CHAPTER 28

AND I LOVE HER

The next morning, Leah reluctantly got up and showered, dressed, brushed her teeth, fed Noah and then pulled out her books. She laid Noah on a blanket on the floor beside her and let him stretch and play a little while she studied.

Paul finally woke up and looked over at them and smiled. "Hey. Why didn't you wake me?"

Leah looked up from her books and smiled back. "You needed your sleep. You still snore, by the way."

Paul chuckled at that as he sat up and stretched, noticing that Leah snuck a peek at him as he did so. He liked that she was checking him out. It was nice to know he wasn't the only one who missed sex. Scooting off of the couch, Paul crawled across the floor to lay down beside Noah. "Hey, little man," he said softly. "I didn't even hear you get up with him in the night. I must have really been out."

"You were exhausted. You've been sleeping for 9 hours straight."

"I can't even remember the last time I slept that long." Noah was holding his father's finger while Paul gazed at his little face. He was still amazed by everything Noah did. Finally he gently pulled his finger away and sat up. "Mind if I shower? I really need one."

"Nope, go ahead. Clean towels are under the sink."

Paul reached over, put his hand on Leah's cheek then kissed her on the lips. As he pulled away he said softly, "Good morning."

Leah returned his smile and said, "Good morning, baby daddy."

Paul snorted and looked over at Noah. "Did you hear what your mommy called me? Huh?" He gently ran his finger over his little belly as he smiled down at him. Noah surprised him by smiling back. "Oh my God, Leah! Did you see that? He smiled at me!"

"Yeah, he does that," Leah said as she finished highlighting a sentence in her book.

"What do you mean, 'Yeah, he does that?' He SMILED at me!"

Leah looked up at Paul's shocked face and laughed. "I mean, yeah, he smiles." She looked down at Noah and smiled. "And it's so cute, isn't it? You like to smile for Mommy, don't you?"

Noah smiled at her and she looked at Paul and said, "See? He smiles."

Paul just shook his head. "I have so much to learn about babies."

"Yes, you do. I have some books you can borrow."

Paul snorted as he stood to head to the bathroom. "See, he smiles," he muttered in a mocking voice. Leah just smiled and went back to studying.

Standing in the tiny shower, Paul enjoyed the feeling of the hot water running over him. It had been a wild couple of days and he hadn't realized how tense he was until he stood there and tried to let the water relax his muscles. Of course, sleeping on the couch didn't help. He smiled as he thought about how spoiled he was now. He had slept on a couch for months, and now that he had his bed, he hated being back on a couch even for one night.

As Paul stepped out of the shower and dried himself, he realized his bag was in the other room, so he wrapped the towel around his waist and opened the door. Leah looked up as he walked toward her and felt her heart stop. Paul's black hair was wet and water droplets ran down his muscular chest to his rock hard abs. Her mouth went dry as he leaned down in front of her to pick up his bag and she knew that towel covered his taunt ass. It brought up memories of those nights she spent with Paul, when Noah was conceived. Sex with Paul . . . that was definitely something she had missed very much.

Paul turned around and smiled. "I forgot my bag . . . are you alright?" He noticed she was staring and she looked a little out of breath.

Leah shook her head then quickly buried her nose in her book. "I'm fine."

Paul grinned as he realized she had been checking him out again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to flaunt my hot sexy body in front of you like that. Kind of inconsiderate of me." Leah rolled her eyes and tried hard to focus on the words on the page in front of her. "Were you waiting for the towel to accidentally fall off? Cause I can arrange that," he said wickedly as his hand went to the towel.

"Just go get dressed, will ya?"

Paul laughed and walked on by. "OK. If you insist. But I know you're still thinking about it," he said as he closed the door and Leah looked down at Noah to say softly, "Please don't take after your daddy and be such an insufferable jerk."

"I heard that!" Paul called out.

Leah laughed and decided she had really missed Paul. A lot.

They spent the day together, Leah teaching Paul how to take care of the baby. She even expressed some of her milk and put it into bottles so he could help with the feedings. Of course he thoroughly enjoyed watching that process.

Leah spent some time in the afternoon studying while Paul spent time with Noah. She kept glancing over at him as he talked to Noah and played with him. Her heart ached to see him and know that she had kept him from his son.

Finally, Noah fell asleep and Paul laid him in his crib. "I'm getting hungry. How about I go and get us some food? Or do you want to go out again?"

Leah looked up at him. "Um, I don't know. I guess I want to stay in, if that's OK. It's kind of cold and nasty outside." It had been spitting snow all day, and the wind was blowing it around. "I really don't want to take Noah out in this."

