CHAPTER 18

BABY'S IN BLACK

Leah woke up and looked at the clock. She had set the alarm just in case she overslept, but it was only eight now. Jared had told her he would be here at ten to bring Paul some clothes for the service. She turned the alarm off so it wouldn't wake Paul and then she rolled back over to look at him.

He looked so peaceful; she hated to wake him. She knew this would be the hardest day of his life. Her father's funeral had been just a little over a year ago and it had been a horrible day for her.

Kissing Paul softly on the forehead, Leah turned to get out of bed when his arm tightened around her. She turned back to see him looking at her. "Hey," she said softly.

"Hey," Paul mumbled as he drew her back to kiss her softly on the lips. "Where are you going?" he asked sleepily.

"I'm going to shower and give you a little more time to sleep."

Closing his eyes, Paul grunted, "OK," and turned over as Leah climbed out of bed.

Leah made her way to the bathroom where she quickly showered, dressed and brushed her teeth then she walked into the kitchen to start some coffee. Remembering that she had put some laundry in the washer last night, she walked over to throw it in the dryer then she turned back to the kitchen to make some breakfast.

There wasn't much food in the house, but she found some pancake mix and syrup, so she got out a bowl and was stirring up the batter when she felt Paul come up behind her to wind his arms around her waist and put his lips on her neck. Leaning back, Leah closed her eyes to thoroughly enjoy the sensation.

"I am so glad you are here," Paul said softly near her ear.

"Me, too," she answered as she opened her eyes and moved forward to start stirring the batter again. Paul stepped away to take a cup from the cupboard and pour some coffee into it then he leaned against the counter and took a sip while he watched her pour the batter onto the griddle.

"Jared will be here at ten. I guess his mom found some clothes for you to wear today," Leah told him.

Nodding, Paul pulled out a chair and sat down at the table while she flipped the pancakes. "What about the boys?" Paul asked. "Where are they?"

"Um, Sam and Emily have them. Jared told me that Sam had to physically pick them up kicking and screaming to get them into the car. They didn't want to leave you."

"Yeah, I know. I'm glad he did thought. They didn't need to see me . . . like I was. I'm sorry you had to."

Leah set a stack of pancakes in front of him. "Eat," she commanded. "And I understand. I know this isn't easy for you. She was everything to you."

Paul nodded sadly and poured some syrup on his pancakes.

Getting a plate for herself, Leah sat down to eat with him. After a few bites, she said, "Paul? I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but I have to know." He looked up at her as she asked, "Where's Rachel? Why isn't she here with you?"

Paul sighed and put down his fork. "I just didn't want anyone here."

"But she's your imprint. It's been over five months now. I thought you'd be joined at the hip just like the others. Why aren't you?"

Paul got up and poured himself more coffee and then looked out the kitchen window before answering, "Because I can't do it, Leah." After a moment, he turned back to face her. "I've been trying, I really have. About a month or so after you left, I told Rachel about us. I even phased in front of her. Then I explained how I imprinted on her at the bonfire. She was freaked out, to say the least. I told her to talk to her dad, and she did and then I didn't hear from her for a couple of days. She finally came to me and told me she wanted to try, so we have been, but, it's just so strange. We became friends, but, as hard as I try, I just can't let you go."

Paul sat back down at the table and took Leah's hand. "Jared keeps telling me over and over that I will never be happy if I don't just let you go and give into the imprint. But I decided that I would rather be miserable the rest of my life if that was the only way I could hold onto you. In fact, my grandma was the only one who told me not to give up on you. She said, 'The heart wants what the heart wants.' And she said I should wait and see if there was some way we could be together. My grandma was the smartest person I ever knew, Leah, so I figured if she said I shouldn't give up on you, then I shouldn't give up. And I think last night proves it."

By this time, tears were streaming down Leah's cheeks. Taking her face in his hands, Paul kissed her then rested his forehead against hers. Just then, there was a knock on the door. "Jared must be early," Leah observed. "I'll get it."

Leaving the table, Leah walked to the door and unlocked it and opened it to Jared. "Leah! Oh my God, it's so good to see you!" he shouted as he picked her up and twirled her around.

"Wow, that's quite a welcome," Leah said as he put her down.

"Thanks for coming," he said quietly.

She nodded and turned to Kim. "Hi, Leah." They hugged and as Kim pulled back, Leah noticed the ring on her finger. Reaching out, Leah grabbed Kim's hand and she yelled, "Jared! What the hell is this on Kim's finger?"

