It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Human World
Round One: A Winn3r is You!
Vs. Team RED from Team Fortress 2
Gex now understood why everybody had left Metropolis.
The place was a mess.
With Superman gone and the cops attempting to play him, the lower, seedier parts of the city had literally gone to Hell and back, or so it appeared. Gex wouldn't have been surprised if they'd encountered some demons wielding pitchforks, but, to his surprise, the place seemed to be deserted right now.
Spyro, Sparx, and Cynder took their time trotting along, feeling a growing sense of dread with every step they took further into the city. It didn't help that nobody was talking, especially their guide, Gex, and instead silence filled their ears, their heads full with thoughts.
"What...happened?" Spyro finally asked.
"As far as I can tell," Gex retorted, glancing back, "Superman left."
"Who's he?"
"Just your run-of-the-mill superhero, you know, flying, laser eyes, ehhh..." Gex saw the confused look on his companions' faces, so he gave up explaining.
"Superhero?" Spyro questioned, interest now piqued.
"Yeah, like you guys," Gex shrugged, "Only human."
"Gex," Cynder said, looking up at said gecko, "Could you please give us some facts about, uh, humans? We've never even been off our own planet."
"Well, they're fur-less, scale-less, skin bags who treat each other badly and destroy their own planet," Gex tilted his head and licked his eyes, "And then proceed to place the blame on somebody else."
Cynder and Spyro both stopped, letting the information sink in.
"You mean, they purposely destroy their own planet? For what?" Spyro demanded, looking shocked.
Gex stopped, saw their faces, and sighed. "For cities like this one. They multiply as fast as gnats, only they're a lot more annoying and too big to eat. And okay, I'll admit, not all of them are bad, but most of the ones you're gunna meet here aren't exactly at the top of Santa's list."
"Who's Santa?" Spyro now looked even more confused.
"Nevermind." Gex dropped his head to place it in his sticky palm, and then heard the familiar crackle of a TV set coming on. He whipped his head to stare at the last, broken TV inside a store, which sat on its sad little pedestal inside the window. He trotted over, cocking his head as the fuzzy image of one of the Agents came onto the screen. Spyro, Cynder, and Sparx followed him, but gave him at least a foot of space.
"GGGG-Gex!" the Agent said, finally coming into slight focus.
"Ohh, you didn't tell me I could use the Media Dimension!" Gex moaned, placing his paws on either side of his head.
"You can't," the Agent snapped, and then recomposed himself, "This is simply how we will communicate, whenever possible. Now, your first set of opponents is over at the paintball grounds, located only a few blocks-"
"Wait! Waitwaitwait," Gex stammered, holding his paws up, "Our...first...opponents? What is this- a fighting tournament?"
"Y-y-y-yes!" the Agent fuzzed out, and then the image became sharp once more, "Man that's annoying. Anyway, yes, this is a fighting tournament, not some hunt-down-the-people thing."
"A fighting tournament?" Spyro turned to Cynder, "Just like when we faced those Grublins! Right after we woke up from the crystal..."
"Yes! I remember now!" Cynder turned to the Agent, "How many are we facing? Do you know?"
"Yes, only three members from each team are allowed in. We don't know who they'll send in, but here's the info we have of their team so far. All of them are separated into three groups consisting of three members. The first ones are their main offensive members..."
Immediately, three pictures filled the screen. The four members studied them, scrutinizing their every feature. The first picture, a buzz-cut younger man with a baseball cap, was illuminated, and the Agent narrated over his picture.
"We don't know their real names, but we know the code names they go by. This here is 'Scout,' a baseball-loving, fast little bastard."
"What's baseball?" Spyro asked.
"I'll tell you later," Gex said, hoping this kind of questioning wouldn't continue.
"And that other word, 'bas-'" Cynder started.
"You don't need to know that!" Gex said quickly, glancing worriedly at Cynder before turning back to glare at the screen, as if hoping the Agent could see it.
"Next up," the Agent said, ignoring all of them and illuminating the next picture of a stout man with the majority of his face covered by a helmet, "Is the 'Soldier.' We haven't found any records of him being in any kind of national service, but I wouldn't mention that to him if I were you."
Spyro and Cynder were going to ask more questions, but they both glanced at Gex, saw his determined and concentrated face, and decided against it. Sparx, however, naïve of the world around him, went on with his own questions.
"Then why is he called the Soldier?"
There was a short silence in which Gex turned to give a squinty-eyed glare to the dragonfly.
"...because he likes to fight?" the Agent said, his voice rising to a question. The next picture, one of a man in a suit with a gas-mask on, was highlighted, and the Agent continued, "Please, hold all questions until afterward. Anyway, last in this section is the 'Pyro,' a...woman, no- uh, man? In any case, this...person...obviously uses a flamethrower, and will not hesitate to burn everything in their path down."
Another set of pictures came up, and the Agent went on over the framed picture of a black man with an eyepatch, "Next up is their set of defensive members. This here is their 'Demoman,' a man who likes explosives. This man," the next picture, a big, burly man with beady eyes, was highlighted, "is the 'Heavy'. He's a tank all by himself, but he's slow and not the sharpest tool in the box. The final member of this section is the 'Engineer,'" the final picture was illuminated, this time of a man in sunglasses, a yellow hard hat, and a pair of overalls, "He's a lot more easy-going than the rest of the team, but his technical skills are unmatched."
