Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 7
RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot
WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously
There's been a change in pace today. The director appears to have been in a particularly good mood and treated the cast to Pinkberry… or at least, those who aren't vampires and can actually eat frozen yogurt.
JACOB: *with his mouth full* So what's with the change of heart?
EMILY: There wasn't one. I just had bruised my hand from learning rifle spins in color guard, re-watched The Two Towers, and developed the strangest Pinkberry craving.
BELLA: How do those even have anything to do with each other?
EMILY: *shrugs between spoonfuls* Okay, but now it's time to get serious. You can keep eating your yogurt, but we'll be continuing with the truths and dares. So, here's another one from Mind the music:
Wow this is super funny! Thanx for putting my truth and dare stuff in!
Dare: I dare Emmett... to spray cheez whiz in Rose's hair! (She'll kill him! HaHaHa! ;D)
Truth: Does Edward know that Bella, Jacob, and Mike Newton all went on a date to the movies and that both boys tried to hold her hand?
(Edward you're rude and overbearing and Bella you're a whiny clingy brat that chose the wrong guy!)
BELLA AND EDWARD: We're going to pretend we didn't hear that.
EMMETT: That actually sounds like fun.
ROSALIE: *dead serious* Don't you dare.
EMILY: *pulls out a can of Cheez Wiz and tosses it to Emmett*
ARO: How did she just happen to have that with her?
MARCUS: Makes you wonder what else she has stashed in there…
EMILY: Oh, you'd be surprise. But we won't get into that quite yet.
And thus, the fight began. Within several minutes Emmett and Rosalie could be seen tackling each other and an epic battle (as the can didn't quite stay in either one's possession for long). By the end, both participants were worn out and covered head-to-toe in icky melted plastic-like fake cheese substance.
SAM: At least the frozen yogurt's safe.
EMBRY: Amen to that!
ROSALIE: This isn't over. As soon as this episode's over, I'm taking a shower and then I will have to kill you.
EMMETT: That's okay; I'm always up for another Cheez Wiz fight! Next time everyone should join in.
ROSALIE: Don't worry. I plan on your death involving much more than fake cheese.
COLLIN: It's not fake!
JARED: Aw, man. Now the cheese smell's messing up the frozen yogurt atmosphere…
EMILY: Well, that was fun. So, Edward. Did you?
EDWARD: I'm trying… very hard… to stay calm.
BELLA: Edward, relax! I didn't hold either of their hands. And there were supposed to be more girls with us, but things came up, and it just got awkward, okay?
JACOB: Exactly. Bella, tell your boyfriend to take a chill pill. As I recall, he had abandoned you by that point, am I correct?
EDWARD: It's more complicated than that.
BELLA: Guys, this is no time for another fight. The real question is, how do these viewers appear to know anything and everything about us? It's creepy, kind of like… they've been watching us.
ALL: *look around suspiciously*
EMILY: About that… Well, what do you know, we've got another review! *eh-hem* It's from I love mike chang 28:
I love this! I just want everyone to know that...
TEAM SETH IS THE REAL DEAL! Forget Jacob! (Sorry Jake, ya know I still love you...BUT ya gotta admit that Seth is way better than you. :p )
so I'm gonna save Seth! I dare Seth to not be gofer anymore! and truth...hmm. I don't really have a truth.
ps- I LOVE SETH! (but not in a freaky stalker sorta way, I SWEAR.)
JACOB: That's what they all say.
SETH: *look of 100% appreciation*
LEAH: Oh, get over yourself.
EMILY: But wait! There's a backside *flips card over*:
oh! oh! oh! I thought of another dare. mkay. so I saved Seth from being gofer, but seeing as you can't live or function properly without one...I'm gonna pick you another one. hmm... I dare Alec to be your new gofer, only cuz he hasn't been participating much. =]
EMILY: Much better.
JANE: Did you hear that, Alec? You're the new gofer.
ALEC: …Damn you.
EMILY: In retaliation to that, I'm making you clean up all the Pinkberry and Cheez Wiz after the episode.
ALEC: That's not fair! Couldn't you have picked someone else who hasn't done hardly anything, like Caius or, I don't know, Felix or something?
