Disclaimer : I do not own Vampire Knight.
Zero stilled in his seat, lilac eyes widened as he watched Shizuka started to cry, Kain gently holding her closed to him. The blonde's words repeating themselves over and over again in his mind. He slowly blinked his eyes, tears unconsciously falling as the living room heavy with silence but Shizuka's soft cries.
Kain turned to look at his supposed lover, letting out a small sigh and reached out to hold onto Zero's cold hand. The silver haired man had finally learned the truth of whatever things that had happened. Kain had explained all of it to him; starting from the time of the accident, until the part of his meeting with a certain brunette.
However, the respond that he was looking for was not there.
Zero was silent during all of his talking and Shizuka had started to sniff once Kain told them that he had saw Ichiru's grave.
Smiling weakly, Kain gently stroked the woman's head, pressing a small kiss on her forehead.
"Auntie… don't be sad, I'll bring you to visit his grave later on, all right? I promise." Kain softly murmured and Zero looked down on his lap, putting his palm against his mouth as sobs threatening to escape.
"I… I killed my own brother?"
"No, you didn't." Kain protested almost too immediately and Zero clenched his eyes tight, tears running down uncontrollably but never, a sound was heard from him.
"It was an accident, Zero… Don't blame yourself-"
"It's easy for you to say! You are not the one who just learned that all your life after an accident, was belong to your dead twin that you didn't even know existed! And you didn't know how it felt like to learn about the life that you had once had but remembering none of it!" Zero cried out and Shizuka quickly wrapped her arms around the younger man to calm him down.
Zero took a shaky breath, returning back with a tight embrace as Shizuka ran her fingers through his soft silver strands.
The woman sniffed against his shoulder as silence returned to eat the atmosphere. Kain sighed and ran his hand through his hair.
Earlier that day, when he saw Ichiru's grave, nothing can compared to the pain he was experiencing.
He looked away and carefully watched the other two occupants, who still did not move from their current position.
He needed to talk to Zero about Kaname Kuran and with the presence of Shizuka, it might cause some disturbance because Kain was sure that, there was no way that Shizuka would agree if Zero wanted to leave. The silver haired woman had actually taken a liking on the older twin of her dead son. Since Zero also looked alike Ichiru, it would only strengthen her will not to let Zero go.
Once Shizuka had retreated back to her room, still in tears, Kain moved to sit beside the silver haired male and Zero looked down on his lap, saying nothing to break the silence. The blonde exhaled and gently placed his right hand on top of the silver head.
"I'm sorry."
"Not your fault, Kain-san. Nobody knows what had happened."
Kain stared at the man – realizing the way he was addressed – and without thinking twice, wrapping his arms around Zero's small frame.
"Don't call me that. You know I love it when you called me Akat-"
"That wasn't not me, that was my twin that you thought I am!"
"Zero, please, does this thing worth it for us to argue?" Kain grabbed both of his shoulders; turning Zero to face him fully before staring deep into his eyes. The body unresponsive against his as Zero lowered his eyes down. Kain took a deep breath, his right hand went and gently stroking the oh-so-soft silver hair.
"About Kaname Kuran… he wanted you to come back to him."
Zero's lilac eyes widened, his body stiffened in the blonde's arms and Kain bit his lips to suppress his emotions from bursting. He hardened his eyes and pulled Zero a little bit closer.
"But I don't want you to go. Not as Ichiru but as Zero. I don't want you to go, Zero." Kain murmured almost audibly and Zero let out a breath that he did not he had been holding. The smaller male quietly took Kain's hands away from him, but did not let it go. He held on tight the blonde's hands in his, his head looking down lower.
"I… I seriously don't know what to do. " he whispered and Kain just watched as Zero started to fumble with their hands.
"Kaname… I need to talk to him… privately." The younger continued his words and Kain closed his eyes with a defeated sigh. He carefully lifted a hand, reached out to hold onto Zero's chin and slowly, titling his head a little higher.
Their eyes met and Kain smiled slowly, leaned forward to press a small kiss against Zero's forehead.
"Fine. Anything you need, Zero."
