CHAPTER 17

CRY BABY CRY

The holidays were over. The Christmas tree was gone and all the presents put away. The boys went back to school and everything went back to normal once again.

Paul was more depressed than ever, but determined to keep trying to make things better. He took Rachel out to dinner one evening and really tried to focus on just her. He asked her questions, and tried to share some of himself with her through stories about him growing up. He also tried to be more affectionate with her, holding her hand and kissing her every now and then. And when he took her home, she invited him in and when they ended up in her room, Paul tried as hard as he could to see just Rachel while they were having sex. It didn't work. He stopped before they got too far, completely racked with guilt at being with Rachel and thinking only of Leah. And she knew. She looked at him with tears in her eyes and wanted to know why she wasn't enough for him. Paul tried to make up something, but it was no use. He made a quick escape then went home and straight into the shower to try and scrub away all the guilt and anger.

Once again, Paul pushed it to the back burner as he dove into work. He even told Sam he would do extra patrols at night because he wasn't sleeping anyway. Finally, during the second week of January, Jared's dad, Chuck, called him and invited him over to his house to talk about the new construction job coming up. Paul was excited and made plans to go over the next morning.

Once he was there and settled in at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, Chuck informed him they were going to start the next Monday and he offered Paul $10 an hour to start. Paul almost fell off his chair! Chuck gave him a pair of steel toe boots to use until he could afford to buy his own, and told him to report to the job site at 7 a.m. on Monday morning. Paul shook hands with him and left the house finally feeling a little bit of weight being lifted from his shoulders. This money would really help them out. And he hoped the physical labor would wear him out enough to actually sleep at night.

After he left Chuck's house, he stopped at the store to talk to Pete. He told him about the new job and asked if he could still work at the store on the weekends.

"Boy, I sure hate to lose you during the week, Paul, but I understand. You got a family to support. I'd be glad to have you here on the weekends. Why don't you go into the back and write down what you want, and I'll schedule it.

Paul stuck his hand out and Pete took it. "Thanks a lot, Pete. You've been really good to me over the years. I really appreciate it."

He took some time to pick up a few groceries, and now he was on his way home to eat lunch with his grandma. He couldn't wait to tell her about the new job. Even though she didn't say it, Paul knew she too was worried about paying their bills this winter.

As Paul pulled into the driveway, he saw an ambulance sitting in front of the door and two men were loading someone into it. Shoving the car into park, Paul jumped out, leaving the door hanging open as he ran to Jared's mom, Carol, who was standing there, her eyes red from crying. "What the hell is going on here?" Paul asked anxiously as soon as he reached her, his heart racing.

Carol's face crumpled as she put her hand on Paul's shoulder to say, "Oh, God, Paul. It's Ruth. Honey, she's gone."

Paul shook his head saying, "No, no, she was fine this morning when I left. What . . ."

Her tears coming faster, Carol tried to explain, "I came over to bring her new prescription and she didn't answer the door. So I went around to the back and . . . found her on the kitchen floor. I called 911 right away."

One of the emergency technicians walked over and Carol sniffed, "This is Ruth's grandson, Paul."

The EMT nodded and explained quickly, "I'm sorry, son. Your grandmother had a massive heart attack. She was gone when we got here. From the way she was laying I would say that she went very quickly and didn't suffer."

Paul just stared at the body on the gurney in the ambulance. It couldn't be her . . . it couldn't be his grandma. Visions of his grandma ran through his mind: her smile, her standing at the kitchen counter mixing up a batch of cookies, her kneeling in the garden . . . his head shook back and forth as he stuttered, "T-this can't b-be true. No, it's not . . ."

"We'll take the body to the funeral home and let them know that you'll be contacting them to make arrangements." Paul didn't answer so Carol nodded and said, "Fine, thank you."

The EMT went to shut the door on the ambulance, but Paul rushed him and shoved him away, knocking him to the ground. "NO! Don't take her. Don't take her away! She can't be dead!" Paul screamed as he tried to climb into the ambulance. It took both EMT's to pull him away.

Carol rushed to him and put her arm around him. "Paul, stop it! Paul, honey, let her go. They have to take her now. Ruth wouldn't want you to behave like this."

Finally Paul gave up his struggle and wailed, "NOOOOOOOOOO!" as he fell onto his knees. "Noooooooo." As the EMT's got into the ambulance and drove away, Paul looked up and cried, "Why? Why would you take her?" Then he fell over and laid there on the cold, hard ground as the sobs wracked his body. The only person in the world that had ever loved him no matter what, was gone. How could he survive without her?

"Leah? It's Jared. I got your phone number from your mom. I really need your help."

