Author's Note: Sorry for the delays, but Life… Isn't always agreeable. We're trying to get caught up before we start college and are able to post only once or twice a month. Thank you for sticking with us. We heart you all!

Disclaimer: We didn't do it, we swear! Wait… maybe we did. Nope! Never mind. Carry on.

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Chapter 9: Progress Depends upon the Unreasonable

Evie and Marie leaned against the outer wall, watching the curious spectacle before them. The Xenomorphs kept going to one spot near the wall, getting slaughtered by the dozens by the automated weapon system. Marie frowned, then looked over at Evie. "You know, I didn't think they were THIS stupid. Don't they usually get smarter?"

Evie nodded, concerned. "I don't like this. I'm sure Marv is watching the situation, but I want to check in with him, just in case. Nothing good comes from suicidal psychopaths."

Marie just nodded and they continued watching the acidic blood pour. Suddenly, a shrieking, high pitched wailing started up from behind them. The noise was loud enough that even the Xenos stopped their fruitless struggles for a moment.

Turning about, Evie and Marie blinked rapidly at Marv's Keep. The roof was spinning and emitting flashing bursts of red light, the speakers still blaring the irritating noise.

Marie quirked her head to one side. "I wonder if he's just testing it?"

Marv's voice came over the speakers. "THIS IS NOT A TEST! I REPEAT, NOT A TEST! GENEVIEVE! MARIE! GET UP HERE!"

Evie glanced at Marie. "I guess it wasn't a test. Come on!"

The two set off, sprinting towards the formerly most secure location in the fortress. In a matter of minutes, they stood in front of what was once a very nice door to the Keep. It was now just a very large hole in the wall, with the sides of the blasted outline melted smooth.

Marie brightened as Evie sighed. They both spoke at the same time, but in very different tones. "They're back."

!+_(#%&!+#(%&#%&!+#%(!+#(%!+#%&!#+_%*&!#+(*!+_(#*!+_#%$+!#(%&!+#_(%!#%*!

Evie and Marie made it to the top floor, somewhere they had never been before. In front of them was a very sturdy looking door. There, ready to blast yet another hole in the Keep, were Martello and Ninja.

Marie charged forward and jumped, latching onto Martello's arm. "NOO! BAD SQUIRE! NO BISCUIT FOR YOOUUU! Don't hurt the Marv! He is good!"

Martello looked down, then raised his arm so Marie was even with his face. They commenced in a staring contest. Suddenly, Martello chittered happily and proceeded to perch Marie on his shoulder. Ninja turned about and eyed the two, before nodding towards Evie. He lowered his gun.

Evie went forward and hit the intercom button. "Marv? It's Evie. Everything's all right now. You can come out."

Marv quickly responded back. "They're not dead yet! They're trying to kill me!"

Evie quickly tried soothing him. "No, no, no! They were just confused. They were probably just looking for us and got impatient, that's all. We've taken care of it."

"Are you SURE they're not just using you as hostages to bring me out?"

Evie looked back over her shoulder, watching Marie attempting to braid Martello's strange hair. Turning back, she spoke into the intercom dryly. "Yeah, I'm pretty certain they're not holding us hostage. It's not normal for hostages to be playing with their kidnappers' hair, yeah?"

"What about Stockholm Syndrome?"

"Wouldn't have had time to develop in five minutes."

"…True. Very well, I shall come out. But only if they stay 3 yards away at all times!"

Evie smiled. "I'll keep them in check."

Evie stepped back, gently shooing the giant aliens away from the door. The door cracked open and she spotted a small shock of red hair as Marv peered about the door, before stepping out into the hallway.

He eyed the aliens warily, glancing up at where Marie was still sitting, flailing at Martello's hair, then looking over at Evie, standing near Ninja. He sighed. "What the hell are these things and why am I not surprised that you're friends with them?"

Evie frowned, crossing her arms. "They are NOT friends. They are temporary allies."

Suddenly, Marie and Martello shouted, in Marie's voice. "Friends!"

