Yay! 20 reviews! Could we try for five each chapter? Maybe? I have a question at the end so please read it. I can't write next chapter until you answer so, yeah, it's kinda important; I don't want to upset people.
The lovely people who reviewed are below =) ;
Carol xx- Really? You've only reviewed mine? Thank you, you're right I am proud. Here's your update =)
christyallen89 - Glad you like it, I would say the next level is in chapter 6. I've started writing it so its nearly ready =D hope you enjoy and review.
angeleyenc - Updated! Yeah it's either Emmet or Esme but I didn't get enough response to act on it. Hope you enjoy! ;D
twihard22 - the reason is that I wanted to do a different story line for once, instead of Bella running into Edward's open arms. I'm getting tired of that, and they're seen as a threat and something else that is revealed in this chapter. So read on! She's not her normal character because she's bitter, and I like to mix it up a bit. If you want that Bella read my other stories, but this one is for this type of Bella, ok? This is my story and I don't mind you asking, but criticizing my writing and the way I've wrote it is rude. I'm glad you like the plot line but it's a lot more intricate then you seem to understand, there are reasons for everything and I can't lay them all out for you. And Bella will befriend Emmet or Esme, I know it's not like her but it's not ment to be. Enjoy and I hope you understand a bit better now ;)
AmbieBubs - why thank you! *bows* here's your update, chapter 6 is even better trust me, I have it all planned all I need is for more people to answer my question, because I can't post it until I have that vital answer. You'll see =)
narutosonlyfriend - I'm glad you like it, some people don't seem to understand this Bella, I mean, you've read my other stories, I've done the running-into-Edward's-arms Bella and she's getting boring right? I don't know =( I'm more than a little confused right now, I don't know what you guys want! Urg anyway sorry to bombard you with that, thank you for the lovely, fresh, positive review. =)
Remember I can't update until you answer my question at the bottom, it's vital for me to write next chapter!
Thank you to those who reviewed, the 13 who faved and 11 who alerted. It means a lot. REMEMBER! MY QUESTION AT THE BOTTOM and enjoy!
Sasha XxxX
Chapter 5
"Jasper! Get down here!" Alice called, though she didn't need to. Jasper was down in a flash, waiting on Alice's command.
"I want to have a karaoke night!" She squealed, I groaned. Alice had roped me and Jasper into doing karaoke several times, singing wasn't my favourite activity in the world. I did enjoy it once I was doing it, it was just getting over the embarrassment.
"Shall I get the machine?" Jasper asked, Alice nodded and kissed his cheek.
"Thanks Jazzy" She said sweetly before he went to find out where the hell it was. I hadn't seen it while we were unpacking but then again I hadn't really been paying attention.
Not long after we were all sat in the front room, Alice bouncing about while thinking of some songs.
"Ooh Bella! You've never done a Taylor Swift song!" I groaned,
"Alice, you know I don't like that type of music!" I told her,
"Yes but Linkin Park is getting old" I was about to protested when she held her hand up,
"You sing or your car gets it" I shut my mouth, Alice giggled. This was her usual tactic, if the car threat didn't work she'd pull out the best friend card. I was a sucker to her little tricks.
Alice sang at least 7 songs before she hauled Jasper up for a duet, he looked horrified. Like he did every time Alice made him sing, or dance, or be a ballerina. Funny times. Edward had been different to how I had imagined him, the black and white photos didn't show much apart from shape. No colour obviously. But his mothers diary's had, they were very descriptive, you felt as if you were there with her. They had always been written in present tense so you got the impression she had wrote the entry during the event.
His sister had been stunning even for her young age, and Edward had green eyes, apparently more like his mothers. But his father had had green eyes also. The guitar had just come into fashion and he had learnt that. Another thing his mother had wrote, but hadn't been happy on was that he said he wouldn't ever fall in love. He had been adamant he would go to war and live alone. There had also been more small details, name, he had been on the 17th of June 1901 (close to mine and Alice's birthdays), favourite colour: green. As he had got older he had took a liking to debating, and could hide his emotions well when needed. His mother and father had been proud.
"You're turn Bella" Alice said handing me the microphone, also snapping me out of my little daydream. I blinked and few times and got up, and trust Alice to choose a relevant song; Taylor Swifts I'd lie began to play.
I don't think that passenger seat
Has ever looked this good to me
He tells me about his night
And I count the colours in his eyes
He'll never fall in love
He swears, as he runs his fingers through his hair
I'm laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong
And I don't think it ever crossed his mind
He tells a joke, I fake a smile
That I know all his favourite songs
And I could tell you
His favourite colour's green
He loves to argue
Born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful
He has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him
I'd lie
He looks around the room
Innocently overlooks the truth
Shouldn't a light go on
Doesn't he know that I've had him memorized for so long
And he sees everything black and white
Never let nobody see him cry
I don't let nobody see me wishin' he was mine
I could tell you
His favourite colour's green
He loves to argue
Born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful
He has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him
I'd lie
He stands there, then walks away
My God, if I could only say
I'm holding every breath for you
He'd never tell you
But he can play guitar
I think he can see through everything but my heart
First thought when I wake up is
My God, he's beautiful
So I put on my make-up
And pray for a miracle
Yes, I could tell you
His favourite colour's green
And he loves to argue
Oh, and it kills me
His sister's beautiful
He has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him...
if you ask me if I love him...
