Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 13
RATING: I for I can't think of anything original to put up here today
WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously
OMINOUS VOICE: Hello, and welcome back to Twilight: Truth or Dare!
EMILY: Hey, no fair! I'm always supposed to have the first line.
OMINOUS VOICE: B-But you said I could be Demetri the Ominous Voiceover Vampire.
EMILY: Fine. But that's strike one for you.
NICOLE: Hey, where'd Emmett go?
EMILY: He's taking a sick day in the bathroom from the sour cream dare, but not to worry. We can pull him out if anyone needs him.
NICOLE: Hm… And do tell me, why is Seth the only werewolf without orange hair?
EMILY: Because he's my Padawan, duh! My Padawan can't have orange hair; that's just not right.
SETH: And that's why I'm actually enjoying being your Padawan. But anyway… First off, we have one from Dark Blossems:
This is the best parody ever! I could worship you Emily! I'm so proud of your evilness if i had any I would send you cookies!
I've wanted to ask this for Aaaaaages! Jasper, did you ever manipulate anyones emotions when you were 'in the mood' so you could get some?
A dare... ummm... oh! I know! Embry, I dare you to tell us what the nautiest thought everyone in the pack has had while they were phased!
Hehe, Emily you are the epitome of awsomness.
EMILY: *eyes well up with happiness*
NICOLE: God, Em. How does your ego even fit through the door?
EMILY: Oh, easy! I go in and then it just follows!
ALL: …
EMILY: Speaking of cookies, I think we should get some, despite me just having breakfast.
NICOLE: Gofer! Go get us some cookies.
EDWARD: *sighs dramatically before going*
JASPER: Okay, that only happened once! I swear. And I was testing it out to see if it would work.
ALICE: *death glare*
EMBRY: Hmmn… Well, I only remember a couple of things. First off, for some time after Sam and Leah broke up there was still a lot of sex reminiscing going on… Oh, and then there was Jacob! He kept thinking about Bella all the time. It wasn't so much naughty as annoying, but still.
JACOB: Hey, don't even get me started on what you were thinking about that cheese of yours!
EMBRY: *pulls his cheese in* Hey! Don't talk about my girlfriend that way!
SAM: …Loser.
NICOLE: Next up, Darcy K.:
Wow, i have to admit, this story is much more entertaining than i expected it to be :)
So, for a truth, i have to ask Edward where he got the idea it was okay to stalk girls, and then, when they don't mind, try and controll every aspect of their lives.
Also, Bella, why are you SO whiny? just stop complaining- you have a vampire and an extremly awesom werewolf competing for your heart! YOU ARE NOT UNLUCKY, AND YOUR LIFE DOESN'T SUCK!
another truth for edward (pardon my rant), I know the other male vampires are manly and all, but how do YOU cope with sparkling in the sun?
and as for a dare...i can't think of one, so i'm just going to dare the Werewolfs, esspecially Seth and Leah, to keep being awesome.
sorry if that was to long
EDWARD: For the last time, I was not stalking her! And that is not what I was doing at all.
ARO: Suuure you weren't.
SETH: *blinks* When did you get back?
EDWARD: Just now. Here's your cookies, by the way. *hands over a plate of Christmas cookies*
NICOLE: …I'm not even going to ask where those came from.
EMILY: But ah well, free cookies!
BELLA: I'm not whiny, am I?
EDWARD: Of course not. I don't think you are. And I'd have to say, sparkling wasn't so much of a big deal until my hair got died pink and I was forced to wear this horrible green spandex thing. Then it got really embarrassing.
SETH AND LEAH: On it!
EMILY: Next one is from Xxx:
Ok. First of all love the story and all And I hope you use this for next chapter. Anyway for truth I would ask Jacob to say which Cullen girl, not including Bella or Nessie he would kiss and for the dare I would ask him to kiss the person he chose. Xoxoxoxoxoxox
JACOB: Hmmn… Well, I think Esme's the least likely to kill me afterwards, so I'll just go with her.
ROSALIE: Good idea.
JACOB: *goes up to Esme and kisses her*
EMILY: I like that. Nice and simple. Okay, Nicole, you're up!
NICOLE: Alrighty, this one is from Lady x:
Best story ever! For dare I think you should put Maria in for the rest of the story * grins at Jaspers terrified look * , and for truth I want to know if Esme would rather go on a date with Emmett or Jasper. P.S tell Esme not to spare their feelings.
JASPER: *staring into space, mouth ajar*
The director hooks up the time machine and somehow manages to get Maria to come out of it.
MARIA: You imbecile! I told you create an army of newborns not, nude por- *turns around* Meh?
EMILY: Jasper, I believe you can do the honors of explaining what's going on to her.
JASPER: *still spaced out*
ESME: Huh… I'm not sure. Maybe Jasper? That might be cool, since he's Exhibition Vampire and all.
