Somewhere Beyond This

Chapter 6: Emotional Struggle

Sometimes I can't help but be irritated by everything. Unfortunately for me, today happened to be one of those days.

"Attention class," Totosai said, trying to gain the eyes of my peers. The gossiping continued and conversations refused the cease as the old man tried to settle everyone down. Even Sango and Kouga refused to be silent.

I wanted to go home, to crawl back into bed, and start over. But I couldn't do that. The events from yesterday were still fresh in my mind and it seemed lately that Inuyasha was always on my thoughts. And there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

And then the ordeal with Ayame unable to come on the trip and the chaos that insued with my brother's partying didn't help matters. Why couldn't life be fair? Why did it always have to bring me down, right when I thought I was going to reach the top?

Damn them all to hell.

"Would you shut up?!" I yelled, turning around to glare at my classmates. Everyone stopped mid-conversation to stare at me, wide-eyed.

But it was Inuyasha's eyes that seemed to make my heart pound faster. Totosai scratched his head as he took a few steps away from me. "Uh ... thank you, Kagome." He seemed uncomfortable at my sudden outburst, but quickly took matters into his own hands once more. "As I was trying to say, I need all of the students that plan to attend the trip to sign on a sheet the administration has provided. Please stay after class to do so." With that, he turned around and went back to discussing a test we were to take in a few days.

Inuyasha's eyes still hadn't left mine and neither of us refused to back down. "Kagome," Sango called, nudging me and causing my gaze to fall. I turned to her, my pent up fury shining in my eyes and my cheeks flushed from staring at the man who broke my heart.

"Yeah?" I asked, swiveling my body to make a point to the man behind me.

"Do you know if we have enough money yet?" she asked, leaning her cheek against her hand.

I shook my head. "I have no idea. Rin was in charge of that." Glancing over, I could see the girl was trying to pay attention to the professor, but the starry look in her eyes indicated she was lost in a daydream.

Sango turned around and giggled at the bubbly girl's appearance. "Rin!" she whispered over the room, hoping to catch her attention. "Psst, Rin!" It seemed to no avail.

However, Ayame appeared to have heard our call and gave us a thumbs-up. What was she up to? Moments later, she crumpled up a sheet of notebook paper and threw it towards Rin. The paper ball bounced off the back of her head, surprising the girl. "What?" she gasped, looking around at who had been so rude as to wake her from her thoughts. Sango and I waved sheepishly, holding back our fits of giggles. "What do you want?"

"How much money?" I whispered, making sure the old man couldn't hear me.

She shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. Seriously, do I have to do everything? I smacked myself in the forehead and sighed. "Higurashi!" the professor yelled. I guess he heard our conversation after all.

I gulped. "Uh, yes Mr. Totosai?" You do not want to mess with him. He tends to have a bad temper.

"What is the answer to the question I just asked?" He stepped in front of my desk and glared at me with his big eyes.

Kouga crossed his arms. "Moronic old man. You didn't ask a question."

That probably wasn't the best thing to say at a time like this. Either Totosai will forget what he was saying, or whack my boyfriend using some kind of blunt object. "You ignorant child!" he yelled. I guess our luck just about ran out. He took his walking stick and moved so fast, none of us could follow him. He trudged up the stairs and whipped Kouga upside the head, leaving a bump behind.

Kouga rubbed the offended area while grumbling about old men and their tempers. Actually, if you think about it, him and Inuyasha are similar in some ways. Especially when it comes to rude behavior and ignorant remarks.

Inuyasha snickered at my boyfriend's predicament. Gosh, sometimes I wish I could melt away.

Luckily, the class was saved from having to experience another all-out-brawl between Kouga and Inuyasha as the bell rang, signaling the end of the period. I sat at my desk with my head in my hands, listening to the sounds of my classmates talking and collecting their things before leaving. I felt completely unstable, as if any moment I would break down right then and there, crying tears of heartache that have built up over the years.

I slightly shook my head. No, I wouldn't allow them to see how weak I was. With a deep sigh, I finally began to gather my books and stuffed it into my bag. "Hurry up, Kags," Sango called. I glanced up to see my best friends waiting by the teacher's desk. Rin was in the process of scribbling her name on the sign-up sheet.

I put on a brave smile and sauntered over to them. "You have to sign up before all the spots are filled," Ayame said, handing me her pen and pushing my hand towards the sheet.

