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HEARTS ASTRAY

EPILOGUE

2384

A bright sun shone down from a sapphire sky on the ornate garden of Manor House. On a long lawn, surrounded by flowers, James, Zak and Ruby played with Miral Paris under the watchful eye of their big cousin, Amy Jackson. Korby was nowhere to be seen, and neither was Dingo, the family dog. Over the years, Fluffy had become Neelix and Kes's cat, as he spent so much time in the attic, so Kathryn and Chakotay had decided to get the quads a dog. Dingo was the perfect pet as he was playful, affectionate, intelligent and lively. To most people, James, Korby and Zak looked so much alike that it was difficult to tell them apart, especially as they were no longer color coded, but to those who knew them they were different. To begin with, Korby was slightly smaller than his brothers while James was slightly chubbier. Their hair was now thick and wavy and they all had their father's dimples when they smiled. Ruby had the dimples too, but her hair was long and straight. Just like her mother, Ruby was a tomboy child and often got up to more mischief than her brothers. She liked to be the center of attention and was full of confidence. This was not true of Korby, was who as much of a wimp as he'd every been, and was barely true of Zak. They were quiet children who were happiest out of the limelight. Fiery Miral Paris was also a tomboy, so she and Ruby got on well, but their boisterous antics made them quite a handful!

Inside the house, in the nursery, Kathryn helped Kes prepare a buffet. The room, once overflowing with baby things, was now empty except for a beautifully decorated long table and a few chairs. Today was the day the quads were moving into their own rooms, and a party was being held to say goodbye to the special room that had been theirs for five years. Only family and a few close friends were invited to the party, as it was more of a family event than a formal occasion, and everyone except Tal Celes had arrived. The Doctor, who now called himself Doctor Photon, was at a medical conference, so could not attend, and Tuvok was spending the summer on Vulcan. Harry and Libby were also away, as was Seven, but Tom and B'Elanna were present. Grandma Gretchen was present too, as was Aunt Phoebe, and to everyone's delight, Great Aunt Martha. While the children played in the garden, the arriving grown-ups were entertained by Chakotay in the lounge. He was now fully recovered from the shooting. Neelix, the resident cook, was making all the food and then beaming it up to the nursery. He and Kes still lived in the attic, which they'd made into a cozy, happy, home, and they were now married. The wedding had been held on Voyager, to a media frenzy of interest, and Naomi, then nine, had been their bridesmaid. Their occupation of the attic meant that it was not destined to be Kathryn and Chakotay's master bedroom, so Kathryn and Chakotay were staying in their present room. So the quads would have a room each, two of the house's four bedrooms, which were very generous in size, had been converted into four smaller rooms. Even though the quads didn't wear their identifying colors anymore, they liked having their own 'special color', so the doors to their room were blue, green, yellow and pink.

At last the buffet was ready, so as soon as Tal Celes arrived with her three year old daughter, Tal Meles, the party began. All the grown-ups went up to the nursery and Kes called the children in from the garden. In the nursery, Neelix put on display a gorgeous chocolate cake he'd made, a cake that was topped with white icing and four cute teddies of blue, green, yellow and pink, and Kathryn waited on the landing with B'Elanna for the children to arrive so they could be marched into the bathroom to wash their hands. The children came running up the stairs, breathless and chatty, but Korby still wasn't with them. Ruby and Miral ran straight towards the nursery, but were caught by their mothers.

"Not so fast," Kathryn said. "Dirty hands need washing first."

"But mine are clean!" Ruby protested. "See!"

She held up her little hands, hoping they would get her mother's approval, but she was disappointed.

"Looking clean doesn't meant they are," Kathryn told her. "Hands must always be washed before eating, you know that."

Ruby sighed. "If you say so, Mommy."

Kathryn gently raised up her daughter's chin. "I do say so. Less of the attitude, young lady."

Amy, who was now a freckled twelve year-old with a curly bob, spoke. "Korby's in the playhouse. He's not coming."

Kathryn turned to her niece. "Why not?"

Ruby answered. "Coz he's sulking. So don't say I have attitude, Mommy, coz I'm being a good girl. Korby's the naughty one. He's been naughty all day. Isn't that right, James?"

