Shades of Gray
(the THIRD AND FINAL companion to "No Better Mistake" and "Finding Home")
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, or any other related characters from the world of Harry Potter. I also don't own the setting, plot lines, relationships, etc. ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING, not me.
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4
It seemed all too soon that the following Monday arrived. Remus, in fact, nearly threw the buzzing alarm clock out the window when it went off early that morning. The full moon had only been the night before, and though his transformations were tamer now than they had ever been, he still found himself exhausted after an evening spent transformed into the beast. He knew Sirius couldn't be any better off – he, after all, spent the night changed into a large dog as well, forced to run around, keeping the wolf at bay – and so it was with all his remaining strength that Remus rolled over in bed to face the sleep-rumpled form of the other boy.
"Padfoot…" he said, unwrapping a shaking hand from his cocoon of blankets and gently brushing the hair off of Sirius' forehead, "thank you." Without even opening his eyes, Sirius reached for him to pull Remus into an embrace, Remus scrunched up against his chest, shivering in the cold air.
"How're you doing?" murmured Sirius, one hand clumsily stroking Remus between his shoulder blades. "You feeling okay?"
"Yeah," he said quietly, willing himself not to close his eyes again and fall back asleep, "I feel fine; honestly."
"Good…" muttered Sirius, and Remus scooted away from him once more, planting a soft kiss on his lips before edging gingerly off the edge of their bed and walking to their bathroom. He would wake Sirius for real after he got a shower – let the boy sleep a few extra minutes… He deserved it, after the night before. Under the hot water and soap, Remus examined his body to find only a few sizable bruises, all of which would be easy enough to conceal. It was nothing like the August prior, Remus' worst full moon to date, where Sirius had been forced to push an angry wolf off of James, resulting in a broken collar and several long, red claw marks on Remus' arm. Looking at the scars now, which were still an abnormal shade of pink, Remus didn't feel resentful, though he probably should have – after all, the only reason for his anger that night was Sirius' near-lateness – he simply accepted the marks as part of himself now; a mere memory. As he turned off the water and reached for a towel, thinking now he really must wake up Sirius, he discovered he didn't have too. Sirius was standing in the doorway, stretching his long arms in only his underwear. Probably subconsciously, Sirius put a finger on the center of his chest, directly on top of the full moon in his shoulder-to-shoulder tattoo; a black ink design of the moon cycle, a brand on his collar he'd also revealed the same morning as Remus'. He, similar to Remus, didn't seem too beaten from the night prior – only sleepy, which was evident from his somewhat red eyes and severe bed head.
"Hey," he yawned, reaching out a hand to trace the claw marks down Remus' bicep. He shook his head slightly, sighing, but then he climbed into the shower Remus had just left, leaving Remus to go and get dressed. He was halfway through a hurried frying of eggs when Sirius came downstairs. This was their frequent routine for the mornings after full moons, and most mornings, in fact – one would cook breakfast for whoever showered second… that is, if they didn't get in together, which happened at least a few times a week. In those situations, breakfast seemed to get forgotten in the general rush of things.
"I should be doing that," said Sirius as he hopped off the bottom step, waving Remus aside to point his own wand at the stove. Knowing it was no good to argue with him, Remus opted, instead, to wrangle up some bread and coffee, so that by the time Sirius had neatly flipped the eggs onto a pair of plates, they sat down to a decent, though a little rushed, breakfast. As always, Sirius kept a watchful eye on his boyfriend; prompting him to eat, though he touched little himself, a protective act which simultaneously pleased and annoyed Remus.
"You'll be late," he said finally, pushing their dishes into the sink, "Here, let me…" though he knew full well Sirius was quite capable of preparing himself for a day's work, he still reached across the table to adjust the black tie around the other's neck. With a final, hasty check to see if he really was alright – "Moony, use that spell Lily told us on your chest, you've got a nasty bruise there—" – Sirius finally left from the kitchen, leaving Remus to pull on his many layers of clothing and do the same.
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"Did you see that jar up there? Like a tiny little fire…"
"Thanks for coming in!" Remus called after the pair just leaving the shop, both of whom waved merrily back at him. Guilty, he looked to the stairs above, where they had just left from. Perhaps he was being a bit careless about using magic in the shop… Not all the shoppers were wizards, he reminded himself. But it was just so cold in higher floors of the old store; and he just couldn't resist attempting to warm the place up a bit. He satisfied himself with the thought that, despite their confusion over his portable flames, they had, at least, purchased several books. After all, he thought, somewhat smugly, sending the novels they hadn't selected flying back to their shelves with a flick of his wand, this was nearly his place anyway. He sent a few more things soaring before he turned back around, facing the front windows and a young, thin boy standing before him.
He was dressed in a pair of jeans and somewhat tattered loafers, his narrow frame hung with a t-shirt and a rather old, blue hooded sweatshirt, but what surprised Remus the most was the look on the boy's slender face. He wasn't grinning, or laughing, but his expression was undeniable – he looked happy, and Remus was shocked that it had taken him a good number of seconds to realize he was looking at his own reflection. He had transformed, unwillingly, into a werewolf, less than 24 hours ago, and yet he stood there feeling better than he had in ages; feeling confident, and – and this is what startled Remus the most – he didn't feel guilty for it… at least, not as guilty as he used to feel. Growing up was doing Remus a world of good. He was just pondering this, about to walk up the store's twisting staircase, when the crinkling sound of the door chime made him turn toward it once more.
Despite his revelation only mere seconds before, Remus felt the familiar dip of uneasiness as Matt, brushing snow off of his black coat, stepped into the shop. Though Matt had never quite had the effect on Remus that Sirius was able to produce, he was quite attractive, especially now, in his black, wool coat, slim-fitting trousers and a bright, red scarf, wrapped loosely around his clean-shaved jaw. Instantly, Remus felt underdressed, but, as he reminded himself firmly, this was his place, and Matt had come into it.
"Hey," he said brightly, and even he was surprised at how sure his voice sounded, "how are you doing?"
"Fine," Matt beamed up at him. Remus was still a few steps above, one hand resting on the banister of the staircase, but he walked down to be on the same level as the other. "How've you been enjoying my book?"
"Oh…" Remus hesitated for only a second, but maintained his smile, turning his back to Matt and edging back toward his desk; his comfort zone. "You know… I had almost forgotten about that! I got… kind of busy… if you know what I mean."
"Yeah," said Matt, with just an edge of harshness to his voice. Remus resisted the urge to smile. Though he had not meant to say it in that way, he knew that last remark had bothered Matt – though Remus had teased Sirius over it, Matt had never hidden how attractive he found Sirius. Matt had understood the implication of Remus' words better than him, who had really only said it to distract him. "You got that new Michelson book?" he asked, changing the subject.
"Second floor, third shelf," Remus said automatically, and Matt climbed the steps upward, calling back a thanks. Remus said there in silence, feeling shocked, but somehow, pleased with himself. Was he somehow in control?
"Let me know when you read it," Matt told him, a few minutes later as he made his purchase. Slipping the gold into Remus' hand, he winked. It was slight, but noticeable enough that Remus started, nearly dropping the coins as Matt walked away, laughing to himself.
I guess not… Remus thought, sighing, then opening the cash register to file the money away.
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Oh, Remus... I love him as a more confident version, even if he can't beat Matt! And I love him and Sirius as this relaxed couple.
Thoughts? :D