Authors Note: I know I am an awful writer for my less than sufficient postings/updates!! This is the third part in this story continuing to look at Justin's problems pre- show.

WARNING: Adult Themes

Nora could recall every time she had been in this hospital, pacing the same dreary corridors, drinking the same swill that passed for coffee.

Five times she had been on the ward several floors below. Bringing a new innocent life into the world, each time she had promised faithfully to give her child all that she could never holding back her love, compassion, respect and where necessary guidance.

Of course with five children in the family, three of which were boys, there had been plenty of trips to the hospital regarding stitches, broken bones and concussions. When Justin was six he had fallen off a wall dislocating his shoulder – much to the horror of a thirteen-year-old Tommy who had moved out of reach just as he had lost his footing. Nora had been so proud of her children that day – all of them had shown maturity and above all love for family. Justin had been showered with gifts, cards and was waited on hand and foot for weeks afterward.

As she steeled herself to enter the room where her youngest now lay she wondered how they had found themselves in this situation. She had denied the events in front of the children but she knew in her gut that what the doctor had said was true. Her child had felt so upset and alone that he tried to take his own life.

The question which now burned into her mind was why?

Saul remained in the Relative Room to be near his nieces and nephews for several hours after Nora had left, never before had he heard them so quiet.

Kitty was steadily working her way through a set of manicured nails biting them to oblivion, Tommy had his head tilted back resting against the cool wall behind him his eyes squeezed closed. Sarah had moved some time ago to sit by Kevin, who was inconsolable after events this morning, the tears had never stopped falling in all the time they had been here.

Saul swallowed hard as he contemplated how long they would continue to flow.

"Guys," he waited for the four sets eyes to locate him before continuing, "I think I'll go to the house, pick up some bits and pieces for your Mom, and maybe pack a bag for Justin. He'll want some home comforts when he wakes up."

"I'll come with you Saul," Sarah rose from her seat stretching out her muscles from their locked positions, "I can help you with the bags – I'm sure you don't wanna be going through Moms drawers." She tried to raise a smile but it was weak and didn't reach her eyes.

"You should stay Uncle Saul Mom and Dad might need you," Tommy joined the two standing his hand resting on his Uncles shoulder, "Plus my cars outside somewhere I left it in the hurry."

A consensus reached Sarah embraced Kitty and Saul before reassuring Kevin one last time leaving him with a soft kiss on his forehead before following Tommy out of the hospital.

Sarah took a deep breath before turning the key in the lock and pushing open the door to her childhood home. The house had many signs of the events this morning and neither spoke as they made their way through the house.

Tommy broke away to enter their fathers office, the fax machine was still on and beeping furiously while the files they had been discussing were strewn haphazardly across the desk. As Tommy tided away his fathers' belongings and locked shut the drawers his eyes caught the photograph on the top of the cabinet, a family picture from Kitty's graduation a few years ago – the whole family smiling out at the camera.

Sarah had made her way through to the kitchen; the coffee pot was in its usual place on the counter but was now melted to the bottom heater as it had been left on for… Sarah glanced at the clock when had they tried to waken Justin?

Near nine she thought, which meant nearly five hours had passed since this whole nightmare had begun. She dropped the pot into the bin followed swiftly by the last of pancake mix her mother had been tending too. Making sure all the appliances were off and safe she decided to leave the rest for another time she couldn't face tidying up right now – plus her mother would probably remodel the whole kitchen after the drama was over venting her maternal instincts.

She sighed again and ran her fingers through her hair she had to focus for the task ahead she left the kitchen and was met by Tommy at the base of the stairs.

"Ready?"

Not trusting herself to speak she nodded and took Tommy's hand as they ascended the stairs as Kevin had done under very different circumstances this morning.

Quickly and efficiently they were able to pack a large overnight bag for their parents, Tommy gathering together all the male necessities whilst Sarah took care of her mothers needs. No doubt they would forget something that their mother would want or have brought the wrong things but they would smile all the same and apologise not wanting to strain the situation anymore than it was already.

The walk down the hall to Justin's room was slow and laboured; finally Tommy pushed open the door to his brother's room. Neither of the siblings crossed the threshold just yet each caught in their own thoughts and memories of what they had witnessed, the image of their brother cradled in Kevin's arms would never be lost for either of them.

Sarah was the first to move crossing the space and entering the bathroom, silently she gathered together run of the mill objects trying hard not to think of all the questions flying around her mind. A toothbrush, face cloth, razor, floss – anything she could think he might remotely need were thrown into the black tote bag from under the sink.

"Sarah." A soft call from Tommy caught her attention.

Turning around she moved back into the main space of Justin's messy teen bedroom. Tommy's expression caught her eye; in his hand he held an envelope.

"What?" It was a mere stammer – she knew exactly what he was saying, exactly what he held in his hand.

"It was on the floor by the desk. It's got your name on it." Tommy glanced up, he wanted to protect his sister but they had the opportunity to find out what had pushed Justin.

"Maybe we should take it to Dad." Tommy stepped back from Sarah a little.

Sarah knew that whatever Justin had to say he had specifically chosen her to tell, they might pass on every secret with each other but when it came to the important life altering moments they always chose very carefully.

"He addressed it to me." Shakily she extended her hand to take the letter from her brother.

Justin's instantly recognisable handwriting met her eyes, not his usual haphazard hurried scrawl but a steadier shaken writing – no underlines or exclamation marks like he would leave on his usual 'borrowed your car be back soon' notes. She gripped the note and handed the overnight bag to Tommy turning to leave the room.

She stopped in the hallway leaning against the wall, waiting she heard no noise from Tommy he was obviously paused inside waiting for her to return – after a few moments she turned the envelope over in her hands and broke the seal.

After the first few paragraphs Sarah slid down the hallway wall crashing to the floor reading the words before her. Her eyes lost their focus with the tears rolling down her cheeks she kept reading the words over and over, unable to take in what Justin was saying.

Tommy appeared besides her gripping her shoulder, "Sarah?"

She raised her head to look at him her mouth opened but her brain couldn't find the words she couldn't even begin. Her hand offered him the letter now stained with her tears; she ran her fingers through her hair and drew her knees to her chest.

Tommy stood beside her, chewing his bottom lip in concentration his eyes scanned the letter the first time catching the main points several words leaping out from the page.

"Oh my God…" all he could manage as he too sank down beside Sarah.