Disclaimer: Not mine.

Hermione's Son

"There's an empty room at the top of the stairs," Hermione said, tossing her coat on a chair. "The one at the end of the hall is the Professor's. It's locked and that means out of bounds."

"I don't know why we can't say in our house," Hugo pouted. "This place is a dump."

Hermione set her suitcase down and looked at the small sitting room with its faded carpet and fraying curtains. Sniffing the stale air she opened the window and told Hugh to do the same when he was upstairs, wondering how long this place had been closed. It seemed worse now than it had earlier in the day when they had brought the first load. She should have left the windows open and not worried about it, she thought, after all, what was here to steal? Hermione headed for the kitchen, planning to throw the door open and get more air circulating.

"Mum always fixed me something to eat before I went to bed."

"She did, hey? She must have gotten soft in her old age." Hermione couldn't help but be short with him, as he tried the same trick almost every night. She kept giving in rather than listening to him whine. "How about hot chocolate? I think I can manage that until I go shopping."

Hugo nodded and began to drag his suitcases up the stairs when the front door opened and a tall sour looking man with long hair and a grim face walked in.

"Professor…" Hermione greeted him. "Hugh…this is Professor Snape who has been nice enough to let us stay here until I can find something more suitable. Show your manners now."

"Good evening, Professor Snape," he muttered, and returned to his chore of dragging his luggage and two crates to his room.

"I was just going to make some hot chocolate. Would you care for some?"

"I was not aware you had moved already, Miss Granger. I would not have been so bold as to walk in if I had been aware of it. Do accept my…"

"No need," she said, turning to the kitchen. "It's your house and I told you we wouldn't be here till morning. I didn't think you would mind. Mary, she used to tend Hugh, had a car for the day."

"No, no problem. I had planned to remove my more personal items."

"I am leaving your room alone, feel free to use it any time you want. I plan to sleep down here while Hugo is home. I'm putting your oldest books and your breakables up there…you know… for storage. That's the only way we are going to fit in here."

Snape looked at the sofa and frowned. "You will not get much sleep on that thing. I have no need for my room here. Feel free to make use of it."

"I only sleep in small snatches anyway. A couple of hours at night, then I try to catch an hour or so later. Anyway, I seem to remember you were away during the hols I am sure whatever you do the room here would be more convenient. If I were paying rent, it would be different but as it is the room is yours whenever you have need of it. Would you rather have tea?" She stood peering into an almost empty can of cocoa. "Something stronger perhaps? I have a bottle of wine and I think there's some scotch. However, as to which crate they are in is a guess."

"Tea is fine," he answered, looking around the cluttered kitchen. "There is not enough cupboard space for you belongings. I only stay here during the summers and have not…"

"I didn't bring that much. I'm just in the middle of rearranging the cupboards," she said with a laugh. "I guess I should have been more prudent in what I saved. I tend to throw things away with every move just to repurchase them. This time I thought I would save more. Not a good idea."

"Sometimes it is hard to let go," he said again surveying the mess.

"Not for me. I always think to dump the old and get a new start. I can't imagine how much it cost my parents over the past years. I really gave it no mind until I had to straighten up their finances." She grinned and pointed to the counter and the dishes she had shoved into the corner. "It is you that can't let go. I've stacked up all the chipped and cracked dishes. Do you want to keep them? I don't think you can even Repairo them anymore."

"No," he grumbled, waving his hand and muttering an incantation, ridding the kitchen of them. "I have little time for…housekeeping."

"Look in the oven. The pans in there are so old you should…"

"I do not cook," he muttered, pulling out rusty pans from the oven and sending them the same way as the dishes.

"Take- a -way? Surely not all the time. I would think one of the benefits of owning a home would be to eat something other than Hogwarts fare or cheap pub food. After years of cafeteria food at school I rather enjoy cooking."

"I remember," he said, smirking at her. "Melting chocolate and tempering eggs."

"That too," she laughed.