EMMETT: Damn you, Exhibition Vampire!
EMILY: Next up is from Animegirlkumisan, who I got to reveal their secret identity and found out she's actually my friend Kelly from camp.
NICOLE: Hey, I know Kelly!
EMILY: In Footloose we're actually doing a number together where I'm playing the fiddle, she's singing… Anyway:
hahaha really great Emily. Ok soooo:
First off I just wanna say Edward and Bella why must you be so annoying and get on my nerves. Second I LOVE JASPER AND ALICE. Best vampires ever. :)
Truth for Jasper (because he is not feeling enough love): What were you thinking about that whole 'Can't Be Tamed' thing? We all know you got an idea...
Dare for Edward: Since you spent sooooo much time fixing up that shiny Volvo of yours go drive it all over town in sunlight.
Oh and sidenote for Aro, 'Beauty and the Beast', 'Mulan', and 'The Lion King' are good movies too.
Also just because I love Jasper, I want Emily to command your gopher to go buy him a new TV (this time don't destroy it Rosalie). So what if he has a Disney obsession. Pretty much everyone loves Disney. :) Learn to love it all you vampires.
JASPER: *eying Maria nervously* Oh, it's nothing. I just figured since Alice seemed to be turned on to that whole cross-dressing thing that maybe I should try it sometime.
ARO: Spoken like a true Disney fan. We've actually got The Lion King, but thanks for the other two. *adds them to the list*
EMILY: Oh, Edward, before you go, pick Jasper up a new TV.
JASPER: Yay!
EDWARD: Ugh. I suppose… *leaves to drive around the neighborhood a couple of times and get the TV*
NICOLE: Next is another one from LaughterIsLife:
Edward don't be pissed off because I made Rosalie dye your hair pink. I could have exposed your darkest secret but I was being nice. ANYWAY, this dare is for Sammy boy...(yes Sam I DO hate you more than I hate some people who I'd like to give to the Volturi to kill) Samuel Uley I dare you to make out with Leah for the entire episode. As for truth, Aro, have you ever read the book or seen the move The Outsiders?
BELLA: *curious* Darkest secret?
QUILEUTE: *glance at the Volturi nervously* Meep.
SAM: This is going to be so weird…
Sam and Leah begin making out, which is slightly less awkward than it could've been, as Aro ponders his question.
ARO: I think I've heard of it before… That's the one with Ponyboy, right?
EMILY: Oh, I remember I read that for book club once. Of course, I hardly remember anything that happens in it.
SETH: Our last review for the day is another NotSorry one:
!HELLO! Thanks for putting mine in! I have another! Alec! I dare you to find me (somehow...) and kiss me! I love you, Alec, my love... Oh, and Aro? I dare you to make out with a purple unicorn with a green horn for ten minutes. Wearing short shorts. Truth: Alice, Rosalie, Esme and every other female vampire: Have any of you guys ever had a *ahem* RELATIONSHIP with another woman, because you were so sick of spending decades with the same guy?
Emily- You are officially the most awesome director in the history of ever. I love this story. And a question to the victims: What's it like knowing YOU'RE NOT REAL? And you're fictional? And Alice, you're awesome... Just saying... Best fashion sense ever...
EMILY: Okay, I'll send Alec after you. Let me know if he makes it there.
ARO: Now, where the hell am I supposed to find a—
Cue random purple unicorn with a green horn and short shorts to materialize into the center of the room. Edward walks in just then with a giant TV box in his hand, decides it's best to just let it go and not say anything, and sits back down.
ARO: —never mind. *maneuvers around the unicorn in attempt to find a way to make out with it*
CULLEN GIRLS: Nope… not really.
ROSALIE: One night stands, sure, but nothing more than that.
CARLISLE: Yeah… knowing something like that is rather hard to cope with, but I think we're getting used to it. I mean, it's not like it's changed anything, really.
NICOLE: Hey, how come you've started spending hardly any time on each of these?
EMILY: Because I've got a deadline to meet. So keep going!
SETH: But didn't you say that that last was going to be last?
EMILY: I lied. Now, chop chop! Read!
NICOLE: Okay, okay! Weirdo… So this is from Confederatebat:
hi sorry just love this...truth-Jasper have you fancied any of the viewers
dare-aro to kiss Edward
p.s hate Eddie and jake and bella
JASPER: No, because I don't actually know any of the viewers. But I prefer the ones who don't see fit to make my life a living hell.
MARIA: *innocently* Is he talking about me?
ARO: Wait, but I'm not finished with Big Horn, here! *runs over to kiss Edward before continuing with inventing a way to make out with a unicorn*
EMILY: …Okaaay. So anyway, now we're really finished.
NICOLE: See you all next time!
SETH: Keep sending in those reviews!