CHAPTER 14

I WANT YOU

Paul grinned as he found the letter for him on the kitchen table when he got home from work. He immediately ripped it open and sat down to read it.

Dear Paul,

Thanks so much for the letter. It wasn't the most lame letter I've ever read, but close. (HA!) It was really good to hear from you. To answer your first question, college life is good. Different, but good. I've been a lot more homesick than I thought I would be, but I am finally settling in and doing better. Tell Travis that I love the picture he sent me and I would really like another one. It helps to see a little bit of home on my wall.

As for your second question, no, I haven't gotten drunk yet. My roommate thinks I'm really nerdy because all I do is study and write in my journal and I don't go to any parties. That's not what I'm here for. I have a purpose and I am working hard to do what the tribe expects me to accomplish. Once I do that, then I'll get drunk. Maybe for days.

She's also concerned about me because I haven't brought home any guys yet. She even asked me if I was gay! Made me laugh and remember how you wished we were going trolling for chicks together that day we went into Forks and had pie at the diner. I didn't answer. I thought I would let her worry about it for awhile.

Yes, getting your GED will make me happy. So DO IT! End of speech.

I'm glad that Travis made friends with a girl. I like that we were good role models for him. Are they still friends? I hope so. And I get that the pencils were just as exciting. He is only 6 you know. Give him a few years then he'll probably be just like his big brother. God help us!

How's Tyler doing in school so far? I feel really bad that I couldn't keep my promise to him about homework help. I had no idea when I made that promise that I would be going to college. I hope he understands.

I told my bone-head brother to cut you some slack and quit acting like a girl. I hope he listens. If not, you have my permission to kick his ass.

Life is hectic here and I like that as it makes the time go faster. I always have homework to do and papers to write and I like that. I like that I have something to focus on other than how I feel. I miss you like hell, too. Days go fast, but nights go slow. I had a dream about you the other night. Just know that it had something to do with the time we spent in the water. Enough said!

Take care and be happy. You deserve it.

Love,

Leah

Paul sat back and closed his eyes and held the paper to his face, inhaling deeply to try and find her scent on the page, just wanting to feel closer to her somehow. Opening his eyes, he looked again at that last paragraph. He dreamt about her, too, almost every night. It was his only way to hold onto her and what they had.

Finally folding the letter, Paul put it back into the envelope then walked over to his futon and reached under it to pull out a small box. He opened it and added the letter to the other one in the box then put the lid on it and pushed it back under the futon. He decided he would answer it later tonight when he was alone.

"Are you sure I got that right?" Paul asked. Emily was helping him make a dream catcher for Travis. His birthday was coming up and Paul had decided that since Travis made him one for his birthday, he would do the same for Trav.

"Yes, that's perfect! You're very good at this, Paul." Emily smiled at him and handed him another feather. "How are things going with Rachel, if you don't mind me asking?"

Glancing up at her, Paul answered, "I don't know. I finally told her the other night, about what we are and . . . about the imprinting. Freaked her out."

Emily smiled at that. "Yeah, I remember that feeling. It's not everyday a guy you just met tells you he can turn into a giant animal that kills vampires and oh, by the way, you're my mate for life."

Paul actually chuckled at that. "I guess I didn't think about it from her perspective. I have been pretty wrapped up in my own feelings."

"How is Leah?" Emily asked softly. She and Leah were cousins and they had been really close growing up until all this business with Sam happened. Emily knew how much Leah hated her now, but she couldn't help but still care about her. And knowing how Paul felt about Leah, she knew Leah must be hurting too.

Paul put the dream catcher down for a moment and looked at Emily. "I wrote her a letter and she wrote back," he reported with a smile. "She sounds like she's doing alright. Of course, she could be lying to make me feel better."

"So, you're pen pals now?"

"Yeah, I guess, since apparently that's all we can be. Every time I'm close to her or try to touch her, it hurts like hell. Physically. I fucking hate it." Then realizing he used the F-word in front of Emily, Paul added quickly, "Oh, sorry. I really hate it."

Emily laughed at him correcting his language for her. "It's OK, Paul. You think I don't hear enough of that language hanging out with a bunch of hormonal teenage werewolves? I swear, you all have filthy mouths."

Paul chuckled and picked up his dream catcher again as Emily asked, "Do you think it would help if I talked to Rachel? I could tell her a little about my experience and help her through this."

"I guess. Sure," Paul shrugged.

Emily smiled and helped him finish the dream catcher then packed up some cookies to take home with him.

"Thanks, Em. This was nice of you. Travis will really like it, I think."

"I know he will. He loves you, Paul, and he looks up to you. You've really stepped up with your brothers and . . . well, I'm proud of you."