"How is your…brother…handling this?" He frowned, looking again at the mess. "I am sure he is used to much better. We should reconsider this."

"I don't know. He isn't open with me." She put on a pot of water and adjusted the flame. "I hope he likes tea. Strange, after all this time I don't even know. I don't have sugar and not enough milk. I found honey in the cupboard. Do you want some in yours?"

"You ignored me…we should recon…"

"It's a little late now," she said. "I can keep looking but…I am stuck here for at least a couple of…I'll keep looking," she sighed and turned back to making the tea. "I may take me a couple of weeks."

Snape heard the disappointment in her voice and ran his finger over the chipped cupboard door, seeing something that needed repair everyplace he looked. "It needs painting."

"The plaster is cracked too."

"Miss Granger, this is not a place for…"

"I can paint. That's easy. My mum used a sort of wallpaper…it's quite thick and once it's on the walls you paint over it. The cracks don't even show. The roof needs repair…that I can't do. That must be why It's worse upstairs, the moisture is getting into the walls."

Hearing a quiet desperation in her voice and remembering the argument he'd had with Minerva along with the constant nagging from Neville, he thought the best course of action was to take none. Leaning against the counter he folded his arms and stood quietly while she began to put the cups on the table and ramble on about what she could and could not do to the house.

"I know I may be too picky but I will not have him walking past an adult porn shop on the way to the grocery and the places I have found that are better than this aren't close to the train." She paused and turned to face him, swallowing hard. "Listen, once I start work I can ask around and find something else. I know this is an imposition but I need some time."

"Have you explained our world to him?" Snape frowned and levitated a stack of plates Hermione had stacked on the table into the cupboard, taking his chance when she took a pause from talking. "He may understand why this place is so …ill kempt."

"I've tried."

"And? Have you also told him about the prejudices he will encounter? The stigma of being the product of Muggles still exists. If you insist on keeping up this lie it may be more difficult for him."

Hermione continued to make the tea, measuring out loose leaves and putting them in the diffuser, ignoring his question.

"Or do you plan on just throwing him in with no preparation. A rather Slytherin thing to do I must say. However, I expected more from a Gryffindor." Finished with moving the dishes from the table he sat down, stiffly sitting on the edge of a chair.

"I wish they had done away with that damned hat."

"Afraid as to his sorting, Miss Granger?" he smirked, seeing her back stiffen.

"No, why should I be? And what right do you have to barge in here and start this?"

"It is quite likely his sorting will follow that of his father. Historically that is the accepted…"

"Shut up," she turned and hissed at him.

"I take it by your reaction that it will not be the tried and true house of Gryffindor, and since you would harbour no fear against Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw, I assume I will acquire a new student."

"I said stop this. I don't want to discuss it." She slammed her palm on the table and glared at him. "It isn't too late to find a hotel for the night. If you have changed your mind let me know now. But if this is my home I will demand you respect my wishes."

"Miss Granger, I only want to point out that Slytherin is a hard place for a young boy that is known as a Muggle born. You should remember that from your own time in school. Nothing has changed…except it is more…covert now. Being hidden, it is much harder for the heads of the houses to deal with. I mention this only to prepare you for what will be a very difficult time for him. Much harder than it was during your time in Hogwarts and much harder for a Slytherin."

"Do you think he would have it any easier if they knew the truth? This damned world won't accept him any faster and he would be open to ridicule from all the houses. My illegitimate child? In your precious Hogwarts? I would rather he be known as a Mudblood! I would rather have him make friends with kids that don't care and say to hell with the others."

Snape cleared his throat and nodded to the kitchen door, causing Hermione to spin around and see Hugo watching them, his face a study of confusion and fear. She swallowed hard, and took a step toward him, only to see him step back from her.

"Hugh…" she said as the breath left her lungs, and she felt a wave of terror wash over her.

"No!" The boy shook his head, stepping further back and away from her, his eyes travelling between her and Snape.

"Hugh…we need to talk," she whispered, putting a hand out to the counter to help steady herself.

