Title: Will You Marry Me?
Disclaimer: The Mentalist will probably never be mine unless I suddenly become really rich, and at the moment, that's not going to happen.
Thanks to Sexy-Little-Angel, Lisbon94, Famous4it, Jisbon4ever, TJGlambert29, Holz9364, Chiisana Minako, DrEvilsketch, Frogster, Ebony10, ShunKickShunKers, lisbon69, raquelvalente91, lysjelonken, lucyyh, and Country2776 for reviewing the previous installment!
I'm just going to say that I believe Jane is missing one important thing to his wedding proposals. I wonder if Lisbon would say yes if he bought her one. ;)
Enjoy!
VII.
"…so…maybe it wasn't the best idea I've ever had…"
"You think?"
Lisbon stares at him, the both of them sitting across from each other at a silver table in the county jail.
"In my defense, Lisbon; I was only doing community service…"
"Community service is when you don't go breaking my neighbor's windows with a rock."
He slyly grins, it was an accident of course, he hadn't meant to break her neighbor's windows but he had accidently gotten the wrong window, and had thrown a rock against the window to get what he thought would be Lisbon's attention to reveal to her the colorful banner which read: "Will You Marry Me?".
(Unfortunately…the neighbor was female and her boyfriend was over…to say it didn't end well would be an understatement.)
"No harm, Lisbon." He waves it off. "I think your neighbor; Jackie appreciated my heartfelt attempt to win your heart..." She rolls her eyes.
"My neighbor's boyfriend wants to murder you." Lisbon tells him, dryly. "Sadly, I don't blame him…"
"I was trying to marry you!"
"Jane, I don't know why you think I'm going to say yes."
"Because I'm irresistible, charming and you know that you're in love with me."
She raises an eyebrow in question at his answer, and he grins while he leans back in his silver chair.
"Someone needs to have their ego deflated."
"You know I make your day better, stop pretending."
"You're lucky I don't have my gun with me."
"…you don't have your gun? I thought you slept with it in…"
"If you finish that sentence, I will leave you in here."
"Lisbon, stop trying to teach me a lesson…" He brightly continues. "The last time we played this game, I ended up escaping."
"You also ended up getting back in here."
"Meh." He answers. "It's all technicalities and water under the bridge."
She rolls her eyes again, and he just continues to grin.
"Oh, by the way?" He continues, and she glances at him. "Will you marry me?"
(He laughs until he finds the small grin across her face, in which he quickly realizes as she calls one of the many guards over, that she's not bailing him out. After that, he's not laughing anymore and she gets the last laugh at his expense.)
VIII.
The eighth proposal is his favorite.
(It's as they're sitting in the SUV, both of them are traveling to the crime scene that he decides to flip on the radio at exactly 10:30 AM)
"…and we have a heartwarming request from a boyfriend to his girlfriend…"
Lisbon glances over at him, as he tries to hide the large grin, which threatens to bloom across his face.
"…Patrick Jane wants to know if his lady, Teresa Lisbon will marry him…"
He's grinning now, until she pulls over to the side of the road—her hands clenching onto the steering wheel for dear life, and he just grins brighter. It's times like this that he really loves his job.
"He wants to know what?"
"Oh come on, Lisbon." He argues. "It's not like you haven't been listening to my proposals for the past month…"
"You called in to a radio station to ask for my hand in marriage…!" Lisbon hissed. "Do you not think that's odd?"
"I think it's odd that you haven't said yes yet…"
"I'm not going to say yes, because you are an asshole."
"Hey." He replies. "Don't talk to your future husband like that. 50% of all marriages end in divorce…"
"Jane, I'm not going to marry you…now or ever…"
"What about with Green Eggs and Ham?"
She goes silent, and he knows he's in trouble now.
"…he's also dedicated a song to her; we wish the both of them great happiness…"
The first few chords of "More Than Words" mainstream into the car, and he knows she's going to lose it.
"Karaoke, Lisbon…"
"You should consider yourself lucky that we have a case, and that we actually find you useful as comic relief otherwise, I'd leave you out here for the coyotes."
(He only grins, because she would never hurt him…no matter how much she would love too.)
IX.
The ninth proposal involves a pumpkin, an extremely sharp knife and tons of Band-Aids from Lisbon's unlocked office.
(He manages to use the kitchenette, when he should be sleeping to carve letters into the orange pumpkin.)
He finishes and he beams to himself, because honestly? Who can reject a proposal written on a pumpkin? With at least five Band-Aids on both hands, he sneaks into Lisbon's dark office and places it on her desk before he rushes back to his own couch to await her reaction in the morning.
(When she does see it, she screams him into the office and the poor, poor pumpkin becomes apart of the pavement below and he's not only back to the drawing board but he's also out of $2.50.)
X.
"Good morning, my dear Lisbon." He greets her in her office cheerfully, and she merely glances up at him from her mountain of paperwork. "Sleep well?"
"Yes."
(He almost asks if she had dreams about him last night, but he doubts she'd like that very much.)
"Have any good dreams?" She glances up at him again, and blinks.
"Yes, I did."
"Care to share?"
"I dreamt that my consultant had his mouth sown shut, and that he actually listened and followed every word out of my mouth…imagine how disappointed I was when I awoke to find that you can still talk, and you're not listening to me when I'm telling you to get out."
"Ah, but you haven't…"
"Get out."
"Do you want to know what I dreamed about?"
"Not really."
He grins again, and then shrugs before he continues on from the doorway.
"I dreamt that the woman of my dreams was actually agreeing to my proposals…"
"Oh," she responds. "Good luck trying to get an answer out of a blowup doll then." His mouth drops in complete surprise, of all things he would have expected her to say, that one wasn't one of them.
"Lisbon, you're…"
"I'm going to get coffee. If I come back, and you're not gone…I will have you arrested for trespassing."
"I work here."
"What exactly do you do here again?"
"Ha, funny." He replies, as she stands up from her desk. "I'll have you know that I've saved you many times, Lisbon."
"Jane, I let you save me."
"Carmen…"
"…was a complete floozy." She glares him down. "I'm being serious, Jane. Do not tempt me." She leaves and he chuckles because, she's about to be proposed to again.
He waits to hear her scream, so he can escape her wrath but after a few minutes without screams, he finally hears loud, clunking footsteps and he silently wonders if it's a robot outside her office, or if it's Lisbon, and she's finally managed to gain superpowers to finish off her so-called annoying consultant.
It's Lisbon alright, and she's fuming—eyes wide, hair tossed in every which direction, and he knows he would laugh if it weren't for the fact that when the woman is angry, she scares him.
"Jane, what does the message on the refrigerator mean?"
He's confused; the message was straight forward. Lisbon, Will You Marry Me?
"Uh…it asked you to marry me Lisbon."
She snickers, and he raises his eyebrow.
"Not anymore, it doesn't."
He rushes from her office and into the kitchenette to find his perfectly arranged letters in a completely different order. Instead of reading: Lisbon, Will You Marry Me? It read: Lisbon, Mauler I wrYly oM?
(He spends the hours after, trying to avoid the strange stares from Lisbon; as she probably thinks he's a creeper now...but it still doesn't detour him from getting her to say yes-he just knows he has to step up his game again.)