CHAPTER 16

SIMPLY HAVING A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS TIME

There was a thump on the door a couple of nights before Christmas and Tyler looked up from his book to Ruth to ask, "What was that?"

"Santa?" Travis asked excitedly.

"No, dummy, it's not Christmas Eve yet," Tyler told him. Then they heard it again and this time Paul hollered out, "Someone open the damn door!"

Tyler got up and ran to the door with Travis hot on his heals. Tyler opened the door and was shocked to see Paul trudge in dragging a Christmas tree behind him.

"Oh my gosh it's a tree! Where did you get it, Paul? It's awesome!" Travis was jumping up and down as Tyler reached out to help Paul drag it inside.

"You know the tree lot by the store? He only had about five trees left and since it's only a couple days til Christmas, he sold it to me for $5! I couldn't believe it." He had called his grandma before he came home to warn her and she had gotten out the tree stand. He took it and put it on the tree then he moved it into the living room where Tyler and Ruth quickly made a spot in the corner at the end of the futon.

"There. What do you think?" It wasn't a big tree. It was probably about 5 1/2 feet tall, and it had a bare spot that Paul turned to the corner, but even Paul had to admit, it didn't look too bad.

Travis was still jumping up and down. "I love it!" Paul laughed at that . . . Travis LOVED everything.

Paul got the box of Christmas decorations down from the attic and Tyler and Travis dug in like it was treasure. Paul found a couple of strings of those old-fashioned big bulb lights that actually worked and he strung them on the tree then he let Tyler and Travis hang the ornaments. Ruth sat back and watched with a huge smile on her face. She loved seeing her boys so happy.

"Hey, Travis, want to put the star on top?" Paul asked.

"Sure!" he answered excitedly. Paul picked Travis up and helped him slip the star down onto the top branch and then he reached to straighten it until Ruth announced it was just right.

"There," Paul said as he stepped back, Travis still perched on his arm. "Perfect."

"Wow, it's awesome," Travis stated.

"Yeah, pretty cool. It's the first real big tree we've ever had, huh, Trav?" Tyler said.

"Yeah."

As Paul stood there with his brothers, he felt really happy for the first time in months. While still holding Travis, Paul reached out the other arm and put it around Tyler's shoulder. "We did good, guys. I like it."

Travis laid his head on Paul's shoulder and asked, "You think Santa will like it?"

Paul smiled at that. "Santa will love it."

Christmas Eve was excruciating! All day Travis was so wound up. He talked non-stop about Santa and the reindeer and asked at least a million questions about how Santa could visit every house in one night and what kind of food the reindeer ate and why didn't Mrs. Claus ride in the sleigh and on and on and on!

Ruth finally got him into his pajamas, then he had to make sure to pick out the cookies from the batch they had made earlier in the day to leave for Santa, along with a glass of milk. That took at least a half hour! He put them on the table by the tree and asked Paul if he could stay up to wait for Santa.

"Don't you know that if you aren't sleeping, Santa won't stop?"

Travis gasped. "No, I didn't!"

"You better get to bed, buddy. I would hate for Santa to pass us by."

Travis took off at a run for his bedroom, shouting out his good night as he ran.

Paul and Tyler laughed and Ruth just looked at them. "Paul, you are so ornery."

"Well, the kid is bouncing off the walls! It's almost ten and he needs to go to sleep."

"I know. Let's wait a little bit to make sure he's asleep then we'll get to work," she said quietly.

The three of them finished watching "It's a Wonderful Life" on TV while Tyler and Paul munched their way through a bowl of popcorn. After the movie ended, Paul looked at Tyler and said, "I think you need to get to bed, too. I believe that Santa may be bringing you a gift or two, you know."

Tyler rolled his eyes. "I'm too big to believe in Santa."

"Do you want the presents or not?" Paul asked him.

Tyler stared at him for about a second then got up and said, "I guess I am pretty tired. Good night." He walked quickly to his room and closed the door as Paul laughed.

Paul snuck out to his car to bring in the presents and as he put them under the tree with the gifts from his grandma, he thought it didn't look too bad. Emily had brought over stockings for the boys filled with candy and a couple of small gifts, telling Paul to put them out on Christmas Eve, so he pulled those out of the closet and placed them on the table beside the plate of cookies and glass of milk Travis left out.

Ruth smiled. "My, that's a lot of presents. I think that's the most I've ever seen in this house!"

"Well, they deserve a nice Christmas for once."

