God . . .

Rachel let out a tinkling giggle that surprised Paul then she told him she needed to put the towels into the washer. Paul watched her go then put the mop and bucket back into the closet. Rachel met him in the hall and asked, "Can I fix you something to eat? It's the least I can do to repay you for coming to my rescue."

"Sure. I'm hungry," Paul shrugged.

Making her way to the fridge, Rachel threw over her shoulder, "How about some chili and cornbread? I have some left from last night. It would only take a few minutes to heat up?"

"Sounds good."

Paul sat down at the table while Rachel pulled items from the fridge to make their meal. "So you're a friend of Jake's, right?"

He snorted at that. "Well, I don't know if Jake would say that, but yeah, I guess."

Giving him a strange look, Rachel went on to ask, "Well, can you explain to me what the hell is with him and Bella?"

Paul laughed. "I would if I could. None of us can figure it out. He chases after her like a little puppy and she kicks him every chance she gets. I feel bad for the kid, but sooner or later you have to stop chasing."

"I know! And she's married now, for God's sake. Dad told me Jake went there and made an ass of himself at the reception. I guess a couple of his friends had to drag him out of there so he wouldn't kill the groom! I don't know what's gotten into him. He certainly isn't the little brother I remember. The kid is HUGE!"

Rachel set a bowl of chili in front of Paul and then placed a plate of cornbread on the table. She poured them each a glass of iced tea then sat down with a bowl of chili for herself. "All of you are so big and buff. I know I don't remember guys looking like this when I lived here. I definitely would have thought twice about leaving."

Paul smiled as Rachel laughed even as she blushed a little. He supposed she was kicking herself about right now for admitting that out loud. "Yeah, so you think I'm buff?"

"Well, it's not like any of you try and hide it. You all walk around half naked."

"But you don't seem to mind."

Blushing again, Rachel said boldly, "Well, if you're going to show it off, I'm going to look."

Paul laughed again as she did. He had shown up here today in just shorts as he had been on patrol earlier. He hadn't done it on purpose, but he couldn't tell her that. They finished their meal and then Rachel brought out some blueberry pie. "Oh my God, Rachel. This pie is delicious," he said with his mouth full.

"Thanks. My mom taught me to make pie when I was little. I always think of her when I make it. Blueberry is my dad's favorite."

"You mom died when you were little, didn't she?"

A look of sadness crossed her eyes before she nodded, "Becca and I were almost 12 and Jake was 8."

"Must have been hard."

"Yeah, it was. It really was." Rachel stood up and set their bowls in the sink then poured them more iced tea. "How about you? You live with your grandma, is that right?" Paul nodded as he shoved in his last bite of pie. "Are your parents . . . gone?"

Pushing his plate back, Paul answered, "In a way. Neither of them should have been parents. My dad's in jail and my mom is a drug addict. She dumped me on my grandma when I was 5. Best thing she ever did for me." He drank some tea as Rachel said, "Oh. Sorry."

"It's OK," Paul shrugged. "A few months ago, she dumped off my little brothers, so my grandma and I are raising them now. They're 11 and 6. I hated them when they first got there. All they did was fight and scream at each other. But, they've kind of settled in now and we are all finally getting along." Paul was amazed that he had told her all that. Leah was the only one he had ever talked to about his family. Leah . . . there was that pang.

"Wow, that's great." Rachel gathered up the rest of the dishes and turned on the water to wash them. Paul stood up and grabbed a towel to help. "You don't have to do that. You've done enough here tonight."

"It's OK, I don't mind." They worked side by side doing the dishes and every now and then, Paul would get close enough to catch her scent. He found himself actually getting aroused at being this close to her. That hadn't happened since . . . Leah. Again that pang . . . suddenly he felt guilty for thinking of someone else in that way.

After they finished the dishes, Paul said, "I better go. I actually stopped by to talk to Jake, but . . ."

"Who knows when he'll be home," Rachel finished for him. Paul nodded then turned and walked toward the door. Opening it, he walked outside then Rachel caught his arm and stopped him. "Paul? Thanks, for everything. And . . . I really enjoyed talking to you. Maybe we could do it again sometime?"

