Being the perceptive man that he was, Agent Booth quickly noticed the way his partner's demeanor was different from the argumentative, opinionated scientist he was used to. She had barely said five words to him since settling in on the passenger sit of his FBI issued SUV. He decided, in spite of the small smile on her lips, something had to be wrong with her. "So, Bones, what's with the quietness?"
She looked over at him carefully, as if debating with herself whether or not to share what was on her mind. When she finally made a decision, her voice held that clinical tone to it, noticeably intending not to pursue the conversation, "Nothing, Booth. I just have a lot of unidentified remains back at the Jeffersonian that require my attention and I was trying to come up with the most productive way to divide the work between my interns."
Obviously, he didn't believe old bones from limbo would be enough to keep his partner quiet but decided to let it go since she clearly didn't want to discuss what was bothering her. So he just nodded and turned up the radio to drown out the silence he hated so much. Tapping his fingers on the wheel impatiently, he tried to figure out since when Bones had stopped trusting him with what was wrong with her.
The more he thought about it, the clearer it became to him that since their return a few months back his partner hasn't shown that much interest in spending time with him outside of work. Whenever he started to ask her about it she just brought up his girlfriend, asking how Hannah was doing with her work or how their relationship was going.
Even though Bones had always shown curious interest in his love life in the past, she'd never used it to deflect talking about herself before. He didn't really understand why she was doing that, especially since she seemed to like Hannah. Throughout the entire meeting with Caroline, Booth was just going through the motions, taking notes and answering question when asked. In reality, he was focusing on how different his partnership seemed since his return from Afghanistan.
After dropping his partner back at the Jeffersonian he met his girlfriend for lunch. He didn't really feel like pie, so he declined Hannah's invitation for the meal at The Royal Diner and opted for another restaurant close to his office building instead.
Back at the Jeffersonian, Brennan's mind was still reeling after the conversation with Angela earlier in the day. Much like that day in Sweets' office she had reached her decision to become a mother. She admitted it was sudden, but her thought process was faster than the average intelligent person.
She was sure she wanted this. She just had to decide how she wanted to do it. At first, she had intended to get pregnant, conceive her child with the sperm sample provided by her loyal, courageous partner with excellent people skills. Now, analyzing the current state of their relationship she didn't think that was the wisest course of action. It's not as if they weren't still close, but she had to concede that things had been different since their return and even more so after Hannah had come to DC.
She honestly liked Hannah. They were similar in a lot of ways, both were independent women, driven by their professional goals and they also shared interest in Booth's happiness. That is what she liked most about Hannah: she made Booth happy. And even though Brennan had entertained foolish fantasies of being with her partner during the time she spent in Maluku, she honestly thought Hannah was better for him. She was emotionally available, open-hearted and believed in the kind of love Booth longed for.
Brennan knew she couldn't be the kind of woman his partner wanted and deserved. Because Booth deserved the best and on a personal capacity, Temperance Brennan knew she was as far from the best as they come.
An intern coming in with a report for her to sign shook her out of her reverie and she wondered how she had gone from thinking of having a child to thinking about her partner so quickly. Oh, his sperm, she realized, thinking back to the beginning of her internal debate.
It was then that she concluded she could not conceive a child. Booth's sperm was off-limits with his new relationship and she really didn't want to use some stranger's sperm. Granted, she would know the basic characteristics of the donor. But what about personality traits? How could she use the sperm of someone who was not alpha-male, protective, cocky and whose charm smile was able to metaphorically melt the resolve of the most stubborn of scientists?
When she had first considered having a progeny, she knew that Booth would be there for her during the course of the pregnancy. And that made her feel reassured that she wasn't going to be by herself during those delicate months.
She had been alone ever since she was fifteen and her brother had left after the disappearance of their parents. She liked to take pride on the fact that she was just fine on her own, unlike most people. Somehow, she didn't think she could go through a pregnancy like that. Maybe it was because her mother had always told her how wonderful her father was while she was pregnant with Russ and Temperance, always doing his best to help her stay comfortable.
Whenever she thought about it, that's how she imagined Booth would be during her own pregnancy. The excessive protectiveness, although frustrating, was endearing even if she refused to ever confess that to him.
Taking all of this in consideration, the only conclusion she could muster is that she does not want to get pregnant. Not with her relationship with her partner - the one person she could always rely on - the way it is.
Getting up from the chair at her desk and walking towards the platform, she thought best to use her superior compartmentalization skills and push her personal life to the back of her mind while she concentrated on identifying yet another set of human remains and giving them the closure this person deserved.
The last personal thought she allowed herself was, I don't want my life to be as I expected anymore.