"The final set of members are their support group. We doubt they'll throw these three into the fray, since the first round is pretty much close-up combat, but we don't know for sure. First up is the 'Medic,' a sadistic doctor with conspicuous methods and a lot of needles," the Agent narrated over the picture of a man with glasses and a very evil look in his eyes, then moved on to a man with light sunglasses and a cowboy hat with one side tilted up, "This here is the 'Sniper,' and he's very good at his namesake. Finally," the last picture was illuminated; a fuzzy picture of what appeared to be a man with a sock with cut-out holes on his head, "We have the 'Spy,' who can look like anyone and is very deadly with his knife."
Gex felt his blood run colder than normal as the Agent finished up his descriptions. They were all evidently bloodthirsty psychos, if the names and descriptions were right. He really feared for his, and while he wouldn't admit it aloud, for his companions' lives.
The Agent's face came back on the screen, pushing the portraits out of sight. "Your first round is three blocks north, and two blocks east from here. Your round starts in twenty minutes. We wish you luck! Make the Agency proud!" With that, he saluted them and fuzzed out, leaving a static TV screen.
"Wait!" Spyro started, but it was too late. Their questions would not be answered as the Agent had promised.
After a moment of relative silence, Spyro, Cynder, and Sparx all turned to Gex, who, upon seeing them stare up at him with such expectant eyes, shifted uncomfortably and licked his eyes.
"Well," Gex finally said, "let's get going." He turned to walk in the directions the Agent had given him.
"Ah! Gex!" Spyro called, catching up to the gecko quickly and trotting alongside him, Cynder following and going to his other side, Sparx close behind, "We still have some questions."
"Like?"
"Well, um," Spyro furrowed his thick brows, concentrating, trying to move through all the puzzling information in his head, "Like what's a Sniper? Or needles? Or an engineer? Or..." he trailed off.
Gex groaned, despite his best efforts to stop it, and lowered his head, taking in a deep breath.
"Okay, I'll explain everything as best I can in the short time we have, but I can't guarantee you'll still understand everything..."
…::Team RED base, Metropolis::...
"But I'm the fastest!" the Scout shouted to the rest of his team, his Boston accent whistling through his words, "Just lemme be 'da 'dird membah, pleeeeease! I'll show ya! I'll finish 'em off in seconds flat! I'm a force-a nature, man! Didn't ya hea' me?"
"Yeah yeah," The Soldier spat, adjusting his helmet, "We heard ya the first hundred times, ya overgrown brat."
"I agree vis zee boy," the Medic said calmly, glasses flashing, "If ve vish to move on to furzer rounds, ones vich involve all of us vurking togezer, ve need to move past zis first round quickly."
"...Strewth, I dunno 'bout the rest of you," the Sniper said, looking around, "But I sure as 'ell didn't understand a word 'e said."
"Maybe if you had a few sectionz of your brain cut out you-" the Medic started, but the Engineer interrupted him.
"Look, we have no idea who are first opponents are," he started, putting both hands up, "so I say we go with the guys we know can finish this off-" he glanced at the Soldier and the Demoman accusingly, "Without too much of a mess."
"Hey, just because we can't kill the fuckers doesn't mean we can't- we can't, uh, incapaticitate them." the Soldier growled.
There was a long silence.
"Did ya mean incapa-" the Scout mumbled, scratching his head.
"You know what I meant!"
"Anyway, I say we use the Scout-"
"Yes!" Said man shot up and pumped his fists in celebration.
"-yeaaah, you got some control problems, son, but we'll deal with those later." The Engineer shook his head before continuing, "The Heavy, in case they got somethin' Scout can't take down fast, and the Spy."
"Why me?" the Spy asked casually from his corner, flicking his knife through the air. The Engineer got the feeling the man already knew, but went on anyway.
"Look, this first round, we got two guys on the ground, and one guy up on a platform. I figure that, if all goes like I'm thinkin' it should, Heavy and Scout'll take down at least one of the guys on the ground, while the Spy takes care 'a the guy on the platform. Then, when it's just the last guy, probably their strongest, the Spy jumps down, disguised as their teammate, and take the guy out while his back is turned! It's perfect!" the Engineer slapped his hand down on his knee, smiling like he'd just won the lottery.
The Soldier looked put out to not be included, but the rest of the team nodded. It was a good plan.
"But vhat if somezing does go vrong?" the Medic asked, arcing an eyebrow.
"That's where the Sniper comes in," the Engineer said, the gears in his head literally turning, "He'll go off and hide somewhere that the judges can't see, and if somethin' 'does go v-rong'," he made a poor effort to sarcastically imitate the Medic, "we can just say it was a stray bullet from a gang fight or somethin'."
"Aaaalright!" the Scout said enthusiastically, "Let's do 'dis!"
The Scout pumped his fists, and then quickly darted out of the base, running over to their side of the entrance to the paintball grounds. He took his trusty metal bat out of his belt, swinging it around in his hands, whistling and waiting impatiently for the rest of his team to make their way out of the portable base.
"'Dis is gunna be fun."
Of course, that was before the Scout saw his opponents. He reached for the door, but curiosity got the better of him and he glanced through the plexiglass and mesh fence to take a look at his opponents.
"Uhh," he said, and slowly reached back with his bat to knock on the Engineer's hardhat. The Engineer growled and grabbed the bat, trying (unsuccessfully; the only thing the Scout held on to harder was his family jewels) to yank it out of the Scout's hands.
"What?"
"Look!" Everybody followed the Scout's gaze, and their jaws dropped.
"Holy Hitler!" the Medic said, fixing his glasses on his nose, "I saught zhey only exzisted in storybooks!"
