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Hearts Astray

Chapter 12

Fighting waves of blackness that swirled before her eyes, Kathryn battled her way through Voyager's corridors to engineering. Sooner or later, B'Elanna was going to arrive there to generate the chronoton field, and Kathryn wanted to be there when she did. It was the only sure way of finding B'Elanna in this temporal maze that was Voyager. But the more Kathryn walked, the harder it got to walk. Her legs could hardly hold her up, her breath was short, and she could hardly see anything but black. But she had to keep going, had to keep fighting. Everything was depending on her.

But she could not continue. As determined as her will was to reach her destination, her body wouldn't co-operate. Her legs buckled beneath her, sending her crashing to the floor, and she couldn't get up. Everything was black, spinning, and she could hardly breathe.

"Kathryn!"

The voice was Chakotay's.

"Kathryn..."

Then he was beside her, his hand on her shoulder.

"Kathryn...are you hurt?"

"No," she answered, trying to look at him but seeing only black. "I have...temporal flux."

"Then a shot of serum should help. I'll..."

"No," Kathryn protested. "It might...it might send me back."

"Back where?" Chakotay asked. "I don't understand."

"To the future. I'm from...another reality...a splinter timeline. You must...listen...do what I say. You can't...generate the chronoton field. It will...create a temporal loop. I know because...I'm from the future. You have to...stop B'Elanna generating the field."

B'Elanna's voice suddenly spoke. "That's easy done," she said. "Because I'm here. But if we don't generate the field, how are we going to fix this mess?"

"You have to...instruct the computer...in a past time-frame...to activate the deflector dish at the...moment of the strike."

"I admit, I've thought of that," B'Elanna replied. "But it's risky. Months or years is a long time for an instruction to survive on our system. It could be deleted or lost at any time."

"It's...the only way. And it will work...I'm sure of it. You have to...trust me."

"I do," B'Elanna answered. "And I'll do it. But I don't understand why the chronoton field won't work. It did for Chakotay. Is it because the anomaly outside your quarters will interfere?"

"Yes. It's fractured...my existence. I'm trapped inside it...inside it now. There are...three timelines. They are...connected...I don't know how. You have to... upload the instructions in...every timeline. You'll know them by... by events. By New Earth. In my reality...I was there with...Chakotay. In another one...with you...in another with Tuvok. Do you...understand? You must...upload the instruction...three times."

"I understand," B'Elanna said. "But if this ship is fractured into three different timelines as well as different time-frames, won't we have to stop me generating the field in all three?"

"I don't... think so. One will...suffice. By uploading...the instruction...in all three timelines...you'll stop the strike...in all."

Chakotay spoke. "I'm confused already," he said. "But it's a simple enough task. B'Elanna, can you handle it? I'll get the Captain to sickbay."

"No," Kathryn argued. "Nothing...The Doctor can do."

"He might be able to alleviate your suffering," Chakotay replied. "That's worth the trip."

"It's...a waste of...time. Help B'Elanna."

"I'm ok," B'Elanna replied. "But Chakotay's right, you need medical attention."

"My time is...up. My existence is...not real. Chakotay must...help you."

"You're as real as the rest of us," B'Elanna argued. "And I insist on Chakotay helping you."

"There's...no point. Once you've...uploaded the instructions...we'll all be erased from time."

"If the plan works," B'Elanna replied. "What if it doesn't? You know more than the rest of us. You can't die on us, not without a fight. And there's no way I'm uploading any instructions until we're agreed on that."

Kathryn had to smile at that. "Ok. You...win."

"Good. Now, I'll get to work and Chakotay will get you to sickbay. If all goes to plan, then I guess this is the last time I'll be seeing you both. If not, well, I guess I'll be seeing you in sickbay."

"Recruit Seven," Chakotay said. "You might need her."

"And have her give me an earache about how her method is better? No, thank you. I'll recruit Tom. He might not have Borg powers, but he knows his place."

Chakotay laughed softly. Then there was a sad silence. "Good luck."

"You too," B'Elanna said.

Then she was gone.

"I'm afraid I can't transport you to sickbay," Chakotay said, "as the transporters might transport you to oblivion. I'll have to carry you."

Kathryn smiled. "Just don't...drop me. I'm in...bad enough...shape as I am."