"I should have thought of that," Paul said. He hadn't had to worry about the cold for so long, he just didn't even think about the weather most of the time.

"It's OK. You'll get used to it."

Paul smiled at her. "I hope so, for his sake. OK, I'll go get us something. Any preferences?"

"Nope," Leah shrugged. "Surprise me."

Paul zipped up his sweatshirt and leaned down to kiss Leah. "Be back soon." Then he opened the door and left.

Leah smiled and wondered if he even realized that he automatically kissed her before leaving. She decided she could really get used to that.

Paul returned in a little while with an armload of food. "Are we having a party, or is this all for us?" Leah said as she helped him with all of the containers.

"I'm hungry, and I couldn't decide what to get, so I got a variety. Kind of like a buffet," he added with a grin.

Leah helped him open all the bags and containers and then got them both a fork. He had fried chicken and mashed potatoes, egg rolls and fried rice, tacos and Leah smiled as she saw the container of chocolate ice cream. They sat on the floor with the food spread out in front of them and dug in.

Leah had to get up in the middle of her meal and feed Noah. He latched on and she picked up an egg roll and took a bite. Paul snickered at her. "What? I'm hungry and sometimes he takes awhile."

They chatted while they ate and it was more like old times for Paul. Being with Leah was so easy . . . so natural. They could spend months apart, but as soon as they were back together, they fell into this easy rhythm. That had to mean something, didn't it? He knew it did. He knew he couldn't live without her. He had tried that and he was miserable, and so was everyone around him. They needed to be a family, in the real sense of the word: a mom, a dad and a baby . . . something he had never had.

"You're quiet. You OK?" Leah asked as she moved Noah onto her should to burp him.

Paul gave her a small smile. "Yeah, I'm good," he answered as he began gathering up all of their trash and putting it back into the bags.

"I'll do that. It's only fair that I clean up since you went out to get it," Leah told him.

"No, that's OK. You take care of Noah. I got it." Paul cleaned up all the trash and then gathered up the other trash and took it out to the dumpster. When he came back, Leah was in the bathroom starting Noah's bath.

Paul walked into the room to see if he could help again. "You want to do it?" Leah asked. He looked at her warily and she smiled. "You won't hurt him, I promise. You're very good with him."

So, Paul took Noah's diaper off and placed him gently in the tub. Leah handed him the wash cloth that she had filled with baby soap and Paul softly wiped at Noah and smiled and talked to him while Leah washed his hair. When they were done, Paul lifted the baby from the tub and wrapped him in the towel that Leah held out for him. He carried him to the bed and laid him down to put on a clean diaper and his pajamas.

"Look at you. You're a daddy," Leah whispered.

Carefully picking Noah up, Paul kissed him on the head as he said softly, "Yeah, I am." He then moved to sit on the couch and hold him for awhile.

Leah cleaned up the bathroom and then joined him on the couch. "So? Are you getting more used to the idea that you are a dad?"

Paul looked up at her and nodded. "Yeah. I mean, he's so amazing. I can't wait until he's big enough to throw a ball or go fishing. It's going to be so awesome."

Leah laughed at that. "What do you think Travis will think of him? I'm afraid he might be a little jealous at first."

"Why?"

"Why? Travis idolizes you, you have to know that. I don't think he will like sharing you. You will have to be careful to still spend time with just Travis when you can."

"I never thought of that," Paul admitted. "You really are good at this."

"Hardly. I just read alot."

Leah's phone rang and she got up to answer it. "Hey, Mom. Yeah, he's here." She looked over at Paul and rolled her eyes. "No, he didn't kill me, but I think he said something about strangling me." Paul chuckled at that. "He loves Noah. We were just talking about how good of a dad he is. He even gave Noah his bath tonight." Leah talked to Sue for a few minutes and assured her that they were talking things out. "I don't think you need to plan on coming to get me, no. I think Paul will be bringing us home."

"Good, it's about time. Did he say anything about getting married?" Sue asked excitedly.

"Mom, I gotta go. Noah is getting hungry. We'll talk later, OK?" Leah lied. Noah was peacefully staring at Paul.

"Yeah, OK, you can't talk right now. I get it. Alright, you two behave. I just want you to know that I am expecting a wedding soon."

"Gee, thanks, Mom. No pressure there."

Sue laughed and added, "Oh, wasn't there? I can work on that. I'll let you go. Call me when you can talk. Bye."

"Bye, Mom." Leah hung up and sighed. "Mothers."

"Hey, be thankful for the one you have. She's a saint compared to the woman who gave birth to me," Paul told her.

