Disclaimer: I do not own Treasure Planet

Certainties, Uncertainties

For iAmTheLlamaUseek13

The rest of the journey had been just as her father had told her and more. It was more than she could have expected. In fact it exceeded her expectations by light years. She knew thought that she would ever experience anything like this. Now when the wind was blowing back Cassandra's hair and she felt her body fly in parallel with the ship she felt even more existent. She finally felt like she mattered. That she wasn't some mere girl who came from a wealthy family who may have been confined to a loveless marriage in order to improve her social status. She felt more in tune with the universe again. Cassandra could breath in its air and become one with it. She could finally feel as free as the birds from the nests in the trees she would pass by on her walks with her sisters. She had never felt like this before. It disconcerted and liberated her at the same time. It was a range rather than a single feeling which jolted her icy blood and made it alive once again. Her heart was beating faster but steadier than it ever had done before. She felt a shiver brush against her skin but Cassandra wasn't afraid. She felt exhilarated. She knew of everything that she wanted in that instant.

Everything which had seemed like it was shrouded behind a blanket had been blown away and now everything was clearer. She could finally discard those feelings of doubt. She didn't need to be afraid any more. Cassandra didn't need to be uncertain any more. She knew what she wanted now without the slightest doubt she knew that this was the life she wanted. She no longer wanted the passive, monotonous life she had been living. She didn't need to imprison herself in some life now with the excuse of it being the only thing that she knew and knew that worked for her. Before Cassandra wasn't living at all, she was just breathing and walking. She was sleepwalking. Walking from dream to another realising that there was a life outside this soothing illusion. She wasn't discovering she was just accepting life was just what it was. She was blind to its beauty and liveliness. It wanted Cassandra to be part of it but she was just looking out into this world which she believed was the only thing that was real and worth living for. The ironic thing was she wasn't living. She was just being comfortable. Now Cassandra was soaring through the sky. She was flying through the universe. She being something more than what she believed she could be. Her dreams were now a reality. Her fantasies were now her relentless ambitions.

"You look dazed."

Cassandra spun round and found herself staring up at her fathers first mate. His eyes were glazed with something which she could only call affectionate familiarity. It made the warmed blood in her veins jump with the same excitement she was now experiencing. She wasn't sure what it was, she knew what she was feeling before but she wasn't sure what she was feeling for this James Hawkins. Perhaps he knew why she was gazing out at the universe in such a way. He must've had such awe-struck feelings for the universe when he first laid eyes on it. Otherwise he wouldn't have led such a life.

She smiled nervously and kept on glancing back at the scenery erratically. "Yeah. I mean, yes. It's just so beautiful. My father told me so many stories about it and I can't help but think...They used to seem so amazing to me and that there was nothing like them but now that I'm here I think that they're nothing compared to the real thing."

He nodded. "That's the tragedy. Stories are always a diluted version of the realities its trying to convey."

"My, my Mr Hawkins." She flirted flickering her eyelashes. He raised his eyebrows and stepped forward slightly.

"What, Miss Richardson?" He replied charmingly.

"Nothing. It just seems you're more intelligent than you make out." She replied lightly making him laugh. He knew, hopefully, that she was joking.

When he looked away she closed her eyes and rebuked herself wondering why she was talking in such a way. She never talked like that. She never thought herself as the type of girl who would jump to talking in such a way. Not yet anyway. She was hoping that Helen wasn't right about her being in love with him. She looked around briefly to make sure that she wasn't around or overhearing. All was clear except for a few ship crew and they were the least of her worries in the grand scheme of things. How was she supposed to be in love with him when she had never been in love with anyone else before. But then again...How was she supposed to know if that was the case? She wanted to smack herself in the face for her behaviour and her illogical thinking. She had never made such a fool of herself and she knew that Helen would never let her forget it. She would eventually find out that she was right on some level about her feelings for James Hawkins. At least she would never know about her first attempt at flirting. Cassandra would never be able to live that one down and Helen certainly wouldn't abstain from making her life a living Hell with that one piece of information. She sighed and turned back to Mr Hawkins who was now staring out into space, quite literally as if he was looking for something. Or someone.

"I take it that you are enjoying the voyage. Even after a few hours." He chuckled. She nodded frowning at him.

"Of course. Why do you find that so strange? What?" She demanded reacting to the strange looks that he was giving her.

"Well, I've been to many dinners with Captains and their families. Many of them have daughter but out of all of them none of them are as eager as you to go on a voyage with them. They're more concerned with painting, knitting, piano playing."

She folded her arms and nodded. "Yes. I get the idea, Mr Hawkins but what has this got to do with me?"

"What has this got to do with you? What I'm saying, Miss Richardson, is that you are one in a million. You out of all those Captain's daughters. Out of all those aristocrats you don't just admire at the beauty of the universe but you absorb yourself into it. You marvel and become one with it. I could tell with that look you had on your face. It's still there...lingering. It's never going to go away you know." He warned.

"I hope not." She replied impulsively. She looked down embarrassed that she had shared what she thought as intimate feelings with such a stranger.

Men didn't ever want to make their feelings all that obvious. Well, not some. Some wanted to make it all too obvious but she presumed that James Hawkins wasn't exactly the type to do so. It was ridiculous to be thinking in such a way. She being totally irrational and immature. She wanted to be focused on pursing a career not a relationship she didn't have time to be thinking about that. She had to think this through before having a panic attack or more importantly, jumping to conclusions. For goodness sake she was fifteen years old, he was twenty-one she couldn't imagine herself being in the right age group where it would be appropriate for them to enter into a relationship. She had to stop herself from groaning and sinking to her knees. She was now contemplating them having a relationship or even the possibility of it. She looked up at the stars which were now beginning clearer and sharper now. Despite that about an hour ago it had been midday. Now it seemed to be night.

"We're made out of them you know."

"What?"

"The stars. We're made out of them."

She laughed. "I know that. I guess its quite comforting really."

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well no matter how alone you feel all you have to do is look up and know that you're not. Even if you're the last living person in the universe all you have to do is look up and know that isn't true."