Author's Note: Life hates us. But we love you. So we're trying to do this anyway. Don't even ask about everything that's happened. You will cry.

Also, make sure you read QuickStar's gift fic in "Misfit Tails" if you want this chapter to make any sense. Kay? Kay.

New Contest! So, we got bored of search and find challenges, so we wanted to do this! This time, you have to send us your BEST "Yo Daddy" joke. Yes, you read that correctly. Yautja highly respect females, so it is NOT "Yo Mama" jokes. That being said, the winner that we choose from the entries will get a gift one shot with their "Yo Daddy" joke inserted either in their one shot or in Minivan Escapades.

This contest will run from September 22 to September 29. Yes. It WILL last a full week and we shall go through at the end and declare our winner. If there is a tie, we MAY choose both as winners. We shall see.

Good luck, comedians!

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Chapter 11: FML!

Marv peered through his telescope at the Xenos around his wall. During the past winter, they had begun acting strangely, running at one spot only to be gunned down by his defenses, and now their activity had taken on a frenetic pace. He sat back and steepled his fingers, thinking. "What are those blasted critters doing?"

Standing, he began to pace. So far, he had done well during the apocalypse. He had created this sanctuary long before the Xenomorphs had come, having been obsessed with the idea of an impending zombie apocalypse. He was grateful that it worked for alien defense as well.

But, something was wrong. Several times this week he had set out some of the creatures he housed, such as pigs and chickens. The animals had been ignored by the aliens. This was not normal. And there was a growing hole at the location all of the Xenos seemed intent on being at. No, this wasn't good.

Marvin drew himself up and straightened his bow tie. More extreme measures would have to be taken. Going down the steps of his tower, Marv quickly made his way to his garage, which housed his tank, the same vehicle that Marie and Genevieve had dubbed "Betsy". He snorted at the silliness, and then closed the hatch.

He went through his many safety hatches, then emerged above ground, 100 yards or so from his outer wall. Turning the vehicle, he made his way towards the growing hole. Parking the tank, he took aim at the mob of Xenomorphs and fired a shell.

The weapon discharged and took many Xenos with it. However, instead of turning and attacking him, the Xenomorphs kept charging the hole, to be cut down by his automated gun defenses. Acid blood flew.

Scowling, Marv fussed with his bow tie. This was most unusual. Suddenly, there was the sound of claws on the roof of the tank. A Xenomorph leapt down from the top of Betsy and landed in front of him, joining its brethren in their relentless charge.

Marv scowled and turned away, returning to his garage. He exited the tank and slowly walked back up the stairs to his control room. Sitting down in his favorite chair, he loosened his bow tie, thinking. The only possible explanation for their behavior that he could come up with was rather worrisome.

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It had been a fairly successful summer, but Evie was worried. The caravans that they normally worked with had been denying them work for some time. They'd gotten a few jobs here and there, but not nearly as many as they were used to getting.

Evie carefully took stock of what she and Marie had managed to get so far and scowled, cursing. "I can't BELIEVE we've only gotten 8 cans of fruit for that last job. We haven't done this badly since we first started! At least then it made sense. I mean, sure, supplies are low, but STILL. We didn't even get ANY dried meat!"

Marie came over, peering over Evie's shoulder. "Not looking good?"

"Not at ALL. I just don't get it. Pretty much ALL of the caravans in the Midwest know us! They KNOW we do good work! Why aren't they hiring us? Hell, we're one of the cheapest groups out there anyway!"

Marie frowned. The cogs of her mind were whirling just as hard as Evie's. "I don't know, either. We're almost back to Marv's. We're about three days out. And we haven't had a job in the last week and a half. And it's the heavy traveling season."

Evie snorted. "Maybe they don't like us anymore because we played Robin Hood last season."

Marie waved the suggestion off. "Hey, most of them were perfectly willing to give us our due once they saw we were alive. We only had to REALLY rough up one of them. I'm sure the other caravans would understand."

Evie nodded and sighed, hopping out of the van and shutting the doors. "Maybe we just need to ask when we find another caravan. I'm sure someone would be willing to explain why they aren't hiring us much. Maybe it's been a bad year?"