Leah sunk down onto the couch and smiled. "I know. I love her, but she's so damn bossy sometimes."

Paul laughed at that. "Like mother, like daughter." Leah shot him a look which made him laugh harder. He finally quieted and said, "OK, I'm sorry. She just loves you and wants what's best for you, you know." Noah started fussing and Paul tried the pacifier.

"I know," Leah sighed. "I just wish she would butt out sometimes and let me figure things out for myself."

"And I guess that goes for me, too?" Paul asked. Leah just looked at him. "Is this what all this has been about? You want me to just butt out and let you figure this out?"

Leah huffed and replied quickly, "No, I don't want you to butt out. Noah is your son, too, Paul. I know that, and I know that you will never forgive me for what I've done and I really can't blame you." Leah took a crying Noah from Paul and stood up to put him on her shoulder and rub his back. "But, if you could look at this from my point of view. My life was taken away from me and I became someone I hardly recognized. You were there, Paul. You remember who I was before Sam . . . before the almighty wolf gods decided we weren't right for each other."

Noah let out a belch and Leah kissed him on the head then put him down in his crib with his pacifier and covered him up. She straightened and turned to Paul. "Losing Sam, losing my dad, then turning into a fucking dog . . . it was too much. I had no idea who I was anymore."

Paul nodded sympathetically. It had been a rough time for her, he knew that well. Leah sunk down onto the opposite end of the couch and went on. "Then, you came along and offered to be my friend. NO ONE wanted to be around me for longer than two seconds, and you offer to be my friend? YOU! You were as much of a jerk as I was. So, I figured, why the hell not?" Paul smiled. "And so, we became friends and for the first time in a very long time, I started to remember who I was. You helped me to see that." The pillow on the couch found its way onto her lap and she clutched it to her. "But then, the fucking wolf gods had to strike again and let me know that apparently I wasn't worthy of love." She turned her head to look out the window at the swirling snow. "I was afraid if I gave into the self-pity this time, I would never be able to come back."

Paul tried his best to remain quiet. He realized it was important for Leah to get this out.

Turning back, Leah went on, "So, I convinced Mom to go with me to the council and make them let me out of the wolf contract to go to school. I knew I had to get away. I had to save what little I still had of myself. And, Paul, as hard as it was to leave . . . it was the best thing I could have done. I dove into my classes and loved them! I engaged my brain and was learning so much . . . it was so . . . thrilling! I started to feel like I wasn't such a failure, like maybe I had a purpose after all. So I couldn't procreate, big deal. Maybe I could be a healer."

Leah looked down at her hands. "Then I got that call from Jared . . . he begged me to come home." Her eyes found Paul's and she said softly, "You needed me and I ran to you. And . . . " she closed her eyes, "as awful as it was that Ruth was gone," she found his gaze again, "that time we spent together was so . . . I don't know, magical. I never wanted it to end."

Paul finally spoke. "You know I didn't either. I would never have gotten through any of that without you."

Leah smiled softly. "I know. I could feel that. That long bus ride home, I kept thinking how could this be? I wasn't supposed to be meant for you. Rachel was. Why didn't you need her like you needed me? I was confused as hell, so, I threw myself back into my studies and things were back on track until . . . I realized I was pregnant."

Leah's face lit up. "I was pregnant! It was like being able to say to the wolf gods, 'Fuck you! I can procreate! I can spawn wolf cubs!' It was so . . . liberating. But, after I came down from my high of beating the wolf gene, I realized I had decisions to make. Not about whether to have this baby or not. That was NEVER in question. From the very first, I wanted this baby more than I had ever wanted anything. But I realized, for the first time, I could make the decisions, I could choose what to do . . . not the wolf gods, or Sam, the all-mighty Alpha, or the tribal council, or my mother . . . me. I was in charge of my own body. I could decide. It was a very powerful feeling."

"But, when I went home for the wedding, and I saw you and the boys and we danced . . . I almost cracked. I felt such a pull . . . I could feel how much you still loved me, and that night on the cliff . . . I knew how much you still wanted me. God I wanted you, too, so much . . . " Leah drew in a deep breath. "But after arguing with myself that night, I finally decided that I liked being in charge and I was terrified if I told you, all that power would be in your hands, or mom's, or the council's . . . and I freaked. I couldn't do it. So, I came back, and then Mom insisted on coming out to help me move into the new dorm. She didn't want to wait until Christmas to see me again." A huge grin spread over Leah's face. "And you should have seen her face when she saw my pregnant belly! Oh my God, I wish I would have had a camera ready. It was priceless."

