CHAPTER 25

LITTLE CHILD

Leah didn't go home for her two-week summer break in August. Instead, she stayed and moved into a new dorm room, this time with no roommate. She needed the extra space and she was lucky one was available and that her student aid covered it. Her mom and brother made the trip to help her move and spend some time with her before classes started.

"Put that down! You know you're not supposed to be doing any heavy lifting! Do you want to have that baby right here on the sidewalk," Sue scolded.

Leah rolled her eyes and thought again how she wished she hadn't shared her little secret with her mother and Seth. Sue had done nothing but lecture her since she got here, while Seth on the other hand had said barely two words.

"The doctor says I have another 6 to 7 weeks till the baby is due, Mom," Leah said as she set the box back down on the sidewalk.

"Yes, and you need to keep it that way. You let your brother carry things, and you put them away where you want them."

Sighing, Leah did as her mother said and walked back into her room to unload a box. She had realized in April that she was pregnant. She had suspected in late March when she started puking every morning, but the stomach flu had been going around so she just attributed it to that. As it hung around, Leah finally realized right before her birthday, it might be morning sickness. Since she didn't have periods, it wasn't something she even thought about until she started counting back to January and to those nights she spent with Paul then she ran out and bought not one but four pregnancy tests and peed on all of them. She was shocked when they all turned out positive! How could she be pregnant? She was a wolf . . . she thought she couldn't have kids. But she had stopped phasing when she went to school last August, and . . . maybe that was it. Had she given up her wolf?

A trip to the campus doctor confirmed it and when she was home in May, she tried hard to cover her small baby bump. She didn't want anyone to know at that point, especially Paul. That night on the cliff top, she had wanted him so badly, but as soon as he started to pull her shirt off, she panicked. She didn't want him to see or to feel that she was pregnant. It wasn't fair to him she realized, but she was so confused about everything, and she wanted to be sure she knew what SHE wanted to do and not be swayed by anyone else trying to make the decision for her.

The only sure thing Leah knew was how much she wanted this baby. It was a miracle to her that she had become pregnant and that's how she thought about this baby - it was her little miracle baby. And now, here she was almost 8 months pregnant, stubbornly determined to stay in school and finish her nursing degree. That was HER decision.

"That's the last box," Seth mumbled as he set it down on the hardwood floor and plopped down on her bare mattress. "Do you have anything to drink?"

"Just water. There's a cup by the sink." Seth nodded and got up to go into the bathroom.

Leah had a small fridge and a microwave but they weren't plugged in yet. She had saved some money from her job at the cafeteria and purchased them used from a student who was graduating. She also bought a small, portable crib for the baby because she wouldn't have room for a large one.

"How are you going to do this, Leah?" Sue asked for what seemed like the hundredth time to Leah. "What are going to do with the baby when you go to class? How are you going to buy diapers and . . ."

"Look, Mom, I hate to tell you this, but I am not the first girl to have a baby here at college. I talked to my advisor and she told me that I can take the first four weeks off and stay with the baby. My professors will email me the work and I can meet with them once a week to go over it and take any tests. Once the baby is bigger, there is a child care center right here on campus where I can leave the baby while I go to class and work. I can apply for aid to help pay for it. I know it's not the ideal situation, but it's the only option I have right now."

Scowling, Sue replied, "No, you have other options. You can come home and live with me and I can help you with the baby."

"There is no college around La Push that can help me complete my degree. You know that."

"So screw the degree, Leah. This baby is more important than a degree!"

"I know that! Don't you think I know that? But I made a promise, a commitment to the council to do this and I will finish it. Now I'm sorry if you don't approve, but I am doing the best I can here!" Leah shouted.

"No, you're not, Leah. You are being completely selfish and I am so disappointed in you," Sue shot back.

"Disappointed? So now you're going to throw guilt at me?"

Seth piped up with, "Can you two take a break? My ears are ringing from all the yelling."

Leah sighed and eased her big belly down onto a chair as Sue sat down on the mattress and looked tenderly at Leah. "Why won't you tell him, Leah? He's partially responsible for this baby, too, you know. You need him right now."

"Mother, what good would that do? He has enough on his plate right now, working and raising the boys. It's not like he can drop everything and move to Spokane."

"Give him a chance! You don't know what he would do. That boy is still crazy in love with you, Leah. I think he would move to the moon if you asked him to."

Seth surprised her by saying, "You know he's not my favorite person, but he does have a right to know."

Leah rubbed her forehead and wished again that she had not called her mom for help. "I'll think about it, OK? I know he has a right to know. Can we just get this stuff put away now?"

"Yeah, I'm hungry," Seth complained. Leah shook her head at him. "What? I'm a growing werewolf. It's been like three hours since I ate!"

