A/N. Another day, another update. If Fan Fiction will work for me because right now it's being really mean. Anyway, I don't own anything.
Time passed even though it felt like the world had come to a stop. Minutes turned into hours and hours turned into days and they all slipped by like grains of sand between James' fingers. He couldn't stop the inevitable. He couldn't do anything. He was helpless. Time was running out.
There had been no change in Logan. James was constantly trying to tell himself that at least he hadn't gotten any worse. The infection had been mild and fairly inconsequential in the end. Logan was still the same. But then again, how could he get any worse without dying? He certainly hadn't made any improvements. His hands were still as cold as ice no matter how much time James spent trying rub warmth and life into them. He was, as far as James knew, completely oblivious to everything around him. He still hadn't responded to James' voice no matter how much James begged. Nothing.
James was exhausted. In the eleven days that had passed since the hospital shooting, every other victim had been released. In the ten days that had passed since he last spoke to Kendall and Carlos, James had ignored any attempt the two had made to try and talk to him. He let the doctors and nurses that came in and out of Logan's room communicate with his friends, informing them on Logan's condition. There wasn't much to tell anyway. He had only the smallest amount of sleep, dozing off for a couple hours every night, frequently waking up, drenched in sweat and sure that Logan was gone. He had hardly eaten anything but he never had any appetite. Logan was fading and so was James.
"Logie," He whispered softly. "It's been a while. I miss you. When are you coming back?" He sighed when once again, there was no sign that Logan had heard him. He was so lonely. Logan was right by his side but at the same time it was like he was alone. He had driven off Kendall and Carlos and though part of him wanted to have them there in Logan's room with him, another part of James was so angry for them giving up on Logan. "What should I do, Logan?" He wondered aloud. "Should I call them and tell them to come back? Should I apologize?" Deep inside, he knew the answer. He knew Logan would want him to hold onto his friendship with Kendall and Carlos.
So, with a deep sigh, James reached for his phone and dialed Kendall's cell phone number, knowing that Carlos was probably with him. "Kendall," He said with his voice breaking right away. "I-I'm sorry. For everything. Please. . . please come back. I need you. Both of you."
"James," Kendall sounded relieved and worried all at the same time. "Hang on, buddy. Carlos and I will be right up."
James hung up, only slightly confused by Kendall's choice of words. What did he mean by they'll be "right up"? His question was answered in five minutes when the door opened and his friends walked in, engulfing him in an embrace from both sides. "W-What-" He started to ask.
"We never left," Carlos told him, his own weary face mirroring Kendall's and James'. "We've been downstairs the entire time driving the doctors and nurses all crazy. We didn't want to leave in case you needed us. James, we're so sorry. We shouldn't have give up on Logan like we did." He turned to see Logan and was hit by a crushing disappointment when he saw no change.
"Y-you. . . you never left?" James whispered, completely stunned. "You've been here the entire time?"
Kendall nodded and gave James a tight smile. "Never," He said softly. "We wanted to be here for you when you needed us."
"But. . . it's been over a week," James said, wincing slightly at the reminder of how much time had gone by because it reminded him of how much time Logan had left. "Where have you been showering and eating and-"
"The hospital has some pretty good resources," Carlos chuckled quietly. Then he looked at James in concern. "Have you slept or eaten or anything?"
James shrugged. "A little sleep here and there and some food when I can stomach it. Honestly, I haven't been hungry since. . . since before."
"James," Kendall sounded upset. "You need to at least eat to keep up your strength. You're not going to help Logan if you starve. Do you want us to get you something?" He glanced at his watch. "It's a little after 1:00 right now so we can have a late lunch."
Kendall's expression was too hopeful and desperate for James to turn him down. He nodded. "Okay, but nothing huge. I'm not hungry right now. Can you bring me some coffee too please?" He tried and failed to cover up a huge yawn, wincing when his jaw cracked painfully.
"Sure," Carlos said, not looking particularly thrilled by James' request for caffeine. "Be right back, buddy. Just hang in there." He hugged James with one arm and then stood up to leave the room with Kendall. "See you in a little while, Logie." He called over his shoulder.
James blinked back sudden tears that surprised him and glanced down at Logan, still fighting a ridiculous hope to see a reaction. Nothing. He sighed, wondering if he would get used to the disappointment of having his hopes crushed over and over again and then he wondered if by then it would be too late. "Hear that, Logan?" He asked as cheerfully as possible, his voice sounding like he was at a funeral. Don't think about funeral, don't think about funerals, don't think about funerals. . ."You'd better wake up to see Kendall and Carlos when they come back. And me because I'm pretty sure I miss you more than the two of them combined."
"I can't believe those two. They're crazy. They never left even when I told them too. Not really. They were waiting for me to come to my senses all this time. After all the crap I've put them through this week by ignoring them and not letting them see you." Suddenly, the reality of what he had done hit James full force. If Logan died then Kendall and Carlos missed out on spending so much time with him in his last days.
"No," He shook his head violently. "That's not going to happen. You're not going to die." He gripped Logan's hand even tighter and ignoring the voice that screamed that he was in denial, fell silent to wait for the return of his best friends.
"So what have you guys been up to all this time?" James asked. He didn't really care but he needed to talk about something. He stared across Logan's bed at Kendall and Carlos who stared back at him in complete silence until he took a bite of the hoagie they had brought him. He wasn't sure if it was because it was from the hospital cafeteria or if he was too sick with worry, but his stomach churned as he swallowed the small bite. "There, happy? So tell me. What have you been up to?"
