Author's note: White space will be added. Silly me.
Now, about Nodoka… I happen to like the versions I've read that portray her as pro-polygamy. Standardised Insincere apologies if that is not your cup of tea, but rest assured that this aspect of her is not going to get a lot of screen time.
R.T.: The entirety of the premise has not yet been made clear to the reader. Cologne would have preferred a more subtle approach if circumstances had allowed.
[Signifies crazy people speaking English]
---
Nothing happened on their way to school.
Matters were equally calm at the gate. The first few weeks after the wedding the hentai horde had resumed their attempts to beat and date the youngest Tendo. The two of them had feared seeing how close the horde had come to losing her once and for all had pushed the boys into stepping up their attacks permanently. But compared to the beginning of the last year this wave had proven little more than a death throe. By now the attacks had almost come to full stop.
Akane breathed a deep sigh of relief. "It's nice not having to worry about coming on time," she said.
Ranma nodded. He couldn't agree more.
"Saotome Ranma!" Ok, well, so Kuno had risen to a whole new level of persistence, but at least the rest of them had calmed down. As best Ranma could estimate, the captain of the Kendo team had been training a lot recently. He still went down in about three seconds, but he imagined if Akane had had to deal with him herself it would probably have taken her a full minute to pummel him into silence.
---
"Psst! Ucchan!" She didn't hear him. Well, shouting while whispering was difficult. "Ucchan!"
She blinked, and turned to meet his eyes. "I need your help," he mouthed.
She raised an eyebrow.
He nodded his head toward the lunchbox that lay on his bench, and ran a finger over his throat in a slashing motion.
She smiled innocently, pretending not to understand.
Colour drained from his face. He nodded at the food again, then over toward Akane, then back to the food.
Still with the wide, innocent smile that didn't fool anyone.
He was glad their friendship had recovered as well as it had. He really was. But some things were too serious to joke about.
"Please."
She finally nodded, and he sighed in relief. He would survive lunch.
When the bell rang the end of the class, he moved too quickly for Akane to speak to him. She usually didn't, but on the few occasions that she wanted to spend lunch with him it was nearly impossible to avoid the mallet/toxic waste dilemma.
He made his way to the roof, and was soon joined by the Okonomiyaki chef.
"Hey, Ranchan."
He smiled. She was carrying her own box; one with proper food in it. She gave him most of its contents, and he began eating, thankful for the moment of peace.
"Why don't you ever bring leftovers?" Ukyo asked.
"Never anything left. When I ask Kasumi to set something aside pop always manages to find it."
She frowned. "Why don't you beat him up?"
"I do. It doesn't work. It's like he considers it a personal duty or something… Plus, lately I think mom's been encouraging him. Anything to push Akane and I closer."
She nodded, eating her own share at a more reasonable pace.
"How are the two of you doing?" she asked.
He had to pause at that. Ukyo had been a good friend lately; she had fed him, talked with him and displayed a complete lack of initiative in the assault department.
"I don't know," he said, carefully.
"Have things been better… lately?" she asked.
"I guess. it's very… tense, after the wedding."
She nodded. "You know, I'm… sorry, about that."
"It's okay, Ucchan." He looked her in the eye, and as blind to other people's emotions as he was told he was, he noticed both pain and regret in there. "I can't say it was a good thing, what you did, but… I'm glad you know it was wrong." He gave her a brief smile, trying to lighten the mood. Then he stole her food.
A thin red line where the mini spatula had drawn blood and a small second helping later, Ranma told her about his meeting with Cologne. He wasn't stupid enough to reveal exactly what the old ghoul had said, but he gave her the general picture.
She listened, frowning as she considered what he said. "Have you seen Shampoo since then?"
"No."
"When was the last time you saw her?"
He paused. "The wedding, I think. I don't remember a single encounter after that, cat form or otherwise."
"That's strange…"
"Yeah."
"Hey, do you know how long the Cat Café was closed?"
He blinked. "Closed?"
"It's been shut for weeks. I know because I've had more customers." "And more complains about how I don't dress up as a hussy to wait on them" she whispered under her breath. "I can't remember how long it was, though, maybe over a month. But now they're open again."
Ranma frowned. What could the amazons have been doing for that long?
…There was no chance his mother was right, was there? It seems like the kind of thing Shampoo might pull, but… Cologne at least would have to know that the fathers would never let him go on a training trip with Shampoo, at least not without forcing Akane to go with them…
No, no it had to be something else.
He sighed. Whatever it was, he would find out soon enough. If the cat café was open again that meant he would be run onto by Shampoo sooner or later without having to look for her. Might as well enjoy the peace while it lasted.
---
The next day, it would turn out, did not offer all that much peace to enjoy.
The principal had gathered the student body up for another 'surprise', and Ranma, focusing on the foe in front of him, completely forgot to worry about his son.
And now she was paying for it.
"What is this supposed to mean!?" Kuno demanded, the water rifle lying uselessly on the ground beside him.
She gritted her teeth, and wondered which of the Kunos to pummel the hardest into the ground for this.
The students of Furinkan High watched in silence.
"You! You!" Kuno exclaimed, pointing at her. "You were HIM! And now you're YOU!"
He turned to the side, and saw Nabiki taking bets from some of the wealthier students as to how things would develop from there. "Mercenary wench! What is the meaning of this!?"
Nabiki turned from her dealings, and cast a quick, studying gaze on Ranma. Then she turned to Kuno. "I don't know what you are talking about."
"What?!" he bellowed.
"Everybody knows that Ranma turns into a woman when doused with cold water." She gestured to the throng of spectators. "Isn't that right?"
There was a murmur of agreement.
"It's not like you were stupid enough to be the last one in school to realise this, right, Kuno-baby?"
He blinked. "I… I…" He turned back to Ranma. "You… you're… him?"
The shock in Kuno's eyes was enough to dissipate the worst of Ranma's anger.
[What's This?] came the principal's voice from the podium.
Kuno raised a wail of hurt and betrayal. "Father, the evil sorcerer is none other than pig-tailed girl!" He turned back to Ranma. "What happened to you to draw you so far into the dark arts? What travesty pushed you to enslave so many innocents with your foul magic?"
And, that quickly, the anger was back.
"I shall be your saviour, pig-tailed sorceress, and together we shall right the wrongs you have committed!" He closed his hand dramatically into a fist. "Oh it shall be a long and perilous journey, but I shall waken the light of love in your dark and beautiful heart! And then we shall save the fair maiden Akane, together!"
The principal looked on, in stunned silence, as Akane and Ranma beat his son into a pulp in a not so much coordinated as coincidental effort.
After half a minute of watching this take place he slowly raised an arm, and took off his glasses. He pulled the rope that had been hanging at his side, and two massive curtains pulled apart to reveal another set of obligatory haircuts for the student body. He studied Ranma for a moment, then looked back at the drawn haircuts. He looked back to Ranma. He nodded, determined at last on a course of action. He coughed, and lifted the microphone. "Any student who can bring me proof of having cut Ranma's hair according to the girl's fashion will be granted immunity from all future hair cuts."
Ranma froze, and took in the speculative looks he was getting from the a hundred and fifty or so people in his direct line of sight.
The principal, having settled on this course of action, nodded to himself again, deciding to go all out. "Their whole class will be granted immunity from all future hair cuts!"
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Lots and lots of mini chapters. Well, at least I'll be able to keep the pace up. Anyway, crazy Asian countryside and all that, so I have no internet access over the weekend.