Disclaimer: Not mine.

Hermione's Son

Chapter 17

They made it home from their day out, only a few minutes before Hugh ran in, full of excitement and wanting to share his day. Hermione smiled and nodded politely as she fixed him a late snack, feeling Severus eyes watching her every move. After what seemed much too long, Hugh left for bed, thundering up the stairs and slamming his door.

"He had a good day," Hermione smiled. "I'm glad I let him go."

"Come here." Severus turned the chair sideways to the table, waiting for her, reaching out and grabbing her hips as she neared him, pulling her close. Lifting up her blouse, he leaned forward and kissed her stomach as his hands caressed her sides, moved to her back and smoothed the skin on her back.

"Severus," she whispered, letting her hands run through his hair, delighting in the feeling that washed over her. "Hugh may come back."

He pulled her closer, sliding his hands over her thighs to the back of her knees, and guided her to sit on his lap, straddling him as she did. Grabbing her head with both hands, he held her still as his mouth covered hers. Then, tilting her head up, kissed down her throat before hearing her soft moan as she relaxed into him.

"No," she whispered as his hands moved to her buttons. "Not that."

"Hermione, look at me." He slid his hands under the back of her waistband, rubbing circles on the small of her back and upper buttocks as he pulled back his head to see her face. He waited until he saw the shake of her head, and then removed his hands, helping her to stand. "I misunderstood your…offer."

"I'm sorry," she stammered. "I wanted to…I just can't. It's too fast."

He yanked her hand away from her chest and held it tightly with one of his, as he slid his other up and under her bra, letting it come to rest where she was missing her left breast. "Do you think this makes a bloody bit of difference? That this is who you are? That this is all I want?"

"It's not you…I know that. It's me. Please, Severus…not yet."

"Answer me," he commanded, pressing his body closer to her as he held her wrist in a vice like grip.

"No, but…gods," she whispered, laying her head on his shoulder. "I don't want you to see me like this."

"Nox." The kitchen, lit only with the light from the sitting room, put Hermione in shadow as he removed his hand and stepped back from her. "Find another excuse or be honest with me. I thought you had put this behind you. If not, I would not have …"

"I am being honest with you. It makes me feel ugly."

He tipped up her chin and studied her face. "Has someone else hurt you as well?"

"No," she spat and turned away from him, readjusting her clothing. "I've dated. I've been…each time I was honest and told them they couldn't get away fast enough. I even thought once I should surprise someone…you know, just strip down and see what he did…that may have been good for a laugh. I'm not blind, Severus. I know what you thought when you saw it."

"Yes, I was surprised, but by the amount of damage done. I was not repulsed by it…nor should you ever think I would be."

"You only saw it…to heal. Not like this." She was glad the lights in the room were off so he could not see the tears that welled in her eyes as she reached her arms around his neck. "I want this. I do. I just don't want you to see me."

He took her hand and led her to the sitting room where he released her hand and kissed her forehead. "I won't make the mistake I did last time. You will come to me when you are ready." He nodded to the sofa. "Until you feel comfortable with me…until you trust me…"

"I do trust you. I …"

"If you did, you wouldn't feel this way. As you said, you need to go slowly. Since such is the situation, I will bid you goodnight before I am no longer interested in waiting." He tipped up her chin and looked into her eyes. "I want you when you are ready. Not like this."

Later that night Hermione sat on the sofa, unable to sleep, her legs pulled up and her arms wrapped around her knees thinking of Severus laying alone in the upstairs bedroom. Running her hand over her tee she sighed and wished once again that she had never gone down to the dungeons that day.

It was a dream she used to visit often. A dream of what might have been and what she had lost. Turning to look out the window and the quiet street beyond the glass, lit by a single street lamp, she wondered what she would be doing right at this very moment if her mother had not died. Her time in the States seemed a lifetime away. She thought of the people she had gone to class with every day, and later saw on rounds in the hospital, sighing when she could no longer recall their faces.

Throwing her head back to the pillow she felt the sting of tears begin…then suddenly sat straight up, swinging her legs over the edge and to the floor. Fuck, she muttered, as she looked at the stairs, taking only a moment to make her final decision. She made her way, as quietly as she could, to Snapes room and rapped softly on the door. Not hearing anything from within, she cracked the door open and peeked inside.

