Song: I Hate Myself For Losing You
Artist: Kelly Clarkson
(Luke POV)
I woke up today in the Kronos's army base, feeling miserable about my choice to host the Titan lord's soul. It wasn't so much that I would lose myself in his depthless cold, but more that I had lost Annabeth.
What did she think of me?
She probably thought I was weak. She probably thought I was blinded from the good.
But I wasn't. Now, considering what I'm being put up to, dying doesn't seem so malicious. Annabeth hates me. Chiron is disappointed in me. The camp is in uproar over my decision, but one thing makes it all worthwhile:
My dad has finally noticed me.
After years of trying and fighting for his attention, he's finally given it to me. It might not be the kind I've tried for in the past, but any kind of attention is fine by me right now.
Look at what I've become. I've hit rock bottom; I've gone from happy and joyful and relatively content, to greedy and murky and cold.
I hate myself for losing her, for losing her love and acceptance. I hate that every time I look in the mirror, I don't see the me I used to be. I see the me Annabeth will see in a few months' time. But what scares me the most is that I see the reason she hates me. I see the coldness and cruelness that has settled in my soul.
You got what you deserved, a vindictive voice said in my head. I hope you're happy now.
I wasn't happy. I dreaded each day, knowing I couldn't be saved from the wrath that was waiting for me. I don't know what to do. I don't even know if I'll even pull through.
I wish you knew, I thought to Annabeth. I don't know what to say. I just don't know anymore. But the truth is: I hate myself for losing you.