"Take a lookie at that lizard!" the Soldier gawked, "It's practically the size-a Scout!"
"'Danks ya jackass!" The Scout promptly flipped off the laughing Soldier.
"I can turn into any human," The Spy said, shaking his head, "But animals, especially mythical creatures, are beyond me."
"Alrigh'," the Engineer admitted, "Change 'a plans. Hey! You!" he pointed to the Pyro, who looked up from staring at a temptingly dry piece of grass, "Torch those dragons. Think you can do it?"
"Mmmmpph! Mmmph-mpph!" the Pyro exclaimed, lifting his flamethrower into the air.
"Great," the Engineer said, nodding, "Now we're good."
"Make us proud, men!" The Soldier saluted the three members, who filed in carefully through the double doors and into the field.
…::Metropolis Paintball Grounds, Team Spyro's Side::...
"Don't worry, don't worry, don't worry..." Gex whispered nervously, jumping up and down, trying not to notice the other team staring at them.
"It looks like they're going in," Spyro pointed out, feeling uneasy. He still wasn't quite sure what to make of humans, although he'd faced larger opponents. The big man, in fact, reminded him of some Trolls he'd faces during the war with Malefor...Those fists had hurt.
"Don't be afraid, Gex," Cynder said softly, attempting to comfort the gecko.
Gex immediately jumped up and became still, huffing, "I'm not afraid. Who said I was afraid? Do I look afraid to you?"
"Says mister tail-between-his-legs." Sparx mumbled.
Gex whipped his head around to check his tail, then remembered it couldn't possibly bend that way. Still.
He glared up at Sparx with narrowed eyes, "The moment these two aren't around," he snarled, motioning to Spyro and Cynder, "You're fodder."
The two dragons leapt between Sparx, who hid behind them, and Gex, lowering their heads in defense.
"Look, we know you aren't happy about this," Spyro growled as calmly as possible, "But we've got to make this team work, for the safety of your world."
"Yes, so please stop the threats and sarcasm; it's only going to drive us further apart," Cynder raised her head, nodding towards the other team, "And that's the last thing we need if we're going up against humans like these."
However much Gex hated to admit it, the two dragons were right. He gave a curt sigh, and turned to open the door.
"The first two teams have entered the grounds! All other teams and extra members please step away!" A booming voice shot over the intercom hovering over the grounds, making the team of reptiles jump slightly, "First Round, Team Spyro versus Team RED! In case your sponsors are idiots, which we must suspect they all are if they let the likes of you into this, here are the rules: no killing, seriously injuring, or otherwise blowing your opponent up into little bits. Two members from each team must stay on the ground at all times. You smut knock out at least one of your opponents and-or get the other one to surrender. One member from each team must be on the platform, and that member can throw paintball guns which are located on the platform down to their teammates, or opponents, we don't care. The member on the platform must get the other to surrender or leave the platform. You have ninety minutes, starting...NOW!"
"They named us 'Team Spyro'?" Gex raised his head, bemoaning his fate.
"There's no time to worry about that!" Spyro stated, glancing between his two teammates, "Who are they putting up on the platform?"
Because the ladders had been removed, the teams had to resort to their own skills to get their third member up onto the platform. Of the rest of the teams throughout the day, the Heavy had, for once, the most creative idea.
"Hey, how're we gunna-" the Scout started, and then stepped back as the Heavy advanced upon the Pyro, whose escape plan only lasted two steps before the big Russian grabbed his pack and lifted the Pyro into the air.
"Up you go!" the Heavy said simply, throwing the Pyro up and over, causing a muffled scream to erupt from the depths of the mask.
The Pyro landed hard, as even her currently-limited equipment was heavy, and the boards groaned under his sudden landing.
"Mmmph mmmmph..." the Pyro grumbled, struggling to get to his feet.
"That's the...uh..." Spyro started, before the Pyro leapt around and shot a short burst of flame down at the Heavy in angry retaliation, which resulted in the Heavy to wave his thick fists, which, due to the expensive nature of his usual arsenal, were quite sadly devoid of his favorite guns. That did not mean his fists weren't intimidating all by themselves, however.
"The Pyro," Gex finished, then nodded to Spyro, "How about you breath a little real fire down his shorts and get him to run off the platform?"
"That seems cruel."
"Yeah, well, life is."
"You're lifting our spirits so well." Cynder commented, rolling her eyes.
"Oh, just...one of you get up there! Go! Fly, or something," Gex waved his paws.
Cynder turned to face Spyro, saying quietly, "I'll take care of the guy on the platform. You're a lot physically stronger than me, but you'll have to work with Gex to bring the giant down."
"Got it," Spyro nodded, then asked, "Are you going to be okay?"
"Yeah," Cynder smiled, "Don't worry about me," With that, she smirked and, flapping her wings rapidly, clamored up to the platform. From there, she looked down at both her teammates and said, "If anything goes wrong, I'm coming down there."
Spyro and Gex nodded once, and then looked at each other, as if briefly sizing the other's abilities up, and then both turned to their opponents, who still looked rather shocked to be put up against, to them, such unusual creatures.
"I do not like those flying lizards," the Heavy said, blinking slowly, "Lizards should not fly."
"I gotcha on 'dat, buddy," the Scout said, holding the handle of the bat in both hands, "Let's make sure 'dey stay grounded, 'kay?"
"Okay," came the rumble from the big man.
"The little guys fast, remember," Gex said to Spyro, "And the big guy will be harder to take down."
