Disclaimer: Not mine

Hermione's Son

Chapter 11

Hermione raced to the back door when she heard it open and Hugh's voice call out to her. With a squeal, she dropped on her knees and pulled him into her arms laughing and crying as she poured out questions quicker than he could answer. She had worried about seeing Severus for the first time since the fiasco in Diagon Alley and had wanted to make a good impression. Now, all she could do was hold on to her son, knowing as she did the impression of a grown woman in control of her emotions was fleeing out the door they had just come in.

"Stop it," Hugh whined, jerking his head towards Severus. "You want everyone to think I'm a baby? Come on, Sis, let go."

"Everyone? Everyone who? Him? He won't tell anyone. If anyone can keep a secret it's him," She laughed and gave Hugh another hug, finally feeling him squeeze her in return. "I've missed you kid."

"Yeah, I guess I missed you too." He finally admitted, pulling away from her and watching Snape from the corner of his eye, as a red blush crept up his neck. "What happened to your finger?"

"Oh, I fell out by the shed. Ripped a nail off."

"Both of them?"

"Yes, both of them," she laughed at his open interest. "And no, I'm not showing you."

"Geesh, you got to look at my foot when I stepped on glass," he muttered, ducking under her arm to get away and dragging his backpack out of the room.

"I missed him. Although I sometimes wondered why." She sighed loudly, rubbing her sleeve across her eyes. "To be honest, I've missed both of you. Thanks for bringing him home and thanks for…you know…everything. Do you have time for tea?"

"That would be most appreciated. The final day of term is hectic and I have missed my morning cup." He waved his hand over his shoes, drying them before walking farther into the room. "I will deliver Mr. Granger to the train station before my return to Hogwarts."

"Thanks, I was worried about the rain but it seems to have let up a little. I thought you may be planning to use your room over the hols."

"That is not a good idea. I had the pleasure of an unexpected visitor this morning. It seems Potter is intent on making himself known to young Mr. Granger."

"You didn't let him I hope. Hugh knows him although they have not seen each other for a couple of years now. I'd like to keep it that way."

"It is not within Hogwarts policy to release a child to other than to the…"

"What nerve!"

"His offer was merely to bring him home. I found no harm in that. However, without your prior permission …"

"Well…you don't have it. He had the gall to make some very …crude comments last time he was here. I can't believe I'm saying this. He was my best friend, now I worry about what he will say to Hugh about us and … all off it."

He leisurely took off his outer robes and put them on a hook by the door. "Concerning me?"

She saw his face darken and his shoulders stiffen. "Yes." She turned back to the sink and pretended to be busy.

"Hermione, look at me," he said, his voice quiet and low.

"I have to finish the tea. I didn't think he would take it this far and I will not give him the satisfaction of discussing this. He had no right, no right at all to make assumptions and then pass them around."

"Professor?" Hugh called as he ran back down the stairs. "We're going to miss the train!"

"Hugh, be careful. You know not to…"

"Yeah, yeah…I know." He rolled his eyes, stopping when he saw Snape's look of disapproval. "Sorry. No talking to strangers. I know the rules."

"Leave your wand." Hermione nodded to his waistband where he had it. "Hugh, this is going to be harder than you know. Nick is going to be talking about new video games, the movies he saw, what he's been doing and you can't. You can't tell him anything. He may even think you are being a little stuck-up about your new school. Just remember…he was hurt when you moved away and didn't write a letter since August. When you get back you can send me his letters and I can post them for you."

"Professor Snape said if I change my words a little it works. You know, potions is chemistry and history is a class about the classical myths and…"

"Just be careful. Not home one day and you are off again. I don't think I like this."

"Mum used to say that you ran off all the time. That you went with Uncle Harry and some mate named Ron. It had a funny name…something about rabbits."

"The Burrow, and yes, Ron lived at The Burrow. Now run along. Professor Snape wants to hurry back to Hogwarts."

"I thought you were staying," Hugh said. "I got my chess set out of the cupboard and Sis doesn't play so I …"

"Hugh," Hermione said his name with a shake of her head.

"I will speak to your sister," Snap said evenly. "If we can resolve a certain issue I may reconsider."

"Shite, so she messed it up? Cripes, what did she do this time?"

