Authors Note: Hey guys, I just wanted to apologise for taking so long to update this story. It just takes a lot for me to write a chapter. And thank you all so much for the reviews and story alerts, it really does mean a lot to me. But with so many of you reading this story I just wanted to say something to you, cutting is not the answer. No matter how bad you feel and how much you feel like you are all alone, there is always, always someone. Whether it be online, one of your friends or even just a helpline there is always someone there for you. If you cut you'll just look back at the cuts and be ashamed at how weak you were, and how you gave into that feeling of self loathing. And reading stories like this didn't help in my situation, so if this is a trigger for you, then please stop reading. I care more about your mental health than I do about my story, even if you assure yourself you'll be fine and it won't trigger you, 9 times out of 10 it does. And I'm always here to talk if anyone needs to.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, or any of the characters in this story. Spoilers up to and including Never Been Kissed
Kurt awoke the next morning tangled in his sheets, as per usual. His thighs stung from the cuts that he had made last night. He slowly pulled himself out of bed and stood in the shower, allowing the almost scalding hot water to rush over him. The hot water stung his cuts even further, but he found a sickening pleasure in the pain he felt. Kurt turned the hot water off, standing in the shower cubicle a moment longer, water droplets dripping off him and steam rising up from where the hot water had just been and he slowly stepped out and began his morning routine.
Kurt took a few bites of his slice of toast before feeling full, tossing it in the bin he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He noticed he had multiple unread texts from Blaine, he opened the newest one "Kurt, you didn't respond to any of my texts last night. I'm worried, are you OK?" Kurt automatically sent one back "Yeah I'm fine, I was just really tired after school yesterday, sorry :(." That was always his automatic response if anyone asked if he was OK, it was always "I'm fine, I'm good, I'm OK. I'm just tired." No one ever seemed to be able to look past all the lies, see the hurt and pain in his eyes, the bags under his eyes that were caused by near sleepless nights filled with nightmares. Blaine texted back "Well I'm here if you ever need to talk." The corners of Kurt's mouth tugged up into a small smile. Burt slowly entered the room, he was wearing his overalls for work, he noted Kurt's smile, albeit small, but it was a smile none the less. "Hey kiddo," Burt place a hand on Kurt's shoulder. "You were asleep before dinner last night and I didn't want to wake you up,"
Kurt looked down at his feet, "I was just tired after school, that's all." He was surprised and effortlessly he could lie. "And shouldn't you be resting Dad? You know how bad stress can be for you," Kurt looked up at his Dad, frowning slightly.
"I'm just going in to supervise, I promise." Burt pulled his song into a hug, "I love you." And with that Burt left the room. He hadn't even noticed that anything was wrong with Kurt, wasn't that a father's job? To know when their kid was upset? Evidently not in Kurt's case. Kurt grabbed his keys and went off to school before his thoughts could turn even bitterer.
The whole day Kurt wondered the halls of McKinley between classes, being slammed into lockers and having insults spat at him. His hands traced where he had cut the night before. He watched as his friends discussed plans that did not include him and laughed at inside jokes he was not a part of. He didn't eat and he barely spoke, yet still no one saw that anything was wrong with him. When Glee practice came around he just sat off to a side by himself, he noticed how the whole club had split up into couples, with the exception of Mercedes and himself, but she was talking animatedly with Artie and Brittany, and here he was. Alone, as usual.
After dinner that night Kurt counted up every time he was ignored, every plan that did not involve him, every slushie, every locker throw, every insult and every inside joke from that day. Then that was how many times he cut. He ignored the texts and calls from Blaine, only sending one text back saying that he had piles of homework so he couldn't talk tonight. He didn't want to talk to anyone; he didn't want to see anyone. He wanted to be alone with his misery, his self hate and his razor.
Reviews are love. Also my Tumblr URL is punk-in-patches if anyone wants it. Also sorry if this is badly written and unedited, most of this is just raw emotion, and also I get distracted easily so I am horrible at editing.