Kim laughed as Jared said, "It's an engagement ring, you ass. What did you think it was?"

"You're in high school! You can't get married now."

Jared rolled his eyes at her. "I know that. We are going to graduate in May then I'm going to work for my dad. Once we save enough money to get our own place, we'll get married. I just wanted to put a ring on her finger to let everyone know she's mine," Jared explained as he put his arm around Kim.

"Well, I think having your lips on her all the time does the same thing," Leah shot back. Kim laughed at that as Jared kissed her. "But, congratulations. I am happy for you," Leah added with a smile.

Paul walked out of the kitchen and Jared went to him. "Well you at least smell better than the last time I saw you."

"Yeah, Leah's mean. She cleaned me up and threw away my booze."

"Good for her," Kim said.

"Here's your clothes, bro. I hope everything fits." Jared handed the suit of clothes and a pair of shoes to Paul as he nodded.

"I'll go shower and shave then I'll put them on," Paul told him as he moved toward the bathroom. Stopping, he turned back and asked Jared, "Do either of you have a phone?"

Kim spoke up. "I have my cell phone."

"Can you call Sam and have him bring the boys over? I think we should all go together."

"Sure," Kim smiled. "I'll call right now." Taking her phone from her purse, she dialed as she walked into the kitchen.

Paul nodded and walked to the bathroom and closed the door.

"How's he doing?" Jared asked Leah.

"As best as can be expected, I guess. I couldn't believe what I saw last night when I got here. He was so lost. I expected anger and ranting and raving, but . . . not that. He was a stinking, drunk mess. It was hard seeing him like that."

"Be glad you missed the anger. I was here for that. When he ripped that phone out of the wall and threw it, it missed my head by like 6 inches. Scared the shit out of me."

"This will be the hardest day of his life, Jared. He's going to need all of us."

"I know," Jared muttered as he put his arm around Leah's shoulder and pulled her close for a moment.

Kim walked in and shared that Sam would bring the boys over as soon as Emily was done fussing over Travis.

Leah smiled at that then announced, "Well, I need to run home and get dressed. I really hate to leave, but I . . . "

"Just tell me what you need and I'll go get it for you," Kim offered.

"Really? I mean I could call Seth and tell him to bring it over . . . "

"You're going to trust a boy to bring you everything you need?"

"Yeah, right," Leah laughed. "Not a good idea. OK, thanks. Here, let me make a list." She grabbed a pad of paper from the table and said as she wrote, "I only have one black dress, and it's hanging in my closet. I need my black shoes, also in the closet and I have a black head band that should be on the dresser. And then, I'll have Mom get my coat out of the closet for you. I think I have everything else I need here." She ripped off the paper and handed it to Kim. "Can I borrow your phone to call Mom and tell her you're coming?"

"Sure. Keep it here with you guys in case you need to make any other calls. I'll get it from you when I get back." Turning to Jared, Kim kissed him then said, "Be right back."

Leah smiled at Jared as the door closed behind Kim. "I guess she's OK. You can marry her."

Jared laughed as he hugged Leah and admitted, "It really is good to have you here again. I kind of missed you." He let her go and she rolled her eyes at him as she opened the phone to make the call to her mom.

Paul got out of the shower, brushed his teeth and then he just stood there looking in the mirror wondering how in the hell he was going to get through this day. As he ran the electric razor over his face, he thought about how overjoyed he was that Leah was here and he was amazed that he had been able to spend the night making love to her. Was the imprint gone? Not all the way, because Rachel had popped into his head on more than one occasion last night, but at least there was no physical pain like before. He had no idea what was going on, but he wasn't going to question it.

Paul put on clean underwear and now he opened the door to walk across the hall and get dressed. He had laid the suit on the boy's bed and as he picked up the black pants, he wondered where Carol had gotten it. He slipped into the pants, put on the white shirt, tucked it in then he weaved the black belt into the loops and sat down to put on the black socks and shoes. As he reached for the black and gray striped tie, he realized he had absolutely no idea how to tie it, having never worn one before.

Paul walked out into the living room and announced, "I have no idea how to tie this damn thing."

Leah smiled as she stood up and walked over to him to say, "Well, you're in luck." As she wrapped the tie around his neck, under his collar she told him, "When I was in 7th grade, my best friend, Emma, and I decided it would look so cool to go with an 80's retro look and wear a tie to school every day. So, we went to the Goodwill store and spent like two bucks on four or five ties, and spent a whole day trying to figure out how to tie them." Leah tied it perfectly and pulled his collar back down over it. "It only lasted a couple of weeks until we decided we looked like morons. But at least I know how to tie a tie."

