A.N: Chapter 5=arrived! In the home stretch, guys! Next chapter is going to be the end :D. ALL RIGHT. Business time. I've never written for Izaya and Shizuo before this fic, and to be honest with you all, I have not even watched the entire show yet ^^'.. I tried my best with Izaya, but if he comes off out of character, please feel free to review and tell me so I can correct him for an accurate ending :D. Thank you so much for your support and kind words! Keep them coming! They make my day! XDD
(Oh, and I know Shizuo's eyes are brown now XD. If it says they are blue in this chapter, let me know, and I'll fix it! LOL)
5. Facing it, Head on
The question hit them both like thunder. The room was so quiet afterward, so pressing, that it almost hurt Izayas's ears. He started babbling to fill the silence.
"Of course not, Shizu-chan~!" He was trying to laugh it off, trying to be coy as he always was. "That's just your own desire talking. Do you really want me that badly~?" Izaya's voice, albeit shivery, was the most stable thing he had. His hands still shook as he wrapped the gauze, now with a frantic vigor, around Shizuo's arm. The rough motions kept jostling the wound.
"Fuck, Izaya, go slower," Shizuo growled, flexing his arm uncomfortably. Izaya couldn't take his eyes off the bicep muscle as it tightened and released, defining itself.
"And I'm pretty sure," Shizuo continued, still scrutinizing the smaller man, "that it's your desire that's talking."
Izaya only smiled an elusive smile at the bartender, who grimaced at the expression. On the inside, he was having a nervous breakdown. This couldn't be happening, could it? It wasn't like anything was wrong with it, of course. But… if Shizuo were to find out… If he were to know how Izaya felt… Izaya tied the gauze tightly with a final pull on the knot, and then stepped back. It was easier to talk to Shizuo when he wasn't looking at him.
"Well, ta-ta, Shizuchan~!," he said, wiping off blood from his knife before folding it up. They were done for today. Maybe he'd take a few days off from Shizuo, to give himself time to sort out the things he felt. As he turned away from the bartender, walking towards the swinging door, a hand reached out and gripped his wrist.
"Izaya, wait." Shizuo's voice was that silkiness again. It rolled off his tongue, deep timbre permeating through the room, flooding Izaya's being. The raven-haired man felt the tell-tale signs. The heart. The stomach. He started trying to pull away, but Shizuo didn't let go. "Ah, ah, ah," he tutted, dragging Izaya closer and closer, wearing a wispy little smile. "I caught you."
Izaya was electrified by the sensation. Now he couldn't pull away, even if he wanted to. Shizuo turned him back around, holding Izaya's arm high above their heads so they were forced into close proximity. Izaya's breath came out in pants. Shizuo chuckled.
"Such a cute face, Izaya," he said, lips moving closer. Izaya stared at them. They were so pink and soft-looking. He shuddered when Shizuo slipped a hand up his shirt, cold fingers on his skin. "You should wear it more often."
Izaya felt a sudden closeness to Shizuo, a consensus. It was liberating, and all together enlightening. If Shizu-chan felt this way too, why then there was no reason why they couldn't just get it on right now in his apartment, was there? And how fitting, for it to come after a nice little spar! Sure, his body was achy from getting thrown around, but there was no hatred in him for Shizu-chan. In fact, now that he thought about it, there never really had been.
Sure, they fought like cats and dogs. Sure, he terrorized Shizuo whenever he got the chance and blamed him for horrid crimes he would never do. Sure, it looked like Izaya hated Shizuo, but in reality, he was just getting his attention. Shizuo, after that first day in high school, could never look away from Izaya without feeling something strong, whether it be hate or love, and no matter where the blonde went, he could never forget about him. Izaya knew this. Izaya lived for it. And now, here in the apartment, here with Shizu-chan and the cool air from the window, and the blood around the floorboards, the leaking bathroom, the devastated wall-… Izaya wanted to love him.
Love him like no one else could.
"Shizu-chan," Izaya breathed it into his ear, slipping his arms around his shoulders, nuzzling his face there, against the soft skin. He smiled into the curve of Shizuo's neck. For a moment it was beautiful. It was heaven.
Then, Shizuo started chuckling. Then cackling, and then all out rocking with laughter. Izaya, eyes now wide open and red, staring at the space over Shizuo's shoulders, didn't move. What was so funny?
It was Shizuo who broke the embrace, his face the epitome of the entertained. He was waving his hands, waving Izaya off, still laughing with that baritone, wall-shaking laugh he had. "Oh, for fuck's sake, Izaya!" He pointed at Izaya's crotch, now shaking with his spasming mirth. "You are turned on!"
Izaya slowly looked down at himself, at the self-conscious bulge in his pants. His face burned again, but he couldn't really feel it. He had never… been so humiliated. Was this what being rejected was like? He had asked Shizu-chan, not with words but with actions, to be with him. To do things with him. And now he was being laughed at.