Severus rolled to his side and rose up on his elbow. "What's wrong?"

"I've been thinking," she whispered, standing just inside the door in pyjama bottoms and tee. "If I had never gone down to the dungeons nothing would have happened to me."

Severus pinched his nose. "You shouldn't be in here. If you want to talk I'll come to the kitchen."

"I don't want to talk. I want to tell you something. Listen…if I hadn't been in the dungeons that day I wouldn't have Hugh. I can't imagine that. I can't remember what it was like without him and I don't want to. And I never would have run into you that day in the parking lot. I would never be in Spinner's End."

He lifted the blanket, as she ran across the room and climbed in next to him. "This is not going slow."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No. Go on." Pulling her to his chest, he waited for her to begin again.

"I've been feeling sorry for myself. Thinking everything would have been better if nothing bad had ever happened to me, and maybe it a way it would have. But, I do know that I wouldn't have what I have now. I wouldn't have you or Hugh. I wouldn't be here." She sighed and rolled to her side, putting her back to his chest as he spooned around her.

"And?" Severus wrinkled his forehead, rose up on one elbow and peered down, trying to see her face in the darkness.

"That's it," she sighed.

"Hermione?"

"I won't take off my tee."

"I see." He pulled her shoulder back, letting her roll to her back, as he lowered his mouth to hers, his hands seeking the edge of her tee and sliding up her sides. Feeling her hesitation, he pulled it down and sighed. "Now what? Hermione, if you expect me to want a conversation I am sorry. I don't think this is the place …"

"No, I just don't want you to ….you know. I don't feel comfortable with you seeing me."

He swung his legs out of the bed and stood. "Get up and come here, we'll try something else." He walked to the chair where he had thrown his clothing, picked up his shirt, and held it up for her. "Turn around and put this on."

Turning her back to him, she lifted off her tee and slid her arms into the sleeves then pulled her pyjamas and kickers down and stepped out of them.

"Better?" he asked, his voice husky and low.

"I think so,' she turned back to face him, seeing his eyes travelling over her, feeling as if his eyes could see her naked. She stepped up to him and ran the back of her hand over the heavy ridged scar that ran from his throat down to his mid- chest. Lifting her eyes to his, unsure how to read his reaction, she saw him watching her intently. "This is from Nagini?"

"Yes."

"The others?" She kept her eyes on his while her hand slid over his chest, feeling the rough texture of his skin and the rougher scars.

"Someday we can discuss where they all came from. Tonight I have other plans and more interesting things to do than discussing old injuries. Yours or mine."

"The bites are almost gone. Do they still itch?"

"You are stalling. Have you come this far to have doubts?" He hooked two fingers under her chin to prevent her from looking away. "If you do not trust me enough to know I will not hurt you, we stop now."

"I need to tell say something."

"Hermione, no," he whispered, his hands running over her arms as he wished she would take off the damned shirt.

"I…I love you. Only that. I don't expect anything in return…I just wanted you to know."

He sighed deeply, shaking his head. "I'm not worth it, Hermione. You owe me nothing."

"Is that what you think? That I am doing this because I think I owe you? Is that why you…oh, Severus, no." She wrapped her arms more tightly around his neck and arced into his body, moulding hers to his as she felt her eyes well with tears. "I do owe you. I owe you a lot…more than you will ever understand…but not this. And don't think I am doing this for you…I want it. Me. I want to be selfish for a change and take what I want."

Lowering her arms from around his neck, he again dragged her mouth to his. After she stopped struggling, he pulled away just enough to talk. "I have to ask you one question. Do you ever shut up?"

''Only when I am otherwise occupied," she grinned into his mouth.

"Then I'll have to keep you busy." He walked her backwards to the bed, only stopping when the back of her legs hit its edge. "Perhaps skipping the introductory lessons and going straight to the main subject will keep you quiet. I warn you, there will be an exam."

Pushing her to the mattress, he knelt over her, kissing her deeply as his hands slid over her and her arms reached for him. Whispering to her to hold on, he rose up, her clinging to him, and moved her to the middle of the bed. Seeing a look of fear flicker over her face as he took position between her legs, he rolled to the side and pulled her back into his chest.