"Hugh! Language," she hissed. "You know better."

Severus stepped outside without responding, taking Hugh to the train station under a waterproof shield. He waited until the boy was on the train and it had pulled away from the station before making the familiar walk back. It was impossible not to remember how he had come this way many times, always happier on the trip to the station than on the trip home. As he approached the house, he again noticed the colourful curtains and thought it more of a home now than a house.

"Thanks," she spat at Snape as soon as he walked back in the door. "Resolve an issue. Now if you don't stay, it's my fault."

"I did not say that."

"He's eleven. It's what he heard."

"Further, my staying here is inappropriate."

"It's your house and the holidays." She put up her hand to stop his protests. "I don't want to argue. I always manage to say something wrong and you are quite right. It might look wrong and I refuse to put Hugh in the position of defending me. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Minerva has mentioned that I should perhaps take over the responsibilities of Hogwarts over the holidays while she takes a rest. She also correctly pointed out that Harry, as well as others, may think you are becoming overly attached …"

"Harry went to Minerva as well?"

"To see Hugh, yes. Not appreciating my answer, he sought out the Headmistress to make an acceptation to the rules. He seems to think that with your limited public contact you are becoming overly fond of…"

"Good lord," Hermione said in a rush of breath. "Now my sex life …or lack thereof…is a topic of discussion. He thinks we…because I am lonely? Since when don't I have contact with other people? Okay, since I came to Spinner's End, it's limited to the old guy down at the grocer and the smelly woman at the post, but I am beginning to like my solitude. That and the delivery boy is beginning to look good. A little young, but what the bloody hell. If Harry thinks you're too old for me perhaps he'll approve of a seventeen year old. The Muggles in the states have a name for it. Tell him I'm a cougar. I don't know what they call it here. Let him figure it out."

"I take it you have not formed an unnatural attachment." He raised his eyebrow and fought not to laugh.

"Tell Minerva I quit my job because I wouldn't sleep with my boss. I had contact with him right up until I slapped his ruddy face. Tell her the last man I went out with sent me home in a taxi after I told him about my surgery. If you need something else…just make it up. That should make everyone happy and keep them from thinking we were involved when I was a bloody student."

"Minerva mentioned the conversation only in her concern for you," he scowled.

"Fuck off Snape," she said, before becoming quiet. "Even if I did have a…attachment to you…it wouldn't be…unnatural. What about you? Did they discuss your…your…whatever. "

"I do not form attachments."

"Good." She stood and opened the oven, checking on the shepherd's pie she was baking, hiding her face from him in case her disappointment showed and wondering why she cared. She heard him leave the room and continued to get tea on the table then sat down and buried her head in her arms.

She had enjoyed their time together in the past. Now, learning that he would not be spending the holidays and the reason why, she felt suddenly exhausted and at a loss. Glancing around the kitchen, she thought of all the preparation she had done for the holidays. The work she had put into the sitting room, the fact that Hugh had already left for the night, the intrusion Harry had put on her life, seemed all too much and too fast. Her plans suddenly fell apart and seemed like a waste of time and only a foolish wish. A feeling of despair that swept over her and recognising the sensation as an early warning, she took deep breaths and tried to focus on the present and not let the rumours Harry was starting bother her.

"Hermione?" Snape knelt down next to her and put his hand on the shoulder, waiting for her to lift her head from her arms. "What is wrong?"

She sobbed, hearing his voice and struggling to focus on it. "It's not you. Truly, it's not. It's the whole thing. The hols, my parents not being here, Hugh…I don't know what to do with him and I miss…" She stopped and looked into his eyes, only inches from her own. "I miss him when he's gone. I never thought I would be able to say that. I want him here. So why did I let him run off today? He could have stayed a few hours at least."

"That is all?"

"I think so."

"You are lying again," he smirked, standing up and collecting the plates. "You do the same thing now that you did in school. You chew your lower lip. At first, I thought you were concentrating until I realized when you were lost in thought you started into space. No, it's the lip that always gave away your lies. With that said do you want to explain the bandage?"

"No." She wiped her face and licked her lips, feeling her mouth go dry. "I was feeling sorry for myself. I forgot where I put Hugh's Christmas gift. I can't remember…"

He opened the cutlery drawer and gave her a strange look. "You are this upset over the loss of a gift?"