Evie winced, turning back to Marv with a pathetically sad face. "You believe me, don't you?"

Marv simply raised an eyebrow.

Evie sighed. "It's a long story."

Marv nodded. "It usually is with you two. Shall we retire to the dining room? I think I could use some food."

Evie nodded. "Stress eating. Used to be bad, but right now it is desperately needed."

Marv glared hard at the aliens, then back to Evie. "My rule stands. I'll follow behind you. You keep them 3 yards from me."

Evie smiled. "Of course."

Evie started off and Ninja immediately followed, Martello and Marie following close behind. When Marv decided the aliens were far enough away, he strode after them, muttering to himself about how he needed to get better walls.

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The next morning, after all had been explained, Marie and Evie were preparing the new and improved Goners for the beginning of their travels. Marv was once more ensconced in his Keep and kept offering advice from over the intercom.

Every time Marv spoke, Ninja and Martello peered about, trying to locate the source of the voice. Occasionally Evie and Marie caught him giggling as he led the aliens from one speaker to another. Evie smiled and Marie laughed, continuing to finish preparations.

Finally, everything was loaded, all tests had been run, and Kitty-chan was in her appointed seat. Evie and Marie were checking a few things when Martello sidled up to the van. One of the doors was open and he peered inside, curious.

Deciding he needed to look further, the red behemoth slipped into the vehicle, setting it tipping one way. He settled down in one of the seats, marveling at how tiny it was. Marie came striding over, noticing the strange angle of the van, then screamed. "KITTY-CHAAAAN!"

She charged over, shoving at Martello. He blinked down at her, then slowly worked his way from the small space. Marie sobbed at the sight of a very squished Kitty-chan, still buckled in. Unbuckling the small stuffed animal, Marie cuddled it close, sobbing. "I'm SORRY Kitty-chan! Oh, my poor little buddy! Why, why cruel world?"

Turning her head, Marie glared at the innocent looking Martello standing nearby. Marie puffed herself up and barreled towards him. When she was standing toe to toe with the alien, she inhaled deeply and let loose a verbal barrage upon the confused warrior. "Thou venomed toad-spotted flax-wench! Thou fobbing pottle-deep horn-beast! No knighthood for YOU! EVER!"

Evie had strolled up while Marie had been spouting off Shakespearean insults. Smiling, she quirked an eyebrow. "Lover's spat?"

Marie whipped about and flung Kitty-chan at Evie and the flying stuffy bapped Evie in the face. Marie squealed, then scooped the fallen cat from the ground, snuggling it. "I'm SORRY Kitty-chan! I didn't MEAN to! It's all Evie's fault! She never liked you, anyway!"

Evie glared at Martello. "NOW look what you've done! You've gotten me in trouble! What have you got to say for yourself?"

Martello quirked his head, then touched his wrist pad. "No biscuit for you!"

Evie gaped and Marie howled further. "DON'T STEAL MY LINE!"

Evie shook her fist. "You can't deny me my biscuits! I am the maker of my own fate! Er, biscuits!"

Marv's voice cut through the din. "NO! DON'T!"

All three of the others turned in time to watch Ninja jump up and tear a speaker from inside the wall. Marv screeched from the other speakers while Ninja held the speaker up above his head, roaring his victory.

Ninja proceeded to attach the speaker to his belt and saunter over to the rest of the group, looking terribly smug. Evie and Marie began scolding Ninja while Marv wailed on in the background about the further damage to his fortress.

Martello looked about at the scene of chaos and raised his wrist, punching a few buttons. Silence ruled as he put in his two cents worth. Turning to Ninja, he pointed a finger while the recording played. "No knighthood for YOU! EVER!"

!%&(!+#(%&!+#%(!#+%(!&+#%&!#!+#&+!#(%&!#)(%&+#(%&+#(!+#%!+#%(*!+%&+(%&+!#(%

They were camping out for the first time in several months. It had taken Evie a bit to light the fire. Marie used to do it, but Evie didn't trust the nut job with fire anymore. Not after LAST time. Evie was STILL pulling splinters out of her face.