"Yeah," James answered. "He doesn't want his own room. He thinks we'll all stay in the nursery with him if he sulks. But we won't coz we're not big babies like him."

"I see," Kathryn replied. "I'll go talk to him." She turned to B'Elanna. "B'Elanna, make sure my darlings get scrubbed up."

"Yes, Ma'am," B'Elanna smiled.

The playhouse was a pretty log cabin in the garden that Chakotay had built. It was made of pinewood and had two rainbow windows and a rainbow door. On the windows were shimmering silver curtains and on the door the names of the quads gleamed in gold. The cabin only had one room, but it was a good size and the quads loved to play in it, especially when it was raining. When Kathryn entered the cabin, Korby was nowhere to be seen, but then she saw him. He was curled up on a beanbag behind a toy starship, cuddling Dingo. His face was wet with tears but he'd clearly cried so much that he could cry no more.

"So," Kathryn said from the doorway, "you're not coming to the party, huh?"

Korby gave no answer.

"That's too bad because we're going to have a lot of fun."

Silence.

Kathryn slowly made her way over to her miserable son and knelt beside him. "Ruby says you're upset about leaving the nursery. Is that right, darling?"

Korby hesitated, but then nodded.

"Why haven't you said anything to me or Daddy?"

"Coz," he faltered, "coz I didn't think...it would happen."

"I see," Kathryn replied. "Is that because you thought the others would change their minds about wanting their own rooms?"

He nodded.

"But now we've emptied the room and everyone is here for the party, you know it's going to happen and that makes you sad."

He nodded again.

"I can understand that. The nursery has always been your room and the others have always been there with you. Now you'll be on your own and being alone is scary for some people. But there's nothing to be scared of, darling. Ruby and Zak will be next door, James close by, me and Daddy across the hallway, Neelix and Kes in the attic, and Dingo and Fluffy in their beds. You won't be alone, darling. You'll just be in your own room. And once you get used to it, you'll love having your own space."

Korby sat up at this, his little nose scrunched and his forehead wrinkled. "I won't," he cried. "I'll hate it! And I'm not sleeping there, I'm not!"

"Then were are you going to sleep, honey?"

No answer.

"I know you want to sleep with the others in the nursery, but you're a big boy now, Korby, and big boys have their own room."

"I'm not big," he argued. "I'm little. I'm littler than everyone!"

"That's not quite true. You're bigger than Tal Meles."

"She doesn't count. She doesn't live here. And if you put me in that room, you'll be sorry, real sorry, coz the monsters under the bed will eat me and then there'll be no Korby!"

"Oh Korby, darling," Kathryn said, stifling a laugh, "there are no monsters under your bed. What gave you that idea?"

"Amy told me. She said they have black fur and eat little boys for supper."

"Then she was teasing you. There are no such monsters. Would Daddy and I put you in a room with a monster?"

Korby shook his head.

"Then put the idea right out of your mind."

Dingo strolled out into the garden now and Korby hugged a cushion instead. "But if a bed monster doesn't eat me," he mumbled, "a night monster might. They live in the dark and eat children. But if we all sleep together, they won't come for us, coz they only come for children who sleep on their own."

"That isn't true, honey, and I think you know it. Tal Meles sleeps on her own, even though she's only three, and Amy sleeps on her own too." Kathryn put her hand on her son's shoulder. "The move is happening, darling. I understand that you don't want it, and I understand that you're scared, but the time has come for you and the others to have your own room. Sometimes, when we're scared, we've just got to be brave. Then, when we are, we find that things aren't always as bad as we thought they'd be."

Korby looked up at his mother with a terrible sadness in his big brown eyes. "If we have our own rooms, like we have too, will you and Daddy still tuck us in and read us a bedtime story?"

"Of course we will, honey. Do you think we could sleep without kissing you goodnight? Daddy will read you a story one night and I the next. Just think, we can read you any story you want, even if the others don't like it. Everything in your room can be just the way you want it."

At these words, Korby smiled. "Then I don't suppose it will be all bad having my own room."

"Not all bad at all." She pinched his chubby cheek. "So, are you coming to the party?"

Korby nodded with a smile.

"Then let's get ourselves there. But first, give me a hug."