Chakotay laughed. "I'll do my best." Gently, he raised her off the floor and into his arms. "Comfortable?"

"Yes," Kathryn answered. "But there...really is..."

"Every reason to help you," Chakotay answered. "So, help yourself and don't talk. You need to save your strength."

"Yes...Sir," Kathryn teased.

Chakotay then started to walk and in seconds they were in the lift.

When the lift arrived at deck 5, sickbay's deck, someone, Kathryn couldn't quite make out who, approached the lift as Chakotay carried her out.

"If you haven't been inoculated," Chakotay said to the person, "I wouldn't go in there if I was you."

The person was Kes. "I have, Commander," she said. "But Captain, what's happened to you? Are you hurt?"

"The Captain's suffering from temporal flux," Chakotay told her. "It's a long story."

"Will an injection of the serum help?" Kes asked. "I'm taking some to the bridge. That's what's in this case."

"It won't," Kathryn answered. "But...thank you."

"You're welcome," Kes replied. "I hope you're feeling better soon. I know all this isn't real, that we'll all be erased once Voyager is put into temporal sync again, but it's real now. What we're going through is real. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," Chakotay said. "Continue as you were."

"Very well, Commander," she answered. "I'll see you soon, Captain. Get well."

The Ocampan then stepped into the lift and was on her way. As she went, a sadness filled Kathryn's heart. She was sad for the Kes she missed, for the Kes of yesteryear, and for the fate that she knew was hers. Chakotay felt it too, she could sense it. Then they were moving again and soon arrived at sickbay.

"What's this?" The Doctor asked as they stepped through the doors. "Another victim of a villain that has been or is to be?"

"Not this time," Chakotay said. "I found the Captain outside Engineering. She's suffering from temporal flux."

"I beg your pardon, Captain," The Doctor replied. "I didn't recognize you with your new hairdo...not that a new hairdo from you is new news. Put her down on a biobed, Commander, and I'll give her a shot of my wonder serum. It should do the trick."

As Chakotay lay Kathryn down on a biobed, she spoke. "I mustn't...have it, Doctor. I can't explain...but I mustn't. Trust me."

The Doctor scanned her. "Unbelievable," he exclaimed. "I've never seen readings like this in my life! Every cell in your body is in chaos and yet in alignment! It's impossible!"

"I'm an...illusion," Kathryn said. "Not real...and yet real."

"Can you help the Captain?" Chakotay asked. "Can you ease her suffering?"

"I can try," he said, "but without an injection you're going to die, Captain. The stress on your body is tremendous!"

"I can't...have it," she insisted. "Must not."

"Then I'll do what I can," he answered. "But relief will only be temporary."

Twenty minutes later, the headache and dizziness was gone, and Kathryn could see again. She felt somewhat embarrassed to be wearing a night robe so, while The Doctor went to fetch Chakotay from his office, she changed behind a screen into a Starfleet uniform. When she emerged from behind it, Chakotay was standing close by with The Doctor and Kathryn gasped at the sight of him. For he was not the Chakotay she had taken him to be, the Chakotay from the near future that B'Elanna had described. No, he was an old man. His hair was gray and lines of age graced his face.

"Hi," he smiled. "Feeling better?"

"A little," she answered quietly.

"Just remember, Captain," The Doctor said, "relief is only temporary. An injection is..."

"Out of the question," Kathryn replied. "And that's my final word."

The Doctor sighed. "Very well. Just don't complain to me when you're dying."

Suddenly, sickbay doors opened and Kes came in.

"Doctor," she said in relief, "thank goodness. Ensign Emily Barton needs urgent medical treatment. She has concussion and a broken leg."

"Where is she? You know I can't time hop through these temporal barriers like the rest of you. My emitor's immune to the serum."

"She's in the lift. Tuvok helped her there. Come quick."

The Doctor picked up a med-kit. "I'm on my way."

He then left with Kes, leaving Kathryn and Chakotay alone.

"I've been thinking," Chakotay said. "Your plan might not work."

"What makes you think that?" Kathryn asked.

"Well, I was stranded on New Earth with you, which according to your theory makes us from the same timeline, but I don't think we are. I don't remember you ever having your hair as short."