Marie nodded vaguely, eyes focused across the clearing. She made a shooing motion with one of her hands and Evie frowned.

"Marie. What are you waving at?"

"Nothing!"

Evie started walking to where Marie had been gazing at. "You are a TERRIBLE liar."

Marie ran in front of Evie, keeping her from going further. "Okay! Okay, you caught me. It was, uh, Jimbob! Yeah! He was about to throw another acorn at you! I was trying to get him to stop."

Evie just stared at Marie and stepped around her shorter friend. Evie peered into the trees and caught the barest flicker of movement. She scowled, reaching for her hand gun. "I SEE you, you bastards! Don't you even TRY to come near here!"

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Dho'mago'te winced at the harsh tone of Faru'qi. He had warned Tvrtko about getting too close to the campsite. Even though he had made a truce with Dai'za'te, Faru'qi was still very displeased with the two of them.

Sighing, Dho'mago'te waved Tvrtko over. There was no use pretending that they weren't there. They would just have to get this over with.

Dho'mago'te uncloaked and started forward. "Come, Tvrtko. Let us do what we have discussed."

Tvrtko uncloaked as well and followed slightly behind the larger warrior, grumbling.

They entered the clearing and Dai'za'te was clearly trying to prevent Faru'qi from shooting them as they came in, as Faru'qi was yelling and Dai'za'te was clinging to her arm desperately.

Dho'mago'te went straight for Faru'qi and stood over her. He nodded at her angry visage and went to one knee in front of her. Tvrtko knelt next to him, still hissing angrily.

Reaching up, Dho'mago'te undid his mask. The burst of air from the outside world threw him off for a moment, but he held still. Tvrtko removed his mask as well.

The two warriors looked straight at Faru'qi and nodded to her. Dho'mago'te took the lead. He cleared his throat and began speaking in his best Ooman. "Whee Sa're. Oo eet as? R'evenga?"

Faru'qi blinked, confused. She turned to Dai'za'te and spoke. Their Ooman was much faster than his, but he understood them fairly well. Faru'qi was asking for clarification of what he said. Cursing mentally, he swore to practice his Ooman more.

Dai'za'te spoke and Faru'qi made more noises, then turned back to himself and Tvrtko. Dho'mago'te met her infuriated gaze. But, even as he watched, the anger faded and was replaced with what he took to be annoyance.

Faru'qi snorted, then turned away, walking to the camp. Dho'mago'te blinked and stood, holding his mask. "F'arendz?"

Faru'qi stopped and glared over her shoulder. She spat out words he had heard before and he nodded. It was what she had always labeled them as. Temporary Allies.

Tvrtko was already melting back into the trees, saying something about not needing forgiveness from Oomans. Dho'mago'te smiled. Tvrtko had been angry since the events at the home of Dai'za'te and Faru'qi, but mostly because Tvrtko felt bad for the injustice done to them. Not that Tvrtko would say that.

Dho'mago'te looked over at Dai'za'te as he left the clearing. She gave him a small smile, lacking her usual baring of teeth, and gave him a thumbs up. Then, she turned away and went to Faru'qi.

Dho'mago'te left, feeling marginally satisfied. There was still hope that their comradeship could be maintained.

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Marv's abode was only about fifteen minutes away. Marie sighed, feeling the relief coming through her system. It had been a rough summer and she was ready to relax somewhere safe. Marv wouldn't be too disappointed with their haul. She'd managed to find an old laptop that still had a functional battery. He'd be thrilled with that!

Smiling, she brought the van over the hill and into the valley. Rolling up to the gates, she pushed the intercom button. "Hey! Marv! We're back!"

Minutes passed silently. Marie frowned, feeling her paranoia creeping back in. She remembered Marv saying that something strange was going on… "Marv? Hellooo? Hey! Let us in! Don't MAKE me use the codes you gave us!"

Still nothing. Marie quickly punched in the access code for the first door and inched across the perimeter. Not much seemed out of place in the outer ring. They made it to the next door and tried the com again. Still nothing from their friend.

Evie was loading her weapons and checking that everything was in place. "I don't like this."

