A/N. I can't seem to shake this cold or whatever it is. Blech. Not a way I wanted to start off the spring. Anyway, I think this story is due for an update. I'll try my best to leave off in a non-cliffhanger way but. . . we'll see. I don't own anything!

Steve looked from Kendall to Carlos before finally steadying his eyes on James. He took a deep breath and pulled a chair over, sinking into it with a sigh. "James," He said quietly. "I'm going to give you the good news first okay?"

James nodded mutely, trying to grasp onto the good news that there was good news in the first place. He felt Kendall and Carlos each wrap an arm around him and holding him tightly between them.

"Logan is alive." Steve said quietly.

A hysterical laugh escaped James. "That's where the good news ends, right?"

Steve nodded very reluctantly. "When he fell he hit his head and got a pretty decent sized concussion. But honestly, that's the least of our worries. Like I said before, he was shot in the chest." Steve lifted a trembling hand to point to an area too close to his heart for James to feel very confident in his next words. "The bullet missed his heart by about three inches. But in the meantime he. . . he lost a lot of blood, James. They needed to give him a blood transfusion."

"So," James' voice cracked and he had to clear his throat before he tried to speak again. "So didn't that help him? Why. . ." He couldn't finish.

"Because when they had him in surgery. . . James, Logan went into cardiac arrest. He was clinically dead for about four minutes." Steve stopped, looking apologetic for speaking so bluntly but it was too late.

Dead. Logan had died. James tried to take a deep breath and wound up choking because his airway had suddenly become constricted by terror. "He died?" He finally whispered. "But. . . he's okay now?"

"Well," Steve said slowly. "He's alive. But to be honest, James, he shouldn't be. He really should be dead. In fact, the only reason he is alive is because. . . right now we have him on life support. It's. .. it's not looking good. Right now he's in a coma."

"Life support. A coma." James repeated numbly. "Will he. . . wake up?"

Steve could only shrug and shake his head helplessly. "I don't know." He said honestly. "At the moment he's not responding but that could change. He could get better. He could wake up and make a full recovery."

The comforting words did little to help when the tone in which they were spoken was one of doubt and hopelessness. James could tell that Steve didn't think Logan would make it. He thought he was going to die. Because he already should be dead. Tears swam in James' eyes, blurring his vision. Don't cry! He ordered himself sternly. Logan needs you! "Can I. . . Can I see him? Please?"

A small smile twitched at the corners of Steve's mouth and he nodded. "Of course." He said, before glancing at Kendall and Carlos. "I'm afraid that we can't allow too many people into the room, at least right after the surgery."

Kendall had his jaw clenched tightly, the way he tended to when he was determined not to cry. But tears were already streaming down his pale face as he gave a small nod. "Okay," He said, his voice breaking on the one word.

Carlos stepped forward and brought James into a crushing hug. "We'll be there with you as soon as we can." He promised, shaking slightly.

James could only nod wordlessly. His arms hung woodenly at his sides. It was like his brain had disconnected itself from the rest of his body and he couldn't bring himself to return Carlos hug. "Okay," He finally said in a whisper.

Kendall embraced James as soon as Carlos released him. "Talk to him." He said into his friend's ear. "I- I've heard that. . . helps." He stepped back and looked pleadingly at Steve. "When can we see him?" He asked desperately.

"Well, unfortunately visiting hours end in only a few hours and-"

"There's no way I'm leaving Logan tonight." James interrupted. "I can't. I won't."

Steve nodded in understanding. "But-"

"Fine." Carlos said, his breath hitching slightly in a sob. "When do they start tomorrow?"

"8:00." Steve told him quietly.

Kendall nodded. "Okay," He took a deep breath and looked over at James. "Okay," He repeated. "James, it's going to be okay. Logan will be fine. He's strong. He'll. . . he'll pull through. Just wait. Hang in there. Me and Carlos. . . we'll be here first thing in the morning. Just. . . tell him we said hi, okay?"

"I will." James promised. A strange sense of calm came over him and he smiled. "I'll see you then, guys." He gave Kendall and Carlos each one last embrace before turning to follow Peter down the halls. Their footsteps echoed in the tomb-like building and James shivered. Logan will be fine. He reminded himself. He couldn't imagine his life without Logan so obviously he needed to be okay. This was hard but they would get through it together.

"James," Steve said then, as if reading the other's mind. "You do know that. . . you need to be prepared. If Logan doesn't improve then you might have to make the decision to take him off his life support."

"And just let him die?" James asked angrily. "I would never do that. That would be like giving up on him and as good as murdering him."

"James, right now the only thing that's keeping Logan alive," Steve said as he swung a door open and stepped aside to let James in first. "Is that machine."

