Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 8
RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot
WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously
EMILY: I've been watching too much Glee lately. Therefore, I think we should turn Twilight: Truth or Dare into a Twilight Glee Club.
EDWARD: Hell no.
EMILY: No, hear me out: we can get some really cool matching show choir costumes, I'm sure I can manage to find some good songs, the room has a great echo-
ARO: You wouldn't dare.
EMILY: But-
JACOB: Just don't even go there.
EMILY: *pouts* You guys are so boring. Fines, then I guess I'll just read off this review from someone called HI:
okay first off i LOVE yur story,emily, its hilarious! yur soo insane!
side note to *aro* dalmations 101 is a pretty good movie too
time for truth MHUHAHA this one goes tooooo Carlisle! time to fess up that "pregnant man" story that jasper mentions earlier on! as for dare.. hmm goes to Jacob! dare u to be used by Alice as a doll for wearing "heavy" make-up and a dress.. quil, u need to describe jake after his make-over using lots of adjective
love y'all!
EMILY: I'll take that as a compliment.
ARO: *pulls out his pad of paper to make a note of this*
CARLISLE: Ugh. I thought we'd all forgotten about that. Alright, it's really not as bad as Emmett made it sound. There was this guy at the hospital one day who was wheeled in with a gigantic stomach and long hair. I swear, I thought it was a girl.
EMMETT: Oh, oh! I wanna tell the last part! So then, he goes around making all the preparations for a woman about to give birth when another nurse comes up and tells him the patient's a guy!
CARLISLE: You could've just as easily made the same mistake!
EMMETT: He had facial hair.
CARLISLE: It was blonde, from far away you couldn't-
EMMETT: Just stop arguing and admit that you were just being an idiot.
CARLISLE: It wasn't that bad!
ALICE: *jumps up excitedly and drags Jacob kicking and screaming into the bathroom with her*
Several minutes later, Jacob reenters in the same ball gown from before (because the director couldn't be bothered to pick out another) and heavy makeup using multiple shades of pink and blue.
EDWARD: Haha! Revenge!
QUIL: *snickering* Well, he does look rather dashing. Or perhaps elegant would be a better word? Uh, he's get this very Beauty and the Beast-looking dress… It doesn't fit quite right around the chest area, probably more breast room than he can fit into, but the matching gloves do make a nice addition. I don't know, I guess it does flatter his figure, don't you think? But the makeup… Sorry, Jake, but pink just isn't your color. Especially when it's put next to that powdery, baby blue. But I've got to hand it to you, Alice, the sparkles around the eyes and lips really did him justice.
JACOB: *unpleasant grumbling as finishes modeling and sits back down*
QUIL: Hey, but I wasn't done yet! I didn't even get to the lace, lip gloss, and blush yet!
JACOB: The dress is too long. If I walk around in it any long I'm probably going to end up tripping and falling on my face… and it's way too airy in down-there areas. I can't possibly understand how girls could put up with that.
ARO: Really? Because I always thought that was the best part. Almost like you're flying. You should really see if there's an air vent around here to stand over, I bet—
JANE: Okay, you can just stop right there.
EMILY: Um… okay, then. Moving along, this is from Eeddwwaarrddiloveya:
I dare you to KILL JACOB!Don't worry you don't have to because my army of newborns vampires and shapshifters w/ powers will do the job!=)And for truth I want Jacob to just tell us all hes can't hide iis jacob!ITS OK TO BE GAY!
JACOB: *blinks* Pardon?
EMILY: Yeah. Let's not kill our cast. That might sound fun at first, but even I have some morals, believe it or not, and then we'd probably regret it later.
SAM: Probably?
CAIUS: Guys, should we be concerned about this army of newborn vampires and shapeshifters?
MARCUS: I'm sure it's just big talk. Didn't someone mention another wolf pack earlier or something?
JACOB: …But I'm not gay.
EMMETT: You know, the dress does give that impression. No offense.
JACOB: I like Bella; everyone knows that.
BELLA: It's just a dare, Jacob.
JACOB: I guess… I'm gay, then?
LEAH: I'm so proud of you, Jake! Finally coming out of the closet.
JACOB: Oh, would you just shut up?
EMILY: So here's another review from LaughterIsLife:
Ok...this time I dare Leah to tase Sam for fifteen minutes, I also dare Rosalie to dye Edward's hair hot pink as for truth, this one is for Paul, do you have a secret obsession with The Jersey Shore? Have a nice day leeches, Emily, and the amazing wolfpack
ARO: *offended* Leeches?
LEAH: *immediate jumps up, grabs the director's taser, and begins tasing Jacob*
JACOB: *writhing in pain*
EMILY: Heyheyhey, careful with that taser! It's one-of-a-kind!
ALICE: Don't get the dress dirty!
SAM: Oh, I see. So everyone's more worried that the taser and dress are okay, but Jacob's physical stability is of no concern to anyone?
JASPER: Pretty much.
