Twilight: Truth or Dare: Episode 16
RATING: T for mild language and violence and whatnot
WARNING: I do not own Twilight… obviously
EMILY: Hello, and welcome to another Twilight: Truth or Dare! It never fails to amaze me how many reviews this is getting. And to think, I'm just some girl who has nothing better to do with her spare time than write these! Anyway, so our opening night for Footloose is tonight, but until we have to be there for our call time I guess I'll use the time to catch up. But I digress.
NICOLE: Whoo! Footloose!
EMILY: Shut up.
NICOLE: Aw, you're just jealous because I have a bigger part. Okay, so our first review is by a Starr Cullen:
Omg! This story rocks! Just to let you guys know, i am starr isabel black cullen, daughter of renesmee and jacob! I am seths imprint! Yes seth i 3 u! U r the best were wolf in the twilight universe! I want 2 appear on the show with you guys! Can i, pretty please emily? I want 2 sit next to my wolf! I have jacobs hair but my moms everything else! Love u all! My dare is 4 esmes hair 2 magicly grow back, marcus mate to come back to vamp life, and 4 claire to be with her mate! The truths are, edward did you ever touch bella inapropiatly while she was sleeping? U sick perverted cougar! Emmet i have a special dare 4 u! U have to get ride of ur secret teddy bear collection all with justin beibers head glued on! I find them in the future! By the way rosalie, thanks 4 saving my mommy! Love you all and emily u r the best director ever!
BELLA: This is certainly an unexpected turn of events.
EDWARDS: And so soon after we found out we even had a daughter.
SETH: You mean I have to wait that long to imprint?
RENESMEE: But that doesn't even make any sense. How could I ever have a kid?
EMILY: Rule #1 in any business: the customer is always right. So just smile and nod.
RENESMEE: But-
EMILY: Smile and nod!
RENESMEE: Okay, I'm sorry!
EMILY: Don't be sorry. Smile and nod!
RENESMEE: *smiling and nodding*
NICOLE: Um, Emily?
EMILY: It's all right. I'm just messing with her. As for your dares, we can definitely manage to get Claire here. Didyme may be a bit harder, since as of yet I haven't discovered how to bring the dead back to life, but I'll send a small troop of nerds on the time machine right away to see if we can pull her back before Aro killed her.
SETH: And what about Esme's hair?
EMILY: I'm not so sure about that. If there was a way…
Meanwhile, the nerd brigade can be seen in the background fixing up the time machine.
EDWARD: Of course I didn't touch Bella inappropriately. She'd probably have woken up if I wanted to, anyway.
EMMETT: *whispers* How did she know about that?
CLAIRE AND DIDYME: *poof in*
NERDS: Success! *run back to their basement lair*
CLAIRE: Quil-puppy! *runs up and hugs Quil*
MARCUS: Didyme? But… but you died?
DIDYME: *staring into space confused*
SETH: So, now we have one from Brittney Webb:
emily this is is the funniest fanfic i have ever read
i dare bella,roaslie and alice to find 3 random guys off the street have jasper make them feel lust for each other while jasper edward have to watch truth is carlisle do you watch greys anatomy? I LOVE EMMETT AND JACOB AND THE BAG OF DOOM
EMILY: Everyone mentioned, outside. Now.
They go outside until a total of three guys have walked by, who Bella, Rosalie, and Alice suddenly begin attempting to make out with. Of course, rather disturbed by this seemingly random event, the guys all run away. Jasper ends the lust before they can chase after them and they all go back inside.
CARLISLE: Actually, with work I mostly never had time to keep up with it, but I did watch a couple episodes here and there.
EMILY: Our next review is from EdwardILoveYou:
Well Emily. We-and my friends-just made a fan club 4 u!
Team Emily cuz she's got the taser
Team Emily cuz she pays me 2 do this
Oops did I just say that out loud?
Oh Emily please taser all of the reviews that stole my
Oh and Jake sweety ur hot...but not that hot.
Edward my love! I WANT U! Well I want Justin Bieber more...
So Truth and dare...
Sam aren't u still sitting in Edwards lap? Awesome
Oh and Emily I want u 2 slap Jake over the head 4 me. Then taser him...PLEASE?
Dare: Quil Darling I want u 2 sit with Voltire or whateve and u know...do ur thing on the whole coven (haha)
Truth: Edward. Dear do u like my reviews? U SAY YES AND I WONT HARM U...maybe
EMILY: *victory pose*
NICOLE: You shouldn't encourage her. It only makes things worse.
EMILY: But I have a faaaaaannn club!
SETH: Taser all the reviews that stole her…?
SAM: Yes. I'm still here.
QUIL: Assuming 'do your thing' means phase, okay, then. *phases his way between the Volturi*
EDWARD: *nervously* Um… yes?
EMILY: *dancing and leaping around the room* I have a fan club! I have a fan club!
NICOLE: *shakes head* Okay, Seth, clearly you and I are the only sane ones.
SETH: I wanna join the fan club!
NICOLE: …Alright, never mind, then.
EMILY: *happens to slab Jacob as she skips by and jumps back into her seat* Okay, I'm over it.
NICOLE: Good. Because the review had a backside and a shipping box:
U rock!
