Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 12

RATING: O for OMG I'm so behind on writing these… aahs! (But not like the store.)

WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously

EMILY: Okay, so here's the deal: welcome back to Twilight: Truth or Dare and all that, but right now I'm trying to crank these things out as fast as I can, honest, but then the reviews keep coming in – which I love and always make me smile, don't get me wrong – faster than I can film episodes. This was about to overwhelm me, when suddenly I remembered I was an evil genius mastermind, and came up with a plot, thus attempting to solve my problem if all went according to plan. So I'm sorry for making you wait for these, but I figured if I could film more than one episode before airing it then that may give me more time to catch up with the viewers truths and dares, capiche?

NICOLE: Basically what she means is that she's going to try and put more than one up at once to keep up with the reviews coming in and apologizes for any inconvenience this may've causes.

EMILY: But it sounded cooler when I said it.

NICOLE: Whatever. Anyway, our first review will be from NurseNaughty15:

Love love love it lol you rock!
My dare is for Jasper to make Edward and Paul feel lust for 15 minutes.
My truth is for Carlisle and Esme, do you guys have any naughty doctor names you guys use with each other in the bedroom? lol
TEam Carlisle all the way!

CARLISLE: Uh, not really… There was this one time that I didn't feel like dressing up for Halloween but Esme made me we wear my doctor's uniform since we were invited to a party. She went around introducing me as 'Dr. Feel Good' all night.

ESME: But you were being too boring to go along with it.

JASPER: I feel like I'm my powers more here than anywhere else…

Out of the blue, Edward and Paul immediately jump on each other and begin a make-out session.

JACOB: By the end of this, what do you bet we've tested out every pairing?

SETH: Next is one from BriBri.

ARO: Oh, so he's reading them now too?

SAM: He has betrayed us…

EMILY: Hey, we're taking turns. Sharing is caring.

SETH:

I love this! I dare you,Emily, to hire a bunch of nerds to make a time machine and bring 16 year old Renesmee from the future and then I dare Jacob to kiss her passionatly for 10 mins. in front of everyone and for truth ALL of the Volturi people have to say who they are in love with.

EMILY: Believe it or not, I actually do have a bunch of enslaved nerds locked underneath this building in case of an emergency like this. Edward, as my current gofer you have to go fetch them and tell them what they have to do?

EDWARD: Who's Renesmee?

EMILY: You'll find out soon. Just do it; and watch out, they're a rather irritating bunch.

Edward leaves as the Volturi begin their truths.

SULPICIA: Aro.

ARO: Sulpicia. And maybe Demi Lovato.

SULPICIA: *slaps Aro*

ARO: Kidding!

RENATA: No one.

SANTIAGO: …I forget.

AFTON: Chelsea.

ALEC: No one.

JANE: Myself.

CAIUS: Athenodora.

ATHENODORA: Caius.

CHELSEA: Afton.

CORIN: No one.

DEMETRI: No one.

MARCUS: Didyme… she died.

FELIX: No one.

HEIDI: No one.

Edward walks back in then.

EDWARD: Okay, so they said they'd start working on it, but in payment they demand a new Death Star model, after you accidently used their last one as a soccer ball.

EMILY: Fair enough. So while we're waiting for that to be done, here's a review from someone without a name:

Ok!i hope my review gets on!first of all i HATE JACOB UGHH but i love the cullens (uncluding bella) so my dare is make jane put pain on jacob while emily taser him for 30 mins LOLSZ SOrry but its for his own gud mayb hell learn something
Q:bella do you ever daydream about someone other than edward
one more dare: i dare edward to dye the "wolfpacks" or "coughs" shapeshifter hair oranges BYee love you cullens...

JACOB: You've got to be kidding me!

JANE: This should be fun.

EMILY: On the count of three. 1… 2… 5!

SAM: It's three, dammit!

NICOLE: Hey, who died and make you director?