"I can't believe you did that." Takuma stared horrifically at him and Kaname turned to look at his blonde friend. Senri was currently sleeping on the other couch – dead to the world – but close to the one that Takuma was currently sitting on and Kaname sighed. The living room of Takuma's spacious apartment was not luxurious as his but the brunette paid no mind.
It was yesterday when he had the meeting with a certain Akatsuki Kain but until now, he did not receive any news yet. He knows it sounds odd but somehow, there were trust he holds for the blonde. Akatsuki Kain, as far as Kaname knew him, is a man of his word. The blonde knows how to play fair in everything.
Because it is all fair in love and war.
Takuma gently running his long fingers through his lover's dark red locks while Kaname checking his cell phone for the nth times since he had come.
"You think Kain-san had told him everything?" Takuma murmured and the brunette gave a small smile.
"I'm not sure but both of us know that we don't need this lie to continue when truth is just there." Kaname replied and Takuma turned to watch his lover sleep. Maybe there was something going on with Zero and Kain out there but Takuma was not daring to voice it out.
Both of them sat in silence as Takuma continued to play with Senri's hair and the brunette looking out the windows.
Suddenly, a familiar ringtone was heard and Kaname, almost too quick, answered the call.
Silence continued not to differ as Kaname's eyes widened. The blonde watched as Kaname sat upright in his seat, his brown eyes slowly softened.
"Kaname? It's me… Zero."
"Zero… yes, it's me. Do you need something?" Kaname never thought that his plan to act almighty and strong willing to just pick Zero up without waiting for Kain's confirmation just disappeared into dust as Zero's hesitant voice was heard through the phone call. Now he was nothing but a weak man, waiting for his life to either be destroyed or rebuild by one and only Zero Kiryuu.
"Can you come to Akatsuki's house now? We needed to talk." Zero's small voice was spoken again. Kaname closed his eyes, fear starting to kill him from inside and he took a deep breath before answering with a weak, little smile.
"Yes. I'll be there in 15."
Once the call ended, Kaname stood up and took his coat and keys. Takuma looked up at him and the brunette spared him a glance.
"Thank you, Takuma. For everything."
That was his last words before leaving the apartment, resulted his blonde friend to blink in wild confusion.
Who ever thought that one day, sitting in a room with Zero Kiryuu, his forever lover, - the said man on his bed and Kaname himself on a chair beside the table - would cause him so much fear and worry and anxiety?
Who ever thought that one day, being so closed with his one and only love and with minute by minute passing by without any words, making him wanted to just scream or shout or cry out, just to break the heavy silence and the hesitancy to start with a word that kept on eating them alive?
Who ever thought that one day, the strong willed and confident Kaname Kuran would be so afraid and fret to touch his beloved because he was scared that he would be waved away and the hurt, nobody but he knows how much it would ever caused him forever pain?
Maybe if he was strong enough to continue and live this live as if it weren't like how it was now, then he wouldn't be trapped in such position, where his lover was sitting so awkwardly just a few meters away from him and still, he was unable to make any action?
"What is it that you needed to talk about, Zero?" Kaname gently provoked the younger man with a conversation to start with. The overwhelmed silence that surrounding the atmosphere almost choke him to death and Kaname knew if he did not make any move sooner or later, he will be dead for real.
The silver haired man looked up from his wandering stare, his own lilac eyes met with familiar browns and Zero felt his stomach tightened with confusing emotions running through his heart and mind.
"About all of these…. Kaname, I'm sorry for what you had been through. You must have suffered a lot and everything but I… I still can't remember anything." Zero murmured, looking down.
Kaname did not look at the silver haired male, his eyes started to wander around the room to stop of rushing heartbeats of his heart. The room was medium size, smaller than their master bedroom but larger than Zero's room in his apartment before he moved in with Kaname.
The walls were coloured white, with a balcony and a queen sized bed.
Pictures of Ichiru Hio, - or Zero, the latest ones, perhaps? - together with a silver haired lady and Akatsuki Kain were on the table and there were books in nearest bookshelf.
But one thing that Kaname knew he was trying his hard to stop paying attention to, is the ring Zero wore on his fourth finger. The place where Kaname's ring used to occupied.
"I don't know what should I-"
"Zero, don't you want to come back with me? Yuuki and others would be happy if you do."
'I'll be happy too.'