Marie sat by, humming and talking to Kitty-chan. Evie ignored her for the moment. So far, Marie was harmless. Evie wanted it kept that way.

Finally, dinner was ready. Marie scooched forward and immediately began munching on the food presented to her. Evie was just about to settle down when a shrieking squawk came from behind her. Evie screamed and flew up, defending herself once again from Binford, the demonic chicken.

Marie ran after Binford, who was chasing Evie. "Bad Binford! Bad! My grandfather's namesake shouldn't act in such a disrespectful manner!"

Binford stopped and looked at Marie, then strutted over and cooed at her. Marie smiled and picked her up. "Good Binford! Let's put you back in your carrying case, shall we? Evie looks to be in a bad mood, and you know how she feels about you. Bed time!"

Marie went over to the van and opened the back doors, gently putting Binford away in a small cage filled with straw. The chicken obediently sat down and tucked its head under its wing. Marie nodded and shut the doors, setting herself back down by the fire.

Evie glared at her and Marie pouted. "Don't look at me in that tone of voice! I LOVE Binford! He just senses your HATRED of him! He doesn't react well to your negative chi!"

Evie just continued scowling and refused to speak to Marie. Marie sulked and poked at her food, before retreating to her nest of blankets to glare at the surrounding area. Evie continued ignoring her and puttered about the campsite.

Eventually, Marie got bored of sulking and shuffled out, lurking about the edges of the campsite. She pulled some string from her pocket and began fiddling with it, wandering about. Suddenly, she got a brilliant idea. Crouching down, she tied the string between two trees. Stepping back, she nodded and smiled, then returned to sit by the fire.

Marie carefully slid closer to Evie, inch by inch, until they were sitting side by side. Marie fiddled with her shirt, then looked over. "I'm sorry about Binford. She really is a good chicken."

Evie just sighed. Before she could say anything, her eyes sharpened and she squinted hard at a nearby tree. "Marie. Do you see something in that tree right over there?"

Marie whipped her head about, a psychotic gleam in her eye. "Is it a SQUIRREL!"

Evie groaned. "AGAIN with the squirrels. Can't you let it be? That happened ages ago. Besides, we were attacked by a CHIPMUNK, not a SQUIRREL."

Before the odd conversation could continue, there was a resounding thud from behind them. They both turned around at the strange, body shaped indent in the melting snow. The slush began to fly and foot prints appeared, before they vanished back into the woods. Marie giggled, clapping happily. Evie quirked an eyebrow up. "Why are you laughing?"

"My tripwire! It worked!"

"WHY did you set up a tripwire?"

"Because! I could! And I couldn't make a punji stake trap quite yet. The ground is too hard!"

Evie sighed. Then, she crossed her arms. "Marie. Dear. I think we need to 'accidentally lose' our guests."

"Why? They are our buddies!"

"No, they aren't. Besides, if you do this, you can set fireworks off!"

Marie perked up. "REALLY?"

Evie nodded. "Indeed. So, shall we?"

Marie stood and pointed in a random direction, striking a pose. "Let us go forth and blow shit up! WHOO!"

"Um, let's do it tomorrow. The tripwire is enough for tonight. We've got them edgy."

Marie slumped. "No boom?"

Evie smiled, patting Marie's shoulder. " Not yet. Not yet."

Marie frowned, then shuffled to her pile of blankets. Curling up, she yawned, then began singing to herself. "Blaack soocks, they never get dirty. The longer you wear them the stronger they get…."

Evie watched Marie doze off, leaving the song incomplete. When she was certain she was alone, Evie sang out into the night. "Soometimes I think I should wash them, but something inside me says don't wash them yet. Not yet. Not yet."

Sighing, Evie went to her own blanket nest, pulling one out from it, settling in for her watch. "Damn it. That stupid song."

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Dho'mago'te wandered into the camp of the female's early in the morning. Dai'za'te was watching off in a different direction, looking slightly dazed. He slipped in easily and headed towards the transporter.