"Talk to me," he nuzzled her ear as he held her firmly. "Tell me what you are scared of.''

"I thought I could do this…I want to."

"Hermione, you shouldn't be here." He released her waist and rolled onto his back, looking up at the ceiling.

She flipped over to the other side to watch him, then scooted closer and laid her head on his shoulder. "Put the lights on," she whispered and waited until the lone candle on the nightstand flickered on, leaving that and the light from a street lamp that shone against the far wall the only illumination. She put one arm over his chest and her top leg over his.

"I was afraid. Not of you," she rose up on one elbow and peered down at him. "When I couldn't see your face. Severus? Are you angry?"

"Of all the things you could possibly think I am, angry is not one of them. Although frustration ranks high at the moment," he chuckled and lifted his arm so she could lay her head on his chest as his arm laid over her.

She kissed his scar and sighed as she let her fingers explore his skin feeling his own hands begin a slow exploration of her. She felt him pull the shirt up high on her hips, his hands slipping under the hem as he kissed and nipped at every exposed place he found. This time when he knelt above her, she could see him, know it was he, and not remember the dungeons, not remember the hurt and the pain. This time, she greeted each new sensation with wonder, yearning for more, and took solace in his look of concern, as he returned his eyes to hers after each soft sound she made. Each move, each thrust was gentle and drove her to meet him, drove her to want to give him more than he sought.

This time, the only tears she shed was when he stiffened, plunged into her one final time, and held still only to gather her into his arms and hold her so tightly she found it difficult to breathe. She pressed her hand over his heart, feeling it beat against her palm, felt his breath stop, his muscles tense, and whispered his name as her tears spilled and he spilled into her. Then, kissing her eyes, her nose, her cheeks, and finally settling on a lingering kiss, he rolled to his side, dragging her with him.

"Are you okay? he asked breathlessly, panting out his concern. "You're crying."

She nodded and sighed, wrapping her arms around him. "Because I love you."

He raised his head to watch her face, lifting his eyebrow. "I see."

She dragged his shirtsleeve across her face and sniffed, tipping her head up to watch him. Seeing him nod his understanding, she gave him a squeeze and a smile. "I should go back downstairs."

"Stay."

"If Hugh wakes he …"

"Not yet, just stay a while."

"You said before that you didn't want any involvements," she said after a few moments had passed. "So, when did you change your mind?"

"Stop." He sighed and tightened his grip on her. After a few minutes he gently pushed her away and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, calling 'Accio waistcoat' followed with a 'Lumos' that flooded the room in light. "Stay right where you are," he told her as he pulled out an envelope and turned back to her, pulling the sheet to cover himself. ''Read this."

She sat up, pulling his shirt down, and took the envelope. Seeing the seal of the Ministry, she frowned and looked up at him.

"Before you open it, you need to understand, I did not mean this as a way to gain you favour. This is why I did not give it to you earlier. Your consenting to be with me is quite separate from this."

She grinned as she pulled out the parchment and began to read. Snapping her head up to she tried to talk, only to find it impossible to speak.

"That is one reaction I never considered. I expected you to either throw it back in my face or to claim I was only doing it for…for this," he said, indicating the bed. "Does that look like I plan on leaving anytime soon?"

Hermione again lowered her head to Hugh's birth certificate which she held in her hand. The name Severus Snape listed as father. "I can't let you do this. Severus...no…it's too much."

"As soon as it was known he was yours, it became imperative that his certificate be corrected. Hermione, in this world he will be ostracised if the father's name is blank. It would be a determining factor in his future here. We can argue about it if you like, which I know you are inclined to do. However, his further education, apprentice programs, acceptance into the Ministry, all will be out of his reach if his lineage is in question. Yes, it is wrong. Unfortunately it is the way it is."

"What does it do to you? No, I can't let you do this. No. What will they say of you? What will…it would mean you had taken advantage of a student. I won't have that! It will mean he inherits everything you own and can lay claim to support until he is of age. No, Severus. No."

"You were a student, yes, but of age and one that had not returned for her seventh year. If you remember correctly, at that time I was one of Voldemort's bastards. Let them think what they like about me, but do not put your son at risk."

"If I let this go through he is your son. Do you understand what that means? All of it?"

