Disclaimer: I don't own anything, because if I did, Ben Barnes would have been mine three years ago.
A/N: At long last, my friends, the seventh chapter is finally here! I know there aren't enough apologies in the world to make up for not updating my story in two weeks, but I have been incredibly busy with school since I returned. I am equally sorry that my last cliffhanger was such a cruel one, though be prepared because that probably won't be the last one I leave you with in the story. :P Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter, and I hope you will all enjoy this next one just as much.
Happy reading!
Chapter Seven: Guilt & Comfort
Despite his protests begging her to come back, Susan kept running through the hallways in tears until she could no longer hear Caspian's voice. He almost kissed Lilliandil—and he would have if she and Peter hadn't caught them in the act. Stopping to catch her breath, she pressed her back up against one of the cobblestone walls, almost wishing she was back in America with her parents—not living in this chaotic nightmare Caspian had dragged her into. Bursting into sobs again, her heart was completely broken, shattered into pieces by her first love's actions. The Gentle Queen tried to tell herself that is was ultimately what she wanted for Caspian—to move on with Lilliandil and find happiness with her—but to witness him almost kissing her was all too much for Susan to bear. How could he even think to kiss another woman while she and Peter were still around? Did he have no respect for her feelings? Had he completely forgotten about her after just one conversation with Lilliandil? She couldn't answer any of those questions, nor did she really want to. The only thing Susan did know was she wanted to get as far away from him as humanly possible.
When she found the strength to move again, she walked through the castle until she reached the garden, finding some comfort and peace in the beauty that the colorful flowers had to offer. Whenever something was troubling her or Lucy during the Golden Age, they would retreat to the gardens in Cair Paravel—at least until Peter or Edmund came to their aid and offered their unconditional support to whatever was troubling the girls. It was an outlet for them, a place of refuge, solace and relaxation when things got too stressful. Now she would do the same here and hope it would help.
"I have to go after her," Caspian finally spoke out when he knew Susan wasn't going to return.
"You are the last person she will want to see right now," the High King interjected, his blue eyes throwing daggers at him. "And I don't want you around Susan anyway. You've upset her enough already."
"You can't keep me from her, Peter!"
"I can do—and will do—whatever I have to protect my siblings! And right now I forbid you to see my sister!"
"But she has to let me explain! She has to know why I—"
"Why you almost kissed Lilliandil? Oh, that ought to be quite the explanation, because you waited all of, what, three seconds after Susan told you to move on before you tried swooping in for the kill with Lilliandil?"
Blood boiling in his veins, Caspian shoved Peter, ready to fight him for making such accusations when he didn't know the whole story and questioned his love for Susan. Peter, on the other hand, was shocked by this, but quickly regained his posture and shoved Caspian back.
"No!" Lilliandil cried out, getting into the middle of their fight before it got worse. "Stop it! This will not do anyone any good, especially Queen Susan. Kings of Narnia should not be fighting with one another, Your Majesties. They must be allies. They must be able to trust each other with their lives."
"That's the last thing I'm going to do after what he did to my sister!" Peter retorted.
"Peace, Your Majesty," the Star continued in a gentle manner. "Fighting will not solve anything."
"She's right," Caspian concurred.
"Now, I will go and check on High Queen Susan and see how she is doing," she insisted, much to Peter's dismay, for he wanted to check on her himself. "In the meantime, I want both of you to settle your differences and find some common ground. It should not be too difficult when it is obvious you both care so deeply for Susan's happiness."
Saying nothing more, the platinum blonde left the two Kings alone on the terrace overlooking the kingdom. Neither could say anything while Lilliandil walked away, yet both were consumed with anger towards the other's actions, and would get everything off their chest once the beautiful Star could no longer hear what they're saying.
"Peter, you have to understand…" Caspian started. "I never meant for any of this to happen."
"Yes, I understand completely," the eldest Pevensie boy spoke out sarcastically just before his fist connected with the young king's jaw, almost causing him to fall down in the process. "You betrayed my sister!"
As Caspian regained his balance and stood up straight, he lightly pressed his hand against the spot where Peter hit him in the face.
"I don't care what you meant to do! You hurt her, and that's something I can never forgive you for. You'll be lucky if she ever forgives you for it."
"If you just hear me out—"
"No! You almost kissed Lilliandil after you just tried convincing Susan that you're still in love with her."
"I am!" Caspian snapped back, his own anger beginning to set in. "I have been in love with your sister since the first moment I laid eyes on her!"
"Then you've got a very funny way of showing it!"
"I made a mistake! I was just swept up in my feelings for Lilliandil…" his voice suddenly trailed off, becoming quiet. "…and I couldn't help myself. I… I love them both."
"You are unbelievable, you know that?" Peter spoke with irritation still in his tone. "Susan is the most wonderful, kind-hearted person in the world, and you can't help but love her and that other girl? You're the most selfish git I've ever met in my whole life."
After learning from one of the servants who saw Susan heading towards the garden, Lilliandil made her way outside and found Susan staring at a pink and yellow rosebush with tears running down her cheeks. She looked so fragile, so heartbroken from what she had just witnessed. Filling her own heart with sorrow, the beautiful Star hoped there was something she could do to help the Gentle Queen.
"I am sorry if I have caused you any pain, Your Majesty," Lilliandil apologized, startling the brunette when she turned around and found her standing just a few feet in front of her.
"You haven't, Lilliandil," Susan replied softly, wiping her tears away. "I don't blame you for what my brother and I saw."
"Truth be told, I did not know what King Caspian was doing until we saw you and High King Peter."
"I know you didn't. I know it was all his doing. It's because he's in love with both of us, and he can't decide which one of us he wants to be with for the rest of his life."
"But you are in love with him too, are you not, my Queen?"
"Yes…" Susan admitted in a whisper, her facial expression still full of sadness. "It doesn't matter anymore, though."
"What about everything you said in the courtyard? Remember when you told me that two people needed to be in love when they got married?"
"Of course I do, but I'm not the only one Caspian's in love with. He's in love with you, too."
Knowing this was true, the pretty blonde was unable to make a reply.
For the first time since Caspian told both women that Aslan brought them here the eldest Queen of Old realized she hadn't heard what the female Star thought of the whole situation. She had heard Caspian's side of the story, as well as her older brother's, but not Lilliandil's yet. She had been acting so calm after the initial shock left her that it never crossed Susan's mind to ask until now.
"How do you feel about all of this, Lilliandil?"
"I cannot say it pleases me, but the only kind of love I have ever known is the love I have for my father and the love he has for me. I miss my home, as well as my place in the sky, yet I have already learned from my short time being here that sometimes love is blind. We cannot always explain its wondrous presence in our lives."
"So, then, you're not angry with Aslan's decision?"
"Getting angry will not change what has happened. If anything, it will only create more problems in a scenario that is already quite complicated."
"That's true."
"You must not forget, my Queen, that Aslan never does anything unless it serves a specific purpose. He may have brought us here so King Caspian can eventually choose between us, but I believe there is more to this situation than he is leading on."
"Do you think he's trying to teach all of us something?"
"Yes, that is exactly what I think Aslan is trying to do."
"I'm trying really hard not to let my anger get the best of me right now," Peter said while he was looking down at the kingdom so he wouldn't be staring at Caspian, "because I know how much Susan cares about you, but I—"
"I never asked for anything of this to happen, Peter. Aslan was the one who brought Lilliandil and Susan here."
Turning around from the terrace, the High King's patience with his former rival was rapidly growing thin again. "Oh, so because Aslan brought them here, you're saying he's the one I should be blaming for you almost kissing Lilliandil?"
"That's not what I meant and you know it."
"The only thing I do is my sister's heart shattered into a million pieces when we saw what you were about to do. She had only told you a few hours earlier to move with your life after she leaves, and you didn't even have the decency to wait five whole minutes—"
"I'm in love with both of them!" Caspian yelled out. "I realize that may make me one of the most selfish human beings who ever existed, but I cannot help the way I feel. And it's killing me just knowing that my love for both Susan and Lilliandil caused this, but I can't change what has happened any more than you can. All I can do is abide by what Aslan has requested me to do and hope all will be well when I finally make my decision."
"If you think I'm just going to stand by and watch you repeatedly break Susan's heart over some ridiculous beauty contest, then you—" Peter suddenly cut himself off when saw Caspian walking away from him. "Where are you going?"
Without looking back, the bearded king bluntly replied, "To find your sister."
Susan and Lilliandil walking through the garden now, enjoying the pleasantly sunny weather and one another's company, while they admired every plant and pretty flower they came across.
"May I ask you something, Susan?"
"Of course. You don't have to ask."
"Did you mean what you said earlier to High King Peter? Do you really think of me as a friend?"
Taking a pause in their walk, the Gentle Queen turned and smiled at the platinum blonde, who was looking at her calmly but at the same time eagerly waiting for an answer.
"Yes, I do think of you as a friend, Lilliandil."
"You do?"
"I know it may seem a bit odd because we haven't known each other very long, but I think you've been a wonderful friend to me. I just hope I can be as good of a friend to you in time."
"You already are," the Star smiled sweetly right before she turned her head slightly so that they were no longer looking directly into each other's blue eyes. "It is just…"
"Just what?"
"Until Aslan brought me here, I never knew what it was like to have a friend or be a friend to someone."
Moved by her words, Susan touched the young woman's shoulder, causing her to look at the eldest Queen of Old again. "Now you do."
Smiling at one another once more, the girls embraced each other in a friendly hug.
Just knowing she had a friend—her first real friend—the feeling was almost enough to make Lilliandil cry tears of joy. In all her years living on her father's remote island, she never thought she would make a single friend. Yet now her dream of finally having one had come true. It was the most wonderful, most incredible feeling she had ever known in her entire life. So perhaps her intuition about Aslan's reasons for sending her, Susan and Peter here was indeed correct. Maybe there was more than one reason why the Great Lion had brought them Caspian's way.
"Why are you crying, Lilliandil?" the Gentle Queen asked upon noticing the tears in her eyes after they parted.
"It is nothing, Your Majesty," she replied with a smile still on her face, wiping the tears away. "I have never been happier, actually."
"Would you like me to go fetch you a handkerchief?"
"I appreciate the offer, but there is no need for that. I will be fine in a moment or two."
"Then how about some tea and cucumber sandwiches for lunch? We could even stay here and eat by the garden."
"Yes, that would be lovely. I would like that very much."
"Good," the brunette nodded, pleased. "I will go and ask one of the cooks to prepare it. I shouldn't be but a few minutes."
"Of course, my Queen," Lilliandil curtsied in respect. "I will be patiently waiting until you return."
Turning to leave, Susan made her way through the garden, then opened the large wooden door to exit the outdoors and softly closed it behind her once she entered the castle. She was about to begin to walk towards the kitchen when the one person who could stop her in her tracks did just that. She came face-to-face with Caspian, who was almost as surprised to see her.
"Susan…" he breathed out quietly.
She could tell he wanted to say more, but he no matter how hard he tried, the handsome king just couldn't find the words to express how sorry he was for hurting her the way he did. It didn't matter what he said to her, though. She was still too cross and distraught to partake in a rational conversation that included him.
"I can't listen to your excuses right now, Caspian," she countered in an emotionless tone, "so just leave me alone."
With that, the Gentle Queen said nothing more and brushed past her first love, leaving him in a state of shock as he watched her walk away.
A/N: I'm such an evil person for leaving things here, aren't I? Lol! Oh, and if you guys think this is cruel, just wait and see what happens in the next chapter. ;)
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