Chapter Ten
Scorpius had not been writing to either of his parents—not that his father wrote often—so the morning after he kissed Rose and then had to go on rounds with Annabeth (who was nice enough, but was no fiery Gryffindor), he received a Howler from his mother. He did not bother listening to it, instead preferring to watch Rose giggling at his mother's screeching voice across the Great Hall.
But he felt bad enough that he hadn't written or listened to the bloody Howler, so since he had a bit of time before classes, he went back down to the Slytherin dorm and read the letters from his mother that had piled up on his nightstand. One letter about some fête his parents were holding caught his eye. Apparently they were inviting the new editor of The Daily Prophet.
He sat back and sucked in a breath. That's a bloody stupid idea. I could get in loads of trouble, and Rose would have my head. But… we need to get the word out. If we get the parents worried, maybe we can get the Ministry involved. The tip would have to be anonymous—they wouldn't believe a Malfoy, and Rose wouldn't do it because she's too proud and thinks she can do everything herself…
He wrote a letter to his mother that was entirely bullshit, and then he wrote another letter to The Daily Prophet.
#
It was Potions and he was bored, as he invariably was during Potions, being too advanced for the class. This term, the Slytherins and Gryffindors did not have Potions together, so he couldn't stare at Rose. He was sitting next to Albus as usual, Bella Zabini in front of him and some girl he didn't recognize next to her.
He stared variously at the ceiling, the wall opposite, the desk, and very rarely the teacher. Normally he would see Albus's eyes mimicking his frenetic motions, but his friend's gaze was oddly fixed on—on the girl next to Bella. Scorpius nudged him and gave him a questioning look.
"I know her from somewhere. Trying to figure out where."
Scorpius raised his eyebrows. "Um, school? Just to venture a guess."
Albus snorted and elbowed him. "Don't be a prat."
"Why do you want to know?" Scorpius smirked. "Sorry to break it to you, mate, but she's not that fit." It was true; the girl would not have caught Scorpius's eye if he had been in a jail cell with only her and a glass of water for company. Her hair was a very dull brown, her skin pasty. The thin sliver of her face visible to Scorpius was dotted with angry red acne—her only distinguishing feature. Her robes fell awkwardly against her ungainly-looking body.
Albus repeated his previous sentiments. "I'm not interested in her. It's just annoying me, and there's bugger-all else to do in this class."
"Mr. Malfoy! Mr. Potter! Care to share your thoughts with the rest of the class?" the teacher asked sharply. He was new, so neither boy could remember his name.
"No, sir," Albus said meekly.
"Then kindly keep them to yourselves." Well, we have been, thought Scorpius, irritated. But he needed to be investigating tonight, not sorting ingredients in detention, so he kept his mouth shut.
About halfway through the class, Albus nudged him. Scorpius looked at him, but Albus directed his gaze towards a slip of parchment that ought to have been filled with notes. Instead it read:
I've figured it out. That's Aliana Parkinson-Moreau.
Scorpius raised his eyebrows. That name sounded familiar… He scrawled back: So how do you know her? He tapped his quill on his desk anxiously. And how do I know her?
He looked up at the teacher for a moment, feigning attention, then looked down at Albus's familiar chicken-scratch. She's that bint that went nuts last year, remember? Attacked some kid, had to be escorted everywhere by a teacher for the portion of the year she didn't spend in the Hospital Wing? They almost sent her to St. Mungo's.
I remember. Blood was pounding in his head. He did remember. Parkinson-Moreau had been on Rose's list. Who did she attack? What'd she do? And more importantly, why the fuck did they let her back?
Albus sighed, shrugged. Fuck if I know. Someone in Ravenclaw, I think.
So they'd know, right?
Albus gave him a funny look. He took up his quill and slowly wrote, Is this to do with you and Rose's thing?
Yeah. And also—why's Bella sitting next to her? She doesn't like touching the banister, she's such a germophobe. She wouldn't share air with a confirmed loony.
Albus shrugged. She's trying to make you jealous again? He smirked.
Oh, ha ha. Seriously, though.
Damn if I know. Girls are unfathomable.
Much agreed. There the conversation ended, and class soon followed suit.