Marie nodded, pulling up her machete from beside the seat. "Me either."

Again, the access code was punched in and they went into their ring, the inner ring. Marie drove about. It was too quiet. Parking, Marie grabbed her weapons and got out, advancing towards the tower door. Evie followed close behind.

Suddenly, an all too familiar screech resounded in the complex and Marie whipped her gun up to bear. A Xenomorph lunged at them from the walls surrounding the tower. She fired and missed. Retreating, she and Evie watched the black monster approach.

Evie scowled. "Damn it all, we've gotten SOFT. THIS is what we get for not getting to fight Xenos every night."

Marie nodded, never taking her eyes off of the beast in front of them. It hissed and lunged again. This time, Marie stood her ground, slipping into her mental kill zone. She shot through its torso, then, as it lay gasping on the ground, Evie dispatched it with a shot behind the extended cranium. The Xenomorph went still.

Marie and Evie looked into each others' eyes and knew that something had gone horribly wrong. Running to the door to the tower, they punched in the code and vanished into the gaping maw of darkness that consumed the interior of the tower.

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They had gone through the tower relatively swiftly, finding no further Xenomorphs inside. But, it was clear that they HAD been in there. The dining room was shredded, the grand piano destroyed, there were very few rooms that were left untouched by their acidic blood and deadly claws.

Finally, the women made it to the top of the tower. Marie choked back a cry of dismay. The steel door that had previously been there was demolished, melted and shattered on the floor. Going in, they scanned the small room.

There was nothing. Marvin was nowhere to be found. The only evidence that he had been there recently was a bowtie, lying strewn on the floor.

Marie knelt and picked it up, holding the scrap of fabric in her hands. "Evie… He's GONE, Evie…"

Evie nodded, head low. Their return had been heralded by death and destruction. "We need to leave. If there is one Xeno here, there are going to be more. We can't fight them all. We're not prepared to."

Marie nodded. "I know. Can't we look a little longer? Just in case? Maybe he made it outside."

Evie nodded. "All right. We can do that. But, we can't take long."

The two stood and carefully picked their way down the stairs, guns ready. They stood on the bottom floor, scanning the area. Marie took point. "Come on. Let's check our house first. He could have made it there and then up to the walls. At least there could be something salvageable."

Evie nodded, pleased to be taking up her old role as a follower. She had never been comfortable leading herself and Marie about. It just wasn't how it was supposed to be. But now, Marie was, slowly, getting better. And Evie was willing to let them slip back into their old roles.

They easily made their way through their old home and the few other buildings in the central complex. Other than gaining supplies, they found nothing. None of the animals were left. Not even carrion birds were circling.

The two finished loading the van with what they had found. Marie heaved a sigh, head low. "If he didn't make it out to here, then there's no way he could have made it to the outer ring. Right?"

Evie nodded. "Most likely…"

Marie sniffed, wiping her eyes. Straightening up, the shorter girl put on a stern face, but Evie could see her lower lip wobbling. "Well, no point in lingering about here, then. Gotta find a place to hole up for the winter. It's gonna be here soon."

Evie nodded. Suddenly, loud noises began coming from the tower. Marie took a few cautious steps forward. "Marv? Izzat you?"

A piercing shriek rang out and Marie paled, charging back to the van. "GET IN! NOW! We've gotta go!"

Evie dove into her seat, buckling in as Marie threw the van into gear and charged out the gates. She stopped only to close the huge doors, before barreling out the front gates and shutting them as well. She hit the gas and drove as fast as she dared.

Evie held on for dear life, hoping she wouldn't need to hurl anytime soon.

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The fire crackled before both of them. Neither of the women spoke for a long time. Finally, Marie whispered into the silence. "Evie… Did you SEE how many of them there were? If we hadn't been able to get a head start and shut the doors…."

Evie nodded, poking the fire. "I can't BELIEVE there were so many… Maybe there's a queen nearby there? They're scouting for a lair to bring their victims, to make more baby Xenos?"

