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Hearts Astray
Chapter 21
2378
Stardate 55215.1
White. Mist. Thick dancing fog. And then...
And then colors. Millions of colors. They were swirling, merging, focussing. And then...
A face. A black face. A familiar face. Admiral Jenni Klare.
"Welcome to 2378," the woman smiled.
Slowly, sluggishly, Kathryn sat up and put her hand to her groggy head. "My crew," she said. "Did they make it?"
"Yes," Admiral Klare replied. "We have not yet brought then out of stasis, as we wanted to wake you first, but there have been no complications or casualties. Everything has gone to plan."
A male doctor put a hypospray to Kathryn's neck and almost instantly her drowsy senses felt more alert.
"You'll be groggy for a few hours," the Admiral continued, "but by tomorrow you should be fine."
"What happens now?" Kathryn asked. "When everyone is awake, can we go home?"
"Not immediately. You will all have to be under medical supervision for at least 12 hours. That means staying on this starbase until at least 17:00 hours. But, as we will be making your return official any moment, we won't confine you to Voyager. In fact, you will be our guests. You're all going to be very lethargic and sleepy for the next few hours, some more than others, so we've prepared guestrooms for you to rest in. As soon as your return is headlines news, you'll be free to use them."
"Thank you," Kathryn said. "For everything."
"It's been our privilege. We didn't know eight years ago what a brave and special crew we were taking care of. But we do now. And I'd like to say that I have total admiration for you and what you have achieved. I consider it a great honor to have played a part, albeit a small one, in your incredible journey."
Admiral Parker, who was standing behind, spoke now. "So do we all. Your courage has inspired billions and has inspired us."
"That's very kind of you both," Kathryn said, her eyes moist. "Thank you. But we weren't trying to be heroes. We were just trying to get home."
"And that's what makes your story so touching," Admiral Klare smiled.
"And famous," Admiral Parker added. "Your return is going to make headlines all over the Federation."
Admiral Klare put her hand on Kathryn's shoulder. "But before we make the announcement, let's get you and your crew back on your feet. I'll send you now to see Dr Kednoff, who has been the chief medical officer on this case for the last eight years, and he will exam you. This is just to make sure that you are ok. At the same time, he will give you a standard return medical, so that you and your crew can mix openly with residents on this station. It will also save you having the medical when you get back to Earth."
"I'll take you to him," Admiral Parker said. "He's in holodeck 2. We didn't want to set him up in your sickbay as we didn't want to disturb the place. We've tried to disturb as little as we can on this ship."
"Our doctor will appreciate it," Kathryn smiled. "Woe become anyone who disturbs his sickbay!"
The two admirals laughed, and then Kathryn left for holodeck 2 with Admiral Parker.
Dr Kednoff, a kind man with flaming red hair, examined Kathryn thoroughly in his portable surgery. He performed many tests, many scans, but after what felt life forever, he was finally done. As the tests showed Kathryn was suffering from no more than post-stasis lethargy, and another examination was not needed for twelve hours, he certified her fit for general society and discharged her temporarily into Admiral Parker's care. The Admiral took Kathryn to the mess hall, which had been cleared since the party, so she could wait there for the rest of her crew to wake up. A female ensign with short blonde hair was at the counter, busy putting cakes onto plates, and the girl looked up as Kathryn and the Admiral entered.
"Night greetings," she smiled. "May I get you something, Captain, Admiral?"
"Nothing for me, thank you," Admiral Parker answered. "I'm not stopping. But I'm sure Captain Janeway could do with a coffee."
At this, Kathryn smiled. "I see my reputation has caught up with me."
Admiral Parker laughed. "It certainly has. And, just for you, we've had the finest coffee in the Federation beamed in. So, enjoy!"
"I sure will," Kathryn replied. Then she addressed the ensign. "One hot black coffee for me. And make that a big cup."
The girl held up a huge silver cup. "Big enough?"