"Yes, they do. If only Doreen were different . . ." Ruth said wistfully. "But she's not, so we'll do the best we can for them." Paul nodded and picked up one of the cookies Travis left for Santa and bit into it as Ruth smiled at him. "You make a good Santa, Paul," she told him as she kissed him on the cheek. "Good night, honey. I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night, Grandma. Great cookies!" Ruth beamed at his compliment then turned and walked to her room and closed the door.

As Paul ate the rest of the cookies and then drank the milk, he found for once he was just as excited as Travis! He finally turned off the TV then laid back against his pillows and looked down at the foot of his futon at the Christmas tree. He flipped on his clock radio to listen to a little music to help him sleep, and as he closed his eyes, as always, his thoughts turned to Leah. He wished more than anything she could be here with them for Christmas. He had put her gift in the mail and hoped it got there before Christmas. They had received her package for the boys yesterday, and he put the wrapped presents under the tree with the others.

As he listened to the song on the radio, Leah's face floated before him:

Bells will be ringing this sad, sad news
Oh what a Christmas to have the blues
My baby's gone I have no friends
To wish me greetings once again.

Choirs will be singing Silent Night
Christmas carols by candlelight
Please come home for Christmas
Please come home for Christmas

If not for Christmas, by New Year's night.

Opening his eyes, Paul looked at the tree, wishing Leah were here beside him, looking at the tree and whispering about the gifts they had bought the boys. Then he would make love to her and they would sleep wrapped up together in each other's arms until Travis would wake them early in the morning to see what Santa brought him.

So won't you tell me you'll never more roam
Christmas and New Year will find you home
There'll be no more sorrow no grief and pain
And I'll be happy, happy, once again

Paul found himself really wishing there was a Santa and he could give him the one thing he wanted more than anything . . . Leah. So much for wishing. He reached over and shut off the radio with a yawn then looked back at the tree and whispered, "Merry Christmas, Leah. I love you." Then he closed his eyes and slept.

"Paul! Paul! Santa came! Wake up!" Travis was sitting on top of Paul shaking him. Paul opened one eye and looked at him. "What time is it?" he groaned.

"Time to get up!" Travis cried out. Paul had to laugh at that.

Just then, Tyler came shuffling out of his room. "It's still dark out, Trav. Can't we sleep a little longer?" Then Tyler glanced at the tree and noticed all the presents. "Holy shit!"

"Watch your mouth, Ty," Paul mumbled automatically.

"Sorry, but I've never seen so many presents under a tree before."

Paul smiled and moved Travis so he could sit up. "Wow. Look at all that," he said.

His grandma heard all the noise and soon joined them and the ripping into presents began. Paper flew everywhere as Travis and Tyler's excitement was contagious. Paul sat back and watched them as his presents sat there unopened. The enjoyment of just watching his little brothers was enough for him right now.

"He brought it! Santa brought it! The Thomas train! Look!" Paul grinned as he watched Travis open the box. He was right - it had been worth going without gas in the car for a few days. This was the happiest he had ever seen his little brother.

Paul finally opened his gifts and so did Ruth. She loved the cookbook and spent most of the day reading through it trying to decide which recipes to try first.

The boys all liked the clothes she got them: they each got a new pair of jeans, some socks and underwear, and one new shirt. Paul knew that she has saved most of the year just to buy these things. She also sold things out of her garden to help pay for the gifts. She had always made sure he had presents at Christmas.

Tyler really loved the journals and pens. "Thanks, Paul. This is awesome." Then he opened his gift from Leah and found . . . two journals and a new pen. He and Paul laughed at that. "Well, they say great minds think alike," Ruth said as she winked at Paul.

Travis ripped open his gift from Leah and squealed - for at least the tenth time that morning. "Two new Thomas books!" Travis opened the first book and turned to the first page and . . . Leah's voice came out of the book!

"Hello morning, goodbye night. It's time to start the day off right . . . "

"Did you hear that? It's Leah!" Travis sat entranced while Leah's recorded voice read the book to him. Paul listened, too, as he hadn't heard that voice in four months. Letting his eyes drift shut, he pictured Leah here beside him, with Travis on her lap. Her voice weaved around him and for just those few minutes, his heart ached just a little less. Then the story ended and her voiced stopped. Paul opened his eyes slowly and watched Travis walk over with the book under his arm and climb up on his lap.

"Why are you so sad, Paul?" Travis asked.

"I just miss her, Trav. I miss her alot."

Travis laid his head on Paul's shoulder. "Me, too."

Leah got the package in the mail the day before Christmas. Her mom and Seth were at the hotel waiting for her, but she ran to her dorm to change out of her work clothes before she headed over there, and found it there by the mail boxes waiting for her. She grabbed it and ran to her room, where she plopped down on the bed and quickly ripped through the mailing tape and opened the box to take out the wrapped gift and then open the card that was on top.