#
Scorpius took a breath and refused to look at Rose the next morning. The Prophet had replied to his missive asking for more information, which he had politely declined to give them, easily lying that he knew no more. He figured she'd be storming over soon enough. He concentrated on his breakfast. Fine toast, really.
He still wasn't expecting the solid thwack to the back of his head and the, "What the fuck did you think you were doing?"
"Can I—"
"No! What gives you the right? I thought we were both in this, and then you just—"
He stood up, ignoring everyone's stares, and cupped her face in his hands even as she continued to vilify him. "Rose, shh. Can I explain?" he asked quietly and gently. He felt Bella Zabini's eyes on him, but ignored her.
"You'd better have a good explanation, asshole!" But she didn't push him away.
They walked outside, she furiously stomping, he trying desperately not to laugh at her antics. As soon as the door closed behind them, she whirled on him. "Well?"
"My mother is having a party and inviting the new editor of the Prophet. So I had the idea of dropping a hint."
"Are you aware of how much trouble we could get in for this? Whoever it is might kill us!"
"Do you think I said our names? Who would believe me? It was anonymous."
"So? They knew it was us the other night!"
"That's immaterial. It's not like I gave specifics. Anyone could have told the Prophet. If anything's endangered us even more, it's your antics. And they know we're in this up to our necks anyhow."
She was nodding, calming, but there was a deep frown on her face and tension in her shoulders, her arms crossed angrily over her chest. "So now tell me why."
"If we get our parents worried, they'll press the Ministry to get involved. Which is what we wanted in the first place. We can't solve this by ourselves, Rose. No one, including whoever did this, is going to take us seriously, and at the end of the day, we're kids. We still have the Trace on us. We're effectively powerless outside of school."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
He shrugged. "You wouldn't have let me. And then I'd have to go behind your back, which I didn't want to do."
She looked darkly amused. "So you wouldn't call this going behind my back?"
"Not by the Slytherin definition. I'd have to have told you what I was doing and you'd have to have told me not to."
She gave a tired laugh.
He smiled slightly, stepping a bit closer. "So am I forgiven?"
"No. Shithead."
Scorpius sighed. "I'm sorry. Really I am. But it makes sense, doesn't it?"
"That's why I hate it. And you."
"I know you hate me." He put his hands on her shoulders and brought his face close to hers. "That's why we kissed the other night, hmm?"
"I knew that was a dumb idea. You want a t-shirt? 'I kissed Rose Weasley twice and I survived'?"
"Well, I don't know. Twice? That's lame. Want to go for three?"
And then the doors slammed as James Potter burst through them. Scorpius jumped back about five feet. "Excuse me, Malfoy, but can I ask what the fuck you're doing with my cousin?"
"I'm not doing anything, Potter! Ask her!" Scorpius barked defensively. Ohshitohshitohshit. Fucking supernatural timing right there.
"Scorpius, shh, let me—James, he's not doing anything, honestly. We were just talking." She moved in front of Scorpius, protecting him from her cousin. He wanted badly to put his arms around her, to protect her from the same wrath she was protecting him from, or maybe just to make sure she wouldn't be dragged away.
"About what? Why are you spending so much time with him, Rosie? What's going on?"
"We—it's hard to explain, James, but—you know the whole—"
"Are you dating him?"
"I—no."
"Good. Don't get any ideas, Malfoy," he said venomously. "I don't really care what you're doing beyond that." He hugged Rose to his chest like a favorite toy, but his eyes were on Scorpius. "If you so much as touch her," he hissed, "you're dead." He let his cousin go and marched off.
Scorpius stared at her. "That was… interesting."
"Yeah, I—I'm sorry. He's just really overprotective."
"I'm surprised he didn't threaten to castrate me."
"He's all bark." Her face was flushed. "I'm sorry."
Scorpius smiled. "Are you embarrassed? Don't be. He loves you, and I'm the evil Slytherin bad boy. It's his job to make sure you don't get mixed up with me." He trailed a hand down her cheek. "And it's not like I haven't been threatened before."
She laughed. "You're so blasé about it."
"Yeah. So am I still on your shit list?"
She shook her head incredulously. "My cousin just threatened to kill you, and you're worried about whether I'm still mad at you?"
He shrugged. "I don't care about that particular cousin."
"And I imagine you have the other one's approval."
"Well…"
She sighed. "And this is why he's in Slytherin."