Korby gladly wrapped his arms around his mother's neck and Kathryn held him tight.

When Kathryn and Korby arrived at the party, the waiting group cheered. Korby blushed as red as a tomato and buried his face in his mother's leg.

"Smile, Korby!" Tom said, sticking a camera before him. "Don't hide that handsome face. Give us a grin!"

Korby did not, but Ruby boldly stepped forward and pulled funny faces at the camera.

"Ok, Miss Janeway," Tom laughed, "that's enough."

Ruby strutted away from the camera and then Neelix addressed the crowd.

"Ladies, gentlemen and children," he said. "On behalf of Admiral Janeway and Commander Chakotay, I would like to thank you all for coming to this very special event. Today is the day our dearly beloved quads say goodbye to their nursery and hello to their new rooms. And what wonderful rooms they are! Thank you, Aunt Phoebe, for all your hard work! But today is not so much about the new rooms as about this one. In here, our quads have slept, played, laughed, cried, and, if I'm honest, have had some terrible tantrums."

At this, the children giggled.

"For five years this room has been a very special place full of love. In years to come, when our quads are all grown-up, they will remember this room only with love and happiness. Soon this room will be a guestroom, the finest in Indiana, and I know that every guest who sleeps here will sleep in the bosom of love. Like everyone else here, Kes and I, who are very proud to be honorary members of the Janeway family, wish you, James, Korby, Zak and Ruby, years of happiness in your new rooms."

The crowd cheered, thinking Neelix was finished, but the Talaxian still had few more words to say.

"Now, before we all eat and make merry, let's sing goodbye to this room." He picked up the cake, which now had four burning silver candles, and called the quads to him. They all came, although Korby needed coaxing, and gathered around the cake. Then Neelix began to sing to the tune of Happy Birthday.

"Goodi-bye-di, dear room. Goodi-bye-di, dear room. Goodi-bye-di, dear room. Goodi-bye-di, dear room."

As he finished singing, Kes told the quads to blow out the candles and they did so with huffs and puffs. The crowd cheered again and then laughed as Ruby grabbed the pink teddy off the cake and took a bite.

In a sky full of stars, a pearl moon shone down on Manor House. From the nursery tower's windowseat, Kathryn looked out at the stars and remembered the incredible journey that had brought Chakotay, and so many other wonderful people, into her life. It all seemed so long ago now, a different lifetime, and yet only like yesterday. Never would she have imagined, as Voyager journeyed home, what destiny had in store for her and Chakotay. For so many years there had been so many barriers to a relationship and she'd come to accept they would never be together. But then, as fast as they'd got stranded in the Delta Quadrant, they were home, a couple, and a family. This was all thanks to The Wisher, and Kathryn thought about that kind entity now as she gazed out at the vastness of space. Somewhere amongst the diamond stars, The Wisher was wandering, seeking out more worthy dreams to fulfill. Over the course of her life, and over the course of their long journey home, she had been indebted to many people, but never had she been as indebted to anyone or anything as much as The Wisher. And never would she forget that, never would she forget to be thankful. Even though life as an admiral wasn't as challenging as life in the Delta Quadrant, and a part of her missed the adrenalin of action, she was happier now than she'd ever been in her life. Chakotay was too and so many other members of Voyager's crew. Every year, on the anniversary of their return, they got together and celebrated with each other their joys while comforting each other in their sorrows. The Voyager family was no longer close-knit, as crew members were scattered all over the Federation and beyond, but the bond they'd made in the Delta Quadrant united them as an extended family. And the Voyager family was extending all the time as many crew members had married, some to each other, and a lot of babies had been born. Some, like the baby boy Harry and Libby were expecting, were yet to be born. The years were whizzing by and Kathryn couldn't help but wish that the speed of time would slow down. The quads were growing-up quickly, too quickly, and these magic years seemed all too short. Soon they would be starting school and then, before she knew it, they would be grown-up and gone.

Suddenly, the door to the nursery opened and Chakotay came in.

"They're all asleep," he said. "Even Korby."

"With his head under the covers?"

"With his head under the covers. But I moved them."