Leah had answered the phone then looked at the clock through her squinted eyes. It was just after midnight. Glancing over, she found her roommate's bed was empty. Jamie must be spending the night at her boyfriend's again. "Um, sure, what's up?" Leah answered sleepily as she sat up and brushed the hair out of her face.

"It's Paul. Um, I don't know if you heard, but, his grandma died this morning."

Leah closed her eyes as tried to comprehend what Jared had just said. Oh God, no. "No, I didn't know. What happened?"

"She had a heart attack and just died. My mom is the one that found her. Paul came home just as they were putting her in the ambulance and he just lost it. Mom had to call Sam to come over and get him off the ground and into the house. He stayed there with him and sent Emily to pick up the boys from school and I went over there as soon as I got out. They didn't take it too well either. Emily decided they should take the boys home with them because Paul was in no shape to take care of them. Sam had to pick both of them up, kicking and screaming, and carry them out of the house and put them in the car. They didn't want to leave Paul. It was horrible."

"Oh my God. They all must be in so much pain," Leah whispered as the tears rolled down her cheeks and she tried hard not to sob while she was on the phone.

"Yeah. But the worst part is, after we all left around seven, Paul went out and got some booze, how we don't know. I went over there around 11 after my patrol to check on him and I found him working on getting himself completely drunk. He physically threw me out of the house and then locked himself inside and he won't let anyone else in. He's a mess, Leah. He won't listen to anyone. Not me, not Rachel. Can you please come home? I know he'll listen to you. Please?"

Leah could hear the desperation in Jared's voice. He really was worried about Paul and since he knew Paul better than anyone, that scared her to death. "Um, yes, of course I'll come. I have to figure out a way to get there. I'll check and see when the next bus leaves. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thanks, Leah. See you soon."

"Yeah, thanks for calling me Jared. Bye." As Leah hung up, the floodgates opened and the tears came in the form of sobs. Ruth was one of the sweetest women she had ever known, but she was more than that to Paul. She was everything to him. Paul would be completely lost without her. So would Travis and Tyler. This was so unfair! Paul's last letter had sounded like they were all finally becoming one happy family.

After awhile, the sobbing subsided and after cleaning herself up with a pile of tissues, Leah threw her legs over the side of the bed and walked over to her roommate's computer to check the bus schedule and found there was one leaving at 6 a.m. for Seattle. She would have to have her mom meet her there at 2 p.m. when she got in and that should get them home sometime around 6. God, she hated being so far away!

Leah picked up the picture of Paul, Travis and Tyler and stared at it. They all were hurting so much right now. They needed her, and she knew she would do anything she had to do to help them through his. Setting the picture down, Leah picked up the phone to call her mom.

Sue drove to Seattle to meet Leah's bus and drive her back to La Push. As they finally got closer to home, Leah's heart started racing a little. She had been gone for five months and she hadn't realized just how much she missed this place until right now.

"Just take me straight to Paul's," she said to her mom.

"Are you sure? It's been a really long day, honey . . . "

"Mom. I have to see him - now. Jared said he's bad. I can't wait."

Sue nodded and turned down the road that would take them to Paul's. As Sue stopped the car in front of the house, they noticed the house was dark, except for the light over the kitchen sink. "Are you sure you want to go in there alone?"

"Yes, Mom. I'll be fine. I'll call you if I need you, OK?" Leah grabbed her bag out of the back seat and before she closed the door she said, "Thanks, Mom, for coming to get me."

"You're welcome, honey. See you tomorrow."

Leah closed the door and went around to the back of the house. Paul told her once they hid a key on top of the door frame of the back door. She would have broken the door down if she had to, but she found the key and used it to open the back door and walk inside. The scene that unfolded in front of her broke her heart.

There was a huge hole in the kitchen wall where the phone had been. She could see that Paul had ripped it out of the wall and smashed it against the opposite wall and it lay shattered in pieces on the kitchen floor. There were beer cans everywhere, along with an empty whiskey bottle and there was Paul, sitting in a kitchen chair, his head laying on the table beside a bottle of Jack Daniels that was 3/4 of the way gone. She wasn't sure if he was just sleeping or passed out. Quickly setting her bag down, Leah moved over to Paul, pieces of the phone crunching under her feet. "Paul? Paul, it's me Leah," she said softly as she shook him.

Paul moved his head just a little as Leah shook him again. "Paul? Wake up!" Finally his eyes squinted as he tried to focus on her. His eyes were completely bloodshot, his hair stood up on end and his shirt was filthy from where he had vomited and just left it there. The smell was disgusting. "Leah?" Paul finally croaked. "Shit, another dream," he mumbled as he allowed his head to fall back down onto the table.