"I know I bought him a book on Quidditch when I went to Diagon and put it away. Don't say it," she said giving a small laugh. "I put it somewhere I was sure to find it, only…I would have put it where I was sure to look before Christmas. It has to be somewhere simple. It was Quidditch…I am sure of it. Maybe football…or…I was looking at one on dragons."

"Hermione?" He slid the dinnerware on the table.

"It's that kind of day." She studied his face, seeing his concern and made a quick decision to trust him once more. "Severus? I have medication upstairs. I can't get to it right now. I can't …"

"Where?"

Learning where she kept her medication, Severus found in at once and returned to the kitchen where she sat waiting for him, staring at the window over the sink. She took the prescription bottle from him, and despite his scowl and warnings against Muggle sedatives, downed two before they ate dinner. Feeling herself begin return to normal half way through the meal, but still having an overwhelming need for sleep, she was at last able to smile and apologise for her behaviour.

"Sorry. It happens less and less," she said with a shrug. "I almost threw them out."

"You are not in the habit of…"

"Goodness, no. That is only the second time I've needed them since I moved here and it's been almost five months. There was a time I needed them twice a day. I think it was the excitement of Hugh coming home. " She rested her elbow on the table and laid her head in her hand, pushing her food around on her plate. "How did you do it? Everyone was against you and said terrible, awful things, yet you coped."

"I have never felt lonely, alone perhaps, but that is a different thing entirely. Living in Hogwarts with hundreds of students is not the lonely existence people think it is. There are times I wish that rather than staying in the dungeons I had taken a place in Hogsmeade. As for the rumours…I learned early to ignore them."

"This is the first time I've lived on my own. I mean…truly alone. I've always been at home, or in a dorm. Even in the States, I had my own room…or a flat…but there were always people milling around in the same building. Here…not that I don't like it here…I do…here it gets lonely. Was it like this when you grew up here? Sort of…isolated? Neighbours keeping to themselves?"

"It was different. Poorer, if that is possible, dirty, most decidedly. We didn't use magic. My father would not allow it and in later years, I do not think my mother was capable of it any longer. The summer was the worse of it. We, of course, had all the windows open and I spent the nights listening to the drunken rows coming from next door or from our own sitting room."

"You grew up thinking that was normal? That's what I didn't want for Hugh. Some of the places we looked at were exactly like that."

"You are doing well with him. He seems to be adjusting, although at times he seems depressed."

"He still talks of Mum and Dad as if…as if they may come back. I remember Harry and how he kept thinking in the magical world there should be a way to talk to them. Hugh must be doing the same thing, only for him he can still remember what they looked like. I thought of making a pensive for him. Would it help do you think?"

Severus frowned and lowered his head to keep his eyes shielded. "He needs to accept death and to learn who he is. It is wrong to…"

"That's something he will never know. I've been thinking," Hermione said quickly, needing to change the topic. "I need to start using that damned wand. Will you help? When we're done, you can try to reattach my fingernails. I am, however, able to apparate again."

"I told you to …" he stopped when she jerked her hand off the table and hid it on her lap, "let me see if I can heal it before we begin." Healing the raw nail beds, he muttered an incantation, attaching what passed for real nails. "They are only transfigured. However, they should last until your own begin to grow back. This is a useful spell for anyone that deals with children…of any age. Furthermore, an invaluable spell, for teaching apparation to those who have forgotten how to concentrate."

"Shut up, Snape," she laughed. "I didn't know if you would come back and needed to relearn."

"Start with something small," he said gently, looking around the kitchen until he saw the breadbasket. "Levitate the bread to the table."

"Sure," she said, reaching for her wand. "I just washed the floor so if I spill them you have to eat it anyway. Don't look at me like that…I'm trying to joke."

Pointing at the basket, she easily floated it to the table when her concentration waived and it fell with a plop. Severus flicked his hand and returned it to the counter, signalling her to try again.

"Show off," she said with a small laugh. "Why do you even carry a wand?"

"Habit, now try again."

The second time the bread came sailing to a perfect landing. Hermione stood and called out, "Accio Quidditch Book" only to still be standing three minutes later waiting for the book.

"It may be in a closed cupboard."