A smile spread across Paul's face. It felt good to hear that someone was proud of him. "Thanks, Emily," Paul said softly as he leaned over and put a kiss on her cheek before he turned and walked out the door. Emily was a great girl and she and Sam were so happy . . . maybe things could be like that for him and Rachel if only he would give them a chance, Paul thought. If only . . .

Leah smiled as she pulled the letter out of her mailbox. She recognized Paul's handwriting and rushed upstairs to her dorm room to flop onto her bed and rip it open.

Dear Leah,

Halloween is coming and two days after that Travis turns 7. He is literally bouncing off the fucking walls! I promised to take him Trick or Treating for the first time and he can't wait. Of course, he wants to be Thomas and I have no idea how to make a train costume. I keep trying to talk him into being a ghost. I think I could handle cutting two eye holes into a sheet. Maybe.

For his birthday, Emily helped me make him a dream catcher. I think he'll like it. It's just like the one he made me. She even told me I was really good at making it. Maybe I should go into business, huh? Dream Catchers by Paul. Sounds catchy. OK, so it also sounds a little gay.

You asked about Tyler and school. I am shocked to say this kid has done a complete 180 from last year. He is doing homework without me yelling at him and he's bringing home A's and B's! Who knew? ( Well, I did, but then I know everything.) He's really trying to fit in this year and stay out of trouble. I'm actually pretty proud of him. And yes, bossy woman, I told him that.

At the last pack meeting, your brother actually said hi. That was it, but it's a start. I guess he's still afraid of you. I know I am. Although I was looking forward to kicking his ass . . .

I hate to cut this short, but I gotta get to work and I want to mail this on the way. Pete has me working about 30 hours a week and he gave me a raise. He's a good guy.

Take care and let me know if you find a girlfriend. Send pictures.

Love,

Paul

PS I had the same dream.

Leah actually laughed out loud. This was the Paul she missed so much. The funny, mouthy Paul. A grin grew on her face as she wondered if she could get her roommate to pose in a picture with her . . .

A few days later, a package arrived in the mail addressed to Travis. Ruth brought it in and laid it on the table. There was no return address and for a moment she was a little scared it might be from Doreen, even though that was highly unlikely.

Paul got off work early enough to pick up the boys from school today and they all came in together. "Travis? A package came in the mail today for you," Ruth said as he ran into the kitchen like he did everyday after school.

"A package?" Paul asked. He gave his grandma a wary look and she shrugged.

Paul pulled out a knife and slit the tape on the package then saw it was postmarked from Spokane. Leah. Smiling, he wondered what she was up to. Travis opened the box and pulled out a Thomas the Tank Engine costume. Immediately, his face lit up like a Christmas tree as he shouted, "OH MY GOSH! IT'S THOMAS!" Then turning to Ruth, he added quickly, "I want to put it on right now!"

Tyler volunteered to go and help him as Travis ran to his room. Ruth looked at Paul for an explanation, so he said, "I told Leah that Travis wanted to be Thomas for Halloween and I had no idea how to make a train costume. I guess she decided to help."

"That sweet, sweet girl," Ruth said with a smile. "So, you talk to her now?"

"Through letters."

Ruth shook her head at him and turned back to the sink where she was peeling potatoes for dinner. He knew she felt like everyone else . . . that he should give up on Leah and give in to this imprint. What no one knew is that Paul had finally stopped fighting so hard. The funny thing was, now Rachel was being resistant. He had seen her a few times since the night he told her, but she was really confused.

"Look! Look at me!" Travis called out as he ran back into the kitchen, dressed in the one piece costume, which had a picture of Thomas on the front, with a mask of Thomas' face covering his own. Paul grinned as he looked at his little brother . . . leave it to Leah to know exactly what to do to make this kid go through the roof.

"There is a card in the box. Did you want me to read it to you?" Tyler asked. Travis bobbed his little train head up and down, so Tyler read out loud:

Dear Travis,

I heard that you wanted to be Thomas for Halloween but that your big brother was trying to talk you into being a ghost. That is just not right. So, I hope this costume fits and you have fun Trick or Treating. Every kid should have the chance to get lots of free candy and puke all night. It's a Halloween tradition.

I miss you! Love, Leah

"That was very nice of her. You need to sit down and write her a thank you note, Travis," Ruth told him.

Travis nodded, but didn't say anything then hung his head. Paul stepped over and squatted down in front of him then moved the mask up so he could see his little brother's face. "What's wrong, buddy?" Paul asked as soon as he saw Travis' little lip quiver.

"I miss Leah. I wish she could go Trick or Treating with me."