"No, Paul. You're not dreaming. I'm really here. Come on, wake up." Leah pulled his head up to make him look at her.

Finally there was some recognition in his eyes. "Leah? You're really here?"

Leah smiled at him as she said, "Yes, I am. And you stink."

"I thinkmight bea little drunk," Paul slurred as he belched.

"Really? I couldn't tell from all the beer cans and the bottle of Jack sitting here beside your head."

Paul started to reach for the bottle, but Leah took it and quickly emptied it into the sink. "Hey, I was drinking that," Paul protested.

"Yes, you were, but you've had enough. You're not even old enough to buy this shit. How did you get it?"

"Maria at the store," Paul shrugged. "She's always thought I was hot, so I slipped her the tongue and she sold it to me." He ended his explanation by giving her a crooked, drunken smile.

"Lovely, Paul." Leah sat down next to him and as he looked at her, his face crumpled as he said, "My grandma died, Leah. She just died. How could she do that?" Then Paul started to cry and Leah didn't even try to hide the tears that rolled down her cheeks. Paul, who was always so big and strong . . . was falling apart.

"I know, baby, and it sucks. It fucking sucks."

Paul nodded as Leah scooted over so he could lay his head on her shoulder. "You're really here," he said again.

"Yes, I am, and I'm going to stay here as long as you need me to, OK?"

"OK."

They sat there like that for a little while then Leah said, "God, Paul, you reek. Let's get you cleaned up." Standing up, Leah drug Paul up out of the chair. "Can you walk?"

"Of course I can walk," Paul insisted as he swayed back and forth.

"Uh-huh. Here, let me help you," Leah said as she slung Paul's arm over her shoulder. She walked him to the bathroom and when they got there Paul said, "I don't feel so good." Leah got him to the toilet just in time for him to puke into it.

Reaching for a wash cloth, Leah ran some cold water over it then put it on his neck and rubbed his shoulder until he finished and sat back. "You OK?" she asked him.

Shaking his head, he leaned forward to puke again. "Well, I'm really glad I made it here in time to see this," Leah muttered.

Paul finally sat back on the floor and leaned against the wall then looked at her as she handed him a cup of water. "Leah?"

"Yes, Paul. Who did you think it was? Mother Theresa?"

Smiling, he said, "Now I know it's Leah. Smart ass."

That made her laugh. "Gee, I wonder where I learned it. You done puking, yet?"

Paul nodded. "I think so."

"Good. You need a shower." Leah moved to turn the shower on then helped Paul up off of the floor. She helped him pull his disgusting shirt over his head and throw it on the floor then she unzipped his jeans and pulled them over his hips along with his boxers. "OK, in you go," Leah said as she gave Paul a gentle shove and he stepped into the shower and put his head under the water. While he showered, she picked up his dirty clothes and took them directly to the washer. Then she walked back into the bathroom and put some toothpaste on his toothbrush for him. "How you doing in there?"

"I'm alright."

Walking into the boy's room, Leah opened drawers until she found Paul's clothes. She grabbed a pair of gym shorts and walked back to the bathroom to wait for him to finish. Hearing him turn off the water, Leah picked up a towel and held it out for him. The curtain whisked back, and as Paul stood there with water droplets running down his chest, it took Leah's breath away for a second. She had been gone for 5 months and she had forgotten how sexy he was. Instantly she shoved that thought aside as she reminded herself this wasn't the time for that.

Paul accepted the towel from Leah and dried off then she handed him the gym shorts and some deodorant, followed by his toothbrush. Taking the toothbrush from her, he smiled then moved to the sink to brush his teeth. While he was doing that, she walked out to the futon and put a clean sheet onto it and threw another clean sheet at the end for him to pull up over him. She also found a couple of clean pillow cases and put those on his pillows then she carried the dirty sheets to add to the clothes in the washer. She threw in some detergent and started the machine.

Paul came shuffling out of the bathroom just as she walked back into the living room. "Are you hungry?" she asked.

He shook his head and stood in front of her. Again Leah thought how lost he looked. Taking his hand, she led him to the futon. "Why don't you lay down and get some rest? I'll clean up a little." Paul nodded and obediently laid down then Leah leaned down and kissed him softly on the forehead. "I'll be in the kitchen if you need me."

Leah spent some time clearing out all the beer cans, and the sweeping up the pieces of the phone that were scattered all over the floor. After finding another empty whiskey bottle, Leah looked around to see if there was any other alcohol in the house, but she didn't find any. By the amount of trash she found, she was amazed he didn't have alcohol poisoning! Good thing he was a wolf, or he'd probably be dead right now. After she mopped up all the beer and wiped down the counters, suddenly, she realized she was exhausted. It was only a little after eight, but it had been a really long day.