"If you were with me on New Earth," she said, "then we're definitely from the same timeline." Tears filled her eyes. "And I'm so glad to see you. For the past two years I've been trapped in a reality that wasn't my own and...and I've missed you."

Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "What happened, Kathryn? How do you know what you know?"

"I know because I've lived it," she said. "When B'Elanna put this ship together again, I was displaced in time. I woke up on a different Voyager, in a different reality, but didn't know it for over two years. I should have figured it out, because I was suffering from persistent temporal chaos, but while so much was different, so much more was the same. Maybe if we hadn't of got home a few weeks later then I would have realized it, but we did get home and I didn't. I hardly saw anyone from Voyager, including you, and I just tried to build a new life for myself. But then, during a party, things were said that made me realize I was in the wrong reality. I didn't know for sure how to get back to my reality, but I figured if I stopped taking the injections The Doctor was giving me to keep me in sync, I'd somehow get back there. So, I let the temporal chaos take its course and...well, here I am."

"I guess that explains why I don't recognize your look," Chakotay said. "But I'm curious, how did Voyager get home so soon? In my timeline, we're obviously not home."

"Let's just say we had some help from a future me."

"I see." He smiled. "I'm kind of sorry I asked. My head's already spinning from all this temporal stuff."

Kathryn smiled back. "Mine too." She then fell serious. "But it can't happen again...the way we got home. I went along with my future-self's plans because I didn't really have a choice, but it wasn't the way I wanted us to get home or the way we should have. That's why I'm not passing on any information. Not that any information I did pass on would be of any use, anyway. Without her help we wouldn't be able to get home. When the ultimate timeline's restored, we'll have to find another way home."

Chakotay said nothing, but Kathryn read his thoughts.

"I know what you're thinking," she said. "There isn't one. You're thinking that because there hasn't been one for you. But time isn't static, Chakotay, it's always changing. What's happening now is evidence of that. None of us know what the future will bring. I know it doesn't look good for us...in the alternate timeline I've just lived through, the reason my future-self changed time to get us home was because we didn't get home for twenty-three years...but just because these three timelines are connected doesn't mean any one of them is the ultimate one. For all we know, once time is fixed on Voyager, we'll get home in days."

"I hope so," he said. "But if we don't, if we are in this quadrant for a long time, I want you to know that we are happy. All of us."

"Even those separated from their wives, husbands, and children?"

"They adapt, we all do."

Kathryn lowered her eyes. "I won't accept that we won't get home, Chakotay. And I won't accept it will take us decades." She paused. "I can't."

Chakotay gently took her hand in his. "You don't have to. As you say, time is fluid. The future is a blank page."

"It is," Kathryn said, looking up at him. "Or at least an erased one. And this time, when the lines are written, I hope they tell a different story to the one I've lived through."

Chakotay smiled.

"What is it?" Kathryn asked. "What's amusing?"

"You," he answered. "You say you want Voyager to get home as quick as possible, but when Voyager does get home, you still want things to be different."

"I guess I do," Kathryn smiled. "I suppose I'm an awkward customer."

"You said that in this timeline you experienced, we saw little of each other. I find that hard to believe."

"Well, it's true. When we got home, we went our separate ways. Maybe even before. But the whole history of our lives was different. I don't think our relationship was as close in that reality. We were..." She was going to say 'just friends' but then changed her mind. "Just colleagues."

"I see."

"Everything went wrong for me in that reality. It was an existence I wouldn't want as my ultimate one. But then, who's to say things won't always go wrong for me? Things have never exactly gone right."

"I wouldn't say that," Chakotay replied. "You've beaten the odds so many times that I've wondered sometimes if you have a deal with the gods. A life that is easy and full of pleasure is a life that breeds ingratitude, idleness, and ignorance. But a life that is full of challenges makes a person wise, compassionate and thankful for the good times. You've achieved amazing things in your life, Kathryn. You should be very proud."

"I guess I am," she said. "But I'm proud of us all. I'm proud of what we've all achieved." She paused. "But mostly I'm proud of you. Some would question my judgment in making you my First Officer, but I'm glad that I did. And I want you to know how thankful I've always been for you."

Chakotay squeezed her hand. "I know, Kathryn. I haven't always known, but I do now."