Paul just shook his head in disapproval at her. "I know, I know it was so wrong to just spring it on her like that, but, like I said, I was on a power trip. But Seth, well . . . Seth was another thing altogether. When he looked at me, I just saw . . . shame. He told me later it wasn't that I was knocked up and not married, it was that I was keeping it from you. We all know how you feel about your brothers . . . you would kill anyone who tried to hurt them. Seth knew that if you felt that way about your brothers, you would definitely feel even more like that for your own child. And I knew he was right. I promised both of them I would think more about telling you."

Leah again turned to the window. "And I did, but, I didn't act on it soon enough. Mom came back out for Noah's birth, and was there for me in the delivery room, feeding me ice chips, and rubbing my back . . . holding me up while I pushed . . . " she turned her gaze to Paul, "all those things you should have been doing for me. I lost it right there. All the shame, all the regret came pouring in on me." Her eyes filled with tears. "I will never forgive myself for keeping you from that. It was the most incredible day of my life, giving birth to my son, and his father wasn't there." Tears were rolling down her cheeks and it was Paul's undoing.

He couldn't take this shit any longer. It was time to end it. No matter her reasons, no matter what happened, it was time to move on.

Paul pulled her close and held her as she cried, his hand rubbing her back, just like she had done for Noah when he was crying earlier. Finally she sniffed and sat up to look at him. Paul took her face into his hands. "Leah, we can't go back and change what's happened, so it's done. I want us to move on past this. Is that what you want?"

Leah nodded, "Yes, that's what I want, too. But I don't know how to make this up to you."

"Well, maybe we'll just have to have another one so I can see what I missed."

Leah stared at him in surprise. "Really? You would want that?"

Paul smiled and took his hands away from her face to reach into his pocket and pull out a small box. "Only if you agree to marry me." He opened the box and she gasped. There on the blue velvet was a white gold ring with a small single square cut diamond. "Look, Leah. I came here for three reasons. The first was to meet my son. The second was to find out why the hell you didn't trust me enough to tell me. And the third," Paul took Leah's hand and gazed into her eyes, "The third and most important reason was to get you to agree to marry me and put me out of my misery. I can't live this way any more, Leah. I love you so much, and I am so miserable without you." His voice cracked and he stopped to clear his throat and try to hold back his tears. He felt like such a fucking wimp!

As he held out the ring he explained, "This was my grandmother's. She told me she was saving it for me to give to my 'special girl.' I think she would be very happy to know that I gave it to you."

Leah stared at him then said, "Paul, I know you want to do the right thing for Noah, but . . . "

Paul's mouth fell open. "Are you fucking kidding me? You think I only want to marry you because you had my baby? Think about the time we spent together in January . . . how perfect that was for us. In May it took every ounce of strength I had not to kidnap you and take you straight to the elders to beg them to marry us. I can't live without you any longer and I'm pretty sure you feel the same way. Now please quit being so damn stubborn and just put this ring on your finger!"

Leah laughed through her tears and held out her hand. Paul slid the ring on and asked, "Is that a yes?"

Shaking her head, Leah said softly, "No." He started to say something and she put her hand over his mouth. "It's a hell yes!"

Paul laughed as he pulled Leah close and buried his face against her neck. "Thank God. This nightmare is finally over." After a moment, he pulled back and took Leah's face in his hands as he gazed into her eyes. "Are you sure, Leah? Are you sure that you want to leave and go home with me and live with me and marry me and . . . "

Leah's face was lit up and to Paul, he had never seen her look so beautiful. "Yes, I'm sure. I have never been so sure of anything in my life. I want to marry you."

Tell me, Leah," he whispered. "Please just tell me what I want to hear."

Holding his gaze, Leah whispered, "I love you, Paul. With all my heart."

Paul smiled. "Tell me again."

"I love you," she said with a smile as she wound her arms around his neck.

"Now promise me you'll never leave me ever again."

Leah's eyes filled with tears. "I promise I will never leave you again."

Paul grinned at her and said, "Now that's what I'm talking about." Then he put his lips on hers and sighed. He finally felt alive again. Holding Leah in his arms, knowing she would always be his . . . it was a feeling he never thought he would be lucky enough to have again.

Their kissing intensified until they both gave into what they had been denying themselves for all the months they had spent apart. Paul was trying hard to hold himself back. He just wanted to rip her clothes from her and drive himself into her over and over. But he did his best to just enjoy each new sensation and take it slower. Just tasting her lips again thrilled him! He explored her mouth gently with his tongue as she sighed.