"It's in my old trunk," she grinned. "I remember now. I put it in with a new jumper I bought him and a couple of other things I thought he might like. Eat. It's getting cold."

They ate in a comfortable silence until Hermione began to sort the table. "Severus, you should be in your home for the hols. We are the intruders, not you. If you normally use it for entertaining, I will gladly take Hugh for a holiday. I should have thought of it before."

"I still have my year end reports to finish. I will be leaving tonight."

"And you sir, do not lie, you exaggerate. I am sure the reports will take you an hour at the most. You'll come back on Christmas day? Hugh will be sorely disappointed if you don't. I hate to say this, but he is beginning to think of you as somewhat of a friend of the family. You take up the bulk of his letters I dare say."

"I am afraid it may be going deeper than that."

"How so?"

"He was sorted into Slytherin, as was I. However, he does not seem suited to the house. I believe that the damned hat takes requests."

"He asked for Slytherin?"

"Anther reason I should not be here. I am his Head of House, nothing more. As such, it is better to maintain a certain distance."

"Harry did that. The hat was going to put him in your house," she said, laughing at the look of puzzlement on his face. "Next time you are tempted to feel sorry for yourself, remember that. It could have been a lot worse for you. Anyway, I'll talk to Hugh and explain. Listen to me," she laughed. "If you have other plans for the holiday I understand completely."

She lifted his robes from the hook and held them up while he slid his arms into them. "Here I am assuming you have no place else to go. Of course you do. Perhaps I'll take Hugh into town to the cinema. He would like that."

~o0o~

Christmas morning she pulled a pair of jeans and a hooded sweat from her closet, glancing at the new Christmas dress and the black shift, she thought of what a fool she had been to waste her money on such things. Hurrying to dress, she ran down to watch Hugh open his gifts and then started breakfast, not without thinking of how her mother had done the same thing on Christmases past.

"Is the professor coming?" Hugh sat shovelling food into his mouth, anxious to get back to his new video game.

"Nope, just me and you kid-o. Do you want to go to the cinema? We could go into London."

"Nah, I want to call Nick."

"Remember, not to use your time on one day. You are only home two weeks so I didn't get a full service."

"Is there a directory for wizards? You know, like for phone numbers here?"

"Umm, not that I know of."

"I thought that if you just …you know…if you don't know where he is anymore I could find him."

"Professor Snape? I imagine he is at Hogwarts. "

"No," he said, looking down at his plate. "My dad."

"Oh, Hugh," she breathed out, feeling like he had kicked her in the stomach from the suddenness of his request.

"I was thinking that even if he is dead I may have cousins and stuff. Grandparents…you know."

"He…he never said anything about his family." She reached over and laid her hand on his arm. "Mum and Dad were the only parents you need to think about."

"I thought that…you know…it being Christmas he may send me a letter or something."

"Ah, Hugh, no…don't. He…he didn't know about you and even if he did…I told you…he died in the war."

"You can't be sure about that. Binns said some of the bodies were never claimed. That some of them weren't properly identified. What if they messed up?"

"Binns? No, he must have been talking about the first war, not the second. You have it confused. There are spells now that they would have used. No one was left unknown."

"You don't know that. Not for sure. Mum said you were hurt and had to go to the hospital. That you weren't there at the end."

"Hugh, I know who died. I've read the lists and I know…"

"You weren't there! Even the Headmistress says the Daily Prophet prints lies. He's my father! You have no right not to tell me who he is! I bet he didn't even die! I bet he's someone you were scared to tell Dad about. I bet he wasn't even a student here. Uncle Harry would have known if he were. I bet you were hiding something."

"Don't talk to me like that young man." Hermione came to her feet and leaned on the table, scowling at him. "If you want to discuss it, that is one thing, but I will not tolerate you..."

"When do you plan on telling me? Never? Or haven't you thought up a lie yet?"

"Hugh! That's enough."

He ran from the kitchen leaving Hermione still sitting at the table. Running her finger along the rim of a Christmas patterned butter dish she thought of the day she and Mum had gone into the city and in a show of extravagance had purchased it for over fifty pounds, an outrageous sum even back then. She felt the sting of tears and wished she knew what to do. She wished Mum were still here to talk with. She thought to call him back, only to let him go, not wanting to see the look of hatred and disgust he'd had on his face and knowing the family tree she had worked on would not fill the void he felt.