"If you can distract the Heavy, I'll take down the Scout," Spyro said, and then saw the two humans start to move toward them, both of them screaming a barbaric, insane warcry, "Okay? Go!"
"Wait, what?" Gex started, but Spyro charged forward, head lowered, straight at the Scout. Gex, in the meantime, quickly realized what had transpired and, seeing a man roughly ten times his size charging at him, screamed like a little girl and ran away, the Heavy in lumbering pursuit.
The Scout was already at the large sandpit that cut diagnosable across the grounds, and as he leapt across, he began to realize his current opponent wasn't running away. The moment his feet touched the other side, in fact, the little purple dragon had already leapt into the air and did a flip, bringing his bladed tail down upon the Scout's head. It hurt like hell.
The Scout stumbled, yelling in pain, dropping one hand from his clenched bat to reach up and gingerly rub his head.
"Fuck, man," he grumbled, turning to watch as the dragon landed a few feet behind him, still facing him with determined eyes, "You...are so dead!"
Spyro didn't really understand what his opponent said, but he knew to dodge when the Scout leapt back across the sandpit, swinging his metal- what was the word Gex used? Oh yes- bat wildly. He waited, and then rolled to the side, narrowly dodging the Scout's swing. He quickly came to his feet, and then pushed himself forward, headbutting the back of the Scout's knees. The Scout cried out loudly, falling to the ground, and then put the bat in his right hand and swung backwards. Spyro saw it coming, and managed to move back in enough time to miss most of it, but the edge of the bat connected with his snout, sending his mind into a whirlwind of pain and loss of senses. He stumbled backwards, blood gushing from one nostril, the eye from the same side closing up in pain. He shook his head, and then reached one paw up to gently dab at his nose.
"'Dat'll teach ya, ya overgrown lizard!" the Scout shouted, leaping back to his feet and turning around. He put the bat back in both of his hands, raising it up high to bring it down on Spyro's head, "BO-"
"Not so fast!" Gex's voice came from one of the hay barrels scattered over the grounds, and his sticky tongue shot out, stretched massively, and wrapped around the Scout's metal bat. The Scout's surprise, combined with his slight letting-go of the bat in his surprise, was no match for the sudden and very stick force exerted upon his precious weapon. The Heavy was closing in on Gex from behind, though, his meaty fists raised in preparation to squash Gex between them like the bugs the gecko loved to eat. Gex, sensing the ground pounding beneath and behind his feet, bent over backwards, letting the bat, still attached to his tongue, fly over his head, and backwards straight into the unaware face of the Heavy. It made a loud, satisfying "CLANGGGG" into his forehead, echoing out from his thick head. The Heavy stopped, the pain taking a few seconds to register. Gex's tongue, in the meantime, fell before retracting back into his mouth, Gex catching the bat in his paws and smirking back at the Heavy.
"Aww man! Now my baby's got your lizard-germs all over it!" the Scout whined, letting his arms and heart droop.
"Ow," the Heavy said, reaching a hand up to rub the growing lump in his forehead.
Gex dropped to the ground, motioning for Spyro to follow him as he turned and ran from both the Scout and Heavy. Spyro caught on, and limped briefly before running alongside Gex.
"I 'dought 'do worked alone?" Spyro asked, the one side of his snout now obviously broken. He snorted outward, and blood gushed out.
Gex made a face, but spotted another hay barrel and leapt behind it, Spyro following.
"Yeah, but I only play a jerk on TV, I swear." Gex grinned, then said under his breath, "And besides, I don't wanna face these guys alone. I'm used to working on enemies one-on-one."
The Scout, all the while, had motioned to the Pyro, who was steadily advancing on Cynder.
"Hey! Hey, Pyro! Throw me a weapon!" the Scout shouted, waving his hands.
The Pyro stared at him, and then looked around his feet, spotting a paintball gun not too far from his boot. He casually kicked it off the platform, and then charged after the black dragon, who was still trying to keep her distance and devise a plan.
The Scout ran over and picked the paintball gun up, and while he was slightly disappointed he only got a paintball gun, he knew those were the rules, no matter what. Still, it was a pretty awesome paintball gun, so he figured he'd better make good use of it.
"Me too!" the Heavy shouted, motioning to the Pyro. The Pyro took one glance at him and instead shot another burst of flame down on the Heavy's face.
The Heavy wailed, clutching his scorched face, while the Scout laughed hysterically.
"Quit fightin' amongst yourselves!" the Soldier shouted from the other side of the glass, "Ya bunch 'a idiots!" Unfortunately, his voice, although loud, could barely be heard through or even over the glass.
The Scout grinned, and then charged after where he'd last seen the two opponents hide, trying to get used the feel of the not-a-real gun. The Heavy cursed in his native Russian, and then wiped off his face and charged after the Scout, giving the Pyro another dirty glare.
Cynder, being the more plan-oriented of her teammates, quickly thought of something and dived into the shadows, forming into a ball of flowing, smoke-like substances and rolling towards the Pyro. The Pyro, not understanding where the dragon had gone and why that black thing was coming towards her, paused momentarily, lost in confusion. As the ball of shadows moved quickly towards her, the Pyro finally realized what had happened and turned the flamethrower upon Cynder.
"Ahh!" Cynder yelped, feeling her scales burn. She leapt out the shadows, slicing wildly at the Pyro's ankles. Her distance and shock kept her from digging in too far into the rubber boots, and the Pyro laughed behind his mask, continuing to torch Cynder, who, seeing nowhere else to go, darted straight up, catching ahold on the Pyro's clothing with her long claws, and hissed, green, toxic goo seeping from her mouth.
