Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 2
RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot
WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously
EMILY: Hello, and welcome back to Twilight: Truth or Dare! The show just started and I believe we're already off to a good start. I will gladly take all the credit.
JACOB: *rolls eyes* Of course you wi-
SAM: *covers Jacob's mouth*
JACOB: Mmmf! Mmmnnff!
SAM: What he meant to say was, 'You're doing a wonderful job so far. Congratulations.' *releases Jacob*
EMILY: Oh, good. *puts away taser* That's what I thought he said.
EDWARD: *raises hand* Hold on a second, I just want to make sure I understand how this works. So basically, the viewers who apparently have nothing better to do with-
BELLA: *elbows Edward*
EDWARD: -I mean, uh, the home viewers just send in truths and dares and we have to do them?
EMILY: Pretty much.
EDWARD: And they could be… anything?
EMILY: Anything.
MARCUS: Anything? *latches onto Caius crying*
CAIUS: Get… off…
ARO: Anything? Like, dye our robes happy Easter colors, or make us do stupid quirky dances, our have us kiss each other, or…
JACOB: *eyes light up as he eyes Bella at the word 'kiss'*
BELLA: Piss off.
JANE: Stop giving them ideas! *knocks Aro out of his seat in pain*
EMMETT: *turns to Rosalie* She can do that?
ROSALIE: *shrugs*
EMILY: Alright, alright! Everyone calm down. Our very first Truth or Dare is from a user by the name of MellowMania:
Hey!
Making me smile already! Good for you!
I shall dare Jacob (And Edward, I guess) to switch seats for the entire show, thus leaving Bella with werewolf-boy! MWAHAHA!
No, seriously. And tell Carlisle I said 'hi'.
EMILY: *beams obnoxiously*
EDWARD AND JACOB: *glaring at each other from across the room*
ALICE: Well? Go on, switch seats!
ESME: Be thankful; it could've been a lot worse.
BELLA: It's alright, Edward. If he tries anything I'll just punch him again.
JASPER: Oh, yes. Because we all saw how well that went.
EDWARD: …Fine.
Reluctantly, Edward gets up and switches seats with Jacob, who pushes his chair right next to Bella's before sitting down and sticks his tongue out at Edward.
EDWARD: Hey! He can't do that!
EMMETT: It just said to switch seats. Nobody said anything against moving the chairs.
EDWARD: Whose side are you on, anyway? But fine. If that's the case, then I'll just move this chair right in between-
EMILY: *points taser in Edward's direction*
EDWARD: *grumbling to himself*
JACOB: *leans over* So, Bella…
BELLA: Jake. Please don't do that.
SAM: *muttering to the rest of the pack* Werewolf-boy? Why does he get to be werewolf-boy?
CARLISLE: *waves towards the camera innocently* Hi!
EMILY: Okay, these next ones are actually from my dad. Just… don't ask.
Edward, when you proposed to Bella, did you realize you were asking Kristen Stewart to marry you in real life?
Bella, on a scale of one to ten, how creepy is having someone watch you sleep? And is true that you eat asparagus to make you smell good?
Hum, dare... How about having Edward sit at the Estee Lauder counter and get a make over in full sunlight?
EMMETT: Of course they're always for Edward and Bella. We're always gonna get ignored, aren't we? Stupid protagonists…
BELLA: Edward, who is this 'Kristen Stewart'?
EDWARD: How should I know? I don't know any Kristens. I'm sure they're just trying to confuse us with all that 'real life' crap.
BELLA: You mean… you were already engaged?
EDWARD: I didn't say that!
BELLA: *breaks down crying* I thought you loved me!
JACOB: *hugs Bella* Aw, there, there. Did the big bad vampire hurt your feelings?
EDWARD: Get your hands off her, you stupid dog! I'm only engaged to you; I swear!
BELLA: Prove it!
JACOB: Leave her alone, vampire. Obviously you'd rather be running around with this 'Kristen' girl.
EDWARD: *tackles Jacob*
JACOB: *turns into a wolf*
EMILY: *apparently oblivious to the fight* So, Bella, how creepy is it?
BELLA: *eying Jacob and Edward fighting nervously* Um… On a scale of one to ten? Maybe 5? I mean, it is pretty weird, I guess, but I don't mind it so much. If it were anyone other than Edward I'd be weirded out. And about the asparagus thing… why would anyone even think that? *turns around to see Demetri sniffing her*
DEMETRI: *backs away* I was just… checking.
ESME: Uh, Edward, dear… It's time for your dare.
JACOB: *pauses mid-brawl to turn back* Oh, this should be good.
ALL FEMALES IN THE ROOM: *staring in a mixture of awe and horror at Jacob's naked-ness*
EDWARD: Do I have to?
EMILY: Do you even have to ask?
EDWARD: Hmph.
Alice escorts Edward to an Estee Lauder counter than magically poofed right outside the building. Half an hour later…
EDWARD: *walks back in* Feel free to kill me now, Volturi.
ALL: *snickering*
LEAH: I love the colors. They really bring out your eyes.
EMBRY: Yeah, and nice lip gloss choice!
CARLISLE: You know, I perfectly understand if cross-dressing is just what you kids are into in this day and age, but was the ball gown really necessary?
EDWARD: *dead serious* Alice insisted.
ALICE: *looking pleased with herself*
BELLA: I think I'm gonna be sick…
EDWARD: Can I change back now?
MARCUS: Can't you just wait until the end of the episode, Ma'am?
EDWARD: I hate you all so much. *sits back down*
JACOB: *to Bella* Who knew your boyfriend looked so natural in dress?
EDWARD: I can still hear you!
EMILY: *shuffles note cards* And that about wraps it up for today! Tune in next time for some more Twilight: Truth or Dare, and remember to keep sending in those truths/dares!