Paul laughed at her story then kissed her on the lips. "Thanks."

"Sure. Man, you look hot. Sexy business man, all in black . . . I think I like it." She wiggled her eyebrows at him.

"Oh yeah? You like this, huh? Cause this collar is killing me already," Paul whined as he stuck his finger into the collar and pulled at it.

"Oh stop it. You look nice. Deal with it," Leah scolded.

Jared just watched them in amazement . . . they looked and sounded like an old married couple. Maybe Paul was right. Maybe for some reason the imprint was wrong and Leah was the one for him.

"I hate to ask, but, did anyone try and get in touch with your mother?" Leah asked warily.

Paul's face grew angry as he spit out, "I don't want her here. She doesn't deserve to be here."

Leah quickly said, "I know that, Paul, and I understand. But, Ruth is her mother. She has a right to know."

"She would just sweep in and see what should get her hands on to sell for money then run straight for her dealer. Besides, this time of year she usually hides out in LA. She hates the cold."

Just then, the door burst open and Travis came running in. "Paul!" he shouted as he made a beeline for his big brother.

Paul immediately squatted down and held his arms out and Travis ran right into them. "Hey, buddy. I missed you," he said softly.

"I really missed you," Travis said as he hugged Paul as tight as he could.

Leah was standing behind Paul so Travis didn't see her right away. As soon as he spotted her, he let go of Paul and squealed, "Leah!" as he ran to her. She bent down and scooped Travis up into her arms and held him close to breathe in his little boy smell. She had missed him so much. He squeezed her around the neck so tightly she could hardly breathe. Leah finally got him to loosen his hold and Travis pulled back to look at her as he said, "I love the book you sent me that talks! I listen to it every night before I go to sleep."

"You do? Good, I'm glad." Leah kissed him on the cheek and let him go then looked to see Paul hugging Tyler. Ty was crying and trying to hide it.

Sam stepped over to say, "Hey, Leah. It's good to see you."

"Thanks, Sam." Leah had gotten over her feelings for Sam some time ago, but it was still awkward between them. Emily had come in and taken some food to the kitchen. Now she stood beside Sam as Leah said, "Um, thanks for taking care of the boys. That was really nice of you guys."

Emily smiled. "We were happy to help. They're good boys."

Leah nodded and moved to Paul's side. "Hey, Tyler, " she said.

Tyler looked up at her and quickly wiped his eyes. Leah smiled as she put her arm around his shoulder then leaned in to whisper, "It's OK to cry today. When my dad died, my brother cried a lot and he was 15. This is going to be a hard day, but we'll be here for you."

Tyler looked up at her and nodded, then he hugged her quickly and left to go to his room. Paul sighed and put his arm around Leah just as Kim came in with Leah's things. Leah took them from her and thanked her then went to the bathroom to change.

As Leah dressed, she remembered the last time she put on this dress for her dad's funeral. That had been such a long day . . . everyone on the reservation loved Harry Clearwater, so there were lots of people coming in and shaking her hand . . . saying they were sorry. It was the worst day of her life. Today would be like that for Paul, Tyler and Travis.

Leah looked in the mirror and added a little eye shadow and mascara then some blush and a little lip gloss. She brushed her hair and put in the headband and then slipped on her shoes and decided she was as ready as one could be for something like this.

Opening the door, Leah found Travis waiting on her. "What's up, little man?"

Looking up at her, Travis stated very solemnly, "My grandma's dead." Leah felt her heart break as she gazed into those little brown eyes full of tears.

Leah kneeled down in front of him to say, "I know. It's really sad, isn't it?"

Travis nodded. "She was really nice and she had a soft lap and she made really good cookies."

Leah smiled, "Yes she did."

"Leah? Where is she now?"

"Well, our people believe that when you die, you go to meet the ancestors . . . those people that died before you. So, your grandma is now with your grandpa, who died a long time ago. I'm sure that makes her really happy because she really missed him."

Travis nodded, although Leah wasn't sure he really understood what she was trying to tell him. "Ready to go?" Again, his little head bobbed, so she stood up and took his hand then they walked out to join the others.

Paul had slipped on his suit jacket and even through it was a little tight through the shoulders, he still looked really nice. Jared and Sam were both wearing dress pants and button up shirts, but no tie or jacket. Emily had dressed the boys nicely, with Tyler dressed like Sam, but Travis had on a plain navy blue sweater and khaki pants.

