Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 2
RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot
WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously
Not much has changed since the last episode. Edward's changed out of the dress and gone back to his original seat, and the cast is eying the director's review note cards worriedly.
MARCUS: Was that wrap-up even necessary at all?
CAIUS: Probably not.
EMILY: Hello, and welcome back to Twilight: Truth or Dare! Things haven't gotten too inappropriate and/or violent yet, so we're off to a good start. Well, let's jump right in: our first set for today is from EdwardILoveYou.
ALICE: Did the director just confess her love to Edward?
JASPER: No, I think that's the person's pen name.
EDWARD: …Way to be discrete.
BELLA: *glares at Edward* So. Who's she this time?
JACOB: Odd. Normally he's the one who does the stalking.
EDWARD: I have no idea what you're talking about.
EMILY: Hey, hey! No fighting yet!
SAM: Yet?
EMILY: Wait until after we hear the truths and dares. All right, so this one says:
CAN U DO ANOTHER PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?
Oh and my truth and dare...
Carilse or whatever tell the most embarssing story EVER
and 4 truth Emmet draw a cool design on Edward! Hows that 4 more attention?
lol im pretending its real! U ROCK PERSON WHO WROTE THIS!
JACOB: Here we go again with the whole 'real' thing.
EMBRY: I think they're just trying to mess with our minds. Just ignore them.
EMILY: First off, I have a name, but because you said I rock all is forgiven. And I suppose I can answer your first question by saying that so long as people keep sending in truths and dares I can stay in business longer.
ARO: So, suppose people stop responding to this ridiculous idiocy. Then we're all free to go?
EMILY: I… guess so?
ARO: *turns to the rest of the Volturi* I say we kill the viewers.
JANE: I second that motion.
ESME: You can't do that! They're innocent people!
QUIL: And the director has a taser. I don't think we should piss her off.
FELIX: *spazzing out in the background*
CARLISLE: Um… Okay, I suppose I ought to tell an embarrassing story, then. Fortunately, the viewer failed to mention who it had to be about. So I will now tell of Jasper's Disney obsession.
BELLA: Disney obsession?
JASPER: That's not fair! The question was directed at you! Besides, that has to be at least fifteen years ago.
ROSALIE: Like that makes a difference.
CARLISLE: *crosses his legs and leans forward all professional-like* Well, it all started when we took a trip to the video store, and we thought it was just a coincidence that Jasper had chosen both The Little Mermaid and Sleeping Beauty. But we soon learned that he had spent every night locking himself in his room with a teddy bear and a different Disney movie.
JASPER: *defiantly* You know what? Everybody loves Disney!
ALICE: Yes, but not every vampire looks like they're about to cry during Dumbo.
JASPER: It's a sad movie! The mom elephant gets taken away from-
ARO: Hey, no spoilers! *secretly making a list of the movies mentioned*
BELLA: That's too funny. So did it stop?
EMMETT: Well, we made fun of him a lot around the house.
ROSALIE: And I threw his TV out the window.
JASPER: And I will never forgive you for that, you horrible Disney-hating person!
ROSALIE: I don't hate Disney. It's just when you started going around singing things like 'A Whole New World' and 'The Circle of Life' that I began to be concerned for your mental stability.
JASPER: You know what, the question was directed at you, Carlisle! You had no right to bring that up. So if you're having trouble picking an embarrassing story, why don't I suggest the Pregnant Man Incident?
CARLISLE: *turning bright red*
There's an awkward silence as everyone waits to see if Carlisle is going to say anything. In the background Aro can be seen asking the Volturi for Disney movie suggestions; apparently they plan on having week-long Disney marathon after this Truth or Dare. Or something.
EMMETT: *grabs a Sharpie from… somewhere* Okay, my turn! Edward, please pull your shirt up and bend over.
CARLISLE: *sigh of relief*
EDWARD: *muttering under his breath* Why does everyone like picking on me?
Pretty soon Emmett the Sharpie Tattoo Artist has given Edward a giant portrait of Jacob on his back, which is really just a giant stick figure with dog ears due to his lack of artistic talent, labeling courtesy of Jasper. He also added a nice drawn-on goatee, mustache like the ones you see on those fancy French waiters, and several other girly designs. Interpret as you will. Then he passed around the Sharpie to let everyone autograph his front side.
EDWARD: *staring shirtless at a mirror* You know I really didn't need you guys to embarrass me further like this… I'm still kind of getting over the cross-dressing nightmare.
JACOB: And why should you? You do a good enough job of it yourself.
EDWARD: Okay, that's it! Aro, I dare you to kill the dog!
SETH: He can't do that! Can he do that?
ARO: *looks up from his list* Hmmn?
MARCUS: Ooh, dog! That reminds me, add Lady and the Tramp to your list.
ARO: Oh, good one! *jots it down*
JANE: Just none of those stupid sequels. Only the originals are good.
CAIUS: Dually noted.
EMILY: *tases Edward* Bad vampire!
Edward is knocked from his chair upon impact and immediately begins spazzing out on the floor. Felix can be seen cowering under his chair and sucking his thumb, all the while rocking himself back and forth, in fear of the all-too-familiar taser noise.
EMILY: You should know by now that only viewers get to give out truths and dares.
ATHENODORA: Poor Felix.
CHELSEA: It's really not that bad, I think the director just tased him one too many times.
EMILY: Alright, Edward you little faker. Get back up there and I dare you to hug Jacob and apologize.
JACOB AND EDWARD: What?
SETH: Hey, but you just said-
EMILY: I know what I said, and I stand by. But I also happen to be the director and author of this fan fiction. Plus, I own TOD.
BELLA: Tod?
EMILY: Taser of Doom. Now, start apologizing!
FELIX: *whimpers in the background*
Edward gets up and hugs Jacob awkwardly.
EDWARD: *through gritted teeth* I'm. Sorry.
JACOB: It's cool. Just stop. Touching. Me. Now.
EMILY: Well, I suppose I'm satisfied. Here's one from my friend Nicole:
truth for emmett. at the beginning of emmett's anre roses's romance did emmett ever cheat? has he ever liked bella?
a truth for felix. do u like bella. and last but not least a dare for aro and jane. i dare jane 2 inflict pain on aro for 5 minutes.
thats it. :)
ROSALIE: Well?
EMMETT: Who, me? Cheat? Heh… heh… *eh-hem*
ROSALIE: …You jerk.
BELLA: At least it's reassuring to know that Edward wasn't the only one.
EDWARD: I didn't—
EMMETT: But with Bella.
ROSALIE: *sarcastic much* Glad we cleared that up.
BELLA: What do you bet it was that Kristen girl again?
ROSALIE: Good. Let's go kill her.
EMMETT: Guys, there is no-
EDWARD: You know what, just let it go. They're girls; there's not much more we can do. Aside from change the topic. Felix's turn!
Everyone turns towards Felix to see he's still rolling around the floor and behaving generally like a schizophrenic.
CARLISLE: …I'm going to take that as a 'no'.
JANE: My turn! *immediately begins torturing Aro*
ALICE: Well, she didn't hesitate at all.
Some amount of time later that's probably more than 5 minutes…
DEMETRI: Hey, are you going to be stopping her anytime soon?
EMILY: *thinks* Nah. Unfortunately, that's all we have time for today! Remember to keep sending in your truths and dares, and I'll see you all next time on Twilight: Truth or Dare!
JACOB: Don't do it! It's a trick!
EMILY: *tases Jacob* Please ignore the werewolf. He's clearly delusional.