Standing there, looking into her hopeful eyes, Paul felt overwhelmed with emotion. Before he knew what he was doing, he put one hand on her neck, drawing her closer, and as his lips touched hers, he felt an explosion inside. That first kiss was soft and experimental. His second kiss was longer as his hands moved to encircle her waist. Then his lips moved over hers more aggressively and his tongue grazed her lip to beg her to open to him, which she did. Before long, he had her up against the door and was practically assaulting her.

Rachel was in complete confusion as to what was happening. She had been attracted to Paul, and had even thought of kissing him, but now, she knew she wasn't ready for this. Rachel put her palms on Paul's chest and shoved with all her might.

Paul staggered back and looked at her, panting, trying to calm himself. Then he saw her face . . . she looked very confused and . . . hurt? "God, I'm sorry, Rachel. I don't know why . . . " he stopped. He did know. It was the imprinting, but he didn't want to tell her that. Not yet.

"Yeah, OK," Rachel muttered as she smoothed her hair out of her face and turned to go back inside.

"Rachel?" She stopped and turned around with the door propped open. "I am sorry. I didn't mean to get so carried away. It's, um, it's been awhile."

Paul was relieved to see her smile. "I get that. I'll forgive you. See you later." Then she closed the door and was gone.

Closing his eyes, Paul tried to get a hold of himself. What the hell was that? Shaking his head in disgust at himself, he finally sighed and turned to make the walk home.

Leah had made her way to the Black's and was just ready to step out of the woods when she heard the front door open and she saw someone step outside. Paul? Leah stopped and watched as Rachel walked out behind him and said something to him about maybe we could do it again? Then she watched in horror as Paul drew Rachel to him and . . . kissed her. Not just once, but again and again until he put her up against the door and ran his hands over her body.

Tears ran down her face as Leah watched Paul, her Paul, kissing . . . . his imprint. His chosen one. Not her. Her body started shaking as she felt her heart shatter into a million little pieces. Finally, she found the strength to turn and run, flying through the trees as fast as she could go until she stopped on the cliff side. Their place. Plopping down in front of the little fire pit she had made for his birthday, Leah finally let out the sobs that she had been holding in.

After awhile, the flood of tears stopped and as she lay there on her back, looking up at the night sky, Leah made a decision. This time, she wouldn't just stay here and watch it all play out in front of her day after day. She was determined to find a way out of here. And she knew just what she wanted to do. Sitting up, Leah wiped her face with her shirt, then stood up a new and determined woman.

Running home through the woods as fast as she could go, Leah walked into her house through the back door where she found her mom in the kitchen. "Mom, we need to talk. I need your help."

Paul spent the next couple of days trying to figure out what was going on with him. He had been way too aggressive with Rachel, and yet he couldn't help himself. He had never forced himself on a girl - ever! He never had to. All of the girls he had been with had been very willing, but he had never felt this way about any of them. It was almost . . . primal. It had to be the imprinting. He felt the need to . . . dominate her in a way and it scared the hell out of him!

Paul had never felt that with Leah. It had been so natural to be with her. Leah . . . he missed her so much. Not just her body, which he ached for, but for her smile and laughter. He hadn't seen her since that night he sat with her on her porch a couple of weeks ago. But he would see her soon as he was on his way to a pack meeting right now. He picked up the pace in his excitement to see her.

Paul walked into Sam's backyard and looked around anxiously to find Leah was nowhere in sight, but Seth was here. Just then, Jared walked up. "Hey P! What's up? Haven't seen you in awhile."

"Yeah, I've been putting in extra hours at the store."

"How's it going with Rachel? Since you kissed her?" Paul had gone straight to Jared after that had happened and talked to him about it. Jared told him he had done the same thing with Kim and she wouldn't talk to him for days. After he learned how to hold himself back a little, things went better from there.

"I haven't seen her since."

"Come on, bro. Back on the horse, and all that. You can do it."

"Whatever. Have you seen Leah, yet?"

Jared sighed at Paul's question as he could hear the excitement in Paul's voice at the thought of seeing Leah. He hated to see Paul still so torn. But after today, maybe Paul would give that up. "Dude, I need to tell you something," Jared stated slowly. Paul stopped looking around for Leah and stared at Jared curiously, waiting for him to go on. Jared suddenly wished Kim was here to tell him. He hated to give bad news. Best to just get it out. "Paul, Leah's gone."

