2 weeks later.

"Its Christmas! Its Christmas!" Tobi shouted as he ran up and down the hallway.

I turned to look at Sasori, "Sasori—Chan—! Will you-"

"No."

"But-"

"No." In response I stuck my tongue out and him and rolled over onto my side. I rubbed my eyes slightly and examined the room. I raised my eyebrow slightly as I saw one of Deidara's clay figures on my dresser. I sat bolt upright as I realized what Deidara was planning. I sprinted over to the clay figure and opened the window as quickly as possible. I cursed as I tried to open the window, seeing as it had been practically nailed shut. I punched the window hoping it would shatter, and when it didn't I ran over to the door and threw it down the hallway only to see it explode in mid-air.

"KATSU!" Deidara's voice boomed threw the empty halls. In the background there were several other booms that echoed threw the Akatsuki lair. Those booms were followed by a lot of swearing and yelling that came from the other Akatsuki members.

"Phew… that was close…" I muttered. I shut the door quietly and snuck back into bed hoping to get more sleep.

"Sage-Chan! Sasori-Sempai! It's Christmas! Wake up! Wake up!" Tobi shouted as he banged loudly on the door. Sasori gritted his teeth as I glared at the door, and as if Tobi sensed it, he stopped banging and yelling on our door. I breathed a sigh of relief as Sasori pulled the covers over his head.

"Deidara-sempai! Wake up! It's Christmas!" Tobi screamed.

Sasori grumbled, "I swear-!"

Hidan slammed his door open and stomped down the hallway, "Tobi! Shut the fuck up! We fucking get it! Its fucking Christmas! We just wanna get some god damned sleep! Now will you shut the fuck up before I chop you into pieces?" I rolled out of bed once more and walked over to the door with Sasori following behind me. I growled and whipped open the door to see everyone standing the hallway, glaring at Hidan and Tobi.

"Uh-oh, Hidan-San, I think you woke everyone up!"

"Tobi, one more word, and I'll fucking kill you!" Hidan shouted.

I sighed, "Well now that everyone's up, why don't we have breakfast?"

Kakuzu glared at me, "What the hell? All you care about anymore is eating! Even if you throw it up, you still eat more! Do you know how much money we've wasted on groceries since you got pregnant!"

"Nope. And I don't care either."

"Over $1000 a week! You and Kira are the reason we are broke!" Kakuzu complained.

"Hey. Blame my being here on Itachi, and blame the pregnancy on Sasori. Even if he doesn't believe its his kid." I continued rambling with a more sarcastic tone, "I'm nothing more than a victim."

Sasori sighed, "That's impossible. If you were a victim than you wouldn't have been-"

Kira screamed and covered her ears, "Okay! We do not need to hear about what you two 'do!'" she shouted.

I turned around and led Sasori downstairs, "You know your interested, Kira!" I retorted. Before I could sneak into the kitchen Sasori pulled me onto the couch. I pouted and stuck my tongue out at him.

Kakuzu glared at me, "Don't you dare."

"Actually, Sage-Chan, how many years older is Sasori-Sempai?" Tobi asked. Sasori and I looked at each other for an answer.

"17." I stated.

He disagreed, "18." We looked at each other once more, this time, out of pure annoyance.

"Somewhere around there." We finished in harmony, glaring at the other while the rest of the Akatsuki gave us disgusted and horrified looks.

"That's fucking rape." Hidan stated.

"Sage-Chan—! Is it weird being with an older man?" Tobi asked. I laughed nervously and began to answer, only to be cut off by Itachi.

"Well its not like they look or act their age anyways…"

"How old are you guys?" Kisame asked.

"I'm 39." Sasori answered.

I blushed slightly, "I'm… 21…"

"And yet neither of you look a day over 13!" Kira added.

"Not my fault…" I muttered.

"Then whose is it?" Kira asked. I bit my bottom lip. I wasn't supposed to say that. Only Sasori knows… and one other person is still too many… I thought to myself.

"Lets open presents!" Sasori suggested. Tobi smiled then laughed maniacally, as he hopped over to the Christmas tree. He pulled out two boxes, a blue box and a green box. He skipped over to Zetsu and dangled the green box in front of his face. Zetsu reluctantly took the box, and opened it slowly. Tobi had gotten Zetsu a Venus flytrap that was carefully planted in a pink vase, which Tobi had painted the plants name on.