They gazed into each other's eyes, then Chakotay broke away from her.

"Can I get you a coffee?" he asked. "Decaff, of course. You must be going crazy for one."

"I don't actually drink it anymore," she said. "I prefer tea now."

Chakotay raised an eyebrow. "Tea? Wonders will never cease."

"I went off it when...well, something bad happened."

"I'm sorry," he said kindly. "Can I get you a cup of tea instead?"

"No, I'm fine. But thank you." She paused. "And thank you for bringing me here. I know I don't exactly weigh a ton, but I can't have been a light load at your age."

Chakotay smiled. "Less of the ageism. I'm not old. I'm 65 years young. There's still a lot of life in these old bones."

"My apologies," Kathryn laughed.

He made a boxing fist with his left hand. "And this hand can still give a mean jab."

Kathryn laughed again, but her laughter faded when she saw there was a gold ring on his wedding finger.

"You're married," she said.

Chakotay lowered his hand. "Yes," he said.

He seemed uncomfortable and Kathryn guessed why. His wife was Seven. Maybe she was wrong, maybe he'd married someone else, but if he'd married Seven in the timeline she'd just left, he must have married her in this one. Pain filled Kathryn's heart and she had to look away from the ring, from the symbol of the yoke between them. She'd so hoped that when time was changed, things would be different, that Chakotay would someday be hers, but he was never going to be hers. He was always going to be Seven's.

Suddenly, sickbay doors opened and The Doctor came in, followed by Tom who was carrying B'Elanna. The half-Klingon was conscious, but badly wounded and was struggling to breathe.

"B'Elanna," Kathryn cried. "What happened?"

Tom answered. "Seska fired at a console and it exploded right behind us. B'Elanna got the full impact."

"I...I...didn't make it," B'Elanna said as Tom lay her down. "One more timeline left to do...your timeline."

Tom took B'Elanna's hands in his. "Never mind about that now, honey. Lie still. Rest. You're going to be fine."

B'Elanna squeezed his hands. "You always were...a bad liar. I know I'm...going to die. Just save...the baby."

The Doctor spoke. "It may feel like you're dying, Lieutenant, but I assure you you're not. Well, you are, but with me on the scene you won't. I've treated far worse than broken ribs, a punctured lung, concussion and third degree burns. You just won't be playing wonder woman for a while."

"And...the baby?" B'Elanna asked.

"Just fine," he replied.

B'Elanna turned from him to Kathryn. "I'm sorry...captain. I did my best. And I was...so close. I..."

Kathryn put her hand on B'Elanna's shoulder. "Don't worry about it, B'Elanna. Chakotay and I will take over. You've done well."

"Don't go...engineering. Seska's there. Find another...place. Lots of them. Lots of...time-frames."

"We will. You just relax."

"That's right," Chakotay said. "The Captain and I are on to it."

The Doctor turned to Kathryn. "Need I remind you that you're on borrowed time, Captain? As soon as your treatment wears off you'll be worse than before."

"We're all on borrowed time, Doctor," Kathryn answered. "We're all just echoes of our ultimate selves. When time on this ship is whole again, we'll all be erased from existence."

"The time-frames...they changed," B'Elanna said. "When I uploaded the...instruction...time shifted. Not everywhere...not here...but in some parts of...the ship. That has to mean your...plan is working."

"Of course it is," Tom said. "The Captain's plans always work. But echoes or not, B'Elanna's in a lot of pain here, Doc, so I'd appreciate it if you'd get to work."

"Just about to start," he replied.

Kathryn stepped away from the biobed. "Chakotay, we'd better get started too. Time's not on my side."

"You'll need this," Tom said, throwing her a phaser. "It's time protected."

Kathryn caught the phaser and clipped it to her waist. "Thanks." Her own had disappeared as soon as she'd entered the turbo lift.

"If time hasn't changed in my office," Chakotay said, "it's year 2374. Shall we head there first, see if it's in our timeline?"

"We might aswell, " Kathryn replied. "It's as good a place as any. Let's go."

"Good luck, Captain and Commander," Tom said. "And take care. Don't let a macrovirus bite."

Kathryn smiled. "We'll do our best."

She and Chakotay then left sickbay and the doors closed behind them.

END OF CHAPTER TWELVE