Well… damn.
It hurt.
Hurt like no amount of ass-kicking from Shizuo ever would—not in the physical sense, at least. Nobody moved for a few seconds. Izaya just stood there, fists clenching and relaxing, while Shizuo calmed himself down into a contained giggle. After long inhale through his nose, Izaya started marching out of the room. Shizuo had to smirk at the snooty look on Izaya's face.
"Where are you going?" he asked impishly. It had a flirty edge to it, but Izaya took that as a mockery. Shizu-chan was just being mean.
"Away," he said, and that's all he said. He didn't stop walking. When he reached the doorway, Shizuo spoke again, this time more inquisitively.
"Seriously, where are you going?"
"Away, I said," Izaya snapped, glaring over his shoulder. He was severely pissed. Shizuo had led him on when he was being serious! Izaya fucked around with people's minds, sure, but he tried to act serious when people were being really serious. "Don't follow me."
He stomped out.
Naturally, Shizuo had to follow him. Snatching up his shirt as he went, only a few large strides caught him up with Izaya. He slipped an arm through a sleeve, grinning, still believing this to be some sort of twisted foreplay. He had laughed, of course, because it was completely unexpected. Not undesired, just sudden. Izaya surprised him all the time, and this was a pleasant surprise.
"Why shouldn't I?" he asked, hands in his pockets. He fished around for a cigarette. Izaya muttered something under his breath and quickened his pace. Shizuo followed suit. They went down the stairs together, one by one, and at the bottom Izaya spun around.
"I said to get away, Shizu-chan~!"
He was so cute, was all Shizuo could think. That adorable little way he got frustrated like this. Shizuo had to chuckle at it, but this just seemed to infuriate Izaya more. The raven-haired informant took off, and Shizuo had to bolt into a run to keep up.
"Hey, what kind of foreplay is this?" Shizuo called, voice playful. Izaya rounded a corner, sprinting down a dark alleyway. The walls were tall, closed them both in on all sides. Izaya, eyes trained to look for openings, found a fire escape at the far end. He reached it with a screeching halt, and started to climb. Shizuo followed, still grinning up a storm.
That's when it hit.
THE IRONY OF IT ALL.
Here they were, Shizuo and Izaya. One chasing the other, like normal. But the roles were reversed. Izaya was the angry one, the hurt one, the infuriated beyond belief one, just trying to get rid of an annoying presence in his life. Shizuo was the smirking one, the devious one, the one with the smile and jokes.
They had switched roles over the course of a day.
Shizuo seemed to realize this at the same time Izaya did, because they both suddenly stopped, neither one looking at the other, but both pairs of eyes searching the invisible distance for the answer.
Why were they acting like this?...
…?
"Fuck it," said Izaya, and kept climbing. Shizuo blinked out of his trance, and glanced up at the retreating form above him. He started scaling again, keeping Izaya in view.
"Izaya, I'm being serious," he said, voice indeed serious. "What are you trying to do? Why are you mad?"
"Why aren't you mad?" Izaya asked, a challenge in his tone. Shizuo's fists tightened on the cold rails, even though the damn comment made hardly any sense. It was getting dark out, the sun falling on the day, setting on the action in Ikebukuru. Shizuo's foot slipped on a stair, and he ripped the edge of his pants. Now he was irritated.
"Keep this up, and I certainly will be," he growled, hefting himself up another flight. The building was very tall, and Shizuo, while not afraid of heights, was getting nervous. Just how long was the ass going to climb? "What the hell is wrong with you?"
Izaya's body froze, seized up, and when he turned around, there was an expression of startling rage on his face. "Piss off, Shizuo! I fucking hate your guts! That's what's wrong!" Then he turned around and heaved himself up the final few stairs, jumping onto the roof of the building. So high up.
Shizuo, wind blowing his hair, was left speechless. Did he just call him by his formal name? What the hell was that about? A strong gust ripped the glasses from his face, carrying them down to the concrete, where they smashed. Shizuo watched them break into millions of little pieces. His chest sunk.
He found Izaya at the far edge of the building, looking over the ledge into the abyss below. Shizuo stood at the other end, one hand on the fire escape railing, the other in his pocket. No one said anything. The wind howled over them. The night was cold and icy.
"Are you on a fucking period or something?" Shizuo finally blurted, glaring at the man. "Five minutes ago you wanted in my pants. Now you're telling me you hate me. What the hell, Izaya?"
Izaya didn't moved, still staring over the edge of the building. It was so far down there. It looked pretty far. Maybe not that far. Still a jump. Some people think of suicide when they look over cliffs like that, but Izaya could only think of luring Shizuo over the edge, then grabbing him at the last minute, to show him what real fear felt like.
How scared Izaya had been, being vulnerable and open to his enemy. He exposed a sensitive front, and it felt like Shizuo stomped all over it, laughing as he did so. Izaya listened to Shizuo's words, but didn't really hear them. He smoothed his hair with his fingers, relaxed into a smile.