Leah finally laughed for the first time that day. "I know." She rubbed her baby belly and said, "We're hungry, too. Let's get to work and then we'll get something to eat."

Three days later, Sue and Seth left for home, but not before Sue told her she would back by Leah's due date.

"Mom, I'll be fine. You don't have to come all the way out here again."

Sue took her by the shoulders and said, "Look here, daughter. There is no way in hell I will allow you to go all alone to a hospital in a strange city and have this baby by yourself, do you understand me? No matter how brave you think you are, having a baby is a scary thing, and I will not let you go through it alone. Period."

Leah rested her head on Sue's shoulder and allowed her mother to hold her for just a moment. "Thanks, Mom," Leah said softly as she pulled away then added, "And I'm sorry that you think I'm being stubborn about staying here. It's just something I feel I have to try."

"I understand that, I really do. But, honey . . . think about telling Paul. It's not fair to him."

Leah closed her eyes and did everything she could to hold back her anger. "I know. Please don't say anything to him, OK? Let me figure this out for myself." Then she looked at Seth and added, "And that goes for you, too." Seth just rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.

Then Sue smiled and said, "Alright, give me a kiss goodbye and we'll call when we get home. I'll be back in six weeks."

Leah gave in and smiled then kissed her mom on the cheek. "I give up. You're the most stubborn person I know.

"I don't know about that. Have you looked in a mirror lately?" Sue sent back. Seth snorted and Leah shot him a look. Then she watched them climb into the car and she waved as they drove away as she rubbed her belly and whispered, "She may be stubborn, but she's your grandma. I know you're going to love her as much as I do."

Six weeks later, Sue was back. She had splurged on an airplane ticket this time and a rental car. Leah had a sofa left in her room from the previous occupant, so Sue slept on that. Two days later, Leah's water broke as she was getting out of the shower. "MOM!" Leah called out in a panic and Sue came running. Sue got her dressed, put her in the car and drove way too fast to the hospital.

Since Leah had not phased in over a year, her body temperature had actually come down. It ran around 100 now, so she could go to a regular doctor and not worry about them thinking she was dying. The nurse in the ER sent her straight up to maternity and they had her in bed and hooked to a monitor in record time.

Dr. Walker came in about an hour after they got there and examined her. "Well, you are already at 7 centimeters. Won't be long now," she reported. "I'll be back soon to deliver. Keep up your breathing, you're doing great."

Sue sat with Leah the whole time, feeding her ice chips, holding her hand through each contraction and helping her breathe. Leah was finally getting close to pushing when Sue said, "Leah, Paul should be here. I hate that he's missing this. No one should miss the birth of their first child."

"I know, Mom," Leah said with tears in her eyes. "I've been so fucking stupid! I want him here so bad right now. But he's not . . . oooh, I have to push. I have to push now!"

Sue rang for the nurse who called the doctor who arrived just in time to catch the baby! "It's a boy!" the doctor called out and Leah cried as she heard her son cry for the first time. Leah held him for just a few seconds then the nurse took him away to clean him while the doctor finished with her.

After they were both cleaned up, Sue brought the baby over to Leah. "Here he is, honey. Meet your son." Sue laid the baby into Leah's arms and she looked down in amazement at this boy . . . her perfect little miracle baby.

He was wrapped up tight in a blanket and had a little blue hat on his head. "Oh, Mom, he looks just like Paul." Tears rolled down her face as she again wished with all her heart he was here with her. She should have told him. She hated herself now so much for keeping it from him. What was I thinking?

"Yes, he does," Sue agreed, tears rolling down her own cheeks. "The doctor says he weighs 8 pounds and 4 ounces and he's perfectly healthy."

Leah couldn't take her eyes off of him. Sue asked, "Have you thought of a name?"

"I have. I want to name him Noah, after your father, who was such a cool grandpa to me, and Paul, well, after his dad.

Sue smiled. "I like that. But what about his last name?"

Leah thought about that as she looked down at Noah. She had planned on Clearwater, but now, gazing into his precious little eyes that looked so much like Paul's, it just didn't seem right. "You know that Paul's real last name is Uley?" Sue nodded. She knew the connection Paul had to Sam and that was where the wolf gene came from. "But Paul uses Jacobs because he wanted his last name to be the same as his grandmother." Leah looked down at little Noah and smiled. "Noah Paul Jacobs. I think it suits you."

Two days later, Sue took Leah and Noah home from the hospital and settled them into their dorm room. She let Leah get as much sleep as she could because she knew for the next few months, sleep would be something she would miss greatly.

Sue spent the next few days teaching Leah how to care for her newborn baby. They bonded as only a mother and daughter can over a grandchild. Leah found herself being very thankful that her mom had come back to be here with her.