The Pyro panicked, turing off the flamethrower and flailing, trying to get the tiny dragon away from him. She spat toxins into his face, and while they didn't do much in the way of melting his clothing or giving him some nasty disease, they did get all over his mask, and effectively blocked his view. Cynder struggled, and finally got loose and jumped back, shoving the Pyro off-balance. He stumbled, screaming obscenities behind his mask, and tried to find balance somewhere. Cynder held her breath, watching as his feet danced close to the edge...
...and then let it out, disappointed, as the Pyro stopped altogether, rubbing her mask with gloved hands. Cynder, seeing another opportunity, went back into the shadows and charged at the Pyro, coming up from under her feet to sweep her ankles. The Pyro had just wiped off enough of the toxins to see out of the corner of her eye, however, and lifted a foot to step forward just as Cynder swept the other one backwards. The movement caught the Pyro so off-guard, she wriggled, and then, with a horrible scream of pain, did the splits for the first time.
Cynder stumbled back, hearing the scream, and winced at the Pyro's terrible positioning. Watching him twitch and, at the moment, obviously feel unable to move without pain, made her feel pity for him despite his deteriorating mental health. Faster than a dragonfly, she darted her head forward and gently nudged him, pushing him sideways and out of the painful position. The Pyro moaned, still twitching in pain, slowly pulling his legs together to make the pain slowly fade. Cynder only stuck around until that moment, instead choosing to run to the opposite end of the platform, taking time to nurse her own wounds.
Spyro and Gex did not have the same luck as Cynder. While she was dancing with the Pyro, they had been cornered by the other two opponents who were slowly advancing upon them.
"They're getting within the last few feet," Gex said, all four paws on the ground, "Be prepared."
"'Dou're going 'do 'ave 'do 'dell me 'ow 'do do 'dat one day," Spyro whispered back painfully.
"Yeah, when you don't have to rely on eyesight or nose," Gex licked his eyes, and then jumped up, the bat still in hand, leaping onto the hay barrel just as the Scout jumped up too, Gex swinging it straight at the Scout's knees as the Scout tried to aim for Spyro again. The bat banged up against its former owner's skin, making him scream and fire paintballs everywhere as he went down flailing. Gex's position, unfortunately, left him wide open to the Heavy, who roared in triumph and brought both fists down towards Gex's head. Luckily, Gex was already out of the way of one, but one fist was more than enough to do enough damage. Gex felt his eyes bulge out his head, and then everything went black.
The Scout cursed, and tried to move his right leg, only to get searing pain and a very inactive result. Cursing again, and moved off the hay barrel and began to limp towards his bat, fallen from Gex's grasp. Once in his hands again, he ditched the paintball gun and began to wipe the now-sticky bat off in his hands, cooing to it.
"Daddy's nevah gunna leave you again, sweetie," he said, holding his hurt leg up and otherwise ignoring it for the sake of comforting an inanimate object.
"Team Spyro, your team member has one minute to get up before they are disqualified!" the announcer came over the intercom again, and, even from behind the glass, Sparx felt his antennae droop.
Spyro heard the Heavy cry out in triumph, and jumped out from behind the hay barrel, only to gasp at the sight before him. The Heavy was about to go and finish Gex, but he spotted Spyro and reached for the purple lizard instead.
"Come to Heavy," the Heavy said, grinning wide, "I will not harm you too much, big lizard."
"Led ged one 'ding sdraighd, 'uman!" Spyro spat angrily, feeling his mouth burning with what was to come forth from it, "I'm nod a lidard, I'm a DRAGON!"
He opened his mouth, long bolts of electricity flying out in every direction. Once out, they went straight for the closest heat source, zapping and frying the Heavy, who screamed in pain and, with the pure force of the amped electricity flowing from Spyro's mouth, stumbled backwards and fell straight onto his back, twitching from the voltage of several lighting strikes.
Spyro turned and lifted his head, forcing the flow of electricity to fly over Gex and aim straight for the Scout, who cried out as he watched what was to be inevitable pain come straight for him. As he was clutching his precious metal bat at the time, the attack went straight for that, coursing through him and into the ground, making him shake and scream until Spyro cut off his power, panting from the effort of the attack.
"Spyro!" Cynder called down from the platform, "Make sure Gex is okay!"
Spyro shook his head, letting the anger behind his attack flow out of him, and nodded up to Cynder. He ran to Gex's side, nudging his side gently before trying a bit harder.
"Gex, Gex!" Spyro said, and then shouted, seeing the Heavy stop twitching and moan loudly, "You have to get up!"
The gecko, however, was unresponsive. If anything, he felt even colder than normal. Getting desperate to both win and, even more so, not leave his leader in the midst of enemies, he moved back and stepped hard on Gex's tail.
Gex, who had until that point been in a very pleasant blackened sleep, felt pain surge through his system, and an instinct to get away from whatever was causing him such pain from his lower half.
Geckos, as any lizard-expert will tell you, have a very unique defense mechanism when it comes to escaping prey, most specifically involving their tails. After all, when it comes down to the fact you can't escape when your predators have got you by one external limb, it's better to evolve with genes that allow you to ditch the one thing that's holding you back.
And, as such, Gex being a true gecko, did the one thing his instincts told him too, since the pain was coming from the lower part of his tail and he could not move unless something was done.
The first thing that registered in his mind, as he screamed and leapt forward, was the faint "pop" he heard from behind him, and then Spyro's cry of surprise. He only got a few feet before he got the odd feeling that something was missing.