"That I had sex with his mother?" he said, raising his eyebrow.

She laid the certificate back on the nightstand and fell back against the pillow. "Who's to say he even wants to stay in your world? No, I'll think of something else. Now get back here."

"I agree," he smirked. "We have other things to do. I believe you have not finished."

"No. I mean it, Severus. I won't do this, not to you. I appreciate the offer, I do…but…no."

He crawled back in bed and uttered a Nox before pulling him over his chest. "I do hope you are talking about Hugh and not my comment that you need to finish what I started. "

"Stop," she grinned, a blush crawling up her neck.

"Then sleep," he sighed and pushed her head down to his shoulder. "We will discuss it in the morning."

"Sleep?" she tipped her head up and frowned at him. "Oh, I don't think so Mister."

He grinned and rolled her to her back, kissing her soundly. "What did you have in mind?"

She reached up and stroked his cheek. "Severus? The light…leave it on again. I have to see you."

He muttered an incantation to light the single candle as she wrapped her arms around his neck and lifted her head, seeking to meet his lips.

~o0o~

Hermione stretched as she woke, feeling Severus' arm tighten around her waist and pull her closer. "Go back to sleep."

"I have to go," she whispered.

"It's still dark and I have a promise to keep if it kills me," he muttered, lifting his head to kiss her neck before falling back on the pillow. "I obviously need more practice."

"One thing you don't need is practice," she chuckled. "I might add you gave a brilliant presentation. I am, however, concerned about the exam. I may have to revise."

"If I had the energy I would thank you properly for that comment. However, as it is, please allow me to bask in the glow of your compliment."

"Hugh will be up soon and if I'm not on the sofa he's going to be wonderingwhere I am."

"He's a big boy," Severus yawned. "Let him find his own…"

"Don't you dare," she snorted out a laugh as she rolled to her back so she could watch his face. "Your shirt needs cleaning. I'll toss it in the washer if you want to go back to sleep. After all, you were up most of the night, you must be tired."

"Leave it on. I have another." He opened one eye as he slid his hand under the shirt, which had rose up over her hips, stroking her stomach in ever widening circles, until his hand reached the apex of her legs where it let it stay. "It smells like you now. I can use it for unspeakable things when I return to Hogwarts."

"You wouldn't dare. Oh, my gods, why did you have to say that?" she laughed. "Now I won't be able to get that picture out of my mind."

"Excellent. My goal has been obtained. I do, however, plan to use the shirt to make you remember not to leave my bed for long periods. Your doing so will only reduce me to gross depravity."

"Now let me go. I have to get up." She traced his jaw line with her finger, wanting to lean over him and feel his arms drag her to his body again. She grinned to see him twitch his nose before opening his eyes again only to be startled when he grabbed her hand and pulled it under the blankets to his erection.

"Stay. It may prove interesting and you need your rest. I will be more than glad to do the hard part."

"I take it you enjoyed last night?" she said, unable to stop laughing at him. "What has gotten into you? Where is my Severus Snape?"

"Taking a holiday and what has gotten into you is more to the point," he said, cocking an eyebrow at her.

"That's it," she said, lifting his arm up and scooting out from under it. "I am going down to put the kettle on. You can go back to sleep or join me."

"Wait," he rose up on one elbow, grabbing her arm and pulling her back down to the mattress and scowling. "How are you this morning? Be honest with me."

"I'm fine, I am, Severus," she whispered, seeing the concern in his eyes.

"Do you need to talk about it?" He ran the pad of his thumb over he lips until she smiled and shook her head before he released her arm. "Once you learn to let go…to give in…"

"It was fine, Severus, truly it was." She frowned and lowered her eyes, not able to take his piercing stare.

"It's to be expected. Once you gain more experience it will be more pleasurable." He leaned down and kissed her lightly. "I plan on helping you with that."

"Not now," she said, grinning. "Hugh's going to be up soon."

"I know a much quicker method." He released her and cocked his eyebrow at her. "It will be on the exam."

"Stop." She jumped up laughing and began collecting her clothes, which lay on the floor where she had left them, and made a dash down the hallway to the bathroom. Reaching out for the door handle, she jumped back in surprise when Hugh opened it from the inside.

"Oh, morning," he yawned. "Breakfast ready?"