EMILY: Don't be ridiculous. Felix is completely useless; the minute I pull out my taser he goes into a hormonal breakdown. Speaking of which, I haven't had to use that thing for some time now… or my bazooka. I wonder where that went to, anyway? I have a bad habit of putting things down and forgetting about them. Hm… that could be bad in the wrong hands around here.
Beat.
EMILY: Aw, well! Here's one from Tell it to my heart:
Hello Cullens, Volturi, nd wolf people. I really love all the twilight characters. OK ENOUGH WITH ALL THE LOVE. Now for a dare... Jacob I really don't like you neither do my friends so Jacob I dare u 2 let Emily shock u anytime she wants. For a truth Bella I want to know if you ever felt that Jacob is a giant baby. Btw Edward I'm here 4 your rescue Bella Kristen Stewart isan actress who plays u in 4 movies called Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. Love this story. Team Vampire 4 ever
ALL: Hello.
JACOB: Gee, thanks.
EMILY: No need to fret! I tase when I feel the sudden urge to, dare or not.
BELLA: Um… no, that's not exactly how I feel about him. Wait, what was that last part?
CARLISLE: That could explain how the audience seems to know everything.
EDWARD: Hold on! You're saying… our entire lives are really just part of a movie?
ARO: *sudden realization* So that's what's with the 'pretending it's real' stuff!
EMMETT: That's pretty heavy.
JACOB: Suddenly I feel so insignificant…
CAIUS: Are you sure that's true?
EMILY: Well, yeah. But, hey, this doesn't change our relationship or anything, right?
ALICE: Of course not. Most of still hate you just as much as we did before.
EMILY: That's a relief, then.
BELLA: So… you really swear you weren't involved with a Kristen?
EDWARD: On my existence.
CARLISLE: I still can't believe we're not real.
ESME: Maybe we should rent these movies?
EMILY: Luckily for you, Breaking Dawn didn't come out yet, so we won't have to worry about spoilers. Besides, if knowing about something like this messes with your mind that much, I'd hate to think of what knowing about someone like Renesmee would do to you.
BELLA: Who?
EMILY: Exactly.
JASPER: Whoohoo! I'm in a movie!
ROSALIE: …Idiot.
EMILY: Now that we've taken care of that issue, I shall continue. This is from Pixie97:
Alrighty! Make Jasper make Alice and Emmett have an unbelievably huge amount of lust for each other for ten min. During that ten min Alice should be giving Emmett a lap dance and kissing each other passionately. Rosalie has to give the play by play the entire time.
Tell Edward he sucks and Bella she is selfish.
Make Jasper give Bella lots if lust torwards Jacob for at least ten min and see what she does
JASPER: Um… I'll see what I can do.
ALICE: You've got to be kidding me. There is absolutely no way I could – wow, you look unusually stunning today, Emmett.
EMMETT: It's strange. I've never… felt this way about you before.
EDWARD: Good god…
ROSALIE: Don't you dare, Emmett!
QUIL: Dude. He's still covered in Cheez Wiz.
Alice and Emmett immediately begin a little make-out/lap dance session while Rosalie does her best to narrate the events. As soon as the 10 minutes are up Alice and Emmett immediately snap back to their usual selves, stare in horror as they realize when they've just done, and race back to their seats.
ROSALIE: That has to have been the single most awkward thing I've ever done.
EMILY: Edward, you suck and Bella is selfish.
EDWARD: That was uncalled for.
EMILY: Sorry. That's what the review said. Okay, Jasper, one more to go!
JASPER: Sorry about this…
Without a word, Bella jump on top of Jacob and begins doing some things that probably shouldn't be mentioned in a T-rated fan fiction as Edward tries to pry them apart.
EMILY: *while this is going on* Sorry, but that's all we have time for today! Besides, I probably should let Rosalie go wash her hair out before she gets any more angsty than she already is, and Alec ought to be getting started on cleaning up this mess soon. Ha, you thought I forgot, didn't you.
ALEC: *unpleasant grumbling*
EMILY: So thanks for tuning in and we'll look forward to seeing your reviews next time on Twilight: Truth or Dare!