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Hearts Astray

Chapter 24

Sitting at a glass table in his spacious hotel room, Chakotay tried to eat a late breakfast. Outside a long window, frothy waves lapped a golden shore and a bright sun shone down from a blue sky, but Chakotay was oblivious to the beauty. All he was aware of was the black hole in his soul. The pain was not an unfamiliar one, he had lived with the ache of unrequited love for years on Voyager, but always, even in his darkest moments, there had been that small glimmer of hope that if they got home things would be different, that the woman he loved would love him. But now that hope was gone and the pain he had lived with for so long was an agony.

Suddenly, the door chime played. At first, Chakotay didn't hear it. He was too lost in his own thoughts. But when it played for a second time, the airy jingles brought him out of his daze.

"Come in!"

The door to his room opened and a young girl with brown hair entered. In her hands was a shimmering silver box, the shape and size of a shoe box, and it was tied with gold ribbon.

"A parcel for you, Sir."

Chakotay took the box with a thank you and then the girl left. When she was gone, Chakotay looked to see who the parcel was from but there was no label. Curious now, he untied the ribbon and pulled off the lid. Inside, nestled in white satin, was a single red rose. Next to the rose was a glittering gold card and Chakotay carefully picked it up. Written inside, in gold ink, was a note.

Chakotay,

I've never been a poet, so I'm not going to try and write a sonnet, but I want you to know how I feel about you. I need you to know. Every time I try, either I lose the courage or the stars cross my intent. So, I'm writing these words in the hope they will finally be said. I want you to know that I love you. I love you and I'm in love with you. I have been for years. I don't know what you feel for me now, but I know you loved me once. I know because you told me in a beautiful ancient legend, and I know because the woman you loved on that planet so long ago was me. That's right, Chakotay, I remember. I remember everything we shared. I only said I didn't because I was scared. I was scared of what it would mean for us. But I meant every word of what I said in that out-of-time experience. I need you to know that. I need you to know that what we shared was real. You told me then that there will be a time for us. If you still love me, then that time can start when you get back from Trebus. I know the rumor mill has me back with Mark, but I don't want Mark, I want you. If you still want me too, then meet me in the water garden, by the mermaid fountain, at 11:00 hours. If you don't, then just pretend you never read this. We'll say farewell as though these words were never said.

Kathryn

For a long moment Chakotay just stared at the note, hardly able to believe what he was reading, but as the words hit home, all the pain inside him turned to joy. Kathryn loved him. His Kathryn loved him. And it was her that had shared that special time with him on New Earth. Too many times in life he'd felt the agony of grief and the torture of heartache, but never until now had he known such happiness. Kathryn loved him. The woman he had loved so much for so long loved him. No joy could ever be greater.

The mermaid fountain stood in a quiet corner of the water garden and was surrounded by hedges and trees. Crystal water gushed from the mouth of a silver fish that a gold mermaid was holding and cascaded over white marble tiers into a leafy pool. A stone path circled the pool, a path that led into this haven from the main garden, and scattered around the path were benches of purple slate. Sitting on one of these benches, waiting to see if Chakotay would turn up, was Kathryn. She was wearing only a sundress, a pretty one of yellow flora, and on her feet were dainty white sandals. Every now and then she checked the time on an elegant gold watch around her wrist, but the seconds, let alone the minutes, were an eternity in passing. It felt as though she'd been waiting for years, but in fact she'd only been waiting five minutes. It was now 10:58, so she wouldn't have to wait much longer, but as much as she wanted the hour to come, at the same time she didn't. If Chakotay didn't show up, then all her hopes for the future would be dashed. Until he didn't, until these minutes of hope were gone, she could still dream that he would.

Then, suddenly, there were footsteps on the path. Kathryn looked up, hoping with all her might that they belonged to Chakotay, and her pounding heart skipped a beat when she saw that they did. He was walking towards her, casually dressed in a white t-shirt over brown pants. Kathryn got to her feet, trembling with emotion, and Chakotay's pace slowed to a stop as their eyes met. He smiled a smile of absolute joy and Kathryn smiled back. Then, laughing through tears, they hugged each other tight.

"For so long I put down what happened on New Earth to an hallucination," Chakotay said as he and Kathryn sat, hands linked, by the fountain. "But as soon as I saw you in that pink undertunic, I knew that it was real. I just didn't know if she was you or another you from another reality. But she was you and you remember."

"Yes," Kathryn replied. "I remember everything. I'm so sorry I told you I didn't. I just thought it was for the best. I didn't know if you still loved me and, even if you did, our positions made things difficult."

"I understand. I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I didn't keep our engagement last night. When Mark showed up and said he was divorced, I was devastated. I thought you'd want to get back with him."

Kathryn smiled. "We've both been foolish, haven't we?"

"Very. But they say love makes fools of us all." He looked deep into her eyes. "And I love you, Kathryn Janeway."

Kathryn gazed back at him. "I love you too."

Slowly, gently, they drew together and kissed softly. Then Chakotay spoke.

"I won't leave for Trebus today. I'll wait a while."

"No," Kathryn said. "You go. You need to see your sister. And it's a long trip. It'll be good for you to have company. I'd come with you, only I can't leave my mother and sister so soon." She squeezed his hand. "Just don't be gone too long."

"I won't. Five or six weeks at most. I'll be back for Christmas."

Five or six weeks. It felt like an eternity. "I'm going to miss you every second of every day."

Chakotay put his hand to her cheek. "Ditto."

Suddenly, a voice spoke through Chakotay's commbadge. "Leski to Chakotay. We've got a ship and are ready when you are."

For a long moment Chakotay said nothing and a visible battle took place in his eyes. Then he answered. "Ok. I'll be there as soon as I can. Chakotay out."