"Umm." She looked back over her shoulder hoping she had closed Snape's door only to see it standing open. "As soon as I am finished dressing. I thought I had best put something on since we have company."

She tried to step around Hugh and hurry into the bathroom, holding her clothes in front of her to hide the shirt. Shite, she thought, shite, shite, shite.

"Mum?" Hugh said, rubbing his eyes. "What are you wearing?"

"A nightshirt. I went shopping yesterday. Remember?"

"It looks like one of my old ones." He turned and slowly made his way back, then turned around and looked at her oddly. "You're putting on your Pyjamas?"

She heard Servers' soft chuckle as she closed the door to the bathroom, feeling her neck heat up and the blush reach her face. Looking in the mirror, she ran her hand through her hair and smiled, then lifted his shirt to her face, smelling his aftershave mixed with the musky smell of their sweat and the undeniable scent of sex. Remembering what he had said she laughed and found herself thinking of a way to run back to bed with Hugh down the hall.

~o0o~

Later as Hugh and Severus finished their breakfast and Hermione was doing dishes the doorbell rang, causing all three to stop and turn to the door.

"Strange, no one ever comes here. Hugh? Are you expecting Nick?" She grabbed a towel and began drying her hands as she walked to the door, looking out the window as she passed by it. "Post," she called back, opened the door and signed for the overstuffed envelope.

"Strange," she said, ripping open the package as she returned to the kitchen. "Dr. Mueller sent something. Oh, I almost forgot." She sat down at the table grinning. "He was sending me a sketch of the man he saw. The one I told you was Grindelwald. Do you remember what he looked like as a young man?"

Dumping the contents of the envelope, she picked up the sketch as her eyes scanned the short note he had attached wishing her a happy holiday and hoping that the picture helped. Turning her head to the pencilled sketch, with a large grin on her face she froze, then slowly stood letting the picture fall from her hand.

Her eyes locked on Severus as he stood with her. She saw his eyes dart to the sketch and back to her as if waiting for her reaction. "You knew. You knew who it was."

"Hugh," Severus said calmly. "Go to the grocery and tell them you are there to pick up my order."

"Sure," Hugh said, coming to his feet as he watched Hermione. "Mum? Are you okay?"

"She is fine. Take the list from the counter and tell them I called it in. I want you to wait for it." He did not take his eyes off Hermione as he dug in his pocket and handed Hugh a handful of Muggle currency. Waiting until he heard the front door close, he stepped closer to Hermione.

"You son-of-a-bitch," she hissed. "You knew? This is why you wanted me to drop it? This is why."

Severus picked up the sketch of Albus Dumbledore and crumbled it before throwing it into the air and with a wave of his hand reduced it to ash. "What did you expect? Did you really think all your little ideas would come in a neatly tied package? Did you think no one would be hurt by digging into the past?"

"He…he wouldn't have…he wouldn't have helped that bastard. Mueller is a crazy old man. Just listening to him you could tell that. No. He's wrong."

"He just happened to draw a man that looks like him in error? Surely the princess of Gryffindor does not believe that."

"Everyone knows Dumbledore never helped him. He wouldn't have done that. Never. He was there to stop him and Mueller saw them."

"How do you plan on explaining your Dr Mueller's memory of the handshake? Please, go on. I am curious."

"Why are you acting like this? Because of a confused old man? His memories were altered…he mixed things up."

"Which old man? Dr. Mueller or Albus?"

"You know bloody well what I'm talking about. Dumbledore was not involved. I know it and so do you."

"Not in the deaths of your Dr. Mueller's family. With that, I agree. However, do you remember the story of the Deathly Hollows? All of it? Three gifts for three brothers. Do you really think Gellert, Albus and Tom did not all think they were each one of the three? Each thirsting for power? Each thinking they would be the last? Do you remember Albus' fool hearty attempt to feel power again, even as he expounded truth and goodness? Voldemort's army of Inferi? Grindelwald's power and his thirst for a wand to make himself invincible?"

"The ring? He put it on…he made a mistake …Harry said he freely admitted it was a mistake. And if he wanted the invisibility cloak, why give it back to Harry?"