"Guys, come here," Paul said to Travis and Tyler. Putting his hands on their shoulders, he said, "Today is going to be really hard for me. I loved Grandma a lot. She raised me since I was 5, and . . . I'm not sure how to live here without her. I might cry today, and I don't want that to upset you. And it's OK if you feel like crying, too. But I want you both to know that I love you, and we'll find a way to go one living here without her, OK? I will take of you. We're brothers and we have to stick together." Travis and Tyler both nodded solemnly then Paul hugged them both close as Leah wiped her eyes and marveled at how mature Paul was in handling them.

"OK, let's go," Paul finally said to them and they turned and all walked to the door. Jared and Kim walked out first, then the boys and Sam and Emily. Paul held out Leah's coat and said, "I hate to say it, but you look really beautiful in that black dress."

Leah smiled as she slipped her arms into the sleeves. "Thank you. You look very nice, too."

Paul put his hands on her shoulders. "I will really need you today, Leah."

"I know. That's why I'm here."

Paul pulled Leah close for a moment then kissed her gently on the lips before he let her go. They walked outside and he closed the door behind them.

Paul told the boys to get into his car because he wanted them all to go together. After they were settled in the back, Paul held the door for Leah as she climbed in and then he shut it and walked around to get inside. With a long sigh, Paul rested his forehead on the steering wheel for a few seconds trying to find the strength to actually turn the key and drive to the funeral home.

Seeing him struggle, Leah reached out and laid her hand gently on his thigh just to remind him that she was here for him. That was all he needed to keep going - her touch. Paul looked over at her and gifted her with a small smile of thanks, then he started the car and drove them to the funeral home to say good bye to the only other woman he had ever loved.

As Paul stood near the casket, shaking hands and listening to everyone tell them how sorry they were he felt so numb, as he thanked people and listed to their comments and stories about his grandma. Ruth had been very well liked and had a lot of friends. The boys stood with him, very quietly, shaking hands as Leah stayed close by for comfort.

Everything went along like that until Rachel walked in. When she spotted Leah standing beside Paul, her eyes narrowed into slits. "What's she doing here?" she whispered to Jacob. "I thought she went away to school."

"She did. But she's a member of the pack, sis. We stick together."

Stick is the right word. She's stuck like glue to Paul, Rachel thought. Could she get any closer? Rachel was surprised at the jealousy that ripped through her just now. When Rachel had gone to Paul's the day his grandmother died and he told her to "Get the hell out and leave me the fuck alone!" Rachel had given up. If he didn't want her there at the darkest time in his life then there was no more reason to stay here and fight Leah's ghost. She had made up her mind to go to Seattle and move on with her life.

But now, this jealousy that poured through her veins was trying to change her mind. Rachel walked beside Jacob as he pushed Billy's wheelchair and when they got to Paul, Jacob gave him a bro hug and said, "This sucks, man. I'm really sorry."

"Thanks, Jake. I appreciate it."

Then Jacob smiled at Leah. "Hey, Leah. You look good." As he pulled her in for a big hug, he said warmly, "Long time, no see."

"I know. How are you?" Leah asked, surprised that she genuinely cared how he was doing.

"Eh, OK, I guess. Rachel made me go back to school to finish my senior year."

"Good for her. Now we need to get this one to take his GED," Leah said as she looked at Paul.

"Yeah, I promised Grandma. I guess I better look into that," Paul said softly.

Rachel pushed past her brother to wrap her arms around Paul. "Paul, baby, I'm so sorry. I've been worried sick about you. I wish you would have let me come over and help you."

"I'm OK, Rachel." Paul tried gently to pull away, but suddenly Rachel had a death grip on him for some reason. Finally she pulled back, and kissed him hard on the lips then she grabbed his hand and wouldn't let it go.

Billy shook Paul's hand and said a few words then wheeled off to talk to Sue and Jacob followed. Leah could see Rachel shooting daggers at her, so she said to Paul, "I want to talk to Seth. I haven't seen him yet." Paul gave her an anxious look that said, "Don't leave me," so she patted his arm and said, "I'll be back."

Leah walked away and heard Rachel fussing over how the boys were dressed, smiling as she knew they'd hate that. Seth was standing near their mom, who was now talking to Billy, as Leah walked over and hugged him. "Hey, little brother. It's good to see you."

"Yeah, you, too. So you sleep with Paul last night?"

Leah pulled back, shocked that he would ask that here of all places. "Why the hell would you ask me that, here, at Ruth's funeral?"