SETH: Yeah! If she says 5, she means 5!

SAM: But… she said… Curse you, Seth, you traitor!

JANE: *uses her powers*

EMILY: *begins tasing Jacob*

NICOLE: *pulls out TOD II and joins in because she didn't have a chance to use it yet*

BELLA: *winces* Um… I guess there was a time when I gave up on Edward after he left an considered being with Jake, but other than that, not really.

In the background Edward can be seen leading the Quileutes into the bathroom one at a time to dye their hair orange, all the while muttering things about 'revenge' and whatnot. 15 minutes later…

NICOLE: Aw. It's only been 15 minutes and he's already passed out.

SETH: Poor Jacob… too bad I've gone to the dark side.

JANE: I saw we wake him up and keep going, then.

EMILY: Whoohoo!

They do so. Once the half an hour is up, several random nerd representatives come in with a giant time machine.

EMILY: That was fast.

NERD #1: Hand over the Death Star, foul villain!

EMILY: Fine. Take the damn plastic model. *tosses a Death Star action figure at them*

NERD #3: *catches it* Careful! It's in perfect condition!

NICOLE: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now go back to your hole.

NERDS: Aye aye, Captain! *descend into the Basement of Doom with a 50% chance of never being seen or heard from again*

Emily activates the time machine and after a large flash of light a 16-year-old Renesmee appears.

RENESMEE: *blinks* What the-

EMILY: Hello and welcome to Twilight: Truth or Dare! I'm your host and director, Emily, this is my lovely assistant Nicole, and you already know Seth. He's my Padawan.

RENESMEE: I don't get it. Mom, why does dad look like something out of Dr. Seuss?

BELLA: Mom?

EDWARD: What the hell is going on?

EMILY: We'll fill you all in later, as I've peeked ahead and one of the dares involves that. In the mean time, Nessie, on this show we read off truths and dares and I force you to do them!

RENESMEE: That's terrible!

EMILY: That's good business. Anyway, you're supposed to go kiss Jacob for 10 minutes.

RENESMEE: Jake? Where is he?

She sees Jacob lying on the floor all banged up and begins kissing him instinctively. Jacob doesn't really know what's going on, but he just tasered, tortured, and tasered some more, so we'll give him a break.

NICOLE: This last one was sent in by Xoxomissashleyxoxo:

Hello Cullens,Wolves, and Voultori!
haha pretty funny story!
And you don't scare me emily! I like your big bag of DOOM!
Well my truth is to Aro, Marcus, Caius... who are your favorite disney princess?
My dare is to Emmett! I dare you to eat a whole carton of sour cream mwahahahaha!
much love,
~ash

ARO: Oh, Ariel all the way!

MARCUS: Snow White.

CAIUS: Barbie.

BOTH: Barbie's not a Disney princess, you idiot!

CAIUS: She's not?

ARO: You have shamed us all.

CAIUS: Okay, then who's the one with the long black hair and the temper problem?

ARO: Who, Jasmine?

CAIUS: Sure.

MARCUS: Alright… I guess that works.

EMMETT: Nooooo! But, I've actually always wondered what that would be like.

SETH: I think Her Majesty has one in the fridge.

ALL: Her Majesty?

JACOB: *passes out in Nessie's lap*

ALICE: Wait a minute, what fridge?

JASPER THE EXHIBITION VAMPIRE: The one that seems to have appeared out of nowhere since it wasn't really there, but we're all going to act like it was there the whole time for the sake of not having to explain it. Duh.

EMMETT: *grumbling to himself* Stupid Exhibition Vampire…

Emmett goes to get the sour cream out of the mysterious and unexplainable fridge and begins eating it. Luckily, the show's clock runs out before we see anything we'd probably prefer not to, so we're all saved from that. Emily and Nicole send Renesmee back to the future until she's needed later.

STAFF: We hope you enjoyed today's episode, and we'll catch you all next time on Twilight: Truth or Dare!