"But I mean, it's not like…" He had been about to repeat what he'd said to Albus, that nothing could happen between them, but he trailed off, not wanting to offend her—or discourage her.
She looked up at him sadly, sympathetically. "No, it isn't, is it? I understand." She started to walk away, but he grabbed her shoulder.
"It's not that I don't want to. Never that."
She laughed. "God, you're so funny sometimes. 'Never that.' I know what you mean, though." Her hand snaked up to rest over his. She said the next part so softly that he almost wasn't sure he heard it, so quietly that he nearly doubted the words: "It's not that I don't want to, either."
They stood breathing together for a minute, then realized what they were doing and broke apart. "So, um, we have to get our respective tasks done. Did you talk to that kid yet?"
She shook her head. "I'm doing it this evening. Did you ask around?"
"A little bit. Nothing major." Oh shit, he realized, I'm going to have to talk to Bella again. He was about to ask her to come with him again, not caring how childish or ridiculous it sounded, but she was already wishing him good luck and then walking away.
He almost called her name, but realized that he shouldn't, because then he'd just embarrass himself by not knowing what he wanted her for—or worse, he'd kiss her.
"I love you," he breathed, just to try it out. It wasn't directed at her, not really. He just wanted to see how it felt to say something like that and mean it. But he could still see her face glowing that night when they had gone on their first reconnaissance under the Invisibility Cloak, two nights ago when he kissed her. And he wondered—why not? Why was it so wrong to want to say that to her, have her smile at him and say it back?
He shook himself. No time to worry about that now. I have to get to class and then to work.
#
So his evening was spent loitering around the Ravenclaw dorm and around the Library, their stereotypical haunts. He talked to several people, including (awkwardly) Eva Laurence. He got a lot of suspicious glances and people asking why he wanted to know, but he was able to piece together most of it from the little that he gleaned from the more loose-lipped Ravenclaws.
Aliana Parkinson-Moreau had not been well-liked, even by her housemates in Slytherin, despite her mother's esteemed name—a fact clearly evidenced by the fact that neither Scorpius nor Albus had even recognized her at first. In the middle of Fifth Year, however, she had found a friend in Lucy Winston. The duo tended to hang around the Black Lake, insulting passersby (although this tended to be more Lucy than Aliana, who "huddled in Winston's shadow like a mouse hiding from an owl under a rock," according to one particularly vitriolic description). At last, a group of Ravenclaw girls got sick of it and started fighting back with words and hexes. As soon as the wands were brought out, Lucy backed down, and Aliana had been heading that way—until one of the other Ravenclaws called her a Squib. She had been so incensed that she actually physically attacked one of the girls. Before anyone had time to react, Aliana's victim's nose was gushing blood, her eye was black, and Aliana's fingernails had deeply scored her cheek. Someone had incapacitated Aliana with a well-aimed Stupefy, and then cast Mobilicorpus and levitated her to the Hospital Wing.
No one knew much of what had happened after that, except that she'd stayed in the Hospital Wing for an indeterminate amount of time, subsequent to which teachers escorted her to each class. Rumors about a stay in St. Mungo's had, as Albus said, shot about faster than terrified Snitches, but as far as anyone knew no such stay had actually taken place. This year she had seemed completely docile and could never be seen in the company of Lucy Winston. No one knew if the other girl had been disciplined, but she "sure as hell doesn't act like it," in Eva Laurence's surprisingly bitter words.
The degenerate Winston sister was nowhere to be found, and he couldn't find Annabeth either. At around eight-thirty, he went back to his dorm and wrote down everything he remembered of the various conversations. He was then to report for rounds again. He frowned, thinking. But I did rounds—two nights ago. I should be doing them tomorrow night. And why did the partners change? Annabeth and Ivers didn't say anything about it. He tapped his fingers on his desk agitatedly. I'll ask.
He left early and got to the Library, where they usually met, ten minutes before he was due there. Ivers was there too, so Scorpius walked briskly up to him and said in a businesslike manner, "So why've you changed the rounds, Ivers? I thought you were consigning me to a full term with Weasley."
Ivers leered. "Disappointed, are you?"
"Our relationship is purely professional. I'm wondering whether you were, though, when she wasn't completely tortured by having to spend time with me." He couldn't stop himself from leaning in closer to the shorter boy and saying, "When I was able to win her over, where you weren't."