ROSALIE: Alright, has anyone seen any pink hair dye lying around here?
EMILY: Bathroom, second drawer to your right.
Rosalie drags Edward into the bathroom with her. When he comes back out his hair's a nifty shade of hot pink.
EDWARD: My hair is pink.
CARLISLE: I wonder how long that's going to take to wash out.
EDWARD: My hair is pink.
PAUL: The Jersey Shore? Of course not. If I were to admit to something like that – which I'm not, don't get me wrong – it obviously wouldn't be a secret any more, now would it?
EMILY: You have a nice day too! Now here's another one from Tell it to my heart:
I loved loved loved it. Jacob I still don't like u. I dare Jane to inflict the most painfullest (my imaginary word) amour of pain on you for the rest off the episode. For a truth... Alice if you would have to choose between saving Jasper or your entire wardrobe from a fire which would
you choose and why? Emmett I love u very much. Rosalie shut ur yap I have wolverine as my older brother and his claws cut through concrete, two sheets of metal nd vampire skin all at the same time. So Emmett's mine. All mine Mwhahahahaha *titmh's sister comes in* I'm sorry I let her have sugar. *ashamed* ;}
EMILY: Aw. Hearing that makes me so happy happy happy!
ALICE: You weirdo.
JACOB: Gee, thanks… and so soon after being tased and still in a dress.
JANE: *oh-so-delightfully-evil smile* I love my dares so far. *begins torturing Jacob*
EMILY: Don't worry; we'll probably only do one more set after this. Then you can join Felix in the corner of the room and swap traumatizing stories, if you feel obligated to and he's up for talking. Jacob, are you even listening to me?
JACOB: *rolling around in and whimpering dramatically*
BELLA: *bites her lip in sympathy*
ALICE: How could you even ask that? Of course I'd pick Jasper. As much as I love my clothes, it's not like I can't buy new ones, but I'll never find another Jasper in perfect condition.
EMILY: That's good to hear, because right now my hired assassin is burning down your closet at home.
ALICE: *jumps to her feet and shoves Jasper's chair over* Not my precious clothes! I take it back, I don't need him in more!
JASPER: Alice?
EMILY: …Calm down, I'm just messing with you. I wish I had a hired assassin, though. That would be so cool.
CARLISLE: Let's be thankful you don't.
ROSALIE: Wolverine, huh? Is that supposed to intimidate me or something? Because it doesn't, and if you try anything with my Emmett, I'll kill you.
EMMETT: *excited* Your brother's a super hero? Can I meet him?
ROSALIE: *punches Emmett* On second thought, knock yourself out. He's an idiot.
EMILY: *muttering to herself* I want sugar…
BELLA: Oh, no you don't!
EDWARD: *completely zoned into his own world* My hair is pink…
EMILY: Killjoy. All right, as promised, one more review. But since the next one would conflict with Jane's last dare and seeing as Jacob's probably not in any fit state to do it at the moment, we'll save that one until next episode and use Mind the music's one:
Ooooooo! thank you again for putting my review in including that little tid bit about hating Bella and Edward. This story is so funny and super good!
Truth:Why is Felix so afraid of the taser?
Dare: I dare Bella the brat to shave Esme's head bald!
EMILY: Oh, it's no big deal. I'd just gotten my taser and wanted to test out its new features, and since he happened to be there…
CHELSEA: You tased him for hours straight.
EMILY: I had to make sure all the settings and different modes worked right.
CHELSEA: That's no excuse.
EMILY: I'm sorry?
ARO: Liar.
EMILY: I may be a lot of things, including a director/writer, actor, nerd, super villain, mermaid, and several other things that are probably best left unannounced, but I am not a liar! I mean every word I ever say ever. Because I. Own. A taser!
ALL: …
EMILY: That's what I thought. *pulls an electric razer out of ther Bag of Doom and tosses it to Bella* Hurry up, the faster you shave the fast Jacob gets a break.
BELLA: But that'll take forever to-
EMILY: Or we can wait.
BELLA: Sorry, Esme.
ESME: *closes her eyes* Tell me when it's over.
SETH: Trust me; you'll know when it's over.
Bella shaves Esme's head to everyone's horror.
ESME: *breaks down crying*
CARLISLE: *hugs her* It's okay, you're still pretty to me.
EMILY: I'm surprised how much the viewers and I are getting away with here. Well then, I guess that's it, so you can stop now, Jane.
JANE: *not listening*
BELLA: Jane, stop!
JANE: Come on, just another minute. I never get to use my powers like this… *sigh* Fine. *releases Jacob*
JACOB: *gasp, wheeze, hack*
EDWARD: *staring into a handheld mirror* I guess I can pull off this color…
EMILY: Well, that's all for today, folks! In the mean time, Alec, go pick up a wig for Esme. And not a Hannah Montana one or something stupid like that because if you think it's funny, it's not.
ALEC: *runs off to perform his official gofer duties*
EMILY: Until next time!