"Ohemgee! Tobi, I love it! Nice name too! Gretchen… she's so… so… green!"

"I knew it! Told you Kisame-San! Now its your turn!" Tobi shouted as he placed the blue box in Kisame's hands. Tobi had gotten Kisame a small fish bowl filled with colored rocks and decorative plants. Tobi then pulled a bag that contained a small fish from mid-air and waved it in Kisame's face.

"Thanks Tobi!" Kisame said as he grabbed the bag and bowl and rushed into the kitchen to fill the bowl up with water.

"Itachi-San is next!" Tobi shouted as he handed Itachi a small bag. Itachi slowly pulled out a pair of sunglasses, commonly worn by blind people. Itachi glared at Tobi as he hopped over to Kakuzu and Hidan, giving them their gifts. Kakuzu opened a brightly colored sewing kit while Hidan had gotten woman's hair spray. Before either one of them could kill Tobi, Tobi ran over to Pein and Konan. Tobi handed Konan a bunch of Origami paper then turned to look at Pein.

Tobi laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his head, "Well technically I already gave Pein his present, soo uhmm…" Pein glared at Tobi. "Pein should have already seen it since it's like," Tobi gestured towards his stomach, "right there." Pein slightly lifted his shirt to look at his bellybutton. Tobi had pierced Pein's bellybutton and put a pink pearl in.

Deidara chuckled, "Didn't know you liked pink, yeah!" with that remark the rest of the Akatsuki began to hide their laughs threw fake coughs. Tobi then skipped over to the couch that Deidara, Sasori and I were sitting on.

"Now for Sasori and Deidara-sempai!" Tobi had gotten Deidara a playdouh set that had 6 different colors: red, blue, green, orange, purple and yellow.

"Um, Tobi… I can't use this… Playdouh makes my hand-mouths sick, yeah." Tobi pouted then handed Sasori a brightly colored bag. Sasori quickly opened it, making a mess with the tissue paper (the kind used for gifts). Tobi got Sasori a Tobi-plushie.

"You can add this to your collection of dolls, sempai!" Tobi exclaimed.

Sasori stood up, "Merry Christmas everyone." Sasori stated as he slapped Tobi across the mask.

"Told you he wasn't the gift type, Tobi." I mumbled.

"Our turn!" Kira and I shouted in unison. We quickly passed everyone their gifts and watched their expressions change as they opened them.

"Oh hell yes." Itachi stated as he put the top hat on his head and held the fake moustache to his face.

"Don't forget the monocle!" Kira cried. (Note: you'll only understand this if you watch Naruto abridged, made by MascoX & Vegeta3986 on YouTube)

"What the hell are these, hm?"

Sasori chuckled, "Deidara, those are hair bobbins. They're worn by Byakuya
Kuchiki from Bleach."

"Who, hm?"

"Bleach… you know, that show that your best friend, Aoime, watches weekly?" Deidara just gave Sasori a confused look and shook his head.

"Hey! Deidara! I thought I was your best friend!" I cried.

"No! I'm Deidara's best friend!" Tobi shouted.

Sasori glared at us, "Will both of you shut the hell up?" I sighed and rolled my eyes. Tobi closed his mouth and hid behind the couch.

"Oh. My. God." Konan gasped as she opened her gift, which, by the way, was a machine gun.

Pein answered, "Yes?" Konan rolled her eyes.

"this is perfect for Caren!" (Note: not Karen, its pronounced as Car-en.) Kisame shouted as he pulled out a jar of fish food.

"Actually… Kisame-San, that was supposed to be for you…" Kira commented. But it was no use; Kisame wasn't listening to her. Pein glared at Kira as he opened a pair of golden hoop earrings.

"What?" She answered innocently.

"Da fuck are these?" Hidan screamed as he help up the old lady glasses.

"Well when I was at Kmart I seen that the glasses had Jashin's symbol on the chain and I just had to get them for you." I explained.

"Alright! Next up is Kakuzu and Zetsu!" Kira shouted. Kakuzu thanked Kira for getting him something useful; which was, of course, money.

"Um, Zetsu, we couldn't wrap your gift so its in the corner of the room, behind the Christmas tree." Kira explained, pointed at the corpse which was being squished between the Christmas tree and the wall.

I grinned, "Lastly, Tobi and Sasori!" Tobi carefully inspected the ANBU mask as if he were looking for something.

