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Hearts Astray
Chapter 8
THREE WEEKS LATER
Music and laughter filled Chakotay and Seven's villa as their friends, comrades and family gathered together at their housewarming party. Many of Voyager's former crew were present, including all senior staff, and they talked happily to each other about all that had happened since their return. From a corner of the room, dressed in a gown of blue velvet, Kathryn watched with mixed emotions as her former crew members talked. She was glad to see them, and was happy for their joy, but being amongst them made her feel sad and lonely. This wasn't because she was unaccompanied, and it wasn't because only the brave dared talk to her, but because she missed the presence of the man she loved. On Voyager, no matter what the event, Chakotay had always been by her side. He'd been her constant companion, her best friend and confidant, and she felt lost without him, as lost as a ship without an anchor. For he'd been her anchor, her sails and her harbor, and she was sorry that she'd never told him. It was too late now, he belonged to Seven, but regret was one of the emotions she felt as she watched him dance with his wife. Their arms were around each other, their eyes locked, and Kathryn couldn't help but wish that it was her in Seven's place. But she tried to steer away from those thoughts, tried to reach safe waters, for regret could so easily turn to resentment, and the last thing she wanted was to resent Seven.
"Long time no see!"
The voice was Harry's and Kathryn turned to him. "Harry! It certainly is long time no see! How are you?"
"Good," he answered. "Engaged."
"You are? Congratulations. Who's the lucky lady?"
"Libby. We're back together."
"Oh that's wonderful. I hope I'll get an invite to the wedding."
"You will," he smiled. "You'll be our guest of honor."
"Is Libby here? I'd love to meet her."
"She is, somewhere. The Delaney sisters got hold of her and I haven't seen her since."
Kathryn laughed. "Worried?"
"Should I be?"
"Well," she teased, "if a little bird speaks true, you were sweet on at least one sister. They might have stories to tell."
"I'm happy to say," Harry answered, "that the little bird, called Tom Paris, spoke false. I was never sweet on the Delaney sisters."
Tom arrived now with B'Elanna. "Oh yes you were, Harry," he said. "You were crazy in love with Megan."
"I was not."
"You were so. There's no point denying it."
"Ok," Harry laughed. "Maybe I was a little. But I was nowhere near as crazy for Megan as you were for Tanya Marshall. You did the nightshift every night for a month, just so you could hang around the messhall all day incase she came in."
Kathryn flinched at these words. "Did you say Tanya Marshall?"
"I did," Harry replied. "Why?"
"She died when Voyager got pulled into the Delta Quadrant."
"You must be confusing her with someone else, Admiral," he answered. "Tanya survived us getting pulled into the Delta Quadrant but died in a shuttle crash three years later."
"That's right," B'Elanna confirmed. "I was with her. We crashed into an m-class planet and she died on impact. I can't say I'm sorry, because she was a real nasty piece of work, but I'm sorry Ben Fields died too. He was a great guy."
Kathryn frowned in confusion. In her recollection of events, Ben Fields died during a conflict with the Vidians.
"Tanya certainly was a devil in an angel's body," Tom said. "How can you forget her, Admiral? Have you had a few too many drinks? But let's not speak ill of the dead."
"I'll speak ill of whoever I want," B'Elanna argued. "Tanya was a bitch and being dead doesn't make her less of one. What she did to Chakotay was unforgivable."
"What she did to all of us was unforgivable," Harry added. "I know she claimed to be acting under mind control, but I don't believe she was. The Doctor doesn't think so either, or Chakotay. And I don't think you believed it either, Admiral, but without conclusive evidence you had to give her the benefit of the doubt."
"To be fair," Tom said. "What else could the Admiral do?"
"Put her out an airlock," B'Elanna retorted.
Kathryn was very pale now and Tom put his hand on her shoulder. "Are you ok, Admiral?"
"Yes," she replied quietly. "I just...Excuse me."
With that she walked away and looked around for The Doctor. It was difficult to find him in the crowd but at last she did. He was talking with a woman, an attractive blonde in a red dress, and was clearly enjoying himself. Kathryn quickly went over to him and rudely interrupted their conversation.
"Doctor, I need to speak to you."
"Can it wait?" The Doctor asked. "I'm in the middle of..."
"It can't," she replied. "I need to speak with you now."
The Doctor sighed. "Very well." He then kissed the hand of his lady friend. "Junie, I'll see you soonie. Save a dance for me."
The woman smiled and then walked away.
"This had better be good," The Doctor said. "I was very close to getting a date with her."
"I don't know about good," Kathryn replied, "but I think I finally understand what's been happening to me."
"The Temporal chaos?"
"Yes. But I don't want to talk about it here. Let's go outside."
They went into the garden, which was lit by lamps and a heaven of stars, and sat on a bench by a rockery.
"This is going to sound crazy," Kathryn said, "but I think the reason for the temporal chaos is that I'm from a different reality."
The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "As in an alternate universe?"
"Yes. Alternate universe, different reality, another timeline, call it what you will. And the reason I've come to this conclusion is because when I was talking to Tom, B'Elanna, and Harry back there, they were talking about events on Voyager that I don't remember. You said yourself that something happened on Voyager that threw my body into temporal chaos and I think this was it. Somehow, someway, I was drawn from my own reality into this one."