"You're wrong! NO! Mum and Dad are dead! They were mine! I hate you! I hate you both! Don't say that! Don't ever say that again! It's a lie!" He screamed and tuned, running up to his room and slamming the door

"My gods," Hermione gasped, making it to one of the kitchen chairs and sitting down heavily.

"You need to …"

"Shut up! Don't tell me what I should and shouldn't do," she whispered, trying to keep her voice even. "I can't do this now. What do I say to him? How do I explain it? Why did you have to come and start this? We were doing fine before you came."

Snape looked at her with disgust and followed Hugo, taking the steps two at a time and disappearing from her sight. She sat staring at the tabletop until he returned nearly an hour later. When she looked up and saw a grim set to his jaw.

"He will be joining us as soon as he collects himself."

"What did you tell him?"

"Only that his father was killed in the final conflict and you thought it best to hide him from undue hardship."

"Nothing more?"

"He had to hear a little about the Dark Lord. However, do give me credit. I kept it as simple as I could. I have spent years dealing with young boys and I can tell you whatever I said will not be sufficient a month from now."

"Thank you," she sighed deeply and wiped her face dry on her tee.

"He will want to know about his father. He was…let me say…less than impressed with my explaintion."

"All he needs to know is what you told him."

"You have removed him from our world and kept him from what may be his only chance at an extended family long enough. Do you not think it is time to contact his father's family before they find out themselves?"

"I can't." She stood and busied herself dumping out the now cold over-steeped pot of tea and putting on fresh. "I've never talked about this…don't you understand I can't do it now?"

He pulled out his wand and set up silencing spells around them, then turned to the door and set a spell against that as well. Tucking his wand back in his pocket he folded his arms over his chest and smirked at her.

"Do you remember your second year charms?"

"Of course." She frowned at him.

"Do you remember the spell to verify blood lines? To differentiate between Muggle and Pureblood? "

Hermione blanched and sat back down on the chair. "I'll think…before then I'll think…"

"Of a lie?"

"Yes!" she spat, glaring up at him.

"Wouldn't it be easier to admit who the father was?"

"I don't know! You bastard! There! I said it! I don't know!"

"Miss Granger, there is only one way…" He stopped midsentence, seeing the truth in her eyes. "Fuck."

"Happy? Does it make it easier for you now? Bloody hell, I don't even remember all of it and it sickens me. I can't look at him and not…not think of it. How do I tell him that he was conceived from a rape? How do I make him understand that he is loved…that it's…that he's still loved when I can't even talk about it?"

"I had no idea. I am truly…" He stopped seeing her chin begin to tremble and the glint of tears welling in her eyes.

"Stop," she whispered, "please…just stop."

"In the hospital, when I came to identify you, I tried to look into your mind. Was this what you were hiding?"

Hermione studied his face, for the first time wanting to tell someone, to have just one person understand. "No…I…I don't know. I didn't even remember what had happened… not until later… I couldn't hide what I didn't remember. It's still not clear…I…it's as if I disappeared that night. Do you understand? Haven't you ever felt that way? That if you just went away everything would be undone? Everything would go back the way it was?"

Snape jerked his head toward the door and brought down the silencing spells as Hugo was coming down the stairs. Standing quickly, Hermione wiped her face again and finished the tea, putting the pot on the table as Hugo walked in.

"Sorry kid-o, all we have is tea." She stood biting her lip, studying her son's face.

"He said I don't have to call you Mum."

"No, no you don't"

"He said I don't even have to like you."

"No, I expect right now you don't. I'll tell you a secret. Right now I don't like myself very much either."

"He said I only have to…he said I have to respect you."

"I would appreciate that."

"Mum doesn't let me drink tea."

"I bet tonight she would," Hermione said, fighting to keep her voice under control. "I think she would be so very proud of you and Dad would tell her that you weren't a little kid anymore. He would say you were grown up to come down here and face me."