"Just about," Kathryn teased.
They all laughed, and then Admiral Parker returned to the holodeck to assist Admiral Klare. When she was gone, Kathryn took a seat by a window, a seat she had sat in hundreds of times before, and the ensign brought over her coffee.
"If there's anything else I can get you, Captain," she said. "Just give me a shout. I don't expect any of you to be hungry, because I hear coming out of long term stasis is like being hit over the head with a bat'leth, but I've made some sandwiches and other things just incase." The girl then reached into a deep pocket and pulled out a gold pen and a star shaped silver paper-pad. "If you don't mind, Captain, would be so kind as to give me your autograph? I've followed your story for years and am so excited to meet you. I can't believe you've been on this starbase for eight years. I was really disappointed to get assigned here, because I wanted to serve on a starship, but now I'm so ecstatically glad about it. How awesome that I know about your return before everyone else and I get to serve you all coffee and things! Only please don't tell Admirals Klare and Parker that I've asked you for your autograph. It's not exactly professional!"
Kathryn smiled. "My lips are sealed."
"If it isn't too much trouble," the girl went on as Kathryn signed, "could you ask Seven of Nine and Commander Chakotay to sign their names too? I'd also be really grateful if you could ask The Doctor and the Paris's for their autographs."
"It's no trouble," Kathryn assured her. "Leave these with me and I'll see what I can do."
"Oh thank you, Captain," the girl beamed. "Thank you so much."
"You're welcome. Thank you for the coffee."
The girl smiled happily and then returned to the kitchen. As she did, the mess hall doors opened and Chakotay walked in. At the sight of him, Kathryn's heart skipped a beat and tears welled in her eyes. He'd made it. Against all the odds, they were together again. From across the room, their eyes met, and they smiled at each other with visible joy and relief. Then, before she knew it, he was walking over to her.
"Hi," he said.
"Hi," she replied. "Welcome to the future."
"It's good to be here."
"How are you feeling?"
"Like a pair of Klingons are doing ten rounds in my head. You?"
"Like I have the worst hangover ever." She held up a cup of steaming coffee. "But I've got my ammunition."
Chakotay laughed. Then he sat beside her. "It's hard to believe, isn't it, that eight years have passed since we last spoke?"
"Yes," Kathryn agreed.
"Which means we've really done it. We're home."
"Yes. But until everyone is awake, I'm not celebrating."
Before Chakotay could reply, the ensign came charging over to the table. "Commander Chakotay?"
Chakotay turned to her. "That's right."
"Oh I'm delighted to meet you, delighted. I was just telling the Captain how much I admire you all and I can't believe I'm here with you. I know some people think it was wrong for your Maquis crew to be integrated into Voyager's, but I'm not one of them. I think it was the only answer and I'm so happy it all worked out. I think you were right to fight for the freedom of your people. If the Cardassians had killed my family, I would have fought them too."
Chakotay gave a strained smile. "Thank you for your sympathy."
"Is there anything I can get you?" the girl went on. "A coffee like the Captain's perhaps?"
"That would be good," he answered.
"There's also some sandwiches, cookies and cakes if you want. They're all fresh, not replicated."
"Thank you," Chakotay said, "but I'm not hungry."
"I didn't think you would be," she replied. "One hot black coffee it is then."
As the ensign went to fetch his coffee, Kathryn noticed that Chakotay had suddenly become very tense. He was looking at the table, shoulders hunched, and there was worry in his eyes. The girl's words had clearly upset him and she guessed why.
"You and the Maquis will be exonerated," she said. "Admiral Paris told us weeks ago that would be the case if we got home."
Chakotay raised his eyes now. "Let's just wait and see," he answered. "When we were at the other side of the galaxy, decades from home, it was easy to give us that assurance. It won't be so easy now that we're home. Feelings on the Maquis will still be running high. I don't have to remind you of some the atrocities committed against civilians in the name of our cause."