"What is it Tobi?"

"Sage-Chan, did you take this from a dead ANBU?" he asked.

"…Maybe…"

"Cool!" I shook my head slightly and sat down next to Sasori. He had already opened his gift and was holding the small marionette carefully.

"Arigatou…" He muttered before kissing me.

As soon as Kira saw this, she yanked both of our heads apart and yelled, "Keep it in the bedroom!"

Kakuzu slowly rose from where he was sitting, "Alright I'll go next." Most of us gave him surprised looks at the fact that he may have actually wasted money on us, but our faces returned to normal when he handed all of us half-pennies and a piece of paper.

"Um, thanks Cash!" Kira shouted.

"The paper is from Hidan." Kakuzu stated.

Tobi looked at the piece of paper and read aloud, "Hidan shut up coupon."

"Da fuck?"

Konan stood up quickly, "These are from Zetsu and myself." She said as she began to hand everyone colored origami flowers.

"Okay now everyone needs to follow me into the kitchen!" Kisame shouted. The rest of us quickly followed him over to the fish tank that was now on our counter top.

Pein looked at Konan, "When did we-"

"Okay! So the Goldfish is Pein, that decorative plant in the corner is Zetsu, the white angel fish is Hidan-"

"What the fuck?"

"-the black angel fish is Tobi-"

"YAYZ!"

Kisame gritted his teeth, "-the fat yellow fish is Deidara-"

"HEY I'M NOT FAT, YEAH!"

"-the teeny tiny red guppy is Sasori-"

"Shut, the hell up, you fuzz bag." Sasori grumbled.

"HEY! THAT'S SASUKE'S THING!" Itachi shouted.

"Does it look like I-"

"SHUT THE HELL UP AND LET ME FINISH!" Kisame shouted, and for once, ALL of the akatsuki actually shut up and listened. Kisame recovered his cheerful tone and continued, "Okay, so, as I was saying, Sage is that small pinkish-reddish lookin fishie, Konan is the blue glow fishie, the green glow fishie is Kira, and Itachi's fishie is the dead black one in the corner!"

"So I'm the 'teeny tiny red guppy,' eh?" Sasori growled.

"least you're taller than me…" I muttered.

"Least you're not a fucking angel fish!" Hidan shouted.

"Least your fish isn't fat, yeah!"

"AT LEAST YOUR FISH ARE ALIVE!" Itachi sobbed.

I patted him on the back, "There, there, Weazy… its gonna be okay…"

Pein sighed, "I'm surrounded by idiots…" Pein then led us back into the living room. He quickly pulled a bag out from under the Christmas tree.

"I'm going next." Pein stated as he began to hand everyone weird mugs.

"Bitchiest kunoichi?" Konan shouted.

Kira shivered, "The sexy one…? Whoa there Sir-Leader…" Konan glared at him and slowly began to walk towards her new machine gun.

"How ya likin your gift, Konan?" I asked.

Pein began to panic as Konan lifted her gun, "I-I… I got the two mixed up! I swear"

"Right." She answered sarcasticly.

MEANWHILE:

~At Orochimaru's lab-ish-thingy~

Kabuto slowly walked into Orochimaru's room, "Orochimaru-sama, I believe this package is for you…" Orochimaru reluctantly took the brightly wrapped package into his pedophile hands. He checked the package for an address; he shook his head for being so foolish, however sent this to him found his current hideout, if they were really smart they wouldn't put an address or a name. There was no name, and no address. Orochimaru quickly opened the box to find orange tic-tacs, a mongoose, and a mug that said 'Michael Jackson wanna-be.' Orochimaru bit his lip and threw said mug at Kabuto.

"DAMN YOU AKATSUKI!"

MUGS!

Okay, so if you guys were wondering, here's what everyone's mugs say!

Deidara: Terrorist-Barbie

Hidan: Potty-Mouth

Itachi: Probably can't even read this mug… -:_:-

Kakuzu: Cock-oo-Zoo!

Kira: Bitchiest Kunoichi

Kisame: I love Sushi.

Konan: The Sexy One.

Orochimaru: Michael Jackson wanna-be

Pein: God of the New World.

Sage: Keep it to yourself.

Sasori: Log.

Tobi: Lies… All lies.

Zetsu: Save a plant, EAT A VEGETARIAN!

Reviews pwease? TT-TT