Chapter 18: Bus Hopping
"You all remember how to get to the abandoned film lot, right?" Courtney asked.
"Yes," Harold responded, "We just have to go onto that bus right over there."
"That should be easy enough," Courtney said.
"I wouldn't be so sure," a voice said.
"Hey, that's…" Duncan said. The group turned around to see Chef Hatchet on a horse. He was holding his spear and pointing it in their general direction. Around six dozen other soldiers scattered around. "This can't be good…"
"I hope all of you are prepared to die," Chef Hatchet said. "Because I have a huge battalion. Are you ready for…" Someone threw an axe at the head of the soldier to his left, and he dropped dead. "What the heck was that?"
"I'm sure you all missed me!" shouted a girl, who then began chasing everyone around with her axe, causing a third of the soldiers to leave in a riotous frenzy.
"Izzy!" Harold shouted, "We really have missed you."
"Sorry I couldn't be here earlier," she said, "But I had to get the big lug out of bed."
"The big lug? Does that mean…?" Courtney began, but before she could finish her question a powerful spear was sent at the chest of the soldier to Chef Hatchet's left.
"You been hurting my friends?" a voice yelled, "Not if I can help it." A guy in heavy armor lifted his helmet, revealing himself to be Owen. "Okay, who's next?" he asked. About half of the remaining soldiers fled.
"Perfect," Chef Hatchet said, "My unbeatable battalion was chased off by a nutball and a guy who thinks my torture-food is edible."
"Don't worry," one of the other soldiers said, "We're ready to help you, General Hatchet."
He laughed and then rode to block the bus's entrance. "Come and get me! I'm not afraid."
Courtney noticed DJ looking pensive. "What's wrong, DJ?"
"Hmm? Oh… uhh… nothing, don't worry about me," he said.
"Strange," Courtney said.
Courtney brought out Harold, Duncan, Heather, Eva, Noah, Justin, Cody, Gwen, and DJ. Owen and Izzy stood on the battlefield in wait for these decisions.
"Oh," DJ said, "I don't feel so good…"
"DJ, are you sure you're up to fighting today?" Courtney asked.
"I'm positive…" he said. DJ's unease was slightly removed when he saw his mother again. "Good to see you again, Momma," he said.
"I heard you're fighting the big ones now," his mother responded.
"We kind of are," he said.
"Well let me know if you need healing," was her reply. This was not the only reunion on the battlefield, however. Noah and Owen felt they had a lot of catching up to do.
"Noah?" Owen reacted with joyous surprise, "Noah! Thank goodness you're alive! I thought you died!"
"Honestly, I felt the same about you," Noah responded, "I've missed you."
"I've missed you too!" Owen shouted, "Come on, give me a hug!"
"Not when you're dressed like that," he objected, "You're in danger of crushing my spine enough when you're not wearing clunky armor."
"Okay," Owen said, "Well, remind me to cuddle you later."
"I know I won't have to…" Noah said smiling.
Eva was happy to see Izzy again. "Izzy!" she shouted in delight.
"Yo, Eva!" Izzy greeted, "My name is Bazookabay."
"Not again…" Eva said impatiently.
"Believe it, Eva!" Izzy shouted.
"Look," Eva said, trying her best not to lash out, "Can you just be Izzy, please?"
"Come on," Izzy said, "You're no fun."
"You're a little too much fun," Eva retorted.
"Thank you!" Izzy shouted.
Cody and Gwen were unused to fighting their battles without Trent and Sierra, which meant that they had to do a surprisingly large amount of the fighting. This was good because they got better at fighting, but bad because both of them were fairly fragile. Owen and Izzy were luckily never too far off. Anyone who attacked Izzy quickly regretted it because she had such a good record of killing them.
People who attacked Owen nary actually did any damage. The only exceptions were the mages. Noah had a few choice words for those guys, which of course resulted in them dying. Harold was fed up with Noah trying to steal all the glory, so he put in a few of the attacks to.