"Alright, alright," I giggled, amused by her persuasive actions. Even though she wasn't able to go, it was nice to see her eager to see us off. I wrote down my name right before I felt someones hand on my shoulder. I looked up to be met with piercing blue eyes, causing my heart to hammer in my chest.

"Hey," Kouga greeted, smiling crookedly. I returned the gesture and stepped aside to allow him access to the sheet. He quickly wrote down his name next to mine and handed the pen back to Sango. "I'm off this hour. Want to go grab a bite to eat?"

He entwined his fingers with mine, rubbing his thumb affectionately across the back of my hand. "Sure," I replied.

"I've got to go do something first," Ayame intervened. "And I know Sango and Rin have class. Why don't I meet you guys later?"

I think I heard Sango groan. But for once, I didn't mind that one of my friends was interrupting me and Kouga's alone time. And for some reason, it scared me that I felt this way. After all, I should be happy to spend some time with my boyfriend ... right? "Yeah, we'll meet you at the Campus Corner Cafe."

I didn't miss the look of irritation that flashed across Kouga's face, but I decided to ignore it. With a round of 'see you later's,' Kouga pulled me out the door. His hand found its way around my waist as he held me close. I stole a glimpse of his face, noting the scowl and furrowed brows. "Kouga?" I mumbled hesitantly, unsure if I should approach the subject.

"What?" he snapped, his eyes never leaving the expanse of hallway before us.

I pulled away from him. "Jeez, what's your problem?"

He glared at me for a moment, stopping us from proceeding further. After a few seconds of searching his facial expression with my arms crossed, I saw his features soften and a sigh escaped his lips. He rubbed the back of his head in exasperation. "I just ... I would like to spend some time with my girlfriend alone. Is that a crime?"

"No," I replied instantly, a little ticked about his behavior. "But Ayame is my friend. Its not like we never get alone time."

He dropped his hand and balled it into a fist. "Actually we don't. Ever since Totosai mentioned the trip, you've been hanging out with them constantly. I'd like to see more of you then just a pass in the hallway, ya know!"

I frowned and musted up the best glare I could give. "Well, sorry," I shouted, probably attracting attention to myself. "I was only trying to raise some money so I can go on this trip. I don't have a rich father who will give me anything I want."

Oops. Me and my big mouth. Kouga looked as if he just got slapped in the face. His eyes darkened. "Well if I'm such a stuck-up rich boy, then why do you stick around?" His words were cold, almost frightening.

I shrunk back, the anger dissipating, quickly being replaced by forthcoming tears. "Fine," I replied, déjà vu seeming to collapse upon me. Without another word, I turned around and walked quickly down the hallway before ducking around another corner. I wanted to escape, to pretend as if me and the one man who had stood by me, didn't have another fight. We had been doing that a lot lately. Arguing over stupid things before it turned into an all out screaming session.

I waited until I was securely locked inside a bathroom before putting my head in my hands and crying softly, releasing my heart's turmoil. To be honest, I had only had two real love interests in my life. And they both managed to break me.

X.x.X.x.X.x.X

"Are you sure you're okay?" Sango asked that night as we walked back from the girls' shower room.

I gave a fake smile. "I'm positive. That thing between me and Kouga was stupid. We'll be fine in a few days, I promise." I never knew my words were a lie.

She looked wearily at me. "Yeah, thats what you always say, but every time you and him fight, you guys avoid each other for days. Then he comes crawling back with an apology."

I shivered as we made our way down the hallway. After all, we were wrapped up in only towels and the air conditioning must have been set to full. "Yeah, I know," I replied, inserting a key into our door and unlocking it. "We always manage to come back to our senses. It'll all work out, trust me."

Sango shut the door behind us and set her things on the bed. "Yeah, but-"

"No buts," I cut her off, turning around and setting my hands on my hips. "Lets just drop it, okay?" Why did my friends have to be so wrapped up in my love life, seriously?

"Sure," she replied hesitantly, her face falling. It was obvious that she was quite upset with the fact that I didn't divulge my deepest secrets to her. After all, she was my best friend, but there were just some things I preferred to deal with on my own.

I dropped my threatening stance and went about rummaging around for my pajamas. "What did Rin say about the money?" I asked after a few minutes of awkward silence.

"She said we have just enough for the three tickets," she bit back bitterly. "Any other money we raise by then will be put towards other expenses."

I stopped what I was doing, dropping my clothes on the bed before turning around to look at her. "What's your problem?"