"I couldn't care less. She obviously just wants to use you. She wants to use everyone."
"Just because she used you doesn't mean she does it to everyone, Ivers. Feel special. But you've changed the subject. Why did you change rounds partners?"
"It's safer for all of us. Clearly, someone's out to get Muggleborns. As you know, two of our prefects are Muggleborn. So if we have set rounds, they might get attacked."
Scorpius frowned. "This couldn't have been your idea."
"I don't see your point."
"Annabeth wouldn't think of something like this. She'd want to help, but she wouldn't know how."
Ivers sighed. "Well, we thought of it together. Alternating would keep her away from you, wouldn't it?" He didn't look at Scorpius. It was clear he wasn't referring to Annabeth.
"For rounds." Scorpius smirked with a confidence he didn't really feel. Of course Ivers hadn't thought of the clear obstacles in the way of Scorpius's dating Rose.
"Like she'd go for a Death Eater like you!"
Scorpius closed his eyes and sucked in a breath. "I. Am not. A Death Eater. Nor was I ever. Nor would I ever be. I am not my father, Ivers, and it would serve you to remember that." He opened his eyes. "My father would be too scared to beat you into next week."
"Scorpius!" Again she was in front of him, glaring at Ivers. "What did you say to him? What did you say?"
Ivers stood up from where he'd been cowering against the wall and spat, "I called him what he is! He's a Death Eater, his father was a Death Eater—" he stopped when he saw her face.
Rose took a breath. "You jackass. You just—I'll tell you something, Ivers. It's amusing how you think you can just pick on people because their parents were on the wrong side in a war that you weren't even alive for."
"It's amusing how you think you can just defend Slytherins! I'm sorry, but they did wrong in the war. Just because you like defending the helpless or whatever, and just because they're weak now, doesn't mean they aren't evil."
Rose stared at him in open-mouthed shock, disgusted by his blatant prejudice. Scorpius couldn't say he didn't feel like doing the same, but she looked ready to kill. Wanting to avoid conflict (and more time spent in the Hospital Wing), he put his hand on her shoulder, saying uncomfortably, "Rose, hey, thanks but you don't need to—"
"I will defend Slytherin House to my dying day," she hissed. She was clearly furious, more furious even than he had made her in six years of antagonizing. But then she continued. "There are people I care about in Slytherin. I love them. That's more than I could ever say of you."
"Rose—"
"Fuck you, Weasley! Fuck you and your fucking murderer boyfriend! I know it was him that did it, and so do you! I hope you rot!" He stormed off, flipping them off as he went for good measure.
Scorpius and Rose just stood there for a minute. "I'm sorry, I—I don't know what his problem is," she said bitterly. "He's been like this since I broke up with him."
Scorpius sighed. "Well—"
She turned to face him, holding up a finger to stop him, "No, I know what you're going to say. It's just that he didn't make such a huge fuss when I broke up with him."
"Of course he didn't," said Scorpius softly. "Rose—I don't think you understand what you've done to him. It's not that I like him or feel sympathy for him, and it's not that I'm blaming you either, because I've probably done worse. But—can I speak honestly with you?"
She nodded, looking slightly confused.
Scorpius took a deep breath. "You messed him up, Rose. Somewhere in that yellow, narcissistic little heart, he loved you. He couldn't really see that you didn't love him back—" he waited for her to deny it, to say that she'd loved him at the time, but she was still looking at him expectantly, so he continued, "He couldn't see that you didn't love him back, so when you broke up with him—that was hard on him. And then, when he tried to punish you, to have it backfire—well, that just made things worse. He hadn't gotten over you, and then you added insult to injury by cavorting about with me. And finally, your defending me was the icing on the cake, because to him it signified that we were really—well, together. So that's his problem." He sighed. "I was surprised that you seemed not to know what you were doing to him, but I guess you really didn't, if you didn't know what his problem was."
She was hugging herself, looking down. "Oh. I mean—you're right. I never thought about it that way." She laughed humorlessly. "I feel blind now. And stupid."
"Don't. If men and women understood each other, we'd live in a very different world," he laughed.
"Mm." She looked up. "I think that's Annabeth. She's looking at us weird again." She sighed. "Guess we'd better tell her what happened to Demetri."
