Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 5
RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot
WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously
EMILY: Welcome back! Wow, Episode 5 already. I feel like it was just earlier this week that was started.
EMMETT: It was earlier this week.
EMILY: So our first review of the day is from-
ALICE: Ooh! Ooh! Can I read it?
EMILY: Um… okay. *passes note card to Alice*
ALICE: It's from a Mrs. Clearwater-Ivashkov
LEAH: Clearwater? Seth, do we know a Clearwater-Ivashkov?
SETH: *shaking his head* No, I don't think so.
ALICE:
Hey pplz! For my truth and dare, I dare Edward and Jacob to french kiss. My truth is for Edward. Why did you have to stalk Bella you pervert?
EDWARD: First of all, it is not stalking. I was… protecting her.
CARLISLE: They might have a point. Watching her sleep, following her around wherever she goes… that does appear a little stalker-ish, don't you agree?
EDWARD: She said she was fine with it!
BELLA: You know, I can answer for myself.
EMILY: There's no need to have a debate about it. Let's just have they French kiss and be done with it.
JANE: Speaking of which, where did that dog go?
They all turn around do see Jacob sprawled out on the floor and passed out from being tased too many times.
EMILY: *guiltily* Okay, so I may've miscalculated exactly how many I was supposed to do. Just by a bit.
SAM: You're a horrible person and you're probably going to hell. Just letting you know right now.
EMILY: I figured as much, but at least all my friends will be there.
ALICE: *throws a bucket of water on Jacob* Hey, wake up, wolfboy.
JACOB: Meh… are we free yet?
EMBRY: No. But you have to French kiss Edward now.
JACOB: *jolts upright* Say what now?
EDWARD: Are you kidding me? But we already-
EMILY: French kiss. If it were just to kiss again, I might let it pass, but as it's not…
BELLA: Now I'm not so sure if I'm okay with this. Tongue is just going a bit too far.
EMILY: Sucks for you, then. *pause* You may now start making out.
Jacob and Edward take their French kissing to the corner of the room, hoping not everyone will be looking that way. But don't worry; they all are. It doesn't seem as awkward the second time and clearly shows signs of improvement.
EMILY: You know, I think we need a gofer on this show.
ESME: And why's that?
EMILY: Because I just had a sudden craving for Starbucks hot chocolate. Okay, Seth, since you're one of the youngest ones here, you can be my new gofer.
SETH: Gopher? But I'm not a gopher, I'm a wolf!
EMILY: No, no! Gofer, as in, you go-fer coffee, go-fer reviews when they come in, and right now you're going to go-fer my Starbucks hot chocolate.
SETH: But-
EMILY: Now.
SETH: Yes, Ma'am!
Seth runs off to go get the evil director her hot chocolate. By now Edward and Jacob have finished French kissing and returned to their seats.
EMILY: LaughterIsLife says:
A side note to Aro: Try and kill me...I have my own wolf pack...
anyway I dare Marcus to sit with the wolves for the rest of the show while one of them is phased next to him (I know how much he hates wolves)...for truth what is the packs opinion on imprinting?
I love pretending this is real
ARO: It appears to me that the viewers have developed some strange misperception that we're not actually being held hostage here. But as for your little 'side note', I would like to say right now not to worry. Once this is over, the Volturi plans on hunting down every one of you sick viewers, your own wolf pack or not.
CAIUS: But what about the Disney marathon?
ARO: That's after we hunt them down. Then we celebrate with a Disney marathon.
Marcus grumbles to himself as he gets up and squeezes his chair between Quil and Embry, who both phase and end up breaking their chairs in the process from the lack of thinking beforehand, which will need to be replaced by the next episode by our lovely new Gofer, Seth, who has just returned.
EMILY: Mmm… hot chocolate.
JACOB: Um, imprinting. It's… well…
LEAH: It's a terrible thing programmed into us to ruin our lives as we know it.
PAUL: Leah! Let's not be so melodramatic.
QUIL AND EMBRY: *attempting to answer the question in wolf-form without much success*
SAM: Imprinting is really hard to explain. It's not something I can just describe, but I can tell you, it feels wonderful. Like every time you look at them you know everything's going to be okay, and they're always on your mind so that when you-
EMILY: Okay, our next one is from Betsy:
I dare Jacob to make out with Bellas choice of Leah, Jane or Rosalie for at least 10 minutes and either Seth for Leah, Alec for Jane or Emmett forr Rosalie has to give a play by play!
EMILY: Wow. So many options on this one. Being the indecisive person that I am, how could I ever choose?
BELLA: Sorry, Jake, but I'm going to have to go with Leah. I'm not sure that makes it more or less awkward than if it were a vampire.
JACOB: That's okay. At least this viewer wasn't a slasher.
EMILY: Shame on you, Bella. You should've Jane.
BELLA: Why should I picked her?
EMILY: Because Alec hasn't been participating, but ah well. I'll try to get him later.
Jacob goes make out with Leah as the director sets her stopwatch.
SETH: Alright, uh… *winces* Well, right now Jacob and Leah and starting to embrace… Well, now the kissing has started. Neither of them look like they're enjoying it. Actually, not that I think about it, Leah might be… Um, they're really getting into it now. Geez, this is so weird…
EMILY: Keep going.
SETH: What else am I supposed to say? It's hard enough to watch, even more so to commentate. They're making out. Passionately. What else is there?
EMILY: Fine. You get effort points.
They stop as the 10 minutes are up and sit back down without a word.
EMILY: *breaking the awkward silence* Okay, do we have time for one more?
ALL: No.
EMILY: All right, I'll take that as a yes! Here's another one from Mrs. Clearwater-Ivashkov:
Now I want to dare Jane to use her powers on Edward for half an hour. My truth is for Edward. Did you ever think of naughty things while watching Bella sleep?
Emily, U rock and always will. Edward sucks!
EMILY: Aww, I'm flattered.
EDWARD: And I'm deeply offended by that remark which you so boldly stated. And no, of course not!
BELLA: Edward! You mean you never thought of anything naughty with me?
EDWARD: What? No, I mean, of course I thought about kissing you and stuff, but nothing quote-on-quote 'naughty'.
EMILY: You have to understand, he's very protective of the big V. That's why we call him the 100 Year Old Virgin.
EDWARD: Excuse me?
EMILY: Jane, quick! Use the force!
JANE: The what?
ARO: She means your powers.
JANE: Oh. Okay.
Jane begins torturing Edward as Bella watches in horror. Jacob pulls out a bag of popcorn as to enjoy his 'revenge' from the whole taser thing last time. This goes on for the remaining half hour of the show.
EMILY: Well, this has been fun and all, but we really should be wrapping it up now.
EDWARD: Fun for who, exactly?
EMILY: So I'll catch you all next time on Twilight: Truth or Dare and look forward to reading more or your reviews! Au revoir!