This is not part of the story!!! This is just a one shot I wanted to publish, but because SO many people update SO fast in the Harry Potter it didn't seem worth it to put a one shot up just for it to be on page 30 by tomorrow. So, here it is :) It is about Snape's feelings after Lily died, a songfic from the song "No One Would Listen" from Phantom of the Opera. (It was deleted from the movie, however.) I REALLY encourage you to listen to the song before, during, or after reading. It is so hauntingly beautiful, and I think really fits how Snape must've felt. Enjoy, review if you would like, and I'll update the actual story soon!
Severus Snape kneeled in the rubble and dust among him, his heart split in two. No, it can't be, he chanted to himself. I refuse to believe it. It was impossible for Lily Potter to be dead, unfathomable, unquestionable. It was just a misunderstanding, any moment now the only girl he had ever loved would come running into his arms, happy to see him once again.
No one would listen
No one but her
Heard as the outcast hears.
He remembered when they had first become friends. She was a feisty little girl, only eleven years old, her flaming hair matching her spirit. She had scorned him at first, angry that he made her sister cry. She didn't know, couldn't know, that he didn't mean it. Only wanted to be her friend. Wanted to have someone to talk to. He though back to all those hours spent sneaking away from home, where he was forever hushed into silence. Running to her, her eyes the only place he could find solace, her small ears the only ones that took in a word he said.
Shamed into solitude
Shunned by the multitude
I learned to listen
In my dark, my heart heard music.
The strange boy, the poor boy, the ugly boy, the Snape boy. All names he had heard echoed relentlessly in his childhood. No one accepted him, no one wanted him. He had lived a lonely life for eleven long years, and in that time he had learned to be his own friend. To listen to his own music, though he longed for someone to listen with him.
I longed to teach the world
Rise up and reach the world
No one would listen
I alone could hear the music
Was it so impossible for a poor boy to dream of changing the world? How he dreamed of showing everyone what he was capable of. He regretted now exactly how he had executed that dream. If he had not chosen to be a Death Eater, would she be alive right now? Would she be his, forever?
Then at last, a voice in the gloom
Seemed to cry "I hear you;
I hear your fears,
Your torment and your tears."
Her little voice had lit up his endless night sky. She was the only one who had ever listened to him, who had ever cared for him, who had ever truly known him. She knew how he wanted to impress his father, though he never seemed to be able to. She knew how he longed to be loved by his mother, whose long, hard years of life seemed to have robbed her of this emotion entirely. She knew he wanted to be something great, to leave the life he knew behind in exchange for something grand and adventurous. But she didn't know his deepest wish, deeper than anything he had ever felt before. He wished for her. He wished she felt for him the way he felt for her. That relentless clench in his heart whenever he saw her. The way he wanted to punch any boy who had ever talked to her, not even bothering with his wand. The way he mapped out their future as if they were the only were people in the world. She didn't know the way he felt when she had married that Potter boy. As if his world was crashing down. As if nothing in life mattered anymore if he couldn't have her.
She saw my loneliness
Shared in my emptiness
His loneliness had nearly engulfed him, and while everyone seemed to run away as he tried to get closer, she had pulled him out. Saw his isolation and didn't judge him for it. Every emotion he shared with her. She cried when he cried, laughed when he laughed. Her bright smile and ruby cheeks made him smile. Every moment of happiness he could recall in his memory somehow had her in it. He hadn't smiled of any true joy since they parted, and knew now he never would.
No one would listen
No one but her
Heard as the outcast hears
Yes, she was always the only one that had claimed his heart. The only one that had heard him, and answered him. The only one he had loved and given his heart to. Who had turned it away. Now she was gone, forever. Never to hear her laugh again, even in response to something another man said. Never to see her smile again, even when it was looking at her son. Never to hear her speak again, even when it wasn't to him. He would never know another like her, and Snape knew he would never feel like this again.