"The cloak was safe in Potter's hands. Albus could get it whenever the need arose. The ring he put it on knowing it contained power…that was his downfall. His regret was that he had never finished what he started. That he had never reached that allusive pinnacle of power that he lusted after. Oh, yes, he discovered too late, what was happening…but not soon enough that he was uncorrupted by the same lust as the other two. Not soon enough to have his name cleared entirely. "

"He…gods," she slumped to a chair and buried her face in her hands.

"Grindelwald had the wand, had it for some time. Albus knew it and was content to leave in it where it was for as long as he could. He must have thought Riddle had found the stone when he learned what he was attempting. That would give him two of the three things he needed. The third fell into his hands when the first James Potter, Harry's grandfather, came to Hogwarts. All he had to do to make sure his plan did not fail was to keep both Riddle and Grindelwald apart.

"He said…rather Harry told me about his sister. That when she died…that's when Albus saw what he was doing was wrong."

"That is when he stayed home, not when he changed his view of the world. I am sure he…refrained…until Riddle came along. Have you never found it strange that whereas he knew what Riddle was before his persona of Voldemort he never took any action? Not the kind old man you had envisioned him to be?

I have no doubt that by the time your Dr. Mueller saw him Albus was also looking for the stone. He may have already had his …change of heart…removing himself from Grindelwald's army, but he still sought the power. Albus allowed Grindelwald do as he wanted, with the agreement that he stay out of England. Do you really think one such as Grindelwald stayed away out of fear? He had an army to fight with him yet he feared one man that taught a room full of children? No, the truth is much simpler.

"Stop it! Stop it…I can't think…I … I need time to make sense of this. Do you expect me to believe that the three knew each other? Worked together? No, that's impossible. Riddle knew of Grindelwald, that we know. But nothing has ever been said that they worked together."

"I see," Severus smirked. "The same way you believed that Albus lost contact with his only…love…when the object of that love left England. Think, Hermione, think about what you know and fill in the gaps.

Riddle was twenty when Gellert was imprisoned. He had killed his family when he was only seventeen. He had already started as a boy…by twenty he had three years to find and ingratiate himself to Gellert. Don't you think it strange that he would not have sought out the greatest wizard on the continent and in doing so found where Albus' true allegiance laid?

Can you imagine the betrayal Riddle felt? His old Professor, that scorned him for his actions, was in truth allied with the monster that was Grindelwald. Is it any wonder that Riddle returned to England to take up a position against Dumbledore rather than stepping in to fill the void Grindelwald's imprisonment left?"

"Stop. I don't want to hear this."

"No, you wanted to know the truth now hear it. Albus was not always the benign and thoughtful wizard you believed him to be. Although, yes, he changed…it was not a sudden acknowledgement of his errors. It was painfully slow and painfully harmful. Not once, not once when I was with the Dark Lord, and most assuredly not once to save Potter, did he ever initiate an attack. Think about it and tell me why."

She looked up at him, seeing his emotional mask replaced by one of controlled fury. "I won't accept that Albus was part of the horror. I can't."

"Hermione, Gellert Grindelwald was his lover. He would do anything for him. Is that so difficult to believe? Is it so hard to believe that he protected him as much as he could? That his obsession knew no bounds? That as long as he thought there was still a way to gain power, to gain information that he was content to let it go on?"

"That's why he let you come back to Hogwarts?" she said, cutting him off. "He had done the same thing? Albus knew...he knew what Riddle was when Riddle was a child. I can understand Grindelwald . From what I know it started slowly, young men thinking they were smarter than every one else…but not Riddle. Albus knew what he was."

"Yes, he knew, and in the knowing found the third brother of Deathly Hollows. When you started this, your idea was to find what made Riddle the way he was. When did it start? How did it start? Do you still trust Albus' pensive was not changed the same way Slughorn's memory was changed? Perhaps it was changed just enough to show Albus' first meeting with Tom to be one of horror, and not one of anticipation. It must have irked him that Tom was so young. Too have to wait so long."

"I asked you a question!" she shouted, leaning her hands on the table and glaring at him. "Why did he let you come back? You already had taken the mark. Why? What did he know? Why did he let you back? If you knew the truth…wasn't he worried that you would use it against him?"

"Because he had no choice," Severus thundered back at her, his voice shaking with rage. "I knew what he was. Voldemort made sure I knew!"