Paul hugged Travis close and whispered, "Me, too, buddy. Me, too."

Paul was mindlessly stocking shelves at the store a couple of days later when he heard her voice from behind him. "Hey, Paul."

Placing the can on the shelf, Paul turned around to face her. "Hey, Rachel."

Paul noticed her hair was swept back from her face and it made her green eyes really stand out. A small smile crossed her lips as she said, "Sorry, it's been awhile."

Picking up another can, Paul went on stocking the shelves. "It's OK. I get it."

"I have just been so overwhelmed by all of this. I came home to visit my family for a month or so then I planned to head to Seattle to make my mark on the world. And now, it's October and I'm still here and . . . I am just so confused," Rachel finished, looking rather defeated.

Paul stood up, looked into her beautiful eyes and found himself asking, "Want to talk about it?"

Rachel gave him a real smile as she answered, "Yes, please."

"OK. Come on," Paul invited as he picked up the empty box and walked into the back room. "Step into my office," he said as he led the way to the corner where he usually took his break. There was a small refrigerator and a microwave and an old table with two chairs. "Have a seat."

Rachel sat down as Paul grabbed his lunch out of the fridge along with a couple of cans of pop and set one in front of Rachel. Sitting down next to her, he pulled a sandwich out of the bag and said as he unwrapped it, "So, talk."

"God, where do I start?" Rachel popped the top on the Pepsi and took a long drink. "I finally talked to Jacob about this whole . . . wolf thing. He told me he was glad that I knew because it was hard keeping the secret." While she talked, Rachel absently reached over and grabbed one of Paul's chips and popped it in her mouth and he smiled at her. "Then he asked me why I wasn't madly in love with you. I didn't know what to tell him. Am I supposed to be? Are you madly in love with me? God, I am so sick of thinking about all of this!"

"You're not alone there," Paul answered. "Look, Rachel, this is complicated, I'll give you that. I do have very intense feelings for you. It's getting harder and harder for me to hold back. But I want to give you time to figure out what you want."

Rachel smiled, "Thanks. Really, Paul." Then she surprised him by leaning forward and kissing him on the cheek.

As Rachel lingered there, Paul turned and captured her lips and kissed her more deeply. She accepted his tongue and then let a little sigh escape into his mouth, realizing she liked this more than she wanted to admit. Pulling back, Paul looked into her eyes and asked huskily, "You wanna get together tonight?"

"Yes," Rachel breathed.

Paul kissed her again then sat back and took another bite of his sandwich and grinned at her. "Sorry, but I only have 15 minutes for lunch."

Rachel smiled and stole another chip. For some reason, she found herself really looking forward to tonight.

Rachel looked in the mirror . . . again. She was fussing over her hair and then decided she didn't like the top she was wearing . . . again. She was so nervous about being with Paul tonight for some reason. Finally dressed, in a pair of black jeans that fit just right and a red stretchy top that showed enough cleavage to make Paul notice, but not too much to look trashy, Rachel turned to her make up. When she finished that, she added some silver hoop earrings then sighed as she decided she was as ready as she would ever be.

Rachel had gotten rid of Jake and her dad to have some alone time with Paul tonight, telling them both to stay away until at least ten. Realizing they had not really spent any time alone together, Rachel wondered how was she supposed to spend the rest of her life with someone she barely knew? She was hoping that tonight would help her to know Paul a little better. Right on time, Paul knocked at the door and her heart began racing. Answering the door to Paul, Rachel smiled and answered as calmly as she could, "Hi. Come on in."

Paul stood there in the doorway for just a moment mesmerized by what he saw. Rachel looked good . . . really good. She had added a few curls to her dark, shiny hair and was wearing some make-up. And those jeans . . . he noticed they fit her ass perfectly as he followed her inside to the kitchen where she had the table set. "Man, it smells great in here. What are we having?"

"Baked pork chops, with potatoes in a mushroom soup gravy, green beans and pumpkin pie for dessert."

"You whipped this up just for me?" Paul asked with a grin.

"Yes, I did. I hope you like it," Rachel admitted shyly.

He did. Everything was delicious! Paul always thought his grandma was the best cook in the world, but he decided that Rachel was a close second. He ate seconds of everything, even the pie. As they ate, they both shared stories of themselves growing up, funny things and sad things. Paul finally pushed himself away from the table and told her, "Man, that was awesome. You are a great cook."

Rachel beamed from his praise. "Thanks. I was a little worried that I didn't make enough. I've noticed you wolf boys eat a lot!"

Paul laughed as they cleared the table and when it was done, Rachel turned to him and said softly, "Leave the dishes." Suddenly, Paul saw something in her eyes he hadn't see before . . . lust. Hmmm, am I ready for this? Then he realized he was a guy and he was ALWAYS ready for sex.