"Or an approximate version, at any rate."
"Scorpius Malfoy! Are you suggesting we lie?"
He snorted. "What do you think?"
"Good evening, guys," said Annabeth, and the prefects filed into the Library to start their meeting.
#
The next morning, Scorpius determined to talk to Aliana Parkinson-Moreau before he spoke with Rose later that day. He dragged a barely half-awake Albus over to sit next to her. "Hey, Aliana," he said brightly, putting on his most charming smile. He wasn't certain, but he thought he could feel confused brown eyes on him.
The girl looked up at him dully. She was uglier when he faced her head-on, but that was more because of the faded burns that ran up her left cheek and some of her neck than because of some inherent feature, although her pug nose, ill-matched with her wide mouth, did nothing to help matters. She blinked, shading watery blue eyes with lightly scorched eyelids, and asked, "What do you want with me?"
"I just figured you looked a bit lonely," he said, gracing her with his most winning smile again.
She stared at him for a while. "Fuck off. I don't want your pity."
"Then I won't give it," Scorpius said calculatingly, changing tack, "I actually wanted to see if I could talk to you later today."
"About what?" She still had that defensive look in her eyes. More quietly, she added, "Last year? That's the only reason anyone wants to talk to me, these days."
"Well, yes. I'm doing a bit of research—"
"On what? Pathetic Slytherin girls? Or are you just bored with fucking pretty girls?"
Scorpius blinked, startled by her sudden mood shift. She was glaring at him. "Um, no—I—"
Albus elbowed him, making his first foray into consciousness since Scorpius had dragged him down to the Great Hall. "Mate, what the fuck are you doing?"
"Shh." He sighed, turning back to Aliana. "No, I—I'm just—" How do I make this sound not as exploitative?
She smirked without humor. "Curious?"
"Yes," said Scorpius, grasping at straws, "and I wanted to see justice done. You see, I dated Lucy Winston for a while over the summer, and she was a total bitch. I want her to pay for what she did." That had been pulled completely out of his ass. He hoped it sounded convincing.
The smirk grew wider. "You're lying." Shit. "But you're obviously desperate to hear my sad, sad tale. We'll meet just after classes in the Library."
Scorpius smiled. "Thanks. I appreciate it. I wish I could tell you the whole story." He didn't, really, the whole story being that she was suspected of being one of a group of young terrorists attacking Muggleborns.
The day passed quickly, segmented into almost arranging a meeting with Bella, worrying about Aliana, wondering how to distract himself from his feelings for Rose, and fantasizing about indulging them.
During Transfiguration, his last class of the day, he wondered whether Aliana would set up a trap. It was rather odd how quickly she had agreed to this little rendezvous, in spite of the fact that the reasons she thought he wanted to know were incredibly flimsy and shallow. And he had, after all, been recognized that night. But the Library would surely be crowded just after the end of the day, wouldn't it? He'd have to make sure he was in view of a lot of people during their meeting.
To his surprise and extreme discomfort, Aliana was waiting for him outside the classroom. He smiled awkwardly and said, "Hey, Aliana, I… wasn't expecting you."
She giggled. "I know. Let's go."
So he followed her and ignored the weird looks he was getting from those who recognized her—business as usual for a Malfoy. He paid halfhearted attention to everyone around them, trying to see if someone was following them, but since classes had just let out, the halls were flooded, and it was impossible to keep track of any one person for very long. Just as he was entering the Library, though, he met very familiar brown eyes across the room and grinned.
Aliana led him to a table near the back of the room. Surprisingly, there were lots of other people around—not all of them in Slytherin (or Ravenclaw). Scorpius relaxed a little. Hey, maybe she just wants me to play therapist.
They sat. Scorpius cleared his throat. "So I already know the basics of your story. I just need to hear your side of it."
Aliana nodded. "Most people know even less," she said bitterly.
It was then that Scorpius felt cloth on the side of his face, heard someone breathing. What the fuck? Someone kissed his cheekbone, then moved to his ear. "It's me," Rose whispered. He tensed, was about to ask how when he realized she must be under the Invisibility Cloak. He relaxed. "So I'm here," he told Aliana with a grin. As is Rose.