"No, but those who committed them were a minority of radicals. They're not representative of your movement in general. You didn't commit any violence against civilians so it wouldn't be fair to make you accountable for the actions of others. You and your crew were freedom fighters, not terrorists."
"Yes, but not everyone sees it that way. That's why you were sent on a mission to capture us. In the eyes of the Federation, we were outlaws."
"Not in everyone's eyes, Chakotay. There was a lot of sympathy in Starfleet for your cause. Why do you think they sent so many sympathizers to capture you? Admiral Paris doesn't mess with words. He wouldn't have told us you will be exonerated if that isn't the case."
"I'd like to believe it," he said, "but until it happens, we have to be prepared for the worst. It might not be a party we return to but a prison. We Maquis have always known that. It hasn't made us any less determined to get home, because a couple of years in prison is a small price to pay to see family and friends, but we've always known our welcome might be a cold one."
The ensign returned with Chakotay's coffee and he stopped talking until she was gone.
"You might also be in for a hard time," he said when the girl was beyond earshot. "A lot of people will condemn you for integrating us into your crew."
"With all due respect to my condemners," Kathryn replied, "they weren't in our situation, we were. I did what was right and I stand by my decision. But you're worrying about nothing. You will be exonerated. All of you."
"Like I said, I won't pin my hopes on it until it happens. We've been promised it, I know, but the Federation also promised my people they wouldn't abandon them. Promises mean nothing in politics. We'll be exonerated today if the political mood is favorable. If it isn't, then we won't be. "
At these words, Kathryn gazed sadly into her coffee. He was right. A promise was worthless in politics. If public opinion was against their exoneration, or the current political climate made it imprudent, then they would be prosecuted. Deep inside, she'd always known it was a possibility too. It was just a possibility she didn't want to think about. As far as she had always been concerned, they were not two crews united in a single cause, but one crew, her crew. And that's what they had become: one crew. In the hostile space of the Delta Quadrant, the Starfleet/Maquis issue had long ceased to be an issue. They were one crew, one family. Animosities and grudges had long been laid aside and forgotten. But now, now that they were home, old wounds were opening.
"There's just one thing I need to know," Chakotay said sadly. "If I do go to prison, can I count on a visit from you?"
Kathryn reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Of course, Chakotay. But you won't go to prison. You'll be a free man." She looked firmly into his eyes. "We'll both be free."
Chakotay held her gaze, hoping she meant what he thought she meant, but then, uncomfortably, he looked down. Even if she was trying to say she loved him, and he could not be sure, there could still be insurmountable barriers in the way of a relationship. Until now, until the reality of being home had dawned on him, he hadn't seen those barriers. All he'd seen was a chance to be with the woman he had loved so much for so long. But now he saw them all too clearly. Even if he was exonerated, a future for them as a couple could still be impossible. In the eyes of many people he would always be a Maquis criminal and if Kathryn involved herself romantically with him, it could do untold damage to her reputation, even to her career, and he loved her too much for that.
"As you say," he said quietly, "let's hold the celebration. Our return is still unofficial, we still have a crew in stasis, and only a vague promise of exoneration for us Maquis. All our futures still hang in the balance."
"Yes," Kathryn agreed. Tears then unexpectedly filled her eyes and she turned away. "I wanted to get us home so much, Chakotay. But now...now a part of me wishes we weren't."
Chakotay looked up at her and was just about to speak when the mess hall doors opened and Tuvok came in. Kathryn clumsily wiped away a stray tear and steeled herself with the captain's mask as the Vulcan approached.
"Tuvok," she smiled. "Welcome back."
"Thank you, Captain," he said. "Greetings to you both."
"How are you feeling?"
"I am well. Vulcan's can endure decades of stasis with no ill effects. In fact, my only ailment is hunger. But I see a buffet has been prepared for us so I will now make my selection."
He gave a courteous departing nod and then went over to the food. As he did, Chakotay turned to Kathryn.