Rachel kept his gaze as she bravely reached for the bottom of his t-shirt and inched it up over his tight abs. Paul smiled as he helped her take it off then was rewarded with Rachel running her hand lightly over his chest and up and over his shoulders. Shyly, she said, "Paul, I . . . " then hesitated. For some reason, Rachel was having a hard time saying what she wanted. She wasn't a virgin by any means, and yet she felt as nervous as she had that first time. Forcing herself to swallow her nerves, Rachel finally admitted, "I want you."

Paul nodded as he pulled her close then bent towards her and stopped right before he reached her lips, wanting to see how badly she wanted him. He didn't wait long. Rachel pushed her lips onto his and then sucked his bottom lip into her mouth. That's all it took to get him going, and this time he didn't hold back. His hands held her by the hips and then slid back to grab her ass and push her closer to him. Rachel gasped a little as she felt how hard he was already.

Breaking away from his lips, Rachel stared for a moment into his eyes. The raw desire she saw in his eyes didn't scare her this time. Her hand found his and she pulled him quickly to her bedroom where she stopped in front of her bed and turned to him to brazenly pull her shirt off over her head and throw it onto the floor. Paul watched in amazement as Rachel then unzipped her tight jeans and worked them down over her hips to step out of them. She had a smokin' hot body and she was now standing before him wearing a black bra and panties. Paul suddenly decided he loved black underwear.

Reaching out, Paul pulled Rachel roughly against his bare chest and devoured her full lips. As they kissed, his hands traveled her body, touching and exploring, until finally they landed on her bra strap. He quickly unhooked it and pulled back a little to let it fall down her arms then Rachel pulled it off and added it to the pile of clothes on the floor. Her breasts were nice and round, not quite a handful, but her nipples stood straight out. As his hand brushed them, she worked on the zipper of his jeans, pushing them down over his hips until they hit the floor and then she made herself comfortable on the bed to wait for him.

Paul quickly joined her and as they kissed again, his hand went straight to her breasts. She moaned as he kneaded them and played with the tips. He felt he was a little rougher than he should be, but he couldn't help it. That primal need was taking him over and he was having a hard time controlling it. He left her lips and moved to her throat and shoulders . . . nipping with his teeth as he went.

Rachel shocked him a little by rolling him over and pulling his boxers down. He was pretty sure since she had been to college, she wasn't a virgin and had some experience, but he wasn't quite prepared for this. Looking him in the eye, Rachel wrapped her hand around him and then cupped him and stroked him, even giving him a lick or two until he thought he would lose it right there. Then she crawled up his body and kissed him, shoving her tongue into his mouth.

Paul flipped her over and looked down at her and marveled at how her eyes were so dark with desire. His lips were on hers again and as she dug her nails into his shoulders, he thought how much he loved it when Leah did that. Leah! Oh my God, Leah. As he kissed Rachel, he saw Leah's face as she looked when she let go and . . . suddenly he stopped and rolled off of Rachel.

Paul panted, trying to catch his breath as Rachel sat up and looked down at him. "What? What's wrong?"

Closing his eyes, Paul willed himself to calm the fuck down. Experience had taught him that you do not admit you were thinking of one girl while you're doing another. They didn't go for that. So instead Paul said quickly, "I, uh, need to get some protection." He leaned toward the edge of the bed and Rachel pulled him back saying, "It's OK. I'm on the pill."

Giving him a sexy smile, Rachel wound her arms around Paul's neck and kissed him hard, trying to draw him back to where they left off and it was working . . . God, he wanted her. Bad. Leah was starting to fade from his memory again as Rachel took over. Leaning her back, Paul reached for her underwear, noticing they were wet as he ran his hand over them. Wet and silky . . . it was his undoing.

Paul ripped them off of her, literally, and moved on top of her. That need to dominate her and take her filled him and he wasn't gentle as he drove into her hard and then kept pumping over and over and over until he came with groan. Paul was breathing hard, but Rachel was very quiet. After a few seconds, he finally lifted his head to look down at her. Her eyes were closed and all of a sudden, Paul realized that he had been too hard and too selfish. He hadn't acted that way since the last time he had sex with Shelia and he had never been that way with . . . Leah.

Rolling to the side, Paul said softly, "Rachel? I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry . . . I tried to hold back . . . I'm not usually like that, so selfish. Are you alright?"

Rachel was wondering what the hell happened. She had had sex with different guys at college, but nothing like what just happened between her and Paul. It was so . . . exciting until he lost it and just took what he wanted. Opening her eyes, Rachel tried to give him a smile. "Yes. I haven't had sex in a long time . . . I'm a little off my game, I think."