He turned his head as best he could, tilting it to look behind himself, and let out a blood-curdling, glass-shattering, pure cry of distraught.
The tip of his tail was gone! Gone! GONE!
As Gex would reflect later, it wasn't that bad; only the last few inches of his tail were gone. It wasn't like the whole thing had come off, like some other unfortunate geckos he'd heard of. But, at the moment, it was the most horrible thing that had ever happened to him, besides his early fatherly abandonment. He'd worked so hard his whole life to keep his tail intact, and now it...now...it would never grow back right. Geckos were only fortunate enough to have their real colors once; the fallen limbs grew back an ugly grey color and never again matched the rest of the scales.
"You...you..." Gex felt the anger bubble towards the top, his paws clenched so hard he didn't know if he'd ever be able to unfurl them.
"I...I-I..." Spyro stammered, eyes wide with fright, though not of Gex's wrath; he thought for sure he'd practically just killed the gecko. Tails should not just...just fall off like that!
"Ouch," the Heavy mumbled, rubbing his giant head. Gex turned, remembering the tournament, and then turned back to give Spyro a below-freezing glare, storming over to snatch the lost bit of tail, which was still twitching, up in his now-uncurled paws.
"I'll deal with you later," Gex said, voice as icy as his glare.
"I-I didn'd know!" Spyro still looked genuinely worried, "You aren'd hurd, are you?"
"Only on the inside," Gex admitted slowly, watching the Heavy begin to rise, "My pride will take longer to recover than my tail. For now, let's take Mr.-Mountain-Range down while he's still shaking in his extra-large undies."
Spyro whipped around, trying to put the ordeal out of his mind for the moment to concentrate on the still-ensuing battle. Unfortunately, the Heavy heard them, and struggled to his feet.
"I will not be taken down so easily," he said calmly, although his limbs were still twitching, "I am strong and tenacious, like bull."
"Stop ripping off commercials. It just makes you more of a stereotype." Gex growled.
In the Heavy's confusion, Spyro leaned backwards, and then shot forward to charge the Heavy, head lowered more than normal to the ground. The Heavy grinned, trying to reach down to grab Spyro by the horns, but instead became the butt of them. Spyro grunted, and tilting his head, caught the corner of the Heavy's leg and thrust the large man skywards. He flew up to follow him, and just as the Heavy was beginning to fall, he flew over him and spun forwards, rolling himself into a ball of spikes and scales, grinding and driving the Heavy down. The Heavy yelled out in surprise and pain, and then hit the ground, wincing. Spyro unfurled himself, and started to fly back up, but the Heavy moved quickly for once, grabbing the dragon's tail in one sausage-like hand. He stood up shakily, stumbling while Spyro struggled, and then smiled nastily at his "prize."
"Now I got you," he said, pulling his other hand back into a fist.
Spyro panicked for once, and breathed in sharply, trying to think of what he could do to get out of this situation.
Gex, meanwhile, saw his companion's fate coming straight for the purple dragon, and shot forward, not knowing what he could do. Before he could think of anything that wouldn't simply irritate the Heavy, the Scout was up and swung the baseball bat straight down in front of Gex, who yelped and took several step backwards.
"We gotta score 'ta settle first, gecko!" the Scout snarled, picking his bat up and waving it in both hands. He was still limping form Gex's earlier attack, but he could still function.
Just as the Heavy was about to punch Spyro's face in, a blob of green, glowing goo flew straight at his face, and he only had time to register it was coming straight at him before it hit his face dead-on. He cried out, letting go of Spyro to reach up and wipe the goo off with both hands, its toxicity seeping into his skin.
Spyro pushed himself off the ground, glancing up at a still-fighting Cynder, who smiled at him before turning to face the Pyro once more. He smiled back, and moved to help Gex finish the Scout.
Gex jumped back as the bat struck the ground at his feet, and then pulled what was left of his tail between his feet as he came down, flinging himself up and away on his tail. Due to his sudden loss of the tip of his tail, however, he underestimated how much it would effect his tail-bounce, and he went flying and flipping backwards only a few feet away, crying out in surprise. He landed mostly on his chin, the rest of his belly and legs following.
The Scout grinned, advancing upon him, bat raised once more, but Gex shook himself off, and glanced around for something to do. Spotting something around or beyond the Scout, he smiled and raised his head, shooting his tongue out. The Scout, seeing it come straight for his precious bat again, dodged low and let the tongue fly out over his head.
He smirked at the gecko, ignoring the cry of surprise from behind him, and stated, "Fool me once..."
Spyro had only been trying to fly up from behind the Scout to attack him, but Gex had other plans for the dragon. Gex's tongue retracted, and he shot to his feet, spinning whatever he'd caught with his tongue around with him, swinging it up and over the hay barrel behind him, and then in front where the Scout had begun to stand, not understanding what the gecko was doing. He saw a flash of purple and pink, but that was all that registered in his brain before Gex's makeshift weapon hit him full on in the head, knocking him out with the force of a battering ram.
Gex let go of his teammate just as the dragon hit the Scout, sending Spyro tumbling straight into the line of fire from the Heavy.
…::Meanwhile::...
The Sniper, all the while, had quietly left the company of his fellow teammates and judges to follow through with the plan. He'd gotten as far away as he usually did, an impressive three miles, and had swiftly made his way to the top of a particularly tall building that sat facing the paintball grounds from a very great angle, placing himself in a strategic corner just as Gex swung the Spyro-bat.
He put Gex in his sights, breathing calmly as he put his finger on the trigger.