Paul's eyebrows furrowed as he asked, "Gone? What do you mean gone?"

Jared took a deep breath then explained, "Sam will probably be talking about her, so I wanted you to know first. She left . . . to go to college. Her mom went to the council and convinced them that Leah has been through enough and should have the chance to go to college like she had always planned."

"College? Where?"

"I'm not sure, but it probably says in here," Jared said as he pulled an envelope out of his pocket to hand to Paul. "Leah gave me this and told me to wait two days to give it to you. She's a mess, dude, and she said she had to say goodbye this way and that she hopes you'll understand."

Paul took the envelope from Jared and held it for a moment as the truth sunk in. Leah's gone. She's gone and didn't say goodbye. Just then, Sam called for everyone's attention. Paul shoved the envelope into his pocket, knowing he would want to read it in private and tried to listen to whatever it was that Sam was saying.

"First of all, welcome back, Jake. It's good to have you back." Jacob only gave a half-smile as Seth patted him on the shoulder. "Second, I have to tell you that another one of our pack members is now gone." Sam looked down for a minute and cleared his throat then he looked up to say, "Leah has been given permission to leave our pack and go to college. The tribal council believes it is important for one of us to have some medical knowledge so we don't have to rely on the leech doctor, and Leah has agreed to go to school to become a nurse."

Jared glanced at Paul who looked so lost right now. Jared still believed it was the best thing for both of them. Leah would finally have her dream of going to college and getting out of La Push for awhile and now Paul could finally let go and give himself totally to his imprint. But looking at Paul's pale face right now, he wasn't so sure.

Sam concluded the meeting with patrol schedules, like always, and then the meeting broke up. Paul walked away as soon as it was over and Jared jogged to catch up to him. "Hey, Paul?" He caught his arm and turned him around. "After you read that, if you need someone to talk to, you know . . . "

Paul gave him a small smile. "I know. Thanks." Jared just nodded and let him go.

Paul phased and made his way to the cliff top he and Leah had made their place and then he phased back and pulled on his shorts to sit down beside the little fire pit. He smiled as he remembered sleeping all night here on his birthday. What an awesome night that had been.

Finally, he pulled the envelope from his pocket, tore it open and pulled the letter out to read it:

Dear Paul,

I gave this to Jared to give to you because I'm a fucking coward. Yeah, I know, you're disappointed in me. You told me once to be "strong and proud," and believe me, I am doing everything in my power right now to be just that, but it's not easy.

I've decided that I can't stay here this time and just let myself wallow in self-pity and make everyone around me miserable. I need to get away, and I think I've found the perfect solution. I talked to my mom and she went with me to see the Tribal Council. I convinced them that we need someone with medical training to take care of the pack. Before I turned into a big, hairy monster, it was my dream to go away to college to study medicine. It will take too long to become a doctor, so I've decided to study nursing. I'll be at Washington State University in Spokane where they have a great Dept. of Medicine, and I hope to be done in 2 years. This is what I've always wanted, so please be happy for me. I think it will be exciting, but I know that it will be harder to leave here than I always thought it would be.

Please, Paul, be happy. It's what I want for you more than anything. When I close my eyes, I see you as you were on the beach that day. You were so relaxed and happy and, God, so sexy . . . that's the way you should be all the time. You deserve it. You're a great guy, and I will always be thankful for the time we spent together. You helped me to feel again . . . to want to live again. For that, I will always be grateful.

And just so you know, about what you said the last time we saw each other? Me, too.

Your buddy,

Leah

Paul remembered he had told Leah he loved her last time he saw her. Me, too. She loves me.. Paul looked up out at the water and closed his eyes, letting the wind blow over his face to dry his tears. He knew she was right. She didn't deserve to stay here and watch him with Rachel, because he knew now, it was getting harder and harder to fight it. If Leah was happy going away to college, then he would be happy for her. Even though he felt like a huge piece of his heart just died.

After awhile, he folded the letter neatly, then put a gentle kiss on it, whispering, "Goodbye, Leah," before slipping it back into the envelope. Standing up, Paul slid the envelope into his pocket and made his way slowly back home.