Snape went up to his room, leaving the two alone in the kitchen to drink their tea. Hermione added enough honey to Hugo's cup to make it palatable to him, knowing she had made it so strong she could barely drink it herself. They sat together, neither talking, both feeling the tension in the air and neither knowing how to dispel it. Finally, Hugo stood and stiffly bid Hermione good night, and all but fled to his room.

Hearing the boy's door slam, Snape make his was down to the kitchen where Hermione was washing up the teacups. Leaning against the doorframe, he watched her for a while before talking.

"Do you want to finish our conversation?"

"No."

Snape chuckled and lowered his head until his chin was resting on his chest.

"You have nice laugh. You should do it more," Hermione said softly. "I am sorry I yelled at you. I've been terrified of this and now that it's happened…maybe I should feel relieved. Thanks for talking to him. I think he needed male support…I thank you for that. There is so much I don't know about raising kids…and yes, I know I have to do better. It's …hard."

"And you should stop changing the topic."

"Snape, listen. I didn't even know all that had happened. I mean…yes, I knew it…but not really. It's odd…but I shut everything out. It was…is…like a nightmare. You know…when you wake up but can't remember it a few minutes later. That's what it still feels like. The Healers said that the trauma of my injury might have caused it. Like…being in a bad auto accident…and not remembering it later. It's truly gone …or…perhaps never there to begin with. The healer said if my mind shut down when I was cursed, everything after that might be lost. They said I may or may not remember it in time. They don't know. I guess some people never recover their memories…others…"

"There is more. If it were an injury, you would have let me see it, not hidden it so well…not felt the fear I found. You were not concerned over the child or your injury."

He crossed the room and pulled out his wand as he did. Wrapping one arm around her waist, he waited until she stopped struggling against him and then slowly raised his wand to her forehead. Hearing her sigh and seeing her close her eyes and nod her permission, he cast the spell and entered her mind.

He was immediately surprised at the force of her reaction. Her hands fisted his robes, as if needing to stay grounded, to make sure he did not leave her with her memories. The next thing he saw was blackness, and the feel of her walking down a winding staircase, keeping one hand on the wall as her only guide. He recognised where she was, as he had travelled the same path daily for years, and knew she was heading toward the dungeons. He listened with her, hearing a voice in the distance.

Unable to see her face in the darkness of this memory, he felt only her curiosity at the voice. She did not realize it was a ruse, the voice too clear, too close, and not echoing in the closed stone staircase.

At the bottom of the stairs, a dim light shone in the distance, which she hurried towards, still not sensing the danger. Hermione's grip tightened on his robes as he pulled her tighter to his body to reinforce the fact that he was here, that it was just a memory, that she was safe.

He watched as a hooded, half-masked man grabbed her, pushing her against the stone wall, and whispered cruel obscenities into her ear at the same time footfalls could be heard running down the steps behind them. Turning back to Hermione, he saw her struggle, and witnessed her ability in Muggle fighting to get out of the clutches of what he assumed was Hugo's father.

His arm tightened again as she fought not to call out. He saw her plant her feet and pull her wand, knowing she would be no match for this man. He saw her throw a curse, the footfalls behind her going unheard. He saw her dodge a Sectumsempra, catching only the edge and saw the blood that seeped out onto her blouse, spreading over her robes, as she spun and cast an Arvada Kedavra.

The air around them became heavy with mist. Swiping his hand in the air, he tried to see beyond what she wanted to remember and see what she needed to hide. He winced as she stumbled, falling forward, throwing her curse wild. He could tell something was happening that he could not see, her memories became fogged and confused. Uttering the incantation again, to strengthen the spell, he felt Hermione begin to fight against him as he clearly saw what was happening.

He saw her raise to her knees, one hand pushed into her left breast, unknowingly staunching the blood flow as her right left hand reached out in front of her, to what , he could not see. Snape had never felt such remorse, such utter and hopeless despair as he did in Hermione's mind.