The archers decided it would be a good idea to gang up on Eva. They would have been right, except for the fact that Heather was nearby to shoot most of them down. One was killed instead by Justin, and Eva was grateful but refused to tell him so.
Courtney and Duncan fought off a number of powerful mercenaries—although Justin hoped that they could duel with him. When that happened it was always clear who the more powerful opponent was. Justin was not only faster than all of them, but none of them seemed to hit often at all.
When Chef Hatchet was left alone, several people attempted to attack him, although they were a bit afraid. Courtney was the first to attempt such an attack. "Chris and I are going to bring you down," he said.
"Not if I have anything to say about it…" Courtney said.
"You realize you're so doomed, right?" Chef Hatchet asked.
"I wouldn't be so quick to say so," Courtney said, and then she attacked him with the CI Tome. It hurt but it did not kill him. The same could be said for Courtney and Chef's Hatchet, although that was a more severe injury.
Duncan attempted to attack as well. "You know, thief, I could easily defeat you," Chef Hatchet said.
"Not when Courtney's life is on the line," Duncan said.
"You really want to protect her, don't you?" Chef Hatchet asked, touched.
"It's why I'm here," Duncan said.
"Then I'm sure you're prepared for my attack," Chef Hatchet said dauntingly.
"Whenever you are," Duncan said. Duncan struck, but the damage was minor. Chef Hatchet missed, surprising no one except Courtney.
Heather was irritated and decided to attack with the longbow she had pilfered from one of the archers she had killed protecting Eva, from far enough away that Chef Hatchet couldn't counterattack. "Go along, little archer," Chef Hatchet said condescendingly, "No one needs you."
Heather was angry. "Little. Archer?" she asked indignantly, "I'll have you know that I am the greatest sniper in all of the world!"
"Well in that case, I bet you can beat me," Chef Hatchet said, unimpressed.
"You're right," Heather threatened, "Bring it on." She sent out two arrows, both of which missed completely. DJ stood nearby, healing Courtney's wounds.
Chef Hatchet turned to him and said, "DJ, come fight with us. No one on that team even cares about you."
DJ was briefly tempted, and then he said, "That's not true. Bridgette cares for me quite a lot. I'm sorry, but I'm not switching teams."
Chef Hatchet was so angered by DJ's resolve that he decided to attack him. "DJ, we could have been great! We could have worked together," he said.
DJ was steadfast in his decision, saying, "Yeah, but that would have had me working on the side of evil. And I'm too insistent on the side of good."
"Well, in that case," Chef Hatchet said, "I won't go easy on you."
"I figured just as much," DJ said. Chef Hatchet would have killed him if he struck with both shots he took, but luckily, he missed the second time. DJ's mother used her Mama Staff to heal both DJ and Duncan.
Izzy was the next to attack Chef Hatchet, although he was one of the only people she was unlikely to kill in one blow. She tried her best. "Cheeeeeeefffff…" she wailed ominously.
"Izzy, don't do that," Chef Hatchet said, "It's creepy."
"I'm not Izzy," she said, "I'm Bazookabay!"
"Bazookabay?" Chef Hatchet asked.
"Did you just call me Berserker Babe?" Izzy asked angrily, "I have a name!"
"Is it Izzy?" Chef Hatchet asked impatiently.
"Yes," she responded, "Now, die!"
Unfortunately, that was not good enough to kill him. Owen attempted as well. "Bad Chef! Bad!" he shouted, "We're the good guys, remember?"
"Shut it, fat boy!" Chef Hatchet shouted.
"Well, I hate to bite the hand that feeds me," Owen said, "But if you won't listen to reason, I guess I'll have to fight you."
"I'm surprised you have the nerve, Poppin Fresh," Chef Hatchet said. The fight was completely uneventful because Chef Hatchet was too weak to hurt Owen and Owen was too slow and inaccurate to actually hit Chef Hatchet.
DJ picked up Izzy and moved her out of the way, which was an opening that Justin took. "Your beauty…" Chef Hatchet muttered, "Why must it be a lie?"
"My beauty is no lie," Justin said, "Neither is your ugliness."
