Disclaimer : I do not own Vampire Knight.
A few days after Zero's death had been confirmed, Kaname agreed to make a funeral for him but on the fateful day, the brunette was absence. After the ceremony was done, Takuma proceeds to stand by his lover's side, unable to comment on why Kaname was absent. It is not like he refused to but he just cannot.
Senri turned to look at him, his blue eyes filled with concern even though his expression remains stoic. Takuma sheepishly gave a small smile, leaned in to press a small, chaste kiss on his redhead's temple.
"I'm fine, don't worry… We all know that Kaname is in his office right now… slaving himself over his works… Maybe he just needs time?"
Senri titled his head slightly to his side but nodded, nevertheless.
"Okay…"
Kain rests his head on the bed, his body remains in its sitting position as he gently rubbing his comatose lover's left palm with his right hand fingers. Ichiru had been transferred to the private hospital but he remains unconscious. The blonde take it as calmly as he could, he know that his lover will wake up sooner or later.
"Akatsuki…" Kain surprised by the sound of his name, rose from his position and turned to look at the door. Shizuka smiled at him as she entered the room, bringing a lunch box together with her. Kain assumed that she had made it herself at home and decided to bring some for him.
"Auntie… you don't have to burden yourself…"
The woman laughed and put the lunch box on his lap.
"Hush, Akatsuki… You are my son's boyfriend, don't talk like that! At the end, you'll still have to call me Mom and eat my cooking." She ruffled his blonde hair and Kain smiled slightly.
"Well… thank you. I'm quite hungry actually but I don't want to go get some food because I'm afraid Ichiru will awake during my leave…" the blonde darted his eyes to his beautiful, pale lover.
He was used to see the younger man in hospital.
His weak body always causes him to be submitted to the hospital and during his free time, he will company the silver haired man here. In fact, this is the place he first met with Ichiru.
When he went to visit a sick relative few years ago, his eyes caught the sight of a silver haired teen, helping few little kids to give some bread to the birds, in the outside garden of the hospital. He cannot help but to stare at the young man, captive by his looks and his laughter.
Ichiru has white skin but paler than normal, because of his sickness. His eyes, by the colour of lilacs, are the most beautiful pair of eyes he had ever laid his own. He let himself watch – or most likely to be called as stalking – the silver haired beauty until one day, his ambers' met with the lilacs'.
Starting that day, they had become friends, to best friends and finally, lovers.
Smiling gently, Kain ran his fingers through the soft silver locks. Last month, they had this one conversation. Ichiru had been unusually depressed and he told the blonde that one day, if he were to die, Kain must go on and live. Because their memories will last forever and if Kain were to marry someone else, he will be happy to just watch from afar.
Their talk ended up with an angry blonde slamming the door before he left the room and Ichiru with tears soaking face.
That was the first time he had lost his control because he knows, when he is still breathing, he will make sure that Ichiru will stay living too. Because his heart beats for them, enough for them and he does not want to hold onto this beating heartbeats alone. Ichiru thinks that he was making the blonde's life easier by avoiding any closer relationship, by rejecting his marriage proposal more than 5 times – and Kain knows that he will not give up – but he should have known better.
If Akatsuki Kain can't have Ichiru Kiryuu, he will not have anyone else.
Kaname entered his penthouse silently after 3 days not returning home – due to his works and refusal to return home – and switched on the light. The penthouse is still in the same condition when Zero had left.
Kaname imagined Zero coming out from their master room, adjusting his black leather gloves and his bag pack on his right shoulder, approaching the table where they usually placed their keys on, took his and went out from the house to go to his morning class.
And Kaname stand still in front of the door. Because the time Zero stepped out from their home, Zero did not return anymore. He wanted so much to grab on the illusion, to stop him from leaving the place but he can't.
He can't.
Kaname put his briefcase and black coat on the couch before entering the kitchen.
He took a mug from the cabinet; Zero always scold him for misplace the mug somewhere else. Kaname bet that Zero loves his kitchen more than Kaname himself even though it had only been 2 months he moved in with Kaname. Letting out a small chuckle escaping his lips, Kaname make himself coffee. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish operating, his eyes caught the sight of Zero's personal mug.
A simple, brown coloured mug. Kaname had been insisting about 'why that mug?' and Zero finally exploded after 2 days nonstop annoyance, answering with an adorable, blushing face, 'It reminds me of the colour of your eyes, okay? Now fuck off and let me study!'.
That day, before Zero left, the mug was left on the middle of the kitchen table. Zero had forgotten to wash it before he went to class and Kaname, until now, until forever, will not remove the mug from its position now.
He was afraid that if he removes and washes the mug, the remaining of Zero's presence will disappear and he will lose his mind. Because until now, until forever, the only thing that cause him to stay rational and to try living normally is the remaining of the silver haired man's presence.
The bed; Kaname had never touch Zero's side of the bed since that day.
The living room; Kaname had never sit on Zero's favourite couch.
The bathroom; Kaname had let Zero's shampoos and toothbrush and everything remain untouched.
The windows; Kaname had never try to open the windows because Zero was the last one who closed them.
He felt pathetic of himself.
He knows that he is living under the shadow of his dead lover but he cannot stop. Zero had been his life, his home and owns his soul for more than 5 years.
How can people easily expecting him to just move on? They were about to get married. They were about to build their own family. They were about to commit their lives faithfully to each other in front of the God.
Kaname blinked his eyes when his sights were suddenly warm and blur. He touched his left cheek and surprised to see his fingers soaking with tears. He had been unconsciously crying and no, there is no more Zero to wipe away his tears by his sleeves, to scold him for being such a crybaby and to kiss his eyelids later on, telling him that everything will be fine and it is actually okay to cry, because sometimes, crying is the only way to stay strong.
Kaname hold on tighter on his own mug and quickly wipe away his tears.
He should not be crying like this. Zero would be ashamed of him.
The brunette turned to wash his face on the sink but, the more water he splash on his face, the more tears escaping his hidden brown orbs and he finally slide down to kneel on the floor.
The once proud, confident and strong Kaname Kuran, finally broke down into a cry, into tears.
TBC.
A/N : I know it is a depressing chapter and actually no progression happens at all but no worries, there will be, in the next chapter, perhaps? =D Another depressing chapter or review. Choose, readers, choose. xD
The next chapter will be quite late. I'm suffering from sickness and I actually updated a chapter when the next chapter after that is finished written. Chapter 5 is already done but I won't update until chapter 6 is.
Anyway, I got addicted to GLEE and somehow I can imagine Cross Academy with two music group. Band with Zero as the main singer and Choir group, Night Class as the members. Man, Kaname singing with low baritone voice is hawt xD I have an idea to make a fan fiction by the same settings, you'll get romance (it will be all boys school, so you should got it what I am thinking xD), humour, drama and teenage life but... I need to get down with Lovers first and this is only an IDEA. xD
Anonymous Reviewers :
Ayame : You think it was Zero? xD Thank you for the love and thank you for reading! xD (hugs)
Treasons : He kind of needed... to be dead. (I know it's a lame excuse =.=) Thanks for reading though! (hugs)
Thank you to ben4kevin, ayame, LuanRina, fujoshii92, irmina, ElheiM, Blissful Harmony, Love332, Cocobi94, Art-sinisterika, Treasons, mpiedz, JoJo-Hearts-Yoohx3, mssekishi, Sasu-Sama' Sarukiji-Sempai and Nana Misaki for all those lovely reviews =D
Review please.