"Whatever happens to us Maquis," he said, "I have no regrets. I meant every word of what I said to you in your ready room earlier...well, at least what feels like earlier to us. I'm glad and grateful for the Voyager years." He paused. "You once told me that you only accepted the mission to capture us because if you hadn't it would have gone to someone who would rather have killed us. I've always believed you and have always been grateful that you did accept it. Unlike so many Maquis leaders, I bore no ill will towards Starfleet officers. I was one myself for so long. I knew that a single officer, a single crew, was powerless against the political tide of the Federation. The Maquis quarrel was a fight that belonged to those of us whose homeworlds were handed over to the Cardassians. It was not a quarrel that belonged to citizens of Earth or any other planet uneffected. I left Starfleet on principle, and had you tried to capture us then we would have given you a hell of a fight, but I never had any personal resentment towards you. I'm glad we got stranded, glad you came into my life. We may have started out as enemies, but now there's no one more important to me. You saved me, Kathryn. You saved all of us. By integrating us into your crew on Voyager, by giving us a chance, you saved us from ourselves. I was so angry after what happened to my family, so torn up inside with overwhelming grief, that I didn't care what happened to me. You made me care. You gave me a reason for living. By integrating us into your crew, you also saved our lives. Many captains would have dumped us on an m-class planet to fend for ourselves. Some unscrupulous ones might even have executed us in the name of preserving the many. But you're the embodiment of Starfleet principles and values at their finest. You helped us to respect those principles and values again." He paused. "Don't ever have any regrets, Kathryn. Don't ever regret our journey and don't ever regret our homecoming. You've carried a heavy burden on your shoulders for too long and it's time now to let it go."
With tears in her eyes, Kathryn reached again for his hand. "I have no regrets, Chakotay. Not about you, not about the Maquis. These last few years have been the hardest of my life but also the happiest. If I saved you, then you saved me. I'm a better person for knowing you, for knowing all of you." A tear ran down her cheek. "And I meant what I said to you in my ready room too. Whatever happens, whatever the future holds, we'll face it together."
Chakotay smiled softly and squeezed her hand. Kathryn squeezed back and they gazed into each others eyes until Tuvok disturbed them.
"I have been asked by the serving ensign," he said as he sat beside Chakotay, "to give you a message, Captain. She would like you to add me to her list. When I asked her what list, she said you would explain."
Kathryn smiled and picked up the forgotten pad and pen. "A list of people whose autograph she wants."
Tuvok raised an eyebrow. "I see. I must confess I have never understood the fascination with autographs, but if my signature on a piece of paper gives joy, then I will gladly oblige."
As he signed his name, Chakotay spoke. "Am I on this list?"
"Yes," Kathryn smiled. "Will you sign, Sir?"
"Happily, Ma'am," he answered.
Tuvok then handed him the pen and Chakotay signed the pad.
An hour later, almost every crewmember was awake and the mess hall was alive with the sound of chatter and laughter. Starfleet and Maquis officers alike were celebrating their awakening together and the mood in the room was one of excitement and anticipation. As most of the crew were not Vulcan, they were suffering the effects of stasis withdrawal, but they all refused to let headaches and nausea dampen their spirits. After so many years, so many struggles, Voyager was finally home and nothing was going to spoil their joy. It warmed Kathryn's heart to see her crew so happy, but until every single crewmember was awake, she could not celebrate with them. Instead, she stood by the mess-hall door, Chakotay beside her, and the two of them welcomed every arriving crew member. Although Kathryn did not know every crewmember personally, she knew all their names, faces and ranks, and she recognized them all as they stepped through the door. Chakotay seemed to aswell, and every arriving crewmember was glad of their warm welcome.
"Almost everyone now," Chakotay said after Tal Celes arrived. "Only two more left."
"Yes," Kathryn replied. "Ensign Lucy Allen and Ensign Ned Travis."
Just as she spoke, Ensign Ned Travis arrived, and Kathryn greeted him with a smile.