Shit. Leah always came, every time. Was it him . . . or Rachel? Now that is was over and he was gaining control of his brain again, he felt so guilty for thinking about Leah. This was too hard, always being caught in the middle. He fucking hated it.

Paul sat up and ran his hand through his hair then he reached for his boxers and slipped them on. As he reached for his jeans, he heard Rachel say, "Paul? You don't have to leave. I told Jake and Dad to stay out until at least ten." The clock on the nightstand said 8:10.

Hanging his head, Paul thought, How can I leave now without hurting her? He felt trapped all of a sudden and wanted nothing more than to run away and never look back. Sitting up, Rachel put her arms around Paul's neck and kissed his shoulder. "Maybe we could try again . . . in a little bit?"

Damnit! Paul found himself saying, "Sure," as he lay back down. What else could he do? Rachel curled up on his shoulder and as he held her, Paul wondered, Why am I feeling this way? Rachel is supposed to be my imprint! Wasn't sex supposed to be awesome with your imprint? It was with Jared and Kim, so Jared always bragged. Of course, he really didn't have anything to compare it to. But Sam did. He had been with Leah. But from what I've seen in Sam's head, he was having no problems with Emily in that department.

"You're awfully quiet, Paul. Are you OK?"

"Yeah, I'm good. You?"

"Yeah."

Both of them were thoroughly confused by what just happened, yet neither could bring themselves to say so in fear of hurting the other. Finally, Paul turned so he could face Rachel. "I have to be honest with you. This is the first time I've been with anyone since . . . since Leah. I'm having a tough time with that. I'm sorry."

So she was fighting a ghost . . . that's just what Rachel thought. "Thanks for being honest with me, and I know. I get that. I had a boyfriend back at college. His name was Rick. We were pretty serious and I was really shocked when he broke up with me for another girl. I haven't had sex since him and that was 8 months ago."

Paul nodded. "Hmm, eight months. Impressive streak."

"Thanks," Rachel laughed. "I wasn't even trying."

Letting out a long sigh, Paul said, "I'm trying, Rachel. I want you to know that. I'm trying to accept this and move on even though it's not easy."

"I know. I've done a lot of thinking, Paul, and I guess tonight, for me, was to see if this was real . . . if I wanted to be with you, you know, if I should try and accept this imprint. Although Dad tells me that our situation is very strange. I guess usually there is no choice in the matter. The others just fell in love and that was that. So I guess I have to keep wondering . . . why are we different?"

"Do you feel that you have a choice? Because as much as I want a choice, I don't feel I have one."

Rachel's eyes softened as she reached out to touch Paul's face and say, "I'm sorry about that. I feel that I'm being forced on you and that doesn't do much for my self-confidence." Paul smiled at that. "I do feel a very strong attraction to you, Paul. I can't deny that."

Paul ran a finger gently down her cheek then kissed her and decided maybe they should try again. This time, he did everything he could to hold back and not be so dominating. They lay side by side for awhile kissing and touching and when things got hot and heavy, Paul encouraged Rachel to climb on top, which she did and she panted as she moved and cried out, "Paul! Yes, oh God, yes!" Finally he felt her clench around him and watched her head roll back as she enjoyed her release. That did it for him and he emptied into her right before she collapsed on top of him and laughed, "Oh that was so good. So good."

Smiling softly, Paul replied, "Glad I could help."

Rachel moved off of him and lay down beside him. "That was incredible."

Paul glanced at the clock and saw it was almost 9:30. Grabbing his boxers, he slid them on then reached down for his jeans. As he stood up to pull them over his hips, Rachel said, "Thanks, Paul. That second time I could tell you were really trying."

"You're welcome," Paul smiled then he leaned down and dropped a kiss on her lips. "I better go."

Smiling a very satisfied smile, Rachel asked, "See you tomorrow?"

"I have to work during the day then it's Halloween and I promised I'd take the boys Trick or Treating. We'll stop by for some candy, OK?"

With a nod, Rachel said softly, "See you then."

Paul said good bye and walked into the kitchen to pick up his shoes and slip his shirt back on then he let himself out. Pulling his keys from his pocket, he climbed into his car and leaned his head back against the head rest, wishing he could be like Jared and be head over heels for Rachel. Down deep, he thought he might if it weren't for Leah. She was haunting him, and keeping him from fully committing to this.

Paul sighed as he started the car, completely exhausted from thinking about all this imprinting shit and wishing he were old enough to go into town and get hammered. It wouldn't solve anything, but at least he could forget for awhile.