As she stood to clear the table, she saw something move in the yard. Walking to the window, she tried to smile and tapped the glass, waving to Severus who was smoothing his robes after an apparently rough apparation. Pulling the door open, she stepped aside to let him in wishing him a Happy Christmas.

"Let me tell Hugh you are here." She smiled thinly and helped him off with his robes, shaking off a dusting of snow and hanging them on the hook by the door. "He was disappointed that we didn't have company. He's used to a house full on Christmas."

Severus reached out and turned her face towards him. "You've been crying."

"It's the holidays. It's our first one without Mum." She started to worry her lip then froze and looked up at him, seeing his smirk. "Shut up."

"Shall we start again?" He scowled at her.

"Hugh…he…" she started then could only shake her head as her tears began again. "It's normal for a day like this. He is thinking about the family he lost and…he wants to know about his biological father.

"Sit," he said, pointing to the kitchen chair. "Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No. He didn't mean it. The last thing he needs is to be punished for wanting to learn the truth."

"He needs to learn respect."

"It's not that easy. Once he learned the truth, he lost what little respect he had for me. To him…he lost his parents and his sister. I am just that person that lied to him for years."

"I agree. However, no matter what has happened in the past, he must learn that his actions have repercussions."

He turned his back on her and began upstairs, leaving her sitting at the table. Hermione watched him climb the steps, seeing him and remembering how her father would do the same when she was young and had rows with Mum and wondered if he had done the same with Hugh. Hermione bit her fingernail, watching for Severus' return, knowing he would never say he was disappointed in Hugh as her father would have, and if he did, she was sure it would not have the same effect.

"What did he say?" She asked when he returned.

"Hermione, what he said shall remain between the two of us. I cannot expect his trust otherwise. I will say, that we spoke of showing disrespect and that it will not be tolerated."

"You won't tell me?"

'No," he shifted in his chair, draping one long leg elegantly over the other.

"He asked you not to?"

"I would not put it like that. It was a mutual agreement."

"No, I don't image you would," she muttered.

"Hermione, you need to see things as he does. Whereas he can freely admit he wants to know his father, if you ask him why, he would not be able to put it into words. He wants a father, but at the same time he hates his father for deserting him."

"I never said that… I told him…"

"As you said…he hears as a child. All boys want their fathers in their lives, even if that father is an abusive monster. It is a conundrum to him as much as to you, and not an easy one to solve. It may interest you to know that boys his age already feel certain…protective attitudes…even at his age to their caregivers. You may only see the angry side that wants to lash out but the other side is battling within him, that I can assure you. He will say he hates you but will be the first to defend you honour."

"How long does this last?" she said trying to grin.

Severus let himself give her a rare smile and a soft chuckle. "Defending a witch's honour has many benefits. Your son has not learned that lesson yet. Once he does, the females in the house may not be safe from his charms."

"Happy Christmas, Severus," she said laughing. "Despite what it looks like I am glad you came, a bit surprised…but glad you came when you did."

"I am usually here on the holiday. It seems my presence at Hogwarts was causing…a stir."

"With the staff?"

"The staff only consists of me and Minerva this holiday. No, it seems the elves feel I am being harsh expecting them to keep up their duties during the holidays. They are no longer the accepting creatures you remember. Although they still shun freedom, your attempts at imparting individual thinking seems to be at long last catching hold."

"The elves? My goodness. I am sure it is not my doing," Hermione giggled. "Are you sure Minerva didn't force you out?"

"She did not." He raised his chin and folded his arms over his chest, inspecting his fingernails with great interest. "It was merely a suggestion."

"I'm glad you came." She took his hand and pulled him into the sitting room. "Come. You have a gift you need to open."

Severus sat uncomfortably on the end of the sofa accepting a small package from her out stretched hands. Opening the black velvet case, he looked up and saw her studying his face.

"I picked it out," Hugh said, avoiding Hermione as he came down the stairs. "See? It has a second hand that you need for brewing and that extra hand…if you hit the black thing… it's a stop watch too. The man said its water and shock proof."

"It's rather old fashioned," Hermione said. "I wanted to make sure it would work in… your world."

"The bands adjustable" Hugh offered.