I'd lie
I put the mic down and raised and eyebrow at Alice,
"Happy now?" she squealed,
"You should sing more!" she exclaimed, I rolled my eyes, sometimes Alice would say anything; you couldn't trust her when she's hyper.
"You are good Bella" Jasper said with a small smile.
I put up a good front but I was a bitter person right now, I had kept it in for so long. I didn't even trust Alice enough to share my frustrations, don't get me wrong she would try. She would try so hard to understand me, but she had Jasper; she couldn't completely understand, couldn't completely comprehend what I was going through. There was a reason I was so determined to see if Edward had lost anything from his human life, I wanted to know that I wasn't alone, that I wasn't the only one, that I wasn't the single vampire that lost it all and became nothing. I did know that there were others out there, but they drank from humans, and I couldn't converse with them knowing they would go out later that day and take someone life like mine had been taken. I couldn't.
Alice's parents had been so distraught over Alice's little ability that my wishes had been overlooked. I hadn't minded at the time, I knew I had years to come and I wasn't their highest priority; heck I wasn't even their child.
I didn't mean to come across so cold to the Cullen's truly I didn't; but they could threaten the only bit of happiness I've had in a long time, the small resemblance I had to a human life. And I was jealous, not that I'd let anyone know that. They had it all, they didn't seem to miss a thing. Emmet was carefree and happy, whilst Rosalie seemed just concerned; I bet she was a nice person at heart, she seemed content with her beauty. And then Edward, well he had obviously been taken care of by Carlisle after his change as his body went missing along with Carlisle. Whever they're still with him I don't know, all I know is that I never had a family, I never will, my human dreams had been crushed while I was human, and while I was a vampire and it wasn't fair. How can some people have it all, and others nothing?
I could learn everything there is to know, I could recite the dictionary, I could read all of Shakespeare's plays backwards, I could jump off a cliff and be sad because I wouldn't die when I hit the bottom, but I couldn't be happy, I couldn't be me, I couldn't have anything I'd ever wanted because…I don't know who I am.
I'm sure if I had know while human I wouldn't be here now, sure I have Alice and Jasper who have been the best friends I could ever ask for; but that would have been a small price to pay. I see that now. It seems petty to anyone else, but I had a passion; it was frowned upon then, and Impossible to accomplish now. It seems I was doomed from the start. Was this gods plan? Was there even a god?
"Bella!" I snapped out of it, and looked at a startled Alice.
"You were killing Jasper" She whispered, scared and shocked.
"He couldn't move, he was so heartbroken, so lost, lonely. What's the matter?" she asked me, I truly didn't deserve friends like her and Jasper, they both suffered with me.
"Alice, that difficult to specify when you have to list everything in the god damn world" I muttered,
"Bella talk to me!" Alice begged,
"I can't Alice!" I shouted and headed for the door.
"I can't do this anymore! I'm dragging you down with me! I know for a fact that if I hadn't been there when we met the other coven you would have bounded straight up to them and befriended them happily. I know for a fact that by now you would have joined their coven and have your happily ever after you've always dreamed off by now. I know for a fact that if I wasn't here you would be happy!" I shouted and slammed the door making a bee-line for the forest.
Alice's POV
I stared open mouthed at the door, Jasper began to groan and I was at his side instantly.
"Jasper are you ok?" I asked worried,
"Is Bella?" he retorted weakly, I kissed his forehead,
"I don't know Jazz, I don't know" I whispered scared and frightened; not for me, but for Bella.
Bella's POV
Damn my life! I had never let myself slip before, not when I was human and definitely not as a vampire! I had even hidden the bitterness from my thoughts! I had been so careful, and than BAM I come here and meet a coven of vampires and I'm the venerable little girl who didn't understand why her parents would never see her again, who didn't understand why she couldn't accomplish her dream, the little girl who wanted to be loved, but never was. I wasn't that person anymore, I had told myself. But deep inside I was, I am.
I sighed and got up, brushed myself off and looked up at the sky.
"What do you want from me?" I breathed,
"I'll do anything, anything. I can't stand this, I CAN'T!" I breathed evenly to calm myself down.
"Alrighty, if that's how you want to play it. I'll sort my life out by-my-self" I said stubbornly and trudged the woods contemplating what I should do next. The sun began to break through the clouds and I cursed, without Alice I hadn't know if I should stay out of the public eye or not. I ran a hand over my face, I was a mess, my life was a mess. If it even qualified as a life.
I found myself back at the house, only to find that Alice and Jasper were waiting for me.
"I saw you coming" Alice said, so she wouldn't have waited if she hadn't? I suppose that's fair.