But, after five days, Sue had to return home. It was so hard for her to leave her daughter and new grandson. Sue was holding Noah close as she dropped a gentle kiss on his forehead. "I am going to miss you so much, little one." Smiling at him, Sue finally handed him over to Leah. "You'll be alright, honey. And you can call me, you know, when you have a question," Sue reminded her as she quickly wiped the tears from her eyes.

Leah sniffed and nodded. She was having trouble holding back her own tears. "I know, Mom. I'm sure I'll have a lot."

"You will. I know I probably drove your grandma crazy that whole first month after you were born." She and Leah both laughed softly. "I have to go. I don't want to miss my flight." Leah nodded and walked her to the door. "I can't wait to see what trouble your brother has gotten into while I was gone."

Leah rolled her eyes at that. "Please. Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes? I'm the problem child, remember?"

Sue laughed then laid her hand against Leah's cheek. "Yes, you are. But I wouldn't want you any other way. I love you, Leah." Sue drew Leah and Noah to her one last time, then wiped her tears and walked out the door. Leah leaned against it after she left and cried. Am I crazy? How on earth am I going to take care of this baby all by myself?

That night, while Noah was finally sleeping, Leah thought about Paul. This is so unfair to him. She hated that he had missed the birth of his son. How could she ever make that up to him? Picking up the picture of Paul and boys that she still kept by her bedside, Leah looked at it and ran her finger lightly over Paul's face then said softly, "I am so sorry, Paul. I hope someday you will forgive me because I know when you find out, you will hate me."

The first four weeks went by very quickly and Leah realized it wasn't easy taking care of a newborn and doing homework and studying for tests. She was an exhausted mess! Luckily, one day in the laundry room, she met another girl in her dorm with beautiful curly red hair named Jenny who had a 6 month old baby girl named Molly. They quickly became friends as Jenny gave her advice and answered those questions she was sure were really stupid. Jenny watched Noah for her once in awhile so she could at least shower and get out of her pajamas for which Leah was very grateful.

Leah decided quickly the second week of Noah's life that her long hair would have to go. It just took too long to wash and dry and Noah was always getting lost in it. So, she had it cut and now it was just past her chin. She also had some bangs that swept across her forehead and she actually kind of liked the change.

Leah had invited Jenny and Molly over for the evening and they were eating pizza on the floor while Molly played and Noah slept.

"How did you do it? I know I'm going to be worried sick the whole time I'm there," Leah told Jenny. Leah would be taking Noah to day care for the first time tomorrow for three hours while she went to her class since she had the baby, and she was a wreck worrying over it.

Jenny smiled as she answered, "Yes, you will. But it will get a little easier each time. And he will be fine. They have plenty of good people there to make sure he's taken care of."

Leah sighed and looked at Noah. "I know. I just feel so incredibly guilty."

"Get used to it. You're a mom now. You'll always feel guilty about something for the rest of your life!" Jenny told her with a laugh. "At least that's what my mom told me."

"Yes, but, I can't get over the fact that I'm keeping him from his father," Leah admitted. Leah had broken down and told Jenny everything about her and Paul. Well, not everything. She had to fudge the story a little because she wouldn't understand the imprinting, but she tried to make it as factual as she could.

"You know, you've got me stumped on that one, Leah. You know, I messed up and fooled around with a dirtbag who didn't want anything to do with me once he found out I was pregnant. But you . . . you have this awesome guy who is madly in love with you, and you won't tell him you have a son together?" Jenny sighed and took a drink of her iced tea. "That's just crazy, Leah."

"I know it. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing by staying here and finishing school. And I knew if I told Paul he would insist that I move back to La Push and forget about nursing. But now that Noah is here and he looks exactly like his father, I have to look into those eyes everyday and wonder what the hell I'm doing."

"So tell him. He's only a month old. It's better to tell him now than when Noah's the one graduating from college."

Leah gave her a short laugh. "Yeah, I guess."

"What's the worse that could happen? He insists on marrying you? You live happily ever after? Man, I wish I had it so rough."

Leah actually chuckled at that. "Well, you don't know Paul. He can be a little scary when he wants to be. But . . . I wouldn't mind being married to him. I've thought about it a lot. I just hope when he does find out, he still . . . well, he'll still want to marry me."

Jenny smiled and picked up Noah who was fussing, gave him his pacifier then looked at Leah. "From what you've told me, I think once he sets eyes on this little one, he won't be able to get a ring on your finger fast enough."

Leah smiled and really thought about that. Would he forgive her that easily?

Later that night as she sat up feeding Noah, Leah decided she would stick it out until Christmas break. That was only six more weeks. Then she would go home, face Paul and tell him the truth. And then God help her.