The connection terminated and Kathryn spoke. "Where are you flying from?"

"San Francisco."

"Then you'd better get going. There's a queue for transporters."

Chakotay wished with all his heart now that he hadn't arranged this trip, that he and Kathryn could at least spend a few days together before he had to leave, but the trip was arranged and it probably was for the best that he left. He and his sister, Sekaya, had not parted on good terms and, contrary to his hope when a two way connection was established with Earth, he had not had the chance to talk to her. Instead, he'd talked to his cousin who had told him Sekaya had gone back to Trebus. Those of his tribe who had survived the Cardassian attack were trying to rebuild their community and Sekaya wanted to help. For a time she'd been in the Maquis with him, but she'd found a warrior's life too brutal and had left. She'd wanted him to leave too, saying the fight was a futile one, and they'd quarreled. Chakotay regretted that quarrel now, wished they'd made things up before he got pulled to the Delta Quadrant, but they hadn't. He could only hope they could now. It was probably in Kathryn's best interest that he left too. Her family would want to spend time with her and she would want to spend time with them. After waiting so long to be together, it was best to be together when time could be their own.

"I suppose I better had make a move," he said. Slowly, reluctantly, he got to his feet and opened his arms to her. "Goodbye, Kathryn."

Kathryn stood too and stepped into his arms. "Goodbye, Chakotay."

They held each other tight, held each other long, then they parted with a kiss.

With tears in her eyes, Kathryn watched as Chakotay walked away, feeling like her life was going with him, but then, as he reached a bend in the path, he stopped walking and turned around. Then he walked back to her and tearfully took her hands in hers.

"I know this sounds crazy," he said, "but marry me, Kathryn. Marry me before I leave. I don't want our time to start when I get back. I want it to start now."

Kathryn smiled, joy shining in her eyes. "A whirlwind wedding? Why do I like the sound of that?"

"Then you will?"

Kathryn flung her arms around his neck. "Yes, yes, yes!"

Chakotay laughed now and they hugged happily.

Thirty minutes later, in an elegant room in the hotel, Kathryn and Chakotay stood before a resident registrar and made vows of marriage to each other. They were dressed exactly as they were, and the only witnesses were two official ones, but to them it was the perfect wedding. All they wanted was to commit their lives to each other and this, a simple private ceremony, was all they needed to do that. If it was impulsive, well, they wanted to be impulsive. For too long their relationship had been shackled by rules and protocol.

When they'd made their last vow, the female registrar, who had long blonde hair and green eyes, presented them with wedding rings. These were standard rings and were resting on a white velvet cushion. Carefully, Chakotay picked up the bride's ring and slipped it onto Kathryn's finger.

"I give you this ring as a token of our marriage," he said, "as a symbol of the promises I have made to you today."

Kathryn then picked up the groom's ring and put it on his finger.

"I give you this ring as a token of our marriage, as a symbol of the promises I have made to you today."

The registrar then joined their hands and lay her own on top. "It gives me great pleasure," she said, "to pronounce you husband and wife."

Kathryn and Chakotay smiled happily at each other and then, to the applause of the witnesses, sealed their union with a kiss.

On a beautiful sea front terrace that led to the hotel's transporter station, Kathryn and Chakotay made their final farewell. Neither wanted to part, and both were reluctant to do so, but the thrill of their secret nuptial made their mood joyful.

"We've never really said goodbye," Kathryn said, Chakotay's hands in hers, "and the last attempt lasted all of two minutes, so let's not say it now. Let's just say...see you soon."

"I wish we didn't even have to say that," Chakotay replied. "But as I must leave, let's."

"When I was a girl, I never understood what Juliet meant when she said parting is such sweet sorrow. To me, it was only ever a sorrow. But now I feel exactly as she did. I'm sad that you're leaving, but at the same time I'm looking forward to your return."

"Me too."

"But I'd like us to keep quiet about our marriage until then. If the media finds out then it won't be our secret anymore. I'd like it to be our secret for a while. That way, it belongs just to us."

"I'd like that too," he replied. "In fact, I was going to say the same thing. We've shared each other with others for too long. Besides, I want to be here when the news hits. You can't face the media alone." He smiled. "You're going to have to hide your ring."

"I am," she said. "But so are you."

Chakotay carefully took his off and held it out to her. "I'll leave mine with you for safekeeping."

Kathryn took the ring and closed it in her palm. "I'll keep it with mine, keep them together."

Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "Where will I find you when I get back?"

"That's a good question. I haven't a clue where I'm going to be. I suppose at my mother's. I was going to start looking for an apartment this week, but as we're going to be living together, we should choose a place together."

"I'm happy to live wherever you want. And I trust your judgment. I think you should find us a place. After seven years in the Delta Quadrant, constantly on call, it'll be good for you to have your own space. Adjusting back to life in the Federation is going to take time, for all of us."

"Yes. And I would like my own space. How does an apartment overlooking the Gulf of Mexico sound?"

Chakotay smiled. "It sounds wonderful."

"Then that's where I'll be. I'll leave the address with Admiral Paris."

Suddenly, Leski's voice spoke through Chakotay's commbadge. "Leski to Chakotay. Is everything ok? We've been waiting over an hour."

"Everything's fine. I'll be right with you."

"Ok. Leski out."

The connection terminated and Kathryn wrapped her arms around Chakotay's neck. "See you soon...husband."

Chakotay smiled and slipped his arms around her waist. "See you soon...wife."

Kathryn smiled back, eyes moist, and then they kissed tenderly, kissed long. Then, all too soon, Chakotay was entering the transporter station and was gone.

END OF CHAPTER 24