But the last sentence never made its way out. Kaname did not want to sound selfish, to sounds too forcing. With Zero's situation now, his fragile state of mind and his confusion, Kaname did not want to pressure him but oh God, he wanted so much to act selfish, to dominate, to just… to just have Zero back into his arms.
But those lilac eyes, those pretty-pretty lilac eyes, there were mirroring the hurt and tension that his lover was conflicting with.
Kaname was never a man who did not understand his lover.
No matter how much he yearns for the man, forcing him just won't do it.
"Yuuki…?" Zero closed his eyes as his sight started to blur again and the aching sensation came back to the back of his head. Then, a haze image of a laughing brunette girl appeared in his mind and disappeared as quickly as it had come.
Kaname just nodded his head, his eyes twitching at the sight of Zero in pain but did not make any further move, no matter how much he wanted to aid the man at the moment.
Zero took a deep breath and opened his eyes, just to direct those lilacs to his browns.
"I don't think I can…"
Silence came again as Kaname's brown orbs widened.
"I… I'm already engaged to Akatsuki, I… I can't just come back to you and leave him like that… and Shizuka too. She needs me. I'm sorry, Kaname but… I guess that the past should just… stay as past."
Zero did not know when and how, tears had started to brim in his lilac orbs; Kaname was still frozen and did not respond to his words. But those words that were supposed to hurt Kaname, why did it hurt himself more in return?
"Zero, you don't know-"
"I know what I am saying… I… I killed my twin brother, Kaname. I don't remember you, I don't know when will I remember you but I… this is what I have to do. I can't leave… I can't go with you-"
"YOU CAN'T OR YOU DON'T WANT TO!" Kaname finally snapped. He stood up abruptly from his seat, the chair fell with a loud sound and Zero flinched by the anger and hurt he saw in those teary brown eyes.
Kaname bit his lips, suppressing his cries from coming out but those tears just cannot stop.
After all he had done, after all he had to go through, after all those tears and pain, after all those searching and hope… this is it?
This is it?
"Kaname-"
"Silence!" Kaname exclaimed and Zero stopped in his motion to approach the brunette. Kaname looked away, a small, bitter chuckle escaped his lips as his tears continued to fall.
He cannot believe all he just heard.
He felt so stupid, he should have accepted the death and stopped looking for Zero, stop hoping and stop living in his shadows, stop hanging on a breakable thread because at last, what else is left for him?
What is left for him?
Disappointment, despair, sorrow and tears.
Dreams are just not meant to be achieved because once it was; it will not be a dream anymore.
Zero Kiryuu, his lover had died.
He should have accepted it and stop right there but he did not.
So he deserves all the pain and all the hurt.
"You really are dead, huh?" Kaname closed his eyes and turned to the frozen still silver haired man. Zero blinked tears when Kaname's brown eyes appeared once again in front of him, this time with regret and broken look but still, a small smile was given to him.
"I'm sorry for losing my control. Please be happy for me." his voice was weak and his small, whispered words sounded like a scream in Zero's hearing.
The brunette turned away, taking his leave out of the room. Zero, who was still unmoving, had his heart screamed for him to run and chase for the brunette, because that man, that broken hearted man is his lover but his body refused, because his memory cannot remember.
The sound of the door being slammed close echoed.
And he just continued to stand, tears dripping uncontrollably but there was silence, because his heart just died.
TBC.
A/N : Guys, HOT NEWS. This story is coming to its end! xD
Anonymous Review Reply :
KxZ fan : =D Ah, thank you so much for the compliment. Sorry for the enormous amount of drama, really can't help it xD I'm not sure yet how to end this story, frankly speaking and if Zero choose Kaname or Kain, for the unpicked one, there shall be no other partner for him =) I don't think there will be happiness for both parts (I somehow can assure you that) because to gain, you have to lose first =D Thank you for reading this anyway~! (hugs)
Thanks to Sasu-Sama' Sarukiji-Sempai, mssekishi, JoJo-Hearts-Yoohx3, LuanRina, Love332, krIsh4, Uber Seme Chan, ben4kevin, Cocobi94, ElheiM, Sarang-chan, irmina, mpiedz and KxZ fan for all those lovely reviews! (give each of you Zero-rin mini plushie this time xD)
Review please.