"Bella, never think that, what you said earlier was wrong. I wouldn't have met Jasper without your guidance, and you know full well that you're the rock in this coven; you keep us together. You keep us safe" I shook my head,
"But I don't keep you happy" I muttered,
"Sometimes you have to sacrifice one for the better good, and so far I don't think anyone has figured it out yet" Alice smiled lightly at me,
"Alice, go to the Cullen's befriend them; I don't care. Just do what you want to, ok?" she shook her head.
"I told you, I have my plan. As soon as I'm sure they're no threat, then and only then will I be pleasant. There's no use befriending an enemy is there?" she joked her laugh echoing in the tense house.
"Bella, we need a leader. That's you, and do you honestly think that we would follow through with your plans if we didn't think they were for the best?" Jasper enquired,
"I didn't exactly discuss it with you when I stalked up to the two stranger vampires did I?" the room fell silent, and I looked confused at the couple in front of me.
Jasper shared a knowing look with Alice and I looked on in complete incomprehension.
"So Bella, which one of these vampires isn't a stranger to you? You didn't have a one night stand did you?" my eye brows shot up and my eyes widened, my jaw dropped as I stared at her in disbelief.
"What the hell Alice! I'm not answering any of that until you find your head and screw it back on!" I said, frazzled and disorientated after being throw completely random and preposterous questions. Had I really only said two? God damn it I had!
"So, which one do you not consider to be a stranger. Is it Edward?" Alice tried her best to be nonchalant as she inspected her nails. But kept sneaking glances at me so didn't quite pull it off. Jasper's face lit up with understanding and comprehension.
"It's him isn't it? He's Edward Masen"
I stood there just staring at the floor, I knew Jasper was all about honesty and everything but I'm still trying to get my head around it, around him.
"Yeah" Alice squealed, at my answer.
"So you had a one night stand with Edward?" I growled,
"No Alice! And you know full well I haven't, so stop it. The only reason he doesn't seem like a stranger is that well-" Jasper looked amused and finished for me,
"You stalked him?" I glared playfully,
"I guess"
Jasper's POV
Poor Bella, I don't think its fair that me and Alice don't help her. But she won't let us, she has far to many things on her plate! Bella had to be a leader, make all the right decisions, then she has to deal with her own torment which she has never revealed to anyone. And then Masen comes along and confuses her further. Her mind must be riddled with questions lacking answers.
Her emotions were the same everyday now, Stress, nervous, afraid, longing, loss, confusion, loss, loss, loss. Four times her torment comes up four times. Again and again, the cycle repeats constantly throughout the day. But since coming here Bella's emotions are more like, stress, nervous, loss, stress, fright, loss longing, loss, confusion, loss, loss, loss. Its like everything she sees, or thinks about reminds her of something that she gave up, lost.
Bella's POV
I never thought I would have to tell someone, I thought I could keep my human longing to myself but the days just get harder and harder.
"Bella just tell us" Jasper said to be softly,
"How can I tell you when it's pathetic and I don't even understand why I held onto it?" Alice looked at me for a long time, as if trying to remember our human time together. Her eye brows shot up, but she did not say anything.
"Jasper can you give us a minute?" Alice asked looking at her husband, pleading with her eyes.
"Sure, is it ok if I hunt?" He asked Alice, always the good husband,
"Of course, I'll see you later" Jasper nodded and headed out the door.
"Bella, you know you can tell me"
"I know I can, but that doesn't mean I should. Alice you're the best friend anyone could ask for, we solve our problems together, I know. But you can't comprehend it all, all these things mount up to make a wall I can't possibly scale. I can't do it alone, and I can't help but feel like this isn't the right time, and your not the right person. I know that sounds harsh but I'm waiting; and I don't know what for" I finished sighing in frustration while running a hand over my stressed face.
"I know what you need Bella, and you're right I can't help; but I can't tell you who you need help from, because I don't know. I know what you need, but I don't know who is what you need. If that makes sense?" I nodded, confused; but I got the gist of what she ment.
"Alice maybe I was wrong maybe we should talk to them?" Alice shook her head,
"That wouldn't be a good idea, Rosalie looks ready to kill you at any excuse she gets. I'm not sure about the other two, I know you think you know Edward; but Bella you don't. ok? Don't underestimate him. He could have changed as a vampire, no pun intended. And Emmet, well he seems harmless, but we can't be sure. We need someone to find out a little about them…get some dirt so we can formulate multiple plans, and test the waters; we need to be ready for anything."
"Well it looks as if I'm going under cover!" I said rubbing my hands together,
"So who should I not want to kill?" I asked Alice, who had a rather amused expression on her face,
"You know sometimes Bella, I think you would have made a great assassin in your human life" I laughed,
"Maybe Alice, Maybe"
Hello! So what do you think? And because I didn't get a big response last time, (just two people who said different things) I would like to ask you again. And PLEASE answer. Who would you like Bella to befriend first? Emmet or Edward? I was thinking Emmet, just to break out of stereotype. Or maybe Esme? If Bella goes on a hunt, and bumps into Esme, and Esme can help her. Bella doesn't know she's from the coven, ect. Ect? Let me know. Just spouting ideas here.
Ok, hope you enjoyed and would like to review,
Sasha XxxX