She nodded again, remained quiet for a while. He was highly distracted by Rose's arms around his shoulders. But slowly, slowly, Aliana's story began to come out, and he listened carefully.
Aliana started guarded, stating what was clearly fact but not the whole truth. She had come to Hogwarts, and had not been accepted by her classmates. Her mother had not played a significant role in the war, not really, but it was the stigma of a traditional pureblood Slytherin name that drove people away, and she lacked the social grace and skill that had won Scorpius his allies and friends. She was alone, and decided she liked it that way.
In Fifth Year, she and Lucy Winston had been paired up to work on a Potions project. Lucy had clearly seen some of her own anger, loneliness and frustration in Aliana and befriended her. Mostly they just loitered, bemoaning their respective lots and yelling snarky comments to passersby. "Lucy said it helps, with the," Aliana frowned, "with the feeling alone. And the anger, especially."
Their most common targets were Ravenclaws, because Lucy knew them. Usually they just walked away, considering themselves too high and mighty to stoop to the level of a Slytherin and one of their own who was almost a Slytherin. There were three girls they faced off with more often than others, because they would often tell them to stop bullying people or reciprocate with insults of their own. Finally they got sick of it and pulled wands on Aliana and Lucy. Lucy had shut up almost immediately, muttering, "I didn't mean anything by it."
"She clearly thought I wasn't good enough at magic that we could beat them just the two of us," said Aliana. But Aliana resented the move, so she kept heckling. The girls were evidently too scared to actually do anything, so they rejoined with words. Finally one of them called Aliana a Squib, as was previously reported.
"So I yelled, 'My blood's so pure you could use it for a wand core, bitch!' and jumped her," said Aliana, snorting. She seemed amused by this. Scorpius tried hard to keep his face expressionless. He felt Rose shiver against him.
"After you 'jumped her,' as you say, you both were taken to the Hospital Wing?"
"Yeah. They wanted to chuck me into Mungo's or Azkaban, but Mama came by and bribed them."
"She's lying," whispered Rose. "I remember Dad telling Mum about it when they thought I wasn't listening. Pansy Parkinson had to beg and get the family doctor to vouch for Aliana's sanity."
Scorpius nodded, brushed a finger against his lips, signaling her to be quiet.
"And the rest of the year you were escorted places by teachers."
"They didn't want me to attack someone else." She chuckled. The noise sent tremors down Scorpius's spine.
"You stopped associating with Ms. Winston after the incident, correct? Why?"
Aliana looked at him sharply. "You sound like an interrogator. I did stop hanging out with Lucy. The bitch nearly got me thrown in the loony bin. What happened besmirched the family name enough already. Mama was rebuilding our reputation, and now—well, now we're back to square one. I bet she set it up on purpose. She was always jealous of my pure blood." She sighed. "So is your curiosity satisfied?"
"Yes. Thank you very much, Aliana." He got up, noticed that almost everyone was gone. They must have been talking for a long while.
"Hey, Malfoy? None of this travels beyond you and me."
"Of course." He turned and smiled. "Thanks again."
"Sure. But why are you thanking me for telling you about my problems?" Aliana came closer.
"Thanks for trusting me. You know." He smiled awkwardly.
Aliana smiled. "You know, I like you. You're nice and polite. I like a polite man."
Scorpius cleared his throat. "Um, I'm not that polite."
She laughed. "Calm down, I'm just kidding. Be seeing you, Malfoy." He let out a sigh of relief as she passed—that is, until he felt her slap his ass.
"What the—" he whirled, feeling intensely violated and freaked out, but she had gone.
He heard Rose's giggles. "Oh god, tell me that was you," he said, fingers on his temples. The Library had emptied out by now, with he, Rose, Madam Pince and some Ravenclaws across the room its only occupants, so he felt comfortable talking to the still-invisible girl.
"It wasn't," she gasped. "Oh god, if she weren't so creepy I think I'd actually like her."
He smiled, shook his head. "Come on, get that thing off so I can hit you. That was not funny."
"No, it was hilarious. And it really depends where you hit me, as we just saw." She sounded farther away than she had before, so he followed her voice to a space between the shelves. He frowned. "Rose? Where are you?"
Suddenly she jumped him, tugging him under the Cloak. "Gotcha!" she said playfully, giggling. "I'm Aliana Parkinson, and I'm gonna slap your arse!"
