Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

Hearts Astray

Chapter 17

Mist...lights...Sickbay...The Doctor.

"Welcome back, Captain."

Kathryn closed her heavy eyes again and raised a hand to her aching head. "What happened?"

"Voyager was struck by the anomaly," The Doctor told her. "Fortunately, little damage was done to the ship. Your quarters took most of the impact. If I was paranoid, I'd say it was aiming for you."

"I remember now," she said, memories returning. "Chakotay and I were having dinner...or trying to...and there was a bright light." A fear suddenly gripped her. "Chakotay, is he ok?"

"As right as rain. Thanks to me, of course. And so are you. When the anomaly struck, you were in its path, and the bolt sent your body into temporal chaos. Fortunately, I was able to bring you into alignment. It wasn't easy, in fact it was near impossible, but as always my clever little brain came up with a solution. Not that I'm expecting any prizes. There's little more than a thanks to be got around here. But if we were in the Federation, I'd have a whole cargo bay of awards."

"Was Chakotay struck too?"

"No. He was merely electrocuted when he tried to help you."

Kathryn made to sit up, but The Doctor pushed her down. "You're going nowhere for at least three hours."

"But I've got a ship to run," she argued. "I need to check that everything is..."

"Voyager is fine. But you won't be if you run around like a zinzolo. Your body has been through severe trauma and needs to rest."

"I'll be fine. Just give me something for the headache."

"I am, rest. The headache will go as soon as your body has fully adjusted to this time-frame. In the meantime you will feel groggy and confused about recent events."

"Then if I must rest, at least let me do so in my quarters."

"Sorry, but no. I want you here where I can keep an eye on you."

"But..."

"No buts. Doctor's orders."

Kathryn sighed. "Very well, if I must, I must."

"I'm glad that's settled. Now, try to sleep. It will work wonders."

With that, The Doctor dimmed the lights and retired to his office. But as Kathryn lay there in semi darkness, trying to succumb to slumber, memories of the night flashed through her mind, slowly building up a picture. She could remember every detail of her dinner with Chakotay...the way it had been interrupted by the arrival of the anomaly; the way they'd gone to the bridge to get Voyager free of it; the way her replicator had misbehaved and made her a pink undertunic; the way the anomaly had struck Voyager, only to be caught by the deflector dish; and the way a dazzling green light had blinded her before...

Before she was somewhere else.

As the memories returned, she could remember being with Chakotay on New Earth, could remember talking with him, dining with him, and then...and then making love with him. She could feel his touch, taste his kisses, and remember the ecstasy as they finally become one. But with those memories came a horrible sinking feeling inside, a terrible dread. For with the memory came the memory of Chakotay's face when he saw her in a pink undertunic.

He remembered.

She remembered.

Voyager had not been time-fractured, only her existence had been time-fractured. While she was in the past with Chakotay, normal space-time had continued on Voyager. And when her existence was whole again, that moment they had shared remained in the past. It remained part of their histories. It had not, as they thought it would, disappear into oblivion. Kathryn gripped her sweaty hands together and tried to navigate a course through her fears. In that out-of-time moment she had laid open her soul to Chakotay, had told him she loved him, had completely surrendered to their love. That meant he knew, he knew what she felt for him, and he remembered their intimacy. It was ironic. For years she had tried to keep a distance between them, had tried to maintain those parameters, but he had already made love with her. It was all too much to take in, too much to absorb, but she had to. She had to keep navigating, had to find a course through, a way to ride this storm and reach calm seas. Safe seas.

Suddenly, sickbay doors opened and Chakotay came in. As he did, The Doctor rushed out of his office.

"Commander," he said quietly. "The Captain is resting. I'm afraid..."

"I'll see him," Kathryn interrupted.

The Doctor turned to her. "Captain, you're supposed to be sleeping."

"What can I say," she said. "I'm a poor sleeper."

"Well, you'll have to try harder. The Commander can see you in two hours time. Until then, no visitors."

"Does that mean I'm imprisoned and in solitary confinement?" Kathryn asked. "Come on, Doctor. Don't be a jailer."

The Doctor sighed. "Very well. You may see the Commander. But only for a few minutes."

"Thank you, Doctor."

The Doctor returned to his office and Chakotay approached the bed. His body was tense, his face strained, and his eyes heavy.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," Kathryn replied.

"How are you feeling?"

"Groggy," she answered.

Chakotay lowered his eyes and fidgeted with his fingers. "Voyager wasn't time-fractured. Only you went into temporal chaos." He paused. "Do you remember what happened? After you were struck?"

Kathryn's stomach was churning, a million butterflies, but she kept her composure. "No," she lied. "The last thing I remember is being in my quarters with you."

"I see," he replied quietly.

"But you remember something, don't you?" she asked, navigating cautiously. "I remember your face when you saw me in this undertunic."

For a moment, Chakotay said nothing. Then he spoke. "Yes. I remember."

For so many years he had put down what happened that day on New Earth to an hallucination, a wishful dream, but the second he saw her in that pink undertunic, he knew it was more. He knew it was real. Or at least, had been real with some Kathryn from some parallel reality. He had hoped that Kathryn was this Kathryn, that when he came here she would remember what they'd shared, but she clearly did not. That had to mean he had either loved a different Kathryn or she had no memory of what had happened. Either was possible and he could make no conclusion.

As Chakotay contemplated, Kathryn braced herself to ask the next question, hoping he would respond as she wanted him to. "What happened?"

"I can't tell you," he said, responding exactly as she hoped. "Temporal prime directive."

Kathryn relaxed a bit now, the seas becoming calmer. "Then I guess I'll just have to live in mystery."

"But there is something you should know," Chakotay said sadly. "In the out-of-time experience, you told me the anomaly took you to a place you wanted to be, a special place. You said that might be it's way of trying to communicate. You were half-joking, but there might be something in it."

It was true. She had said that. And maybe she was right. Maybe the anomaly was trying to communicate.

"Perhaps there is," she answered. "Where is the anomaly now? Are we still dead in the water?"

"Yes. Our systems are still crippled."

"Then when I'm out of here, we'll call a staff meeting and try to get to the bottom of this. If the anomaly is trying to speak, we've got to try and listen."

"I'll inform all senior staff to be on stand by. But don't rush yourself. The anomaly isn't pulling us in this time."

"Then it must have realized we saw that as a threat. I might be wrong, but I think it's trying to help us somehow."

"Me too. If it was hostile, it could have destroyed us by now."

"While I'm chained up here, try to put the pieces together. I will too. The Doctor might be able to police my body, but he can't my mind...well, at least not without drugging me. Yours is probably a lot clearer than mine right now, anyway."

"I'll do my best." There was a moment of tense silence, then Chakotay broke it. "Well, I'll leave you to rest."

"Ok. See you later."

Chakotay then left and Kathryn watched him go with tears in her eyes. She hated to deceive him, hated to deny what had happened, but she didn't know what else to do. It was her only passage through the troubled seas. If she acknowledged what had happened, acknowledged that she was in love with him, it would open up a can of worms she didn't want to open. It was better for him to think she didn't remember. Then he could come to his own conclusions about what the experience was, whether it was really with her or another Kathryn from another reality. For when time went into chaos, anything was possible. It seemed to be kinder too, even though it hurt like hell, because what had just happened for her had happened five years ago for him. He had loved her then, deeply and truly, but that didn't mean he still loved her now. It was better to let sleeping dogs lie, and let them lie she would.

END OF CHAPTER 17