"You know, Shizu-chan," he said, looking over at the blonde. "We aren't very different, are we?"
Shizuo just stood there. Izaya was back to talking nonsense, like he always was. Maybe that was a good sign. "What?" he asked, moving a little closer. Izaya gazed out at the horizon again, the sinking sun.
"You and I, Shizu-chan," he said again. His voice sounded sad, almost nostalgic. "What exactly do we even mean to each other?"
Shizuo felt pinned down. What was he supposed to say to that? Izaya certainly meant something to him, but he couldn't just regale the man with brazen overtures of affection. That wasn't his style. He shrugged, clearing his throat. "Need each other…"
Izaya turned his head a little, hand to his ear. "What was that, Shizu-chan~?" He was smiling now, if only just a little. Shizuo gritted his teeth and spoke up.
"We need each other, I guess," he said, rather lamely. Izaya turned to look at him, a glint in his eye. This was the apology. This was the renewal.
"Who do you need~?" Izaya asked, voice quiet.
Shizuo didn't answer.
"Who, Shizu-chan, do you need~?"
"…You."
"What~?"
"…You, Izaya…Fuck."
"… I can't hear you, Shi-"
Shizuo's voice roared from his throat, reverberating along the streets and sky. "I NEED YOU! OKAY?" His cheeks flushed, and he rubbed his hair with his hands. "DID I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT? I MEAN, SHIT!"
Izaya could only smile at this, hands digging into his pockets as he let his head tilted back to look at the sky, the blue blanket with no stars. It was too bright in Ikebukuro to allow for any of the little specks to shine through. Izaya knew they were there, though. They were just hiding. Shizuo was a little pink, slightly embarrassed for screaming so loudly. Another cold breeze whipped past them, and Shizuo hunched his shoulders.
"All right, whatever," he grumbled, closing his eyes and frowning hard. He was frustrated, like normal, but it wasn't unbearable. Izaya just frustrated him. "How do you feel about me?"
Izaya glanced over at him, a little surprised that Shizuo wanted him to say it aloud. After the scene in the apartment, he didn't know if he needed to. He hopped up on the edge of the building, holding his arms out for balance. Shizuo flinched forward, just a little. He didn't want Izaya playing around up there, since they were so high up. Izaya saw his slight movement, and only scoffed at him.
"Oh, please, Shizu-chan~," he said, giving a sniff of pride. "If I can scale walls to outrun you, I'm sure I can keep my balance on a foot width concrete beam~."
"Shut up," Shizuo said, huddling his arms together. He had lost a little blood and was cold outside. He just wanted to get the fuck back to his apartment, and bring the damnable adorable flea with him. He blinked when he noted that Izaya still hadn't answered him. "Answer my question."
"I don't need you," Izaya said, watching his feet as he teetered along the edge, smiling mysteriously to himself. He watched Shizuo wilt a little at his response, but before the bartender could work himself up into a world-shattering rage, Izaya continued with what he was saying. "I want you."
Shizuo, still wary of it being an insult to his affection, glared. "What?"
"I don't need you, Shizu-chan. I don't have to have you," he said. He smirked wider. "I want to have you with me. There's a difference."
Shizuo, by now, was smiling too. "You're just screwing with me. You need me. Don't deny it."
"Do not~!"
"Do too."
"Do not~!"
"Do too."
"Do not~!"
"Do the hell TOO, now get off that damn thing before you fall and let's go," he said. He didn't want to argue with him out here. They could at least curl up in a warm house before they settled into a lengthy discussion about Izaya's needs.
Meanwhile, in an apartment not too far away, Namie sat at a small dinner table for two, steaming food on a pair of plates. One was in front of her, one in front of an empty seat. She poked her rice around, glaring daggers at it. It wasn't much longer before she slammed her fist on the table, knocking over a glass of wine.
"That damn Izaya! Making me cook and not coming home! I'm going to kill him!" she said, crossing her arms and ankles. She looked at the table, eyes slightly drooped, lips pressed together. She laid her head onto her arms, burying it there. "He's such an ass."
Shizuo watched mildly as Izaya, still trotting with arrogance along the concrete ribbon around the building, contorted his face into one of dreamy expectancy, and then snapped forward with a violent sneeze into the crook of his arm. He stumbled a little, and Shizuo snorted.
"You see? Catching cold from the weather, you damn flea," he said. Starting to walk towards him, he extended a reluctant hand. He was new to this 'romantic interest' thing. "Come on."
Izaya, rubbing his nose on the edge of his sleeve, started to reach forward, but was compromised by another fast approach of nasal irritation. This one hit him right away, full force, and he tried to turn away from Shizuo to release it.
He pivoted.
He sneezed.
He lost balance.
He slipped.
A.N: Mwahahahahahaha! I'm KILLING IZAYA!... Just kidding.. did I have you going for a second? :3