Grabbing her bag from in front of the back door, Leah walked quietly to the bathroom to put on a tank top and some sleep shorts, figuring she would sleep in the boy's room. She brushed her teeth and turned off the light to walk out to the living room to check on Paul one more time.

As she approached the futon, Paul opened his eyes and looked at her. "Leah?"

"Yes?"

"Will you lay here with me?"

Oh, that is so not a good idea. But looking at him, Leah knew she couldn't resist. Smiling at him, she nodded and Paul scooted over so she could lay down next to him. Leah watched Paul warily as she waited to see if being this close was causing him pain like before from the imprint. He seemed fine so she put her arms around him and held him close.

"I don't know what to do without her. What am I going to do?"

Leah felt Paul's warm tears on her shoulder as she answered softly, "I don't know, Paul. You just keep on going, I guess. Your brothers are going to need you."

"I'm glad you're here, Leah. I really need you."

They lay there wrapped together and finally Paul slept. Leah could hear his breathing even out as she ran her fingers through his hair. She had longed for this for five long months. Now here she was and it wasn't how she wanted it, but while she had it, she closed her eyes and decided to soak it in so she could carry it back with her to Spokane.

Paul opened his eyes, noticing it was still dark as he felt something tickle his nose. His hand came to brush it away and it was hair . . . as he inhaled, he smelled flowers and sunshine . . . Leah's hair. She was really here. It wasn't a dream. Paul smiled as he brushed the hair away from her face and was struck by how beautiful she looked. Before he could stop himself, he leaned forward and put a gentle kiss on her lips. Then he wondered if they still tasted as good as he remembered, so he kissed her again, a little longer this time.

Leah's eyes fluttered open and Paul smiled, feeling as if his heart would burst. Then she smiled back and his heart soared. Her hand came up to touch his cheek and he turned his face to kiss her palm. "Paul?" she whispered. "How is this possible? How are you . . . not in pain?"

"I don't know. I don't care." This time when their lips met, Leah responded, too. As he moved his lips over hers he thought how it had been way too long and he was too hungry for her. Leah was just as hungry and their kissing soon became wild and abandoned. Paul's hand roamed, trying to remember every inch of her body, finally settling on her breast, his thumb grazing back and forth over her nipple, bringing it to attention. His lips left hers and kissed down her neck until he reached the other nipple and he sucked it into his mouth, over the light cotton of her tank top. Leah moaned and pulled on his hair as she felt arousal move like lightning through her body. When Paul's mouth left her breast, the wet spot there still caused her an excitement that she hadn't known in five long months.

"Help me," she whispered as she tried to get her top off. Paul pulled it over her head and threw it onto the floor then went back to kissing and teasing her until she was in a frenzy. His hand slid down to settle between her legs over her shorts and he was rubbing back and forth. "Paul, I need to . . . " she panted and he knew exactly what she wanted. He slipped his hand inside her shorts and he slid his finger inside, then another. "Yes!" she cried as they slid in and out, and then his thumb found her nub and he stroked it and watched as her back came off the bed as she smiled and said, "Oh God, yes, Paul, yessss!" He could feel her pulsate and he smiled. He had missed this most of all.

Paul quickly slid her shorts off and then his own. They lay side by side kissing and touching until finally Paul couldn't take it any longer. He had to have her, to be inside her and have her completely wrapped around him. Moving on top of her, he settled between her open legs then whispered, "I need you, Leah . . . " his lips found hers as he slid inside. She was so tight and he stopped just to feel her surround him. Then he began moving, slowly at first then faster as the pressure built. Her nails dug in to his shoulder and it spurred him on faster until she screamed out and then he let go and fell over the edge right along with her, emptying into her everything he had stored in five long months.

As they lay there panting, Leah wrapped her arms around Paul tightly. She didn't want this to end. "Leah, I love you," Paul whispered into her ear. "God, I love you so much."

Leah felt tears spring to her eyes. "I love you, too, Paul," she whispered in return. Nothing else existed at this moment but the two of them. For a few hours, they had each other and they would worry about the consequences later. Paul rolled to his back and settled Leah there in the crook of his arm.

As Paul held Leah in his arms, he heard her stomach rumble loudly. Chuckling, he asked, "When was the last time you ate something?"

"Um, Mom stopped at a drive-thru after she picked me up at the bus station, around 2:30 I think? I guess I am a little hungry." It rumbled again and she said, "Mind if I raid the fridge?"