Merry Christmas!

Don't get mad . . . I decided even buddies can give gifts. I felt so bad that you couldn't come home. I really wanted to meet your new girlfriend (if you know what I mean!)

Anyway, I hope you like the gifts and think of me when you look at them. I miss you so much, Leah. More and more everyday.

Have a Merry Christmas,

I love you,

Paul

Leah read that again: I love you, Paul. He was still fighting it. Waiting for her. God, how long could he fight it? How long could he wait?

Unwrapping her gift, Leah gasped as she lifted the dream catcher and looked at it. It was beautiful! And the little wolf charm made her smile as it was the same color as Paul's fur. Then she noticed the journal and laid the dream catcher on the bed to take out the book. She ran her hand over the cover and then opened it where she found on the inside cover, Paul had written: Merry Christmas, Leah! Here's a journal for you to write down all of your longing for me. Love, Paul

Laughing, Leah remembered that day Seth and Travis had fished while Paul napped under the tree and she wrote in her journal. Paul had teased her about writing all about him, and she sarcastically told him she was filling her notebook with all of her longing for him. Her smile faded. If he only knew how many books she had filled with exactly that.

She held the book to her chest and looked at the picture of him and the boys. "Merry Christmas, Paul. I love you, too."

On Christmas night, the boys were finally in bed and Paul sat down on the futon exhausted. They had all gone to Sam and Emily's for a big Christmas celebration for the whole pack, and Paul had seen Rachel there. He gave her his gift of a new fancy pie plate that his grandma helped him pick out, and he told her he bought it for her because she had told him she thought of her mom when she baked pie. He smiled as she got teary-eyed and hugged him. Jared was right. Girls ate this stuff up.

Rachel gave him a new leather wallet that was handmade by one of the tribal elders. "Do you like it?" she asked right away.

"Yeah, this is really cool," Paul returned along with a genuine smile as he looked it over. It was the nicest wallet he had ever owned. "Thank you, Rachel. I really do like it." He kissed her on the lips and she beamed.

Of course then the guilt set in. Because as he was sitting here with Rachel, kissing her for her gift, he wished with all his heart, she was Leah. Rachel was getting pushier with him for some reason, insisting on spending more time with him. He knew she was right. If he was committed to her and their relationship, he should want to be with her. But he didn't. He had to force himself. That's what made him wonder about this imprint. Jared never had to force himself to be with Kim. From the very beginning, they were attached at the hip. So were Sam and Emily. So why didn't he feel that way about Rachel? Because he couldn't let go of Leah. Period.

Now he was home, the boys and Ruth were in bed, and he was laying on his futon looking at the Christmas tree. "Paul? You asleep?" Ruth surprised him by asking as she walked toward him.

Paul sat and shook his head. "No."

Ruth stopped in front of the futon and held out a small wrapped box. "This was in the box from Leah. I kept it back because I thought maybe you would like to open it in private." Paul took it from her and stared at it in disbelief. Leah had sent him a gift. "Good night, honey. Merry Christmas." Ruth smiled and then walked to her bedroom and closed the door.

Paul quickly tore the paper off of the box and opened it. Inside he pulled out a frame and saw Leah smiling back at him. She was sitting on her bed in what he assumed was her dorm room, wearing a gray Washington State t-shirt. Paul felt his heart skip a beat and found he was holding his breath. God, she's so beautiful. He noticed that she had let her hair grow out a little longer, and he decided he really liked it. His fingers brushed something on the back of the frame, and he turned it to find a note taped there. Pulling it off, he unfolded it and read:

Paul,

I wanted to send you something for Christmas, but I wasn't sure what. Then I looked at the picture you sent me of you and the boys, and I knew what I wanted to send you. I look at it everyday and it makes me smile. I hope this will do the same for you.

Merry Christmas!

I love you too,

Leah

PS There is another picture behind this one. Enjoy.

Curiously, Paul pulled the picture out of the frame and laughed hard as he looked at the other picture. It was Leah and another girl, dressed in tank tops, leaning toward each other like they were going to kiss, and Leah was holding a sign that read: In your dreams, Paul! It was perfect . . . and so Leah.

Paul finally slid the picture of just Leah back into the frame and stared at it. Then he noticed Travis' new book lying on the floor and he found himself getting up to pick it up and bring it back with him as he plopped down again on the futon. Setting the book beside him, he opened the first page as he stared at Leah's picture.

"Hello morning, goodbye night. It's time to start the day off right . . . " Leah's voice was like music to his ears.

Paul knew it was pathetic, but he didn't care. He missed her that much.