He was curious about the other strange white creature that had suddenly appeared. Dai'za'te seemed to love it, while Faru'qi seemed to fear it. It bore investigating. Opening the doors, he saw the creature. It seemed to be asleep.

Carefully, he opened the simple contraption keeping the cage closed and reached a hand in, poking it in the side. That was when all Hades broke loose. The white thing cried out in a manner similar to a Kainde Amedha, before it flew at him.

He stumbled backwards, wishing Tvrtko had come with him. The silly warrior still had a bit of a bruised ego from tripping over the pathetically primitive and simple trap, and refused to come near. The white thing left him be and charged for Faru'qi, while Dai'za'te made one of her usual high pitched noises of greeting, charging over to him.

He looked down at her as she gesticulated at him, yattering on. He had not yet mastered enough Ooman to be able to communicate well, but he thought she was asking him to engage in another hunt against the small, evil ones.

Nodding, he picked her up, letting her scramble into place upon his shoulders. It was times like these he was glad he hadn't bothered with his burner.

The two were so preoccupied with each other, that neither noticed an epic battle taking place nearby.

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Evie was not having a good morning. She was running through the woods, having been woken up with a chicken mauling her face. "GOD DAMN YOU, BINFOOOORD!"

She slowed, having lost the demonic fowl for a moment. Looking at her surroundings, she smiled evilly.

She waited, letting Binford find her. The chicken squawked and charged her, getting enough momentum going that it actually flew up into the air. This was Binford's downfall.

Evie let him attack, then grabbed him and held the struggling beast away from her. Grinning, she walked to the cliff nearby. "So. Don't like my negative chi, eh?"

She dropped Binford, swung her foot back, and punted him right off the cliff. As the bird fell, she leaned over to watch her descent. "Sense my chi now, BITCH?"

Smiling, Evie turned and set back towards camp. Stopping, she quirked her head. "I feel like Link right now. Yay!"

And off she went, humming the Ocarina of Time theme song.

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Evie strolled into camp and was amused to see Marie riding about on Martello's shoulders once again. But, she was also annoyed. This would not do. Marie noticed her standing there and waved. "HI EVIIIEE!"

Evie waved and walked closer. "Hey, Marie?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry to have to tell you, but Link just showed up. He didn't take well to Binford, either. He must also have bad chi. Alas, poor Binford is with us no longer."

Marie slumped, horrified. "B-but, Link is the Hero of Time! Why would he hurt poor Binford?"

Evie shrugged. "You know he's never liked chickens, dear."

Marie continued slumping and Martello plucked her up, setting her on the ground. Quirking his head, he produced a dead squirrel from his belt, holding it out to Marie. She immediately perked up. "Martello! You've done it!"

Martello nodded, then proceeded to rip the squirrel's spine and skull from its body.

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Evie was plotting carefully. She HAD to get rid of the aliens following them. As much as she loved Marie, she didn't love her comrade's new 'friends'. They could prove to be all kinds of dangerous and she had to keep Marie safe.

They had parked and Evie made sure to look around very carefully for any sign of the aliens. There was nothing so far. She set up camp, then doused the fire before it could grow too large. Marie looked up at her, confused. "Aren't we going to have dinner?"

Evie shook her head. "No, we need to trick your friends. It's, ah, April Fool's Day! That's why we had to wait for today. See?"

Marie nodded, standing. "Of course! Now it all makes sense. So, what are we going to do?"

Evie smiled. "Don't worry. All you need to do is keep your lighter close at hand."

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Dho'mago'te and Tvrtko looked up, startled by the blaze of light and sound that suddenly filled the night sky. It was coming from the direction that Dai'za'te and Faru'qi had gone in.

Tvrtko huffed. "NOW what have those idiot Oomans done? They'll attract Kainde Amedha for miles around with that!"

Dho'mago'te wasn't listening. He had charged forward, straight for the lights. "We must hurry! What if they are trapped and die? I must have my observations! FOR SCIENCE!"