"That could explain it," The Doctor considered. "Being pulled from one reality to another could indeed send a body into permanent temporal chaos. But let's not jump to conclusions. There may be many reasons why you don't remember the events Tom, Harry and B'Elanna were talking about. Your condition is causing cellular degeneration every day and that may well be effecting your memory."
"No, Doctor. I'm in the wrong reality, I know it. And I should have realized it before now. Things are the same, you're all the same, but you're also very different. In my reality, Chakotay didn't love Annika, Annika didn't love Chakotay, and Tuvok wasn't sick. And in my reality Tanya Marshall died when Voyager got pulled into the Delta Quadrant, not in a shuttle crash three years later."
"Then your trip through the Delta Quadrant must have been a lot less dramatic," The Doctor teased. "Tanya Marshall was...quite a character." He then fell serious. "You clearly do have some memories that are different to the rest of us, and that may well be due to you being from another reality, but they could also be a result of your condition...or even a result of drinking too much alcohol. How many glasses have you had tonight exactly?"
"No more than two," Kathryn replied. "I'm quite sober, Doctor."
"Be that as it may, I suggest we continue this conversation when I know for certain that you are. If I had my tricorder, then I could examine you to find out, but as I never bring it to social events, I can't. It's quite a turn off for the ladies, you see. It makes them think I'm an always on duty kind of man. What I suggest is that you spend a couple of days reading through your Voyager logs, personal and professional, and noting down any discrepancies between events recorded and what you can remember. Then we can discuss your findings and conclude whether or not you really are from another reality."
"I am, Doctor. I know it. But you're right, I need more evidence and my logs will give it." She paused. "Make my excuses to Chakotay and Annika. I have to get home and start reading."
"But what will this party be without you?"
"What it is, Doctor. Comrades celebrating the happiness of friends." She put her hand on his arm. "Tell them I got called away. Nothing serious, I don't want to worry them, just something urgent. Ok?"
"As you wish," he said.
With that, Kathryn got to her feet and left.
As soon as Kathryn got home, she grabbed her laptop and started reading through her logs. The first few told events exactly as she remembered, except there was no mention of Tanya Marshall being killed, and the next batch she read did too. But if she was right, that she was from another reality, then there had to be differences somewhere, had to be events that she couldn't remember or that she remembered differently.
Then she found one.
There was a log, and a very long one at that, about an incident in Engineering between B'Elanna and Tanya. They'd come to blows over how to fix the warp core and had ended up in the brig for disorderly behavior. The incident itself was trivial but its implication was tremendous. It proved that Tom, B'Elanna and Harry were right. In this reality, Tanya hadn't died when Voyager was pulled into the Delta Quadrant.
"Computer," Kathryn said. "Count how many times the name Tanya or Lieutenant Marshall appears in my personal logs."
The computer immediately answered. "The name Tanya appears 565 times. The name Lieutenant Marshall appears 615 times."
"Display the log that tells of the death of Lieutenant Tanya Marshall."
The computer scanned the logs, which took only seconds, and then opened up a log on her screen. It was dated stardate 50924.2, which put it at the end of their third year in the Delta Quadrant. Kathryn read the log quickly, digesting its contents as fast as she could, and found that it confirmed what Harry had told her. Tanya Marshall had died in a shuttle crash with Ben Fields. For a moment, Kathryn just stared at the screen, totally stunned by what this meant, but then she pulled herself together and began to look through the rest of the logs. There had to be other incidents that were different, other events that would prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she was in a different reality and not just suffering from some kind of memory impairment.
"Computer," she said, "find me my logs on New Earth."
She had to know if that event had happened. She had to know if Chakotay had loved her in this reality, because every part of her was beginning to think their personal lives had played out very differently. And if they had, that would explain so much...
"Logs found."
Kathryn opened the first log, desperate to know what it said, but her heart stopped as she began to read it. Yes, she'd been stranded on New Earth, but it was not with Chakotay. It was with B'Elanna. In this reality, she and Chakotay had never shared those special weeks alone that had been so pivotal to their relationship.
"Computer," Kathryn said. "Find me the log about the alien that impersonated my father."
Never would she forget the way Chakotay had so frantically tried to revive her in her vision, or the way he had so hopelessly cradled her dead body in his arms. She needed to know if that haunting image of grief was described in her logs, if he'd grieved so desperately for the woman he loved...
"Log found."
Kathryn opened the log, read it, but again events were not consistent with the ones in her memory. It was Tuvok she had crashed with that day, not Chakotay, and there was no mention of him grieving. The only mention of him was concerning a moving tribute he'd made at her funeral. Kathryn quickly selected more logs to read, skimming through them at warp speed for all references to Chakotay, but amongst the many entries about him, she could find none, not even one, that suggested there was anything more than friendship between them. Quite the contrary, it seemed as though he'd been involved with Tanya Marshall. All this could only mean one thing. Definitely, without a doubt, she was from another reality.
END OF CHAPTER EIGHT