"Poor darling," Kathryn smiled. "It's too bad James or Zak didn't want to share with him. I think he'd have been much happier then. But hopefully, once he gets used to his new room, he'll be ok."

"I'm sure he will," Chakotay said, walking over to her.

"It doesn't seem like five minutes since they were babies, does it?"

"No."

Kathryn glanced at the mural which was as bright and cheerful as the day it had been finished. "I can remember painting this mural with Phoebe as though we only painted it yesterday. All that time ago and yet it's passed in the blink of an eye."

Chakotay sat beside her. "Feeling nostalgic?"

Kathryn nodded. "Our babies are growing-up and it's all happening so fast, too fast. I'm wondering where the time has gone. Not that I'm sad or have any regrets, these last few years have been the happiest of my life, but because I'm not ready to let go. I don't want our babies to grow-up, not yet."

Chakotay smiled, dimples showing. "They're only five, Kathryn. To the best of my knowledge, children don't leave home at six."

"I know, " Kathryn laughed. "I'm just feeling the moment. This room has been so important in our lives, in so many different ways, and now it's empty. All the time we've spent here, all the time our children have spent here, is now history. The time has gone forever and lives now only in our memories and in this mural. It was here before the quads were born and is here now they're moved out. I hope it's always here. But it won't be. One day, when we're long gone, this house will be torn down. There'll be nothing left of our lives here."

"No, but the memories we've made here, and will make here, will live forever in our hearts. And they'll live forever in the hearts of our children. If our consciousness passes into eternity at death, and I believe it does, then our memories will pass into eternity too. If our memories live forever, then this house will live forever. For in our memories we'll always be able to return here." He smiled. "But I really don't think this house will be torn down any century soon. Already crowds of tourists pass by to see where Voyager's famous captain lives. When we're gone, this house will probably be turned into a museum. Your childhood home too."

Kathryn smiled. "A museum, really?"

"Yes"

"Then I'd better tell Mom to redecorate my bedroom. I don't want future generations to know I had holo-worms on the ceiling."

Chakotay laughed. "They're pretty worms."

"Yes, but still worms. I don't even know why I liked them, but I guess I was going through my biology craze phase and thought they were cute. Phoebe always hated them, and once tried to paint them over, but I kept them just to spite her."

"Poor Phoebe."

"Poor me. I'm the one who had to look at them."

Chakotay laughed and Kathryn looked again at the mural. "I came here to say my own goodbye to this room, but I'm not going to say goodbye now. Because this isn't goodbye, not for us. This has never been our room, not like it has been the quads, it's just a room that is special to us. And that isn't going to change. It's still special and always will be." She paused. "I've never told you this, but when I first came here with Annika, I felt as though something terrible had happened here, on this very spot. A dread overcame me, a terrible horror, but then it was gone and I was left only with a sense of deja vu. I got deja vu often then, like I was reliving a lifetime I'd lived in a dream. But then the deja vu stopped and I forgot all about it until today. I was sitting here with Phoebe as the children played and all of a sudden it grabbed me again, like I was reliving a moment I'd already lived. But then the feeling was gone. Annika thought this house was haunted, that I was tuning into its troubled past, but I never felt that. This house was so warm and welcoming and I knew straight away that it was the home for us. Whatever happened in that moment of horror happened in another life, another reality, a future that is now a distant past. Perhaps the deja vu will happen again, perhaps it won't, but it's another reason why this room is so significant. It's a connection to another life we've lived. I can't help but wonder what that life was like, wonder whether it was the same but different. I think it must have been the same, that we lived here together, as I can't imagine an existence where we're apart."

Chakotay took her hand in his. "I don't want to imagine it. If these years have been the happiest of your life, they've been the happiest of mine too."

Kathryn smiled. "Has my angry warrior finally found peace?"

Chakotay nodded. "A peace greater than he ever thought possible. When I made that speech to you on New Earth, when we made love and made our quads, I thought I loved you as much as I ever could. But I was wrong. I love you now more than I did then and every day I love you a little bit more."

A tear trickled down Kathryn's cheek. "I love you more too. Always more."

Chakotay smiled and then kissed her tenderly. Kathryn kissed him back and they kissed deeply, kissed long. Then, arm in arm, they left the room that was so special and closed the door behind them.

THE END