Tvrtko ran after, easily catching up with the brawnier warrior. "I thought we agreed you weren't going to say that anymore."

Dho'mago'te huffed. "It's my battle cry! All good warriors have them! It's the battle cry that my whole bloodline uses!"

"Your entire bloodline is strange."

Dho'mago'te shrugged. "This is true. We are a bit… Odd."

Screams came through the night and Tvrtko clicked his blades into place, Dho'mago'te pulling out his hammer. Dho'mago'te sighed.

Tvrtko looked over. "What?"

"Now we're NEVER going to catch up! Think of all the observations I'm going to miss because of the Kainde Amedha!"

Tvrtko sighted. "We DO have a tracker on their vehicle. We'll catch up by tomorrow sundown at latest."

This made Dho'mago'te brighten. "True! Right then. Let's get this fighting business out of the way so I may return to my studies. FOR SCIIIEENCE!"

Tvrtko glared. "I'm going to hurt you."

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After a few weeks of travel, they were finally nearing their destination. Evie pondered the strange turn that events had made in her usually peaceful life. Well, as peaceful as life after an apocalypse could be.

She busily shot at the Xenos charging them. This was the first time she and Marie had really had to fight since their journey began. Evie turned to look at Marie, who had just shot down another Xeno. "Hey, Marie?"

Marie grunted in response.

"Have you noticed anything strange? Like, we've been on the road for, oh, about a month and this is the first time we've had to fight any Xenomorphs?"

Marie stopped, looking over. "You know, I have been able to actually sleep through most nights. That didn't happen before. They'd always wake me up. It's been very refreshing! Daddy always said I was more pleasant with a good night's sleep."

Evie was about to respond when she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. Turning too late, Evie tried not to scream. She wouldn't give the damn beasts the satisfaction.

But, just as she steeled herself for death, another black blur flung the Xeno away. Standing before her was Ninja. Evie instantly relaxed. She still didn't quite trust these new aliens, but they'd been all right this summer. So far. But something wasn't right and she didn't know what, so her guard stayed up.

Ninja turned and stared at her, then began fussing with her feet. Evie scowled. "Ninja. Now is NOT the time for karate lessons! Besides, I'm shooting!"

He looked up and chittered something. She thought it meant something about a warrior's way, but she wasn't very good with their language yet. But, all in due time. There were few languages she couldn't pick up.

Once Dho'mago'te had entered the scene, the fight ended quickly. With Ninja only managing to get a few more kills. At one point, the black warrior had aimed his laser cannon at an oncoming Xeno, and missed by several feet. The tree he DID manage to hit almost landed on Marie, who yelped and flung herself out of the way, cursing about squirrels again.

Finally, it was done. Piles of bodies lay about, but Dho'mago'te ignored them in favor of checking up on Marie. The girl was busy kicking the fallen tree, swearing at it and its furry guardians.

Evie slung her rifle over her shoulder and continued her train of thought. This wasn't right. So, maybe these things HAD killed Small Time on accident, if Ninja's aim was anything to go by. Marie HAD suggested it as a possibility months ago. But Marie was, well… Insane. She wasn't the most reliable source of intel.

Evie watched Ninja tearing at the bodies. These guys clearly had no problem killing things, including humans. Why were these aliens helping them? And why had they shown up now? After everything had gone down? It was too convenient. It didn't add up. Things that were too convenient, too coincidental, couldn't be good.

Sighing, she decided to leave the topic be for the moment. The two were good to have around, if only for keeping the Xenos at bay. And, as much as she hated to admit it, Martello seemed to be having a good effect on Marie. Sure, Marie was still acting like a child and crazy, but she was different around Martello.

Evie smiled as she watched Marie play with Martello. "You almost seem normal at times like this. Like when you used to be in one of your silly moods. Oh, Marie. You'll have to face it all over again, and soon. We're almost home."