"Welcome back, Ensign Travis."
The black haired young man smiled warmly and then shook her offered hand. Chakotay then extended his hand and the Ensign shook it before disappearing into the crowd.
"Now only Miss Allen," Kathryn said. "I do hope she's ok. Her health isn't the best."
"I'm sure she's fine. She will have been monitored very carefully."
The mess hall doors opened again and, to Kathryn's relief, Ensign Lucy Allen walked in with Admiral Jenni Klare. Kathryn smiled and held out her hand.
"Welcome back, Ensign Allen."
The red-haired ensign, who was very pale, took Kathryn's hand with a smile.
"Thank you, Captain."
Admiral Klare spoke now. "This young woman gave us quite a scare," she said, "but I'm happy to say is going to be just fine."
Chakotay smiled at Lucy as he shook her hand. "That's wonderful news."
"Just be sure you rest for the next few hours, Ensign," Admiral Klare went on. "Make full use of your allocated guestroom."
"I will," Lucy promised. "Thank you for everything."
"You're welcome," Admiral Klare smiled.
Lucy then left and hurried over to a tall blonde haired Lieutenant who was waiting for her. The two embraced happily and then made their way over to a table.
"It's wonderful to see you all back together," Admiral Klare said to Kathryn and Chakotay, "but I think you will agree there is one person missing."
"There certainly is," Kathryn declared. "Our doctor."
Admiral Klare smiled. "Then let's get him here." She reached into a pocket, pulled out the Doctor's mobile emitor, and offered it to Kathryn. "Care to do the honors?"
Kathryn gratefully took the emitor and quickly activated the Doctor's program. For a few seconds nothing happened then, to her relief, The Doctor appeared.
"Welcome to 2378, Doctor," Kathryn smiled.
The Doctor looked around, took in his surroundings, and then spoke. "I see eight years have passed and you are all out of stasis," he said. "As always, I am the last in the pecking order."
"You know what they say, Doctor," Kathryn teased. "The best is always saved for last."
"That may be so, Captain, but as your physician, and as the physician of everyone in this room, I should have been activated before you were all brought out of stasis. In fact, I should have been the one to bring you out of it. At the very least I should have been the one to attend to Seven. No doctor in the Federation can understand her physiology as well as me."
Seven, who was approaching, addressed him. "You are blowing your own trumpet too loudly, Doctor. It is a fault you are much inclined to. Any qualified physician was capable of bringing us out of stasis. It is hardly a specialist procedure."
"But your physiology is complex, Seven, and other crewmembers like Lucy Allen have conditions that only I fully understand. It was highly irresponsible of those in charge to exclude me from your awakenings. When we get to Earth, I will make my feelings known to Starfleet Command."
Admiral Klare spoke. "Do so, and you will find yourself in serious trouble, Doctor. This case has been classified for the last eight years and will remain classified now. None of you are permitted to talk about what has happened with anyone, except each other. We believe this to be in everyone's best interest. Your story has touched the hearts of billions of people, people who have rooted for you, prayed for you, and followed your journey religiously. If they are told Voyager was in this starbase all along, then those who don't fully understand temporal loops will feel betrayed and disappointed. It will also raise feelings of mistrust towards Starfleet. You all deserve a heroes welcome and that's what we want you to have. The official story will be that you got back through a wormhole today, reported immediately to this starbase, and remained here for several hours resting and undergoing medical checks. In your sense of time, anyway, that is effectively what happened. As I speak, Admiral Paris is being informed of your return and an announcement will duly be made to the Federation."
"With all due respect," The Doctor said, "you don't know the Voyager crew. A secret doesn't last five minutes on this ship. How do you expect over a hundred mouths to keep quiet?"
"Because we expect it," she answered. "We expect it of them as Starfleet Officers and we expect it of them as members of this crew." She turned to Kathryn. "You must inform your crew of our decision, regardless of whether you agree with it or not, and you must get them to comply. Until we have your assurance that the crew will not divulge to anyone what has happened here, we cannot permit you or your crew entry to the rest of the starbase."