Seth hung his head and mumbled, "Sorry, I don't know. I just saw you standing with him, and . . . I could see it, I guess. You know he's still imprinted on Rachel. I just don't want to see you get hurt over and over."

Leah smiled at his admission. "Look, I get that. I like that you care. Let's just don't talk about it right now, OK?"

Seth nodded and Leah took a second to look back at Paul. Rachel was still clinging to his side and Leah wondered why she felt so threatened. Does Rachel know how much Paul still loves me? Leah sighed and turned back to Seth. "So, any good pack gossip?"

Seth just smiled and they sat down in a couple of available chairs and he talked about school, girls, the pack, anything to help take her mind off things. They both hated being here as this was the same place they had their dad's funeral. It took every bit of strength Seth could muster just to walk into the place.

Finally the pastor from Ruth's church had everyone take their seats so he could begin the service. Paul and his brothers sat together up front, and Travis insisted that Leah sit on the end beside him, so she did. Rachel sat in the second row behind Paul with Jake and Billy. As the service went on, Leah kept glancing over at Paul. He held himself very rigid and stared straight ahead, trying not to show the emotion that was churning inside. Tyler followed his brother's lead and did the same, but Travis had a hard time sitting still and finally got off of his chair to climb onto Leah's lap. As he leaned his head onto her shoulder, she held him close and whispered, "It'll be over soon." She dropped a kiss on top of his head and tried to ignore Rachel's glare as she held him close.

When the service was over, Paul stood and shook the pastor's hand and thanked him for his kind words. Tyler again mimicked his brother and did the same. Paul then asked Tyler and Travis to walk up to the casket with him and as the three of them stood there together he said, "It's time to say good bye, guys." Turning, Paul motioned to Leah to step up to the casket, too, and he took her hand and squeezed it as he said, "Grandma, I will miss you every day for the rest of my life. Thank you so much for taking me in and making me your son, cause . . . I don't know where I would be now without you. I will try every day to be the man you wanted me to be." Tears slid from his eyes and rolled down his cheek, his voice breaking as he added softly, "I will always love you."

Tyler cleared his throat and said in a soft voice, "Thank you, Grandma, for letting me and Travis come and live with you. I'm sorry I was so awful when I first got there and treated you bad. You didn't deserve it. I never told you . . . " Tyler started to break down, "I never told you out loud, but . . . " he was having a hard time getting it out so Paul put his hand on his shoulder to encourage him. "I love you, Grandma." Then Tyler broke down and Paul hugged him to his side and let him cry.

Travis just stared at Tyler, watching him cry. Leah bent over and picked him up to ask, "Do you want to say good bye, Trav?"

Travis just shook his head. "I don't want her to go," he said as his little face crumpled and he started to cry. Leah held him tight and let her tears spill out. "I know, honey," she said, trying hard to comfort him. "None of us do, but it will be OK."

They all stood there for a few minutes letting their grief pour out then Paul turned and led Tyler out the door at the side and Leah followed with Travis. Everyone got into their cars and followed the hearse to the cemetery. The pastor said a few words there then invited everyone back to Sam and Emily's for a dinner.

As the crowd dispersed, Paul stood alone at the casket as Sam and Emily had talked the boys into riding back to the house with them. Rachel quietly walked up to him and said, "Paul, I'll drive you to the house. Come on." She took his arm and tried to pull him gently away.

Never taking his eyes from the casket he told her quietly, "No, I have my car and I'll drive myself. Thanks, though."

"Paul? Why are you shutting me out? I want to help you. I should be beside you today, not her," Rachel whined.

Paul finally tore his eyes away from the casket to look at her angrily. "Do you really want to stand here in front of my grandmother's coffin and make this about you?"

Rachel stepped back in shock and felt like she had just gotten a slap. "I'm so . . . I'm sorry, Paul. I'm not sure why I'm feeling so jealous. I'm sorry." And with that, she turned and hurried away to catch up to Jacob and her dad as the tears rolled down her face.

Paul hung his head. "I'm sorry," he whispered as he put his hand on the casket and said, "What am I going to do about her, Grandma?"

Everyone was gone, and Paul finally leaned down and kissed the casket. "Good bye, Grandma. I will really miss you." Wiping his eyes, Paul turned to leave and then he saw her, and his heart skipped a beat. There was Leah, patiently waiting for him, was leaning against his car.

Paul smiled at her then he turned back to the casket to say quietly, "I don't know how, but I know you had something to do with this, Grandma. Thank you."

Then Paul turned away from the casket and walked quickly into Leah's waiting arms.