Marie shrugged. "I don't know… I really can't think too well right now. I think the crazy is trying to come back… I mean, Marv… You know. He SAVED us… You were dying and I was so scared and we were starving and if he hadn't come-"

Evie cut her friend off by wrapping an arm around the other girl's broader shoulders. "It's all right, Marie. Marv… Well, we can only hope he took the easy way out for himself. At least he won't have to suffer anymore. They don't have germs in heaven."

Marie nodded and leaned her head against Evie's. Evie nuzzled her gently and they sat together, whispering memories of good times with Marv. The fire died down and the two curled up in a blanket nest together, ready to sleep.

Marie sat up before she fully drifted off. "Need to set a watch. I'll go. Thought I heard something."

Evie yawned. "It's almost morning anyway, dummy. Just sleep. We should be fine."

But Marie stood. "No. No, I heard something. It's coming from over there…"

Evie sat up and stretched. "Maybe it's just Martello and Ninja. They have a habit of stalking us."

Shaking her head, Marie edged closer to her gun. "I don't think so… Martello and Ninja NEVER make noise… And they left, remember?"

Suddenly, before either woman could react, lights flared about them. Marie and Evie both cried out as the bright lights burned their eyes. Strong hands grabbed at them, pulling them up. Marie, still light dazzled, struck out blindly with her fist, connecting with a nose. She grinned as she heard a yelp of pain.

Evie flailed, kicking and biting and clawing at her attackers. Pulling her ever present sidearm, she fired behind her, hearing a grunt as two hands loosened on her. Pulling away, she slammed the handle of her sidearm into the head of the other holding her.

Marie had, as usual, caused maximum damage in minimum time. The stocky woman was whipping her knives about, stabbing, slashing, and hurling them with deadly precision. Their vision restored, Marie and Evie stood on separate sides of a clearing swarming with men. Human men.

The women snarled, shocked and infuriated that their own race was attacking them. The men advanced and they fought on, but it was no use. Overpowered by sheer numbers, soon Evie and Marie were bound hand and foot and thrown in the back of a strange truck.

The men congratulated each other, talking about how hard it had been to "capture those psycho bitches". As a precaution, both girls were gagged, since several men had bite marks to prove how dangerous they still were, even tied up.

Marie and Evie HAD managed to kill and/or maim several of their attackers. At least 4 of the men were dead, that was for certain. No one could come back from a slit throat or a bullet to the brain. The others were breathing, but no one was certain for how long.

Most of the rest of the group that had taken the two women were also damaged, but less so. The worst, non-lethal, injury was a man who'd been unfortunate enough to get one of Marie's knives to his shoulder. The other were bitten, scratched, or had other grazing injuries. Only a couple men got away unharmed, and they were the ones that had been holding the lights.

Marie wiggled, trying to reach another of her knives. They'd searched her, more like felt her up, for her collection, but she knew they hadn't found all of them. Unfortunately, one of the men guarding the bound women was twirling the blade that Martello had given her in his hand.

He grinned down at the glaring woman. "What? You mad that I've got your toy? Girls shouldn't play with such dangerous things, you know. They could get hurt."

Suddenly, he stabbed it down, stopping just above her throat. Marie didn't flinch. She simply glared at him harder, wishing she could burn a hole through his head.

The man above her laughed nervously, pulling the knife away. He hated the way she glared at him and how she refused to be scared. Not even of the possibility of death. Scowling, he spun the blade around and slammed the hilt down onto Marie's head.

The girl twitched, eyes rolling back, and then fell still. She was still breathing and the man sighed, finally relaxing.

Evie watched this all, desperately wanting to rescue Marie. Scooching closer, she nuzzled her unconscious friend. She shut her eyes, wishing this would all disappear. Terror went through the very core of her being. Her only thought was that all the things they had managed to escape from and get over, were going to happen able. Her lips thinned and her eyes narrowed as the surrounding men rejoiced in their hard-won 'victory.' History would not repeat itself. She and Marie wouldn't let it.

And the raucous group drove on through the autumn morning.

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Author's End Note: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The end!

No, not really. But, we'll bet ANYTHING that you want to know what happens to them. (Cus we're jerks. ^_^) And why for is this happening? You shall see. Tee-hee.

Don't forget our contest and we'll see you in the next installment of "Hero is a Cheap Label"!