"You…you…blackmailed him," she said, slumping into the closest chair. "So...it wasn't because you …" she stopped and looked up at him, her eyes welling with tears, "tell me I'm wrong. Tell me it's because you were wrong about Voldemort…that you knew what he was."

"Yes. If your question is, did I truly repent …yes. On Dumbledore's part, It was an act of … let's call it a tempered kindness. He agreed to protect me at Hogwarts and I in turn agreed…gave my oath to that bastard… my fidelity and a promise to hold the secrets I had learned about our beloved Headmaster. Didn't you find it strange that your kind and fatherly figure demanded such an oath from a repentant twenty two year old?"

"The oath died with him. I keep hearing that. But it's not true…he must have…" She stopped and looked at him, tears slipping from her eyes. "He must have threatened to use something against you."

"The oath died, yes. He was the one that spoke to the Ministry and assured them that my part was that of a youth's folly. Something he could have, and would have, recanted." He sat across from her and placed his hand over hers. "Listen to me. You were not…here…right after the war. I trust you heard about the trials, the rumours, the suspicions that the Order was a ruse…a way of Voldemort gaining entry to Hogwarts?"

"Yes, and they discovered the truth. They proved you innocent, Severus…no one can put you on trial again."

"Yes they can, and they can drag the rest of the order in with me. Minerva, Kingsley, even your precious Potter. Even you, Hermione. I will not let that happen."

"Me? Potter? Because we were in the Order?"

"Yes. You were associating with a known Death Eater, as were the others in the Order. Guilt by association as it is. If the truth of Albus' part is found to have continued as long as it did, if it is shown that Albus knowingly left Riddle alone, it will open up old wounds and again put the Order in the forefront.

Hermione, he spent the last years of his life atoning for his mistakes. That is what you believed and in part, it is true. However, the times were with him. In times of war, this world needed someone they could pin their hopes on and Albus did that. For that he should be remembered."

"How many know?"

He shrugged his shoulders and leaned back in his chair. "I would imagine Minerva. However, we have never discussed it, nor shall I. She is aware of his infatuation with Grindelwald and would have seen a classmate of hers ...favoured by the then Professor Dumbledore. Perhaps Kingsley knows more than I think he does…it is possible. As for the rest…if they ever…as did you…decide to look into it or to examine their memories they may come to the same conclusion."

"Why are you protecting him? If he repented and helped end the horror…what does it matter?"

"It would matter if the full extent of his involvement was known. He was not a youth any longer. I imagine his relationship with Grindelwald made it more difficult to see. It was not secret that the two had a history. I have always thought there was a bit of…jealousy…involved. Riddle was young, handsome, more…attractive to Grindelwald."

"And...you found this out, how?"

"Riddle, by that time known as Voldemort. I was recruited. Lucius introduced me and after meeting with him, I was impressed. Impressed, I must say, more in his dislike of Albus than for what he stood for. I preferred Hogwarts over Spinner's End and the company of the Malfoy's to that of Albus. You have to under…no. You do not have to understand." He stood and smoothed his trousers.

"Yes I do. I can't make sense of it."

"Then I will take my leave."

"Severus, no." She rose and went to him. "Stay. Please. I don't want you to leave, not now and not like this. I need to understand. I need to know."

"Once you accept all is not as you thought, you may well change your mind about us. I am afraid, my dear, I do not choose to wait for that." He hooked his fingers under her chin and studied her face. "I do wish our time together had been longer. My only regret in the future, when I look back on this, is that you took too long to come to me."

"Don't do this. We can talk. Severus, I promised myself I wouldn't ask you for anything," she said as she crossed the space that remained between them and took his hands. "But this time I am. Stay."

"Do you need me to tell you what I did? If you find Albus' defection so heinous, what of mine?" He rested his hand where her left breast had been. "Shall I recite the list of spells I created for the Dark Lord that not only changed you life but caused you to stumble and kill the one you truly loved?"

"But I love you. You were a young and impressionable schoolboy. And don't tell me you created it for the monster…you did it …"

"While still a student at Hogwarts, as I was when I took the mark. You see, my dear, the Dark Lord did not wait for a boy to come of age. He took them as young a fifteen. If he were still here…you would have to start worrying about your own son in two years."