He saw the wizard that had first attacked her, grab her shoulders and spin her around, slamming her head to the floor and ripping at her clothes. However, what was more telling to him was watching Hermione crane her neck, still reaching out for something he could not see, reaching out as if in the finding she could make all her pain and what was happening go away. He felt her turn in, her mind closing as her memories dimmed to blackness.

Snape sucked in a lungful of air as he pulled out of Hermione's mind. Releasing her at once and allowing her to slump to the floor, he spun around to the counter, putting out his hands to steady himself, dragging in gulps of air, then turned and looked down at her. Sliding to the floor, his back to the cupboards and his long legs extend out in front of him, he hauled her up to his lap and pushed her head to his shoulder, feeling her body hitch as she sobbed.

"I couldn't tell them. I couldn't," she said, her voice ragged. "The Healers said I…they said I needed to talk about what had happened. About my…my injury….about my loss when Hugh's father died. That's what I told them…that he died. I just couldn't tell them the truth. Hugh can't know…he can never know."

"Shhh," Snape made shushing sounds, at a loss of how to comfort the witch.

"I remember the curse… and what…what he did to me…but I didn't feel it…all I remember…it's like a dream…still…like a dream. I'd rather he think his father is dead or hates him than the truth. "

"Miss Granger," he started.

"I was there when Ron died," she whispered, tipping up her head to look at him. "I think he was trying to help me."

"It was not in your…"

She put one hand over his mouth and shook her head. "But it was. It doesn't matter how…or why…don't you understand? I know it…I feel it…I just can't remember it. I think he died for me."

"So, you left because of this, and not because of the injury or the child."

"I wanted to go home," she sobbed, nestling back to his shoulder. "I remember thinking that my mum and dad would be waiting for me and that if I could just make it home everything would be okay again. Everything would be like before, only…it wasn't and I had forgotten they weren't even home. I had forgotten what I did to them."

"That's enough for tonight," Snape said, removing her from his lap and standing up, reaching down his hand to help her stand.

"What do I do now?" she asked softly, ignoring his hand and pulling up her knees, wrapping her arms around them. "What do I tell Hugo? Don't you see? Don't you…"

"You have to decide how you feel about him. I grew up in this very house and although my parentage was known, I can assure you I was most unwanted. Unless you plan to do the same to your son, you need to consider other options. There are families that…"

"But I do love him, I do. I really, truly do. In the beginning…when I heard my parents had adopted him, I didn't care one way or the other. Later, I couldn't undo it, even if I had wanted to. I couldn't support him. I could never hate him, not now…not…he's my son. I just can't look at him and not remember the war and everything that happened that day. I can't get past it. I look at Hugh and see Ron. Sometimes I …I pretend he's Ron's. He would have been…he would have been ours."

"You need to see a Healer, and this time be truthful with them. Until you do, you will never get beyond this."

"I can't, I can't tell anyone. What happens if it gets out? What if someone tells Hugh?"

"No? Yet you told me."

"Because you were there…you took me to St. Mungo's and saw what I was like. Harry doesn't treat me the same now, he thinks I betrayed Ron and took a lover. I saw him before I left to study...Hugh was still small. I think he fought with my parents about it. What do you think he and the Weasleys will do if they knew the truth? If they knew Ron died for me? It's one thing to think I cheated on Ron…but if they know what I did…that I must have been there and didn't stop it..."

"You did nothing. You may have witnessed it. That does not mean it was your fault or you were able to stop it," Snape said, looking at her strangely.

Hermione pulled away from him and stood up on her own, returning to the sink and beginning to sort the kitchen. "If I hadn't been so bloody stupid and gone down there alone, none of this would have happened. I have to finish up sorting the kitchen and I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"It is late. We should continue this when you have time to calm down and think logically."

"I am thinking logically. He will get an education. For now, that includes Hogwarts. However, if it becomes difficult for him or if things don't' work for him I can home school him, that or move to Germany of France. I don't need to be in England to work, as you well know."

"Miss…"

"No, as you said this is not about me. This is about Hugh and I will do what I have to."