A/N: I didn't thought I would upload that so fast but I was in writing mood so...

Chapter 3: Beautiful

Dear Olivia.

Thank you for caring about me so much. I appreciate that you want to talk to me, but I can't do it right now. I promise I'll call you as soon as I can. Sorry for not informing you, but I thought it would be better not to bother you with my problems.

That's why I told Cragen not to tell you anything. And I was afraid you would be disappointed with me. I should have told you, Liv. I should have... but I couldn't.

When I got suspended, I thought I... I don't even know what I thought, Liv. But now you're really disappointed in me, aren't you? Because I didn't tell you... and I under-
stand if you're mad. We were... actually, we ARE best friends. So... if you wanna know, I'll tell you what happened.

We were called to a case just after you left. Rape and murder, as always. Soon we had a plenty of witnesses, but no one seemed to match. Then, we had found our suspect, but he wasn't at home. So I went to Kathy and...well... we fought again. I should have known that.

When I got back to work I was so angry. Later Munch brought the man in we didn't find earlier, the first suspect. I was so angry that I lost control of myself and attacked him. Fin and Cragen had to drag me out, so that I wouldn't explode again. But I wouldn't have the chance to do that.

Cragen was so disappointed in me, that he suspended me and said: "You have to go home. And don't come back."

I'm feeling alone, Liv.

But that's what I have to deal with. I shouldn't have exploded like that. I shouldn't have done that. And I don't want to put your job in danger, Olivia. I beg you, please understand. Maybe we meet somewhere somehow. Maybe I should sleep over it, but I can't. I can't do anything right now. Don't be mad at me, but...

Please don't come after me, Liv. For now at least.
Love,
Elliot.

As he sent the e-mail away, Elliot turned away from his laptop and headed toward the window in the little hotel room.

He looked out and watched lovers holding hands and laughing. What should he do now? Take a walk? With whom? Dance? With whom? Sing? With whom?

Suddenly he realized that he was nothing. Nothing without his job, nothing without his partner. Olivia. He thought about her name. It meant olive tree. Then he thought about her eyes, her hair, her body, every single thought was about her. How would she think about his little... dropout?

Would she understand it? That Elliot was in bad shape and couldn't talk to her? But now he realized that he needed her. He needed her badly.

Elliot sighed and sat on the bed which stood on the wall beside him. His thoughts were now caught in a beautiful memory.

-
Elliot laughed about a joke Munch had made. They chilled in their desk chairs on a summer evening. Elliot thought about his wife and children. Kathy was stressed and his daughters Maureen and Kathleen, too. But they were too young to know why. But Elliot knew why. 4 years ago she had brought the twins to life. Richard, called Dickie, and Elizabeth, called Lizzie.

Both of them were beautiful. And loud. They cried each night he went home late. But today Kathy was with her parents so Elliot could work the whole day and night as he wanted to. He liked it that way. It made him feel free. But he missed his wife very much. Elliot's thoughts drifted away when Munch waved with his hands in front of El's face.

"Hey dreamer!" he called.

Suddenly Captain Cragen walked into the SVU squad room with someone behind.

"Hey you! This is our new Detective Olivia Benson. She's working with us now."

When the woman stepped out behind Cragen's back, Elliot's jaw dropped and the case file he held fell to the ground. Everyone saw it and smiled. Then they turned toward the woman who was also staring at Elliot.

At this moment Elliot stopped the memory. He couldn't think anymore. It was so... wonderful that he fell in love with his partner even if he was married at that time. But... did he just have a thought that he was IN LOVE with Olivia Benson? Was that right or was he loving Olivia like his best friend? And what would she say if Elliot would tell her about his feelings?
He dumped down on the bed. Then grabbed the radio from the nightstand and turned it on. He listened and while he fell into a deep and restless sleep, he heard Patrick Nuo's "Beautiful".

Like a thunderstorm on a summer day
she came out of nowhere and I can say

She's a supernove shining through the night like a never sleeping satellite
She's a damn good reason for the sun to rise

When you see her smile in the morning light
When she cries she cries a wishing well
Plays hide and seek with the hounds of hell

She throws you down to take you high
into her private sky.

She's so beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Magical, mystical, irrestitible, cosmical

A wonderful overkill and most of all beautiful.