The Doctor stepped forward. "That's blackmail! How can you..."
Kathryn cut him short. "That's enough, Doctor. Respect Admiral Klare's authority." She then turned to her crew and addressed them at the top of her voice. "Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention please!"
The chatter in the room faded to a whisper and then to silence.
"I am happy to announce," Kathryn said, "that every single crewmember is now out of stasis and here with us."
At this, the crew applauded and cheered.
"As you can also see," she said, gesturing at The Doctor, "our Doctor is also here."
There was more applause, more cheers, and The Doctor proudly bowed.
"Although eight years have passed since we were last here celebrating our return," Kathryn went on, "to us, it feels like only hours. To us, the passed eight years have not happened. We entered the wormhole at 02:33 hours on the 15th of October 2378 and it is now 04:30 hours on the 15th of October 2378. Only a few people know that we have been in stasis on this starbase and that is how it must remain. Our case must remain classified. This has been judged by Admiral Klare, and all superior officers involved in helping us, to be in the best interest of the general public, Starfleet, and the Federation at large. We will not question this judgment but abide by it. I will therefore give Admiral Klare an assurance on behalf of you all, that none of you will ever discuss what has happened here with anyone. I will give her this assurance because I know, as Starfleet officers and as members of this crew, you all understand the obligations and responsibilities of a classified case." She smiled warmly. "Now, as I'm sure most of you are feeling as hungover as me, I suggest we all get some rest. We have a busy day ahead. Guestrooms have kindly been prepared for us and I suggest we all make use of them. Unless the hospitality here has declined since I was a Commander, I can personally vouch for their comfortableness. My memory is not so good that I remember which floor the guestrooms are on, but I'm sure Admiral Klare will enlighten us. All that remains for me to say is welcome to the future and welcome home!"
There was thunderous applause now and it continued until Admiral Klare raised up her hands in a silencing gesture.
"Welcome home indeed," she said. "It is a privilege and a pleasure to be here with you all and to rejoice with you all in this triumph. I admire each and every one of you for the courage and dedication you have shown in your remarkable journey, and I fully accept your captain's assurance that you will all abide by the rules of a classified case. If any crew can, this crew can. This is a crew that has made history, and this day, the day of your triumphant return, is a day that will long be remembered. We are honored to have you with us on this starbase and it is with joy that we open our guestrooms to you. They are on the tenth floor and are easily accessed by a lift. To get to the lifts, all you have to do is go to Voyager's main exit and walk down a short linking corridor. When you get to the tenth floor, you will find yourselves in a large reception area, and our receptionists will issue you all with key-chips for your rooms. At 15:00 hours you must all report back to Voyager for your final medical exam. Then, providing you are all given the all-clear, Voyager will depart for Earth at 17:30 hours."
At this last announcement, the crew broke into cheers and whistles.
Kathryn then spoke. "Before we all retire for a few hours sleep, let's have a round of applause for Admiral Klare. She has gone to great lengths to ensure our safety over the last eight years and has fulfilled every promise made to us. On behalf of us all, Admiral, I thank you from the bottom of my heart."
Tom stepped forward. "Three cheers for Admiral Klare!"
The crew gladly obliged and gave three mighty cheers. Then they applauded and Admiral Klare humbly accepted the passionate ovation.
When most of the crew had left the mess hall for the guestrooms, Kathryn made her way to the tenth floor with Chakotay and Tuvok. Although the Vulcan was not tired, he was eager for the solitary sanctuary that a guestroom would offer. When they finally reached reception, Kathryn found it was exactly as she remembered. There was a round silver desk in the middle of a foyer, a number of corridors that led to rows of rooms, and a large seating area that looked out upon a window of stars. Behind the desk were four women and they were all, except for one, attending to junior officers. When the unoccupied receptionist saw Voyager's command team approach, she smiled warmly.