Leah's hormones were in overdrive right now. She had a hard time taking things slow. Her hands pulled at his t-shirt until he finally allowed her to pull it over his head. Her hands itched to run over every inch of his muscular body. They started on his shoulders and then ran up his neck and into his hair. As Paul's lips moved over hers she sighed and ran her hands down his chest.

Paul hands were fumbling over the buttons on Leah's blouse until she finally pushed him away and undid each one while she stared into his eyes. He watched as she sat up to slip it off and then she reached around and undid the hooks of her bra and slid that off, too. Her breasts were much bigger than he remembered and he realized that was from having the baby. As his hand moved to touch her, he whispered, "Can I still . . ."

Leah smiled as she realized what he was asking. "Yeah, I think so. But I can't promise I won't leak."

Paul smiled and let his hand graze the tips as she tilted her head back and let out a little moan. He pressed her back onto the couch and kissed her as his hand grazed the soft skin on her stomach. Leah's hands slid down to unzip her jeans and she broke the kiss to whisper, "Help me get these off." Paul did as she asked and then stood up and slid his own jeans and boxers off over his hips.

Leah gasped as she gazed at Paul's erection. It had been way too long since she had seen Paul like this and it was her undoing. She sat up and reached out to take him in hand. It was now Paul's turn to gasp as Leah stroked him. "Leah, stop. It's been too long . . . I might not make it very long."

Leah laughed and pulled him down on top of her. Their lips crashed together again as Paul pulled at her panties. As soon as he had them down, his hand slipped in and his fingers worked their way inside and Leah was swept away. "Yes, Paul, oh God, it's been too long!" She came quickly, too quickly. Immediately, she wanted more.

"Paul, please," she begged as she pulled at her underwear. Paul reached down and ripped them off and moved on top of her. "Yes!"

He hesitated at her opening and whispered, "Is it OK? I mean, are you . . . "

"Yes! Don't stop now!"

Paul smiled as he pushed slowly inside then stopped and closed his eyes to take in the feeling of being surrounded by her. Leah. She's here, this is real. He felt her moving beneath him and he started a rhythm which she quickly joined. As they moved together and the heat built between them, Leah realized she never wanted to go without this ever again. Paul took her straight to the edge and then tumbled over with her. "Oh God, yes!" she whispered as her body clenched and she rode it out.

Paul lay there trying to catch his breath as Leah put kisses on his shoulder. "You don't know how happy I am that I'm not dreaming," he told her.

Leah laughed softly and whispered, "Oh yes, I do."

Leah laughed again as Paul rolled off of her and landed on the floor. "Why can't you have a decent-sized bed?" he asked as he looked up at her.

"Sorry about that," she said as she hung over the side of the couch to look at him. "I'll get some blankets and pillows and we can camp out on the floor."

"I don't know. You need your sleep. You can go to bed and I'll be fine here on the couch."

Leah stuck her lip out just like Travis does when he doesn't get what he wants. Paul rolled his eyes and chuckled. "Fine. Get the blankets and pillows."

"Yay!" Leah smiled and stood up to get the bedding. Once she got everything put down like she wanted, she lay down and patted the blanket next to her. Paul grinned and lay down beside her, pulled the sheet up over them then took her in his arms. She sighed and used one of his favorite phrases: "Now that's what I'm talkin about."

Paul smiled and dropped a kiss onto her head as Leah snuggled in and they both fell asleep, happier than either of them had ever been.

When Noah woke up in the middle of the night, Paul went to the crib and picked him up and changed him then brought him to Leah. She nursed him and then put him back to bed. Paul held out his arms and Leah went to him gladly. They were still greedy for one another and their mouths met as soon as Leah's body stretched out on the blanket. Each of them tried to take it slow, but their hunger was relentless. Leah ended up on top, riding Paul until she came hard.

"I never realized how much I really missed sex," Leah panted as she lay on top of Paul. She felt him chuckle beneath her.

"I did. Every night I realized how much I missed it," he said. That made Leah laugh as she rolled off of him and curled up beside him. "I never want to go that long without sex with you ever again. Got that?"

"Yes, sir. I got that."

They slept and when they awoke in the morning, the sun was just beginning to come up and they made love again, this time much slower, taking the time to relearn each other's bodies, and revisit favorite spots. As Paul tried to catch his breath he whispered into Leah's ear, "I love you so much, baby." Then he propped himself up to look down at her.

Leah smiled into his eyes and whispered, "I love you, too, Paul. You are everything to me. I would walk through fucking fire for you."

Paul grinned and kissed her. "Bout time, buddy."