Please tell me if I annoy u with my interviews. Oh and I sent...(checking)three boxes of candy and I finished ur homework...oh and the nerds? I got u some more. Everything is restocked. Oh and Esme? I felt bad 4 u and bought u some Hair-Grower-4-Vampires!
Hope u like it. Sorry about my review on embarring story so uh now 4 the truth and dares...
Emmet u make me laugh so hard! I want u 2 b the slave...er...help Emily. Emily u work 2 hard(I sent u a chair)
So 4 truth. Edward spill: Whos gay and/or lesbo in the Twilight gang? Oh and r u guys wondering why we call u Twilight characters?
BOTH: *digging into the candy excitedly*
NICOLE: I swear, most rewarding job ever!
EMILY: *while spinning around in circles in the new chair and sucking on a giant lollipop* Told you.
ESME: Hah! *runs into the bathroom with the Hair-Grower-4-Vampires*
CARLISLE: Who knew they sold that?
EMMETT: Does that mean I'm taking Sam's place as gofer?
SAM: I hope so.
EDWARD: I don't think anyone really is… Except Jane. She might be. Oh, no, never mind. She's not. Yup! Nobody's secretly gay or lesbian amongst us.
EMILY: I wish. Gay friends are awesome.
NICOLE: Agreed.
EDWARD: And I kind of figured out we were Twilight characters after watching the movies when I realized the first one was called Twilight.
SETH: This next review was sent in from Emmettlover4everandalways:
hehe I love this! For a dare, I dare you, Emily, to send Esme back in time and NOT get her hair shaved, since wigs are disgusting... For truth, Jane must tell her real feelings toward Alex! Oh and one more dare, Edward is now your gopher and Sam is free! Thanks,and love you all Cullens, Volturi, and Quileutes! :D Go team Switzerland/Emmett!
EMILY: Well, you'll be glad to know we've already gotten that taken care of, so there'll be no need. I only wish there was a more effective way to not get people to say the same thing… Aw, well.
EMMETT: Wait, if Edward is now your gofer, then doesn't that mean I'm free?
NICOLE: Of course not. They said slave – erm, helper – not gofer.
EMMETT: What's that supposed to mean?
EMILY: So anyway, this next one is from EdwardILoveYou:
Oh hey Emily.
Because I got pissed that u didnt taser Aro when he went off talking AND HE WOULDNT STOP FREAKING TALKING! I want 2 dares. They get to pick which 1.
1) Dye ur robes in Easter Colors and get tasered.
2) Beauty and the Beast and The little mermaid get blow to bits in a graphfic video by the nerds.
Im a lil cranky 2day. Rolled on my ankle yesterday.
SO
oh and truth...
Edward! Oh wait no I love him...
Fine...Jake ur the new slave...er DA.
Emily u stop writing and I bought Taser 3000.
And Phillip the Rat Remover. (Got that at Evil R Us EMily is employee of the month! Congrats!)
SO DONT STOP WRITING! LOVE THIS!
ARO: No! Not the Disney movies!
CAIUS: What? But then that leaves-
ARO: Do you want Ariel to die?
CAIUS: Okay, okay! You're in charge! Fine… I'll do it. But I call yellow, so it'll match my hair.
MARCUS: Baby blue.
ARO: Oh, oh! I've got pink!
NICOLE: Stop arguing about the colors and just go do it!
VOLTURI: Oookay… *leave to go dye their robes*
EMILY: *tasering them on their way out to test out the new taser* Yeah, Seth can have this one. I seem to have developed an emotional attachment to TOD, and I'd hate to part with it.
SETH: Yay! Taser!
EMILY: Here's the rules of the taser: you can tase anyone, anytime. Just not me or Nicole.
SETH: Okie!
NICOLE: Here's one last review from TeamAlice:
Oh and hey. Um...EdwardILoveYou No Offense but...
R U INSANE?
Just wondering u pervert. Come on cast what do u think?
Anyway Jake I love u but not that much. I want u 2 change into a wolve. AND EMILY TASER HIM! Then he will get poofy hair. THEN SPRAY PAINT HIM PURPLE.
Sorry Jake.
Oh and Bella 4 truth...hmmm...will it b weird having Leah as a sister? Oops did I spoil something?
L8R
NICOLE: Hm… I don't know. She did send us this amazing candy.
SETH: And my taser.
EMILY: And the Amazing Spinny Chair of Doom!
Jacob phases and Emily tases. Hey, that rhymes! Unfortunately, his hair only poofed up in a small area where the taser hit, so Seth and Nicole joined in to ensure that he was 100% poofy. Then the director dug up a can of purple spray paint and began tagging Jake.
BELLA: Wait a minute, Leah's my sister? How is that even possible?
EDWARD: Just let it go. These viewers will drive you crazy if you let them get to you.
EMILY: That's all for now folks! If you really love me you'll understand that I'm still a page behind in reviews and give me a little more time to catch up before posting again! Thanks for understanding! Now, I'm off to go take a shower, maybe practice some flag and riffle spins if I have extra time, and then Nicole and I have to be off to rehearsal for tonight's performance!
NICOLE: Bye everyone! We hope you're all cheering us on!