"Greetings," she said. "Welcome home."
"Thank you," Kathryn smiled.
"I need not take your names," the girl declared, "as I recognize you all, but I will need to check which rooms you have been allocated. It won't take a moment." As quickly as she could, she operated a small computer, and then picked up three key-chips. "Commander Tuvok, you're in room 55. That's down the first corridor on your right. Commander Chakotay, you're in room 102. That's down the first corridor on your left. Captain Janeway, you're in room 101. That's opposite Commander Chakotay's."
Kathryn took the offered key-chip with a thank you, but the smile she gave was a sad one. Room 101 was the room she had once shared with Mark.
"Have a pleasant stay," the girl finished. "Any problems, contact us."
The receptionist then left them to attend to an arriving ensign.
"I will here depart from you," Tuvok said. "Rest well, Captain, Commander."
"You too," Kathryn replied.
Tuvok then went on his way and Kathryn stared at the key-chip in her hand. Chakotay couldn't help but notice and questioned kindly.
"Is everything alright?"
"Yes," Kathryn answered. "I just... Room 101 is a room I stayed in once with Mark."
"I see," Chakotay said quietly.
"It was about a year before Voyager. We were here for a conference."
Chakotay looked at her sadly. He knew how much she'd loved Mark, how eager she'd been in the early days to get back to him, and this was a cruel reminder of a love she had lost. It was also a reminder to him of the man who had rivaled him for so long. The only reason things had ended with Mark was because he had married another woman after he thought Kathryn was dead. If he hadn't married, if he was still single now, then no doubt Kathryn would want to rekindle their relationship. But he was married so there was no point dwelling on that thought. All Chakotay could hope was that in the new life that was waiting for Kathryn, she would find love again. His heart hoped she'd find that love with him, that somehow they could be together despite all the obstacles still in their way, but his head was more realistic. It had to be. Never had she actually said she loved him, never had she talked of a life with him when they got home, and he had no more idea about her true feelings for him than he did about what had really happened on New Earth. Sometimes he thought he saw love in her eyes, even desire, but looks were easily misinterpreted, especially by a wishful heart.
"Would you like to swap rooms?" he asked.
"No," she replied, closing her hand. "But thank you."
She then began to walk towards the corridor and Chakotay followed. When they reached the corridor, they walked down it in silence, neither really knowing what to say. When they finally reached their rooms, which were indeed opposite each other, Kathryn turned to Chakotay.
"Well," she said. "This is us."
"Yes," Chakotay replied. "Are you sure you don't want to swap rooms? I don't mind at all."
"No, I'll be fine." Instinctively, she reached out and put her hand on his arm. "Get as much rest as you can. We've a long day ahead. And try not to worry. I'm sure the Federation will honor their promise of exoneration."
"I hope so," he said sadly, "or there's going to be a lot of broken hearts. B'Elanna, and the other Maquis, have full faith in the promise." He paused. "But that's a problem for another hour. Don't let it worry you. Your body has been through two major ordeals in succession and you need to take things easy. Make sure you get a few hours sleep. As you say, we've a long day ahead."
"I will."
"See you in a few hours."
Kathryn nodded. "See you then."
Chakotay then turned to his door, but as he did, Kathryn called after him.
"Chakotay..."
She wanted to tell him that she loved him, that it was her he had made love with on New Earth, but when he turned back to her with so much pain in his eyes, she couldn't do it. Even though he had loved her so much once, she didn't know if he loved her that much now. Even if he loved her at all. So much had happened in the five years since they were stranded on that planet. He was clearly very worried about the future of his former Maquis crew and she didn't want to risk torturing him further by declaring a love he could not reciprocate.
"Sleep well," she muttered.
Chakotay gave a ghost of a smile. "You too."
Then he opened his door, stepped into his room, and was gone.
END OF CHAPTER 21