"My problem?" she asked harshly, turning to glare at me. "My problem is that my best friend refuses to talk to me about anything. I know something is wrong and that you're hurting, and it pisses me off that you won't give me the chance to help."

I was shocked, to say the least. Never had I been the victim of Sango's fury, which I had been grateful for, but now that I was ... I felt my heart breaking at the sound of her voice. She was truly bothered by me isolating my feelings. "Sango, I'm sorry-"

"Thats not good enough," she yelled. With a sigh, her anger vanished and was replaced by a saddened, yet weary mask. "Look," she replied, sitting on my bed and motioning for me to do the same. "I'm your best friend and I want you to know that I'm here for you if you need me. I hate to see you beat yourself up over things and not tell anyone why."

I smiled gently at her. Her words were the truth and I knew they came from her heart. After all, when she had lost her mother a while back, she had closed herself up. If it hadn't been for Ayame, Rin, and me, who knows what would have happened. "I'm sorry, Sango. Really, I am."

She grinned softly, glad to have gotten through to me. "Just please promise me you'll talk to me now and again." I nodded in approval. "Good. Now lets get some sleep. I've got a History test tomorrow and I need plenty of rest if I expect to do good."

"You'll still fail," I joked, receiving a light slap on the arm. I laughed in response before gathering my pajamas and ducking into the small bathroom to change. Even though I hadn't told Sango anything about mine and Inuyasha's break-up, or the feelings swirling around in my heart when I thought of Kouga, it felt better to know she was there if I needed her.

X.x.X.x.X.x.X

Days later ...

I stepped through the library doors and was greeted by eerie silence. That's why I usually tried to steer clear of the place. For some reason, the rows and rows of books accompanied by the librarian's stare always gave me the creeps.

I glanced around the area, looking for the person who had asked me here. I wondered why he wanted me to meet him in a place that's very restricted on talking, but I merely shrugged. As long as it patched things up between us, I didn't really mind.

A few students occupied the tables, either scribbling down notes or reading books related to their course studies. I often found myself doing just that, but I preferred the comfort of my own dorm. Although, sometimes it was hard to study with your roommate constantly talking and creating drama. Oh well, that's what you get for bunking with your best friend.

Just as I was about to leave, I glimpsed him sitting alone at a corner table. I took a deep breath to gather my nerves before hesitantly making my way over to where he sat. "Hey," I whispered, setting down my bag and taking a seat beside him.

Kouga turned to me, a smile on his lips. "There you are," he mumbled in return and I could hear relief in his voice. What? Did he think I wouldn't show up?

"So why did you ask me here?" I gestured to the walls of the library with my eyes. It had been four days since our fight after biology class and we had taken to avoiding each other at all costs. That is, until he called me the night before asking me to meet him in the library during one of my free periods.

He sighed and turned to face me, giving me his full attention. "Listen Kags," he said softly. I cringed at the nick name. I never did like him using my name like that. It didn't sound right when he said it. "I'm sorry about the other day. I didn't mean to get all upset over something so stupid."

"Its okay," I replied, wanting to get this discussion over with.

"No, its not okay!" he practically shouted, earning us a glare from the librarian. He ignored her, but lowered his voice all the same. "I just ... " He sighed, gathering his thoughts. It was always hard for him to apologize because that meant he was the one at fault. "I shouldn't have gotten angry at you. They are your friends."

I placed a hand upon his. "Its alright, Kouga, really. I understand." I smiled at him, trying to convince him that everything truly was okay.

He returned the gesture and squeezed my hand affectionately. This is how it went between us. This was our understanding. We were together, we fought, and then one of us would make up in the end. But each time we went through this process, I felt a little more of my heart withdrawal from him, taking with it the feelings I felt for him. Slowly, over the past year, I had distanced myself from him. Not only was he possessive sometimes, but he just wasn't the man I wanted to spend my life with.

He lowered his lips to mine and kissed me softly, putting his apology more so into his actions then his words. I waited for the explosion of passion to burst forth from our lips, sending a fire cracker through my spine, causing my mind to blur and all thoughts of reality cease to exist. I waited for the kiss to take affect and bring me to Cloud Nine.

But those feelings never came.

A/N: Hope you liked it. Next chapter they start packing and board the plane. And then things will really take off. Unfortunately, I won't be able to update the next chapter until I return from Florida on April 12th. So this will have to make due until then, but you've got plenty to look forward to. Please review!