"You know, I enjoy sniping people as much as anybody else, buddy," a voice said behind him, causing the Sniper to curse loudly and swing his rifle around, pointing it straight at the strangely-dressed man.
"'u the 'ell'r you?" the Sniper spat, putting the barrel of his gun straight between the red-and-black-masked eyes.
"The Tooth Fairy!" the man replied happily, "Or, at least, I wish I could be. I'd have all that money...But I wouldn't give it to kids for some lousy teeth. That's just gross."
"...You jus' don't know Christmas from Bourke Street, do you?" the Sniper lowered his weapon arcing an eyebrow.
"I have no idea what you just said, but yes. Yes I don't," the man said, and then shrugged, "It doesn't matter anyway, I've got to take you back. You can't see the tournament very well from here."
"No, look you nutjob," the Sniper said, sighing, "I've gotta job to do, and I don't think you should interfere. So jus' go back 'tah whatevah van you jumped out of an'-" Before he could finish, the masked man suddenly swept forward and grabbed him around the waist, picking him up like here were nothing more than a sack of potatoes.
"I'll take that," the man said, plucking the Sniper's gun from his hands, despite the Sniper's wails of protest to everything going on right then and there. He then whistled happily, turning and walking towards to door to the roof, taking a very upset Sniper along with him.
…::Metropolis Paintball Grounds::...
Cynder was struggling with the Pyro. He was now even more relentless than before, and was torching the ground all around his feet, laughing maniacally behind his mask, chasing her all around the platform. She was quite sure she could run longer than him, but she didn't want to keep running until he was exhausted. Instead, she let the Pyro get close, and then flew up several feet, forcing herself backwards and over his head. Surprised, he turned slowly, but Cynder had already charged up another attack, this time letting out a scream, followed by waves of red, angry energy. The Pyro dropped his flamethrower to put both hands up to his ears, trying to block out the noise. The energy itself, however, is what made him suddenly feel very fearful, wanting only to run away as fast as possible right then and there. So, he turned and ran away, screaming in terror. Cynder smirked, and swiftly followed him.
Spyro was not having such luck yet. The Heavy cried out in another war cry, raising both fists to smash them into Spyro. Gex, quickly analyzing the situation, shot his tongue out again, this time latching onto the Heavy's face. The Heavy stopped, making a noise of protest, and instead put his hands to work to try and pull the wet, sticky appendage off. Gex pulled back, his plan to temporarily distract the man over, but he could not get it out of his large, strong hands. The Heavy, realizing he had a hold on a very important muscle for Gex, wrapped his hands around the tongue and pulled the weaker gecko forward and into a spin, reversing Gex's earlier weapon. The Heavy laughed at the irony. Or maybe he was just laughing to laugh.
Spyro shot up, quite literally, flapping his wings until he was above the Heavy's head, and then turned his head downwards and bashed his thick skull right into the Heavy's. The Heavy stumbled, letting Gex go mid-swing, causing the gecko to go flying into the fence on the other side of the grounds, feeling intense pain flood his slow system. Spyro only managed to roll off to the side, his vision going black. The Heavy wavered, turned around, and fell. The ground shook from the gargantuan weight, but the Heavy was definitely not getting back up; he was out, but so was Spyro.
Cynder only managed to catch the end of Spyro's valiant attack, and she stopped, seeing her best friend lying unconscious on the ground.
"Spyro!" she shouted, hoping he was okay. When he didn't respond, she knew she had to get down there fast. The Pyro had stopped running by this point, and was turning, angry now, to face her, the flamethrower belching a steady, low flame.
Cynder screamed again, sending the Pyro's mind back into witless terror, but she quickly halted that attack and flew back into the shadows, rolling towards her and under her feet. Cynder shot up from the shadows, her horns catching between the Pyro's legs and lifting her up into the air. Cynder dug her horns out, faster than a speeding dragonfly, and spun hard, slapping the Pyro down with her spinning body. The Pyro landed hard on the platform, moaning, just as Cynder, coming down from the attack, spun once more time and whacked the Pyro hard with her bladed tail. The Pyro screamed, flailing as the tail cut open her precious suit, but also felt the platform creak and moan beneath her.
The Pyro watched as Cynder leapt back, and then forward and up once more, hovering a few feet above the Pyro.
"You're done!" she hissed, darting her head forward to bash into the Pyro one more time. The Pyro was relatively unprepared, but still caught Cynder's upper horns just as the platform broke under his backside, flipping his legs through so he could easily hang on to Cynder's horns. Cynder yelped, landing and digging all four sets of paws into what was left of the platform to hold herself up. The Pyro was much heavier than her, and had gravity on his side, so Cynder was beginning to feel this was going to go exactly as he planned. The Pyro reached up, grabbing on to the other side of the hole in the platform, still pulling Cynder down.
"Mmmph mph mphm!" she spat.
"Yeah, well," Cynder grunted, teeth grinding, "Same to you!"
That said, she sucked in a sharp breath, and with the last bit of her mana, spat out another short few waves of her red Fear-breath. The Pyro, caught off-guard, screamed again, and let go of both Cynder and the platform, opting to put his hands to his head again, trying to block out the pulses of fear in him. He landed hard, and crumpled into a ball, beginning to rock back and forth, trying to dilute the fear still coursing through him.
Cynder backed up, panting, and turned to fly down to Spyro's side.
Gex cried out, "No, wait!" from the side, getting up slowly and looking expectantly up at the floating intercom. Cynder stopped, following his gaze.