"HEY!" Chef Hatchet shouted. Surprising everyone, except Izzy, Noah, and Eva, Justin was actually hit by Chef Hatchet. He was almost dead. However, he had a new plan. He had spotted Cody out of the corner of his eye, and attacked him. He laughed and then said, "I can take you down easily."
Cody was able to dodge the attack, which was good because it would have immediately killed him if he wasn't. Harold and Noah finally got the opening they were looking for, which was good because both of them, especially the latter, were getting impatient with how long the fight was taking.
Noah offered to let Harold go first, since Noah was the only person on the entire battlefield who was not affected by Chef Hatchet's daunting presence, and therefore, the only person on the entire battlefield who was almost guaranteed to kill him with the next blow. Harold took the offer graciously, regardless of the bragging reasons behind it.
"This is my coveted weapon," Chef Hatchet said, "Chef's Hatchet!"
Harold began to nitpick, "That's not a hatchet. A hatchet is an axe. That is obviously a lance. I mean, gosh, you could at least try to get it right!"
"That's it," Chef Hatchet said, "You're going down."
Harold was too slow to normally strike twice, but he was able to take advantage of his sneak attacking skills, leaving Chef Hatchet severely injured.
Noah took the case of defeating him, but Chef Hatchet was not prepared to die quietly. He said, "Feel the wrath of Chef's Hatchet!"
"That's a spear," Noah said in complete deadpan.
"Oh, really?" Chef Hatchet asked, "Why don't you show me a real hatchet?"
"How about I just hit you with my magic instead, hm?" he asked. He did, and that caused Chef Hatchet to die before he could even counterattack.
Chef Hatchet fell, saying, "Urk… the rest is up to you, Chris."
Courtney went on the bus, and everyone else followed suit. DJ was crying. "What's wrong, DJ?"
"I don't think Chef Hatchet was that bad a guy," DJ said, "We could've saved him."
"I don't think we could have if we tried," Courtney said. "But I understand you had a bond with him…"
"Well… you know," DJ said, "I guess I'll just have to deal with the pain."
"What of you two? Will you stick with us to the end?" Courtney asked.
"Of course," Owen said, "No one should ever abandon a friend in need."
"Yeah, and besides, it would be stupid to ditch you guys now. I mean, it's just getting exciting!" Izzy shouted.
"If by exciting you mean terrifying," Harold said.
"That's exactly what I mean," Izzy said.
Meanwhile, Chris was talking to the network executive. "Where's Chef?" he asked, "Why isn't he back yet?"
"Chris," the network executive said, "He's dead. Chef Hatchet has been killed."
"What?" Chris asked. "That can't be right! Dead? Chef… Those meddling kids have gone too far this time!" Chris shouted.
"Don't worry, Chris. I promised I would take care of everything," the network executive said. "And I will."
"You better," Chris said, "For Chef. Courtney… you're in for a world of hurt."
Author's Note: Goodies include unit descriptions (Owen; Izzy), death quotes (Owen; Izzy), alternate battle dialogue (Chef Hatchet talks to DJ, no B support; Chef Hatchet talks to DJ, non-Bridgette B support; Alejandro fights Chef Hatchet; Ezekiel fights Chef Hatchet), alternate versions of the beginning and ending dialogue (Duncan died; DJ died; Izzy died; Owen died; both Izzy and Owen died; Harold died), Courtney and Sierra's Support (Level A), Courtney and Heather's Support (Level B), Alejandro and Lindsay's Support (Level B), Alejandro and Heather's Support (Level C), Katie and Justin's Support (Level B), DJ and Leshawna's Support (Level B), Duncan and Gwen's Support (Level A), Gwen and Leshawna's Support (Level A), Tyler and Harold's Support (Level B), Tyler and Lindsay's Support (Level B), Harold and Leshawna's Support (Level A), Harold and Heather's Support (Level C), Eva and Ezekiel's Support (Level B), Heather and Lindsay's Support (Level B), Heather and Beth's Support (Level C), Lindsay and Beth's Support (Level B), and Justin and Beth's Support (Level C).