"No, go ahead."

Leah got up and Paul started to follow. "Stay here. I'll bring us something," she told him. Grinning, he did as he was told and laid down to wait for her.

Leah walked naked to the kitchen and opened the fridge. There wasn't a lot to choose from so she decided to check the freezer. "Yes!" she said as she pulled out a bucket of chocolate ice cream. She grabbed a kitchen towel and wrapped around it and then pulled a spoon out of the drawer. "We're in luck. You have ice cream."

Crawling onto the futon, she settled with the ice cream bucket as Paul sat up beside her. "One spoon?" he asked.

"I'll share," she said with her mouthful. She scooped up some ice cream and put the spoon to his mouth and he smiled as she slid the spoon inside. "Since I went to college, I have developed this love for ice cream. I can't get enough of it!"

Paul laughed at that. "Why don't you weigh like 300 pounds then?"

"I've taken up running. Since I can't phase at school, I run. I started out doing a couple of miles a day, now depending on how much time I have, I might do 5 or 6."

"Impressive."

They sat there eating ice cream and Leah told him all about school. "Do you get along with your roommate?" he asked her.

"I guess. She's not there much. She likes to go to parties and she has a boyfriend, so she spends a lot of nights at his place. That's her in the picture I sent you."

Paul looked at her curiously, and she said, "The picture behind the picture?"

The Paul realized she was taking about the picture of her almost kissing another girl. "Oh yeah! Oh my God, I laughed so hard when I saw that. That was fucking awesome!" They both shared a laugh over the picture then he said, "But I have to admit, I like the other picture better. I keep it right there." He pointed to the picture on the small table at the head of the futon. "I look at it last thing at night and first thing in the morning."

Leah smiled to see it there. "I keep the picture you sent me of you and the boys beside my bed, too. You know, it was really hard for me not to call you. But, I just didn't think I could handle it. And I have to say, I loved your letters. It was so exciting to find one in the mail. And I could hear you talking to me through your words. I would laugh and think that's just how you would say something."

"I know, me, too. When you told me you were a cafeteria lady and that yes, you wore a hairnet, I lost it. Especially when you said the look worked for you and your girlfriend liked it."

"I think we should keep writing letters," Leah said with a smile. "It'll be fun."

Paul looked away and nodded but didn't want to think right now about her going back.

They had reached the bottom of the bucket and Leah held out the spoon. "Who should get the last bite?" Paul smiled as he reached out and grabbed her hand and forced the spoon to his mouth and Leah moved at the last second and the ice cream went all over his mouth. Leah laughed hysterically as Paul gave her a look. She dropped the spoon into the bucket and when Paul moved to wipe his mouth, Leah stopped him.

Paul watched as she climbed onto his lap to straddle him and then leaned in to lick the ice cream off of his face. It was so erotic, he felt himself growing harder the more ice cream she licked off. Leah sat back and looked into his eyes and then licked her own lips. "You are killing me right now, baby."

"Yeah? I can tell," Leah purred as she wiggled her ass against his growing erection and then she smiled. She was teasing him and he loved every minute of it. Leaning in, Leah kissed Paul on the lips and slowly licked his bottom lip then sucked it into her mouth. His hands found her breasts and he was slowly rolling his thumb around each tip and then he pinched them just a little and she jumped.

Leah pulled back and looked at Paul as he smiled then leaned forward to suck a nipple into his mouth. He rolled his tongue, still cold from the ice cream, around it and teased her and then sucked on it. He could feel her wetness seep onto him as she started to move her hips. He grabbed her ass and lifted her up then let her slide down over him. She gasped as he filled her and then she moaned as it felt so good.

Leah moved up and down while Paul continued to play with her breasts and it didn't take her long to find her release. He felt her contract around him and then she collapsed onto his shoulder. Turning his head, Paul kissed her neck as he threaded his hands into her silky hair.

Paul let her catch her breath and then he gently pressed her back onto the bed and recaptured her lips. His lips moved over hers softly, gently, tasting her. Finally pushing himself inside her, he took his time just enjoying the feeling and the movement. When he came it wasn't in a frenzy as before, but just a little more satisfying. After a few minutes, he rolled to the side and brought her with him and held her close.

"That was awesome," Paul breathed into Leah's ear.

"Mmm, yes it was."

"God, I missed you. And I missed this . . . a lot," Paul admitted with a grin.

Leah looked over at him and smiled. "Me, too." Then she leaned in and kissed Paul softly and snuggled into his arms. Nights were usually way too long for both of them, but this one, they knew would end way too soon.