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That night, the only noises in the camp were the crackling of the fire and the quiet whisper of the wind. Marie was totally zoned out and Evie couldn't blame her. Marie hadn't handled the apocalypse, and all that came with it, very well. She still couldn't.

Sighing, Evie turned her gaze from her distracted friend and onto the aliens that Marie had become fond of. Evie admitted, if only to herself, that they weren't the worst company she'd ever kept. At least THESE monsters had some honor. Human monsters didn't.

She watched Ninja sharpening his weapons and Martello studying his small wrist screen. All she seemed to do in the evenings now was watch them. She HAD to figure out what was wrong. Why her instincts were screaming at her.

Ninja looked up and caught her gaze. They battled in a contest of wills for a little while, then Ninja nodded to himself before returning to his maintenance work. Evie decided it was time to make the first move. She was getting nowhere like this.

"Martello. Why are you and Ninja here?"

Martello looked up, quirking his head. He gestured at her, and she guessed he wanted her to repeat what she said. She decided that hand gestures would help get her question across better. "Why are YOU and HIM here?"

She gestured at Martello and Ninja, then to the earth beneath them. Martello nodded and chittered something at her. Then, he fiddled with his wrist and a voice, not hers or Marie's, came from it. "Let's go kill those bastards!"

Martello then held up a tooth that was clearly from one of the Xenomorphs. Evie nodded. "So, you two came here to kill the Xenos. Why?"

Martello quirked his head again and Evie sighed. "YOU. HIM. Kill THESE. Why?"

She pointed once more at Martello and Ninja, then pointed at the tooth, and made a gesture that she hoped got across the 'why' part of her statement. He seemed to understand this time and he went at his wrist again.

"I hope they're not all dead."

Evie blinked, confused. "Hope who isn't dead? Some of your friends? I don't get it."

Martello paused to think, then replayed the clip and pointed at Marie and Evie. Evie still wasn't sure what he meant, but that's when Marie decided to step in. "He means that he hoped humans weren't dead. Us! Humans."

Martello nodded enthusiastically while Evie frowned. "Why would you care if we died? You didn't care about killing Small Time."

Martello laughed and Ninja looked up, frowning. Martello played another recording. "Not ME, you idiot!"

Marie giggled. "See? I TOLD you it was an accident. We BOTH saw how bad Ninja's aim is."

Martello nodded again, but Evie was not reassured. "That still doesn't answer my question. Why would you care if we died?"

Martello paused again, and turned to Ninja. The black warrior looked up, shrugged, and turned back to his weapons. Martello seemed conflicted, then played a recording. "To hunt a man is the greatest sport."

Evie blinked, confused. Then, the realization of what Martello had said dawned on her. Her face became a mask of horror. "You guys HUNT us? What the hell? We're not, not, RABBITS. Or DEER! You freaks! Come on Marie, we need to get away from them. NOW."

Evie had surged to her feet and strode towards Marie, pulling on the still sitting girl. Marie looked up, saddened. "But, but Evie! They haven't hurt US yet!"

"The key word to that statement is YET!"

Martello stood as well and wrapped his large arms around Evie, playing his trademark recording. "FRIENDS!"

Marie hopped up and latched onto both Evie and Martello. "GROUP HUG!"

Evie gasped. "Can't. BREATHE!"

Marie and Martello looked at each other, then over at Ninja, who was still cleaning his weapons, desperately trying to ignore those around him.

Martello then tipped over and landed on Ninja, knocking the weapons away, with Evie and Marie sprawled on top. Marie clapped her hands. "For once, I am not the bottom of the dog pile! WIN!"

Evie sighed. She resigned herself to the fact that she and Marie were stuck with these very deadly creatures, who may or may not turn on them and kill them in the near future. But, for the moment, she had bigger things to worry about. Like getting her arm out from under Martello.

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End Author's Note: … … … … … … (DOOdoodeeDOO)

RANDOM ENCOUNTER! Ninja vs. a wild tripwire! Tripwire uses TRIP! It is SUPER EFFECTIVE!

^_^ We're cool.