"Not much," Kendall answered truthfully. "Waiting to hear if anything. . . you know. . . changed with Logan. We met and talked to a few people and read every magazine they have in the waiting room so many times that I have the recipes memorized. Oh, and Steve would hang out with us on his lunch breaks. Kendall shook his head sadly. "He's pretty messed up along with a lot of the other doctors and nurses. Traumatized, I mean." He clarified for James when he looked confused.
"Oh," James said softly. He set the rest of his hoagie back down, feeling sick. The shooting had occurred at lunch time. Steve had been with Logan and Logan- "You know what?" He asked, looking at Logan but speaking to Carlos and Kendall. "I'm. . . I'm so mad at him."
"Steve?" Carlos looked mildly indignant.
But James shook his head. "Logan," He croaked. "I'm mad at Logan. I'm mad at him for walking right into danger and thinking he could do something about it. I'm mad at him for thinking so little of himself that he would do that. I'm mad at him for getting shot and. . . and ending up like this. Didn't he think about me? For one second? Didn't he think about how much this would affect me? I don't want him to die and. . . and he probably will."
"Hey," Kendall stopped James' wild ranting. "James, where did all of your optimism go? Weren't you telling me and Carlos that we can't give up on Logan just yet? He could pull through, you know it."
"But what if he doesn't?" James asked, finally speaking his fears out loud. "What if he doesn't and I have to take him off his life support? What if he dies and I have to say goodbye? How am I supposed to say goodbye to him? I don't think I can let him go."
"Don't worry about that today, James." Carlos told him suddenly. "There's still time."
James nodded. "I know," He said, wiping a few stray tears away. "I just. . . I just realized how afraid of time I am. I mean, it's not something you can control is it? You just have to let it control your life and you don't have a say at all. There's nothing you can do."
"Only wait," Kendall. "And maybe everything will work out in the end. If not. . . you'll have me and Carlos."
James flinched. "What if I lose you guys too?" He asked in a frightened whisper that made him sound like he was about five years old. "I don't know if I'll be able to handle losing Logan and I know that if I do it will be because of you. But who will I have if I lose you?"
"James, don't think about that." Kendall said firmly. His eyes were filled with tears but he blinked them back so he could move around Logan's bed to hug James. It was only a second before Carlos was there with him. "James, you can't go through life thinking that one day everyone is going to leave you. What kind of life is that?"
"But, I'm. . . I'm so afraid." James said, shaking in his friends' arms. "I don't know what I'll do." Hr gripped Logan's hand in his and buried his face in Kendall's shoulder, allowing Carlos to rub his back gently. "I won't be okay, not even eventually so don't even try to say that."
"Okay," Carlos said, not wanting to upset James further. "But like Kendall said, don't think about it. Just relax for now. Talk to Logan some more."
James nodded and took a deep breath to compose himself. "Okay," He whispered. "Logan, can you hear me? If you can hear me open your eyes or nod or squeeze or just. . . just squeeze my hand. Anything." Nothing. Again. But James would refuse to give up hope until the very end.
He was alone with Logan again. Kendall and Carlos had gone to the cafeteria and James had asked them to eat there because it had gotten to the point where even the smell of the cafeteria food made him feel sick. He knew it was unhealthy for him to not eat like this and he could only hope that Logan would wake up and yell at him for starving himself.
It had been thirteen days. Thirteen was an unlucky number. James couldn't shake the horrible feeling of dread that he wasn't going to get what he wanted so badly. He couldn't stop thinking that the end was almost upon them. He now found himself spending the long nights, laying awake and planning out Logan's funeral because really what else could he do? He hadn't told Kendall or Carlos about his negative thoughts because they scared him. He couldn't stop from thinking them.
"We'll have flowers," He murmured, stroking the top of Logan's hand. "Because you like flowers. And even though I'm not sure if I can do it I'll sing a song for you. And I'll come visit you every single day."
He couldn't do this. Tears flooded James' eyes and blinded him. His throat tightened and he could no longer speak so he laid his head down on the bed and cried. Sobs tore through his body, shaking him so hard that he wondered if he could go into shock. His heart felt like it was going to explode from the constant ache. "Logan," He pleaded. "Please. I need you. I can't-"
Then there was a light pressure on his hands, so light that James wondered if it was just his imagination, half crazed from his severe lack of sleep. All the same, he sat up slightly and looked at Logan's face, his tears already beginning to slow. "Logan?" He begged, thinking that if he wanted it bad enough, it would happen. "Can you hear me?"
It wasn't his imagination. It happened again, stronger this time. "Logan," James breathed. Forgetting where he was and who he was and everything but the fact that Logan could hear him. "Logie, please. I need you to wake up for me. Come back for me because I need you more than anything else in the world." He looked down and saw Logan's fingers twitch in his hands. He could barely breathe.
"James," Logan's voice was a mere whisper and it nearly stopped James' heart to hear after such a long time. His eye lids fluttered, trying to open. He squeezed James' hand again when he started to cry. "James,"
"Logan, you can do it," James wondered if he should be calling for a doctor but he couldn't bring himself to look away from Logan's face. He held his breath and blinking back tears as Logan continued to struggled. He winced when he saw the pain on Logan's face and almost turned for the call button but then Logan's eyes opened.
His brown eyes looked tired and were filled with pain and worry but it was Logan. He was back. James bent forward and leaned towards Logan, pressing their foreheads together as tears streamed down his face. He felt Logan's hand on his face, brushing his tears away and he heard his voice murmuring softly. Logan had come back to him. "I love you." He said tearfully and then closed his eyes and listened.
"I love you too, James."
A/N. OH YEAH GREAT ENDING. BYE.