"With both opponents on the ground knocked out, and the member on the platform down, Team Spyro wins!"
The Scout, just now coming out of his nap-time, moaned and tried to stand. Hearing the tail end of the announcement, he shot up to stand on his one good leg, shouting, "No! Wait! I'm up! Lemmie finish them!"
"Too late!" the announcer spat, "And besides, we found one of your members trying to cheat, so...you're outta here!"
Gex smirked, and then rubbed his mouth, still feeling the pain of the Heavy's fists and being swung around all over it. Cynder jumped down, hovering over to Spyro's side. Sparx, knowing the fight was over, flew through the top of the arena and down to his friend's side.
"Hey, you, little purple dragon," Sparx said softly, putting his hands on the side of Spyro's head, "Time to wake uuup, we got fresh sheep for breakfaaast~!"
Cynder nudged Spyro's side, gently coaxing him to come to consciousness, "Spyro, please, get up."
Spyro, finally hearing his friends voices through the fog of his mind, moaned in pain and tried to open his eyes. Searing pain shot through his head, so he opted to keep them closed.
"Hey, he's alive! Again," Sparx said, grinning wide.
"Are you okay, Spyro?" Cynder asked quietly as Gex walked over.
"Mmmph..." Spyro mumbled, "I...I dink so...head hurds..."
"That was pretty brave, if stupid, of you," Gex said, crossing his paws, "But, I guess I owe you for it."
Spyro smiled weakly.
"Help me carry him out. We should find a place to rest up before the next round," Cynder said to Gex.
He nodded, wincing as pain went through his own head, and leaned down to pick up Spyro's upper torso.
"Can carry myself oud..." the purple dragon grumbled.
"Uh-huh," Gex said, "Whatever you say; just as long as you're ready for the next set of opponents."
…::Team RED Base, several minutes later::...
"I can't believe we lost!" the Soldier shouted, waving his hands and pacing, "To...to a bunch of overgrown lizards!"
The Sniper growled, "Oh, quit whinin'. At least you didn't 'ave to deal with a flirty nutjob."
"We aren't leaving just yet," the Spy said casually from the corner of their base.
"Indeed," the Medic said, crossing his arms, "I sink it's time ve start plotting to get back in zee tournament. Our sponsors vill not take zis news vell."
"Once the lumbering idiot recovers," the Engineer pointed over to the Soldier, "Let's go...talk with some of the judges."
"I agree," The Scout's voice came from the dark deep within the portable base, his bat hitting the palm of his left hand, "I want revenge."
END ROUND ONE
INSERT JUDGE'S APPROVAL TO CONTINUE
I really liked my opponent's entry, but I decided to go down a different road. As I was doing research, trying to pick out who would be best for this round, I realized the majority of the TF2 people weren't meant for up-close combat. Yes, there's the Offensive three, and the Heavy, but everybody else either doesn't use weapons well or, as alluded to in their profile, "prefers to not be on the front line." I also didn't want to use the Soldier (although he would have been fun!), because he's just a wee bit too crazy for me to try and get a handle on. I really, really wanted to have the Pyro and Sparx on the boards above the ground, and have Sparx piss the Pyro off so much he burnt the boards down, but I figured that would be risky, especially since the odds were so much not in Sparx's favor. XD But, you know, I still had fun with it.
And I can't imagine any of Team RED's members surrendering. It's just not their style. Also, I figure that if one of them did surrender, the rest of the team would have their ass for dinner. Better to go down fighting than step down a wuss.
Oh, and avvie said they were only allowed what they had on them when they came in. I figure that, given the sudden approach by the people who hired them into this tournament, they wouldn't have much in the way of guns/ammo/weapons in general, but I decided to give them at least a few things (I doubt the Scout would go anywhere without his trusty bat, the Spy without his knife, the Pyro without his flamethrower...basic items like that). I like Scout's BONK attack. It's fun. Too bad he didn't get to use it. :(
And, uh, sorry for the super-long beginning. I was going to make it and intermission, but then I figured that nobody would read it and you wouldn't understand anything in the first round.
koalanet(dot)com(dot)au(forwardslash)australian-slang(dot)html -Site I used for the Sniper's lingo.
I also know none of members are very...plan-wise, but, well, it seemed to me that the Engineer is one of the smartest guys on the team, and would probably take the time to think things out very carefully. After all, it's a part of his occupation.
And somehow, the idea of the Medic saying "Holy Hitler!" is a lot more amusing than it should be. XD
I assure you, the confused-gender-pronoun issue of the Pyro was intentional. LOL. I still think he's a woman.
"I'm nod a lidard, I'm a DRAGON!" ← Favorite line. Ever. The idea of Spyro talking to bad-assed, even with a broken snout, is too awesome for me for describe here.
I am dead serious. Spyro lifts shit up with his head like a boss. Watch any video from Dawn of the Dragon with Cynder and him fighting giant trolls in it, and you will see the awesome unfurl at some point in the video. Can't remember the name of the move itself, but it's so cool. It defies all laws of physics.
Yeaaah, this was getting to be about twenty pages, so I decided to cut it off instead of adding a whole bunch of other stuff. Also, running out of time. I'm really sorry. I won't be a lazy bum next round, I promise. If I make it. I dunno. My opponent (LordGambit) was really awesome too. I shall review it properly tomorrow, hopefully.
Spyro, Sparx, and Cynder belong to Seirra.
Team RED belong to Machi...Mach...NOT ME OKAY.
Gex and the Agent is owned by Crystal Dynamics, etc.