Hermione left them in the sitting room while she prepared and served hot chocolate, then took the opportunity to run upstairs and quickly change into her Christmas dress and tie her hair back. Coming down the stairs, she felt Severus' eyes following her and was surprised when Hugh jumped up when she entered the room. She smirked as his eyes went to Severus and she saw him give a small nod of approval as he stood as well.

"Hugh, why don't you go and put on your new trousers and jumper."

He opened his mouth but closed it quickly when Severus cleared his throat, running up the stairs and into his room. "I don't know how you do it. He's completely different when you're not here."

"You look lovely," he said with a small nod of his head.

"Thank you." She smiled widely. "Dinner won't be until much later. How about a game of chess? I'll warn you in advance, I haven't played in years."

He beat her easily and then sat with Hugh, letting the boy get the advantage of the board before stepping up the game and defeating him in five more moves. During the next game, he asked Hugh why he had made every move, how it would put his opponent on the defence and when it would allow his foe to attack. By the fourth game, the moves became much slower as Hugh leaned forward and studied the board before committing himself.

Hermione sat on the floor between them, only once coughing into her hand as Hugh reached out to touch a piece. After a stern look from Severus, and a groan from her son, she did not repeat her obvious blunder. The two played seriously, none of the friendly banter that she associated with board games of all types and just as she was about to call off the battle of wits when the timer in the kitchen did it for her.

After a dinner Hermione had spent two days preparing and all three eating more than they should she brought out a pecan pie. "It was my favourite when I went to school. A little café served it with bourbon sauce and whipped cream. I found the receipt on line and wanted to try it."

"It's good," Hugh said, setting down his fork. "Can I save it for later?"

"Later? Where's your hurry?"

"Nick is going to call."

"Go…"

"Are you asking a question?" Severus said, raising his eyebrow at the boy.

"May I be excused?" Hugh sighed and lowered his head, hint of colour starting on his throat.

"Yes, you may." Hermione grinned as he left, then shook her head and began to sort out the kitchen. Opening the cutlery drawer, she pulled out her wand and winked at Severus. "My Christmas present to myself." She laughed and began to levitate the dishes to the sink and clean faster than she had for years.

Turning on the Christmas lights, she picked up the sitting room as Severus put the chess pieces back in the box and handed to her. She carried the chess set to the cupboard and stood on her toes to put the game on the highest shelf when Snape's arm reached over her head, taking it from her and putting it in place. Turning toward him she found herself trapped, he in front of her racks of clothes and coats behind her. Tipping her head up she was not surprised to feel his hand lift her chin higher and his lips seek hers.

"Severus," she breathed out his name as their lips parted.

Stepping back, he looked down at her, his face unreadable. "I didn't plan to do this."

"It's fine." She reached up and cupped his cheek.

"I should be leaving. It is late and …"

"Stay."

"No, that is not a good idea. I have overstayed my welcome."

"Because of a kiss? Severus, if I minded I would say so. I rather enjoyed it." She grinned up at him, standing on her toes to place a quick kiss on mouth, only at the last moment turning her target to that of his cheek.

He slowly traced her mouth with the pad of his thumb before bending down and kissing her again, more deeply. Pulling her close, the length of her body pressed against him, one of his arms encircled her waist while his other followed the curve of her hip.

"Is this what you want? Be careful how you answer," he murmured into her neck as he kissed under her ear.

"Because you do not form attachments?" She closed her eyes and felt herself melting into him.

Fisting her hair at the back of her head, he pulled it back to see her face. "I do not want a witch in my life. If you want this, there are no promises and no future in it."

"It feels…right. We can figure it out together." Reaching her arms up around his neck, she slid her fingers under his collar, stoking his skin with the back of her hand. "I'd like to see more of you."

"Hermione," he sighed, removing her arms and locking his eyes on hers. "There will be no together. I would enjoy seeing you like this…being with you like this. However, with no future, no hope that it will go further. Are you able to accept that?"

"I …no." She brought her hand his chest and turned her head away. "I thought you cared for me."

Releasing her, he stepped back and let his eyes travel over her body. "Then I will bid you goodnight and leave you with your dignity intact. If I stay I will…"

"Go then," she choked, feeling the sting of tears. "Just…just go."

.