A/N: My office assistant kitty is cute. :)
The disclaimer still stands.
Ahem.
Soooo… you remember how I said I was going to try to save Wakka and Bob? Yeah. Well, usually to do that, you need a plan. Now, me being a muse, you would probably expect me to have a plan. Ummmm…
I got nothing.
Well, besides the fact that it would most likely be possible for me to…
"TRASH-RIDDEN VERMIN! EVIL PESTS WHO'S ORIGIN LIES IN THE VERY BOWELS IF THE DEEPEST FLAMING PITS OF SOUL-SUCKING MONSTERS!!! CURSE YOU, PLIGHT OF THE EARTH !!!!! RETURN TO YOUR WICKED HOME!! OR, IN OTHER WORDS, DIE!!!!!!! "
…. As amusing and crazy as her rant may be, the authoress has given me an idea. That's strange, I'M supposed to give HER ideas. I do hope she hasn't killed all those flies yet.
"MUSE!!! GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME KILL THE REST OF THESE TEN-THOUSAND VILE BEINGS!!!! HA! FALL BEFORE THE MIGHT OF MY NEWSPAPER, SCUM!!!!"
SWIPE SWIPE
"ROAR!"
"Sorry, Paths, I can't help you. As a matter of fact, I'm going to have to lock you that closet while I capture these flies."
And I don't think flies should roar.
"WHAT?!?!?!?!!? NO!!! THE FLIES ARE MINE TO KILL, MINE!!!! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME, I AM YOUR CREATOR!!!!"
"Unfortunately."
"HEY!! YOU WILL..!"
"Sorry about the gag, but I know the deal. Blah, blah, blah, I'll pay for this indignity, blah, blah, blah, face my wrath, blah, blah, blah."
"ERGGHHH! HMMF HMMF HMMMMF!!"
Ah, gag speech. Never was a scholar of it myself, but roughly translated, this probably means, "DO YOU DARE MOCK ME?!?!?!?!?!"
Alright, now that my slightly… overreacting… authoress is locked up good and tight…
*BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG*
But, alas, not silently.
Anywho, I shall now get to the annoying business of capturing the flies. And believe me, the authoress wasn't exaggerating their number.
And capturing flies is harder than it looks. Crafty pests…
"Oi! Get back 'ere, buzzy nuisances!"
Ah, at last, flies are captured. Garlic stolen from the kitchen, give a bit of mold from that old broccoli no one ate, perhaps a slight bit of mud, and we've got Sue bombs, made to order.
I got the mud from Aster, by the way. I am not, however, going to ask her where SHE got it from, because I really don't think I want to know.
"Um… Miss weird glowing person?"
"What do you want?"
The sloppy-looking vermin soldier standing at the door cowers slightly under the mighty power of my awesome I'm-an-annoyed-muse-don't-mess-with-me-or-I-might-just-have-my-authoress-turn-you-into-pondscum glare.
"Errr, Cap'n Clogg, Cluny the Scourge, Gabool the Wild, Swartt Sixclaw, Queen Tsarmina, Princess Kurda, Slagar the Slaver, the Marlfoxes, Ublaz Madeyes, and Badrang the Tyrant tell you that if you don't open the doors and let them out this instant, they're storming this loft and killing you."
"Alright, a few things. One, I'm a muse, they can't kill me 'cause my authoress made it so. Two, I can't open the door, only the authoress of this story can, and she is currently being kept in an undisclosed location. Three, they're not high on my priorities list, so even if I could open the door, I wouldn't. Now shoo."
Ah, vermin. They can be so daft.
Now, on with my plan.
First, set the clumps of med/slime/garlic in strategic locations around the theater.
(Translation: Chuck them at the Sues.)
Next, release the now-bent-to-my-will-flies.
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FLY, MY MINIONS, FLY!"
Then, sit back and enjoy the show while the Sues are tormented, until activation of the inter-dimensional transporter, sending them to a harmless region between dimensions which they may shape to their whim.
(Translation: Will self-annihilate in under week.)
And finally, release the authoress and allow her to restore order to the theater, setting the guests back where they should be, Milfoil and Aster back on the stage, bringing back those insane security beasts upon which she insists, and giving Bob and Wakka front row seats.
Well… the theater's as normal as it ever was…
"Gawtrybe fight! Gawtrybe fight! Gawtrybe Fight!"
"Welcome back to the (continued) first episode of Crazy Creatures of Mossflower, you already know me, your host, Milfoil, my helper, Aster…
"HEHEHEHEHEHEHEH…"
*BEEP*
"NOT THE RED BUTTON!!"
*CRACK*
And with Milfoil falling into the hole in the stage, I, Muse, bring this chapter to a close."
"MWAHAHAHAHAH!"
"ASTER"
"C'mon, already, get this show moving, we're dying out here!"
"Four times five is…"
"Twenty!"
Err… for the most part.
A/N: Hey, that's the longest chapter I've wrote! YAY!
Now, Bob, what did I tell you about invading the reviews.
Bob: Not to do it, or you'll turn me to pondscum.
Me: Correct.