He laughed too. "Oh no! Not the dreaded arse slap!"
"Yes! You will never feel clean again!" She collapsed in his arms, smothering her laughter against his chest so that Madam Pince wouldn't hear and come check what the noise was. He put his face in her hair to quiet his chuckles as well.
Which, he noticed as his laughter died, left them in rather a compromising position. James Potter would flip if he saw them like this, her arms around his neck, his circling her waist. Evidently, she noticed too, because she tensed in his grip and looked up at him. He carefully tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Oh god." She moved away a bit. "Scorpius, we shouldn't."
"Why? Look, Rose, carpe diem! I've always been a disappointment to my father. I promise you, it's not as bad as it seems." He was laughing a bit, but he knew she could see sadness and desperation in his gaze.
"Spouting Latin doesn't make you right. And it's—it's not just about Dad. I've had serious issues about relationships for a long time—"
"Hello? Who do you think you're talking to? Commitment was practically a swearword to me until—"
"No, look, it's not that. Look, I—I get scared, okay?" She was gripping his shirt, knuckles white. He ducked his head and saw that she was blinking back tears. He pulled her closer, ran his hand through her hair comfortingly.
"What are you scared of?" he asked gently. "That I'll hurt you? I know my past, and I don't blame you, but please believe me when I say that you're different. I—"
"It's not that!" She took a deep, shuddering breath and started talking quickly, so that Scorpius had to expend a lot of effort picking out the words. "Look, everyone in my family has such loss in their eyes when they bring up Uncle George or Remus. It hurts to see it! I don't want to hurt like that, not ever. I learned from an early age that love is a liability, okay? That's why I date jerks I don't care about. I promised myself that one day I'd find someone I'd be willing to take that risk for, but I wasn't expecting you to turn around and just care about me, just look at me like I'm the sunrise after the longest night of your life! That's not fair, Scorpius, I'm not ready. And I don't want anyone I love to hurt like my family hurts. We bear the crosses of the dead on our shoulders, and it's a great honor, but the weight—it gets so heavy, sometimes."
She was crying now, quietly, so quietly, but she continued, "To love is to lose, Scorpius, and I'm still not entirely sure what it is I feel for you, but all I know is that for God's sake I don't want to lose you. My family has so much love, but we have so much grief, too. I can't care about you or I'll have to bury you, and that—I couldn't do that."
Part of him was screaming, "That's ridiculous," but most of him was filled with a deep, deep pain and sympathy. He almost felt her tears on his face, felt his hands were hers clutching his shirt but still trying not to get too close. He licked his lips and hugged her tight to his chest. "You can't believe that," he said lamely. "Everyone—everyone dies, Rose. We just have to accept that and live in the moment."
"I know everyone dies," she muttered into his shirt, "but it happens too often and too easily. The less people I love, the less I have to lose."
"Oh, Rose." He squeezed her to his chest, then tilted her face up so she met his gaze. "Didn't anyone ever tell you that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?"
She laughed bitterly, sniffling, "How dare you quote Tennyson at me at a time like this."
He looked at her and saw for the first time this very broken girl who'd been rushed into adulthood too fast. He wanted to fill those cracks in her, but they ran so deep, he wondered how she hadn't just shattered. He didn't know what to say to make her feel better, to make her feel whole for a little while at least.
"Rose…" How could he explain how he felt right now? He leaned in and kissed her gently. He knew then what he wanted to say, though he had no idea where these words and thoughts were coming from. They had just popped into his head, and he knew them to be right, so he said them. "Please have hope. I'm not going to force you into anything with me, but I do want you to have faith in the world again, okay? The fact that you love something is no reason to believe it will be taken away. Your parents have each other, and you and your brother, don't they? Your uncle has your aunt and his two best friends and his kids, too. The point is not that your family lost people they loved in the war. The point is that they carried on anyway, and survived." He hugged her one last time. "Please think about that. We'll postpone the meeting till Friday, okay?"
He stepped out from under the Cloak and left her there to think, fairly sure that that was the right thing to do. As he walked back to his dorm, he was amazed to find that despite his cynical nature, he really did believe everything he'd said to her. He hoped that the sun would shine through her cracks, that she'd find the strength to believe it too.