"You'll be back? Severus, please, we can't leave it like this. If you don't want me anymore…I understand that. I expected it," she laughed as she ran her hand through her hair. "Fuck, I expected you to be gone when I woke up this morning. I expected you to be like all the others. I…"

"Stop it!" He glowered, fighting his urge to grab and shake her.

"You'll have to eat," she said flatly, then stepped back and opened the door. "I'm sorry, I won't beg and I don't want you here if I have to. Go."

"Don't yell at her!" Hugh shouted, dropping the sack of groceries and pushing Severus to the side, standing in front of Hermione. "Get out if you're going to yell at her. We don't need you here."

"Hugh, no," Hermione pleaded. "It's not what…"

"Leave him," Snape scowled, then turned on his heel and yanked the door open. "He is right."

"Severus, no," she pushed Hugh to the side and started to the door, surprised and embarrassed when her son grabbed her arm.

"Leave him go," Hugh spat.

"Hugh, it's not what you think."She pried his hand off her arm and ran outside seeing Severus leave before she could reach him. Turning back to the house, she saw Hugh in the doorway watching her.

"What did he mean that he took the mark? It's true? What they say about him?"

"He was young, just a little older than you," she said, putting her arm around his shoulder and leading him back indoors. "I am sure you have heard all about it."

"Yeah…but…he never seemed…you know…like he would do it. He can be mean and most of the guys don't like him much…well, mostly the ones that don't do their work, but I don't think he could really do all the stuff they said Death Eaters did."

"Let's not do this now," Hermione said, glancing at the door. "We'll give him some time to cool down before we…before…should I send an owl?"

"Did he dump you?"

"No, Hugh, what a thing to say."

"Then I'll send him…"

"You'll stay out of it. This is between me and him." She hugged him to her and ruffled his hair. "Don't worry about it. We are going to have a good Christmas. I know, let's start a day early. Why don't you look in the shed? There's a box with your name on it," she grinned thinly. "I know you're bored around here with nothing to do. Go on…see what it is."

He slammed out of the back door and opened the shed, looking back and giving her a wide smile before disappearing inside. Rushing back with large box, he put it on the table and started ripping it open.

"A telle! Wow, Mum, a telle!"

"It's only a small one and I expect you to keep the noise down," she said, frowning as she felt the sting of tears and nodded, telling him to move the end table and set it up the best he could in the sitting area. "It doesn't seem possible this is our second Christmas here," she mused.

"You never came home for the hols." Hugh sat back on his heels from where he was in the sitting room. "Mum would get funny and Dad…"

"Don't," she choked, "I know. There were things that…it was a long time ago kid-o"

"I bought Snape something."

"You did? Please tell me it's plant food or a feather duster." She tried to grin, watching his face redden.

"Nah, it's only a journal, but I had his initials put on it."

"He'll like that."

Later she made soup and sandwiches as her mother would have and joined Hugh on the floor to watch the same movies she remembered seeing as a child.

"I've been thinking he should stay away. I don't like him yelling at you. ''

"No…we were discussing ….my work."

Hugh looked at her solemnly. "Did he dump you? Is that why you were crying?"

"What?"

"Did he? Did he hurt you?"

"No," she felt her stomach fall as she furiously thought of what to say.

"They all do."

"He won't."

"You sure? Brown's real pretty and everyone says…"

"Yup, I'm sure." She said it as a lie, but in saying it aloud began to smile.

She lay down next to Hugh on her stomach, her elbows on the floor propping up her head, watching with him until they were both yawning. As she readied for bed and lifted her pillow and blankets to the sofa when she found Severus' shirt tucked into the folds of the quilt where he had put it. She slid it under her pillow and closed her eyes, for the first time not doubting that he would be back and not caring how long it took.

Not once during the night had he uttered a term of endearment, or returned her words of love. Not once had he made her promises or pretended that what they had was more than this time together. Hermione hugged her pillow and nestled further down under the blankets, imaging lying with him to her back. Imaged his touch as he had pushed the hair from her face and saw again the concern in his eyes as he had sought her face in the darkness to check on her reactions. For the first time she felt loved, loved unconditionally, and didn't care if was an illusion or not, or how long it lasted.