It was impossible to ignore the machine. It was the first thing that James saw, even before Logan. He winced when his eyes followed the tubes and wires and came to rest on Logan where the tubes and wires seemed to be connected everywhere. His breath caught in his throat and he swayed slightly, hardly noticing Steve reach out to steady him. "Logan," He whispered.

"Sit down, James." Steve told him gently. He guided James to a chair and sat him down. "Just. . . I'll leave you alone with him for a while. Page me if you need anything or have any questions or. . . any decisions."

James knew what he meant by decisions. But he chose to ignore the reminder of Logan being taken off life support and simply nodded without speaking. He waited until Steve left and closed the door behind him. Then he reached out slowly with one hand and brushed Logan's face, being careful to avoid the tubes and wires. "Logan," He said again. His view of Logan was suddenly blurred by his tears and James bent his head and shook with quiet sobs.

The reality of the situation suddenly hit him full impact. His stomach twisted in the sickening fear that gripped him and his heart felt like it was being slowly and painfully torn in two. His lungs felt like something was squeezing all of the oxygen out of them and after a few desperate gasps of air, black spots danced in James' vision. He clung tightly to the thin fabric of the bed sheets, willing himself to breath. But it wasn't easy.

Logan. He might lose Logan. He would probably lose Logan. James remembered when Logan had first become a doctor and had forced James into a conversation about life support and the rights and wrongs of keeping someone alive.

"I think if they're old or. . . you know, unable to care for themselves, then it's okay." James could hardly bring himself to look at Logan. Why did he insist on having such a horrible conversation?

Logan nodded. "That's how most people feel. But what about keeping people on life support for months or even years? I don't think I can agree with that. I know that there are cases where patients wake up after a really long time but. . . James, I need you to promise me something."

James flinched. He knew what Logan was about to ask him and he wasn't completely sure he could make the desired promise. "What is it?" He asked, shakily.

Logan reached across the table and laid his hand on top of James', smiling when James' fingers instantly closed around his smaller hand. "I don't think that's any kind of life." He said, tears welling in his eyes. "Please don't keep me hooked up to machines for the rest of my life."

"Logan," James choked on the name he loved so much. "Logan, nothing is going to happen to you so that you'll end up that way. I won't let anything happen to you. I love you. I need you."

But Logan shook his head. "I love you too." He said tenderly. "But I can't protect you from everything just like you can't protect me from everything. Just in case, James. I want to ask you-"

"Please, Logan." James begged. "I don't know if I can promise something like that."

A smile flickered across Logan's face and he gave James' hand a reassuring squeeze. "You don't have to if you don't want to." He said quietly. "But can you at least try? For me?"

James nodded. "How long?" He asked, closing his eyes as he waited for Logan's response.

"Two weeks." Logan said, flinching when he saw a tear roll down James' pale face. "Don't cry, Jay. You don't have to promise me anything if you really don't want to."

James' hand unwound itself from the sheet and found Logan's limp hand. He gave it a hopeful squeeze, trying not to fall apart when he received no response. "I don't know if I can, Logan." He whispered. "I'm too selfish to let you go."

There was no way he could lose Logan. Logan was. . . Logan was the entire world to James. His world was stopped right now. His world was a dark place right now. His life would be nothing without Logan in it. It would be like living in darkness day in a day our. Without the sun.

Was it possible to love someone too much? Was it really possible to die of a broken heart? James remembered how Kendall and Carlos had told him that they would make it without Logan. He had smiled in a silent sort of agreement but now he doubted himself. He couldn't imagine his life without Logan. If Logan's life was in danger of ending then so was James'.

"I know, I know." He said as if Logan had just spoken to him. "I know that Kendall and Carlos are hurting too. But. . . they have each other. They will have each other. I'll have them but I won't have you. I don't know if I can handle that, Logan. You know I'm not that strong." It was true. He wasn't strong. Not strong enough to handle this.

James stood on shaking legs and bent over Logan's bed. He pressed a light kiss to Logan's forehead and then sank back down into his chair before his legs decided to no longer support him. He took Logan's hand in both of his and brought it to his lips, kissing each finger gently as tears slid down his cheeks. "I love you." He whispered, feeling like he was drowning and that the only one who could save him was far away. "Please don't leave me."

A/N. FYI, The music of Glee is my soundtrack whenever I write Jagan fics lol. -slapped- Oh, and I apologize for yet another cliffhanger sjftrotyyo. I swear I tried to leave off better but actually there was no way possible so. . . yeah. FAIL I shall try to update soon, okay? Okay. Klainebows